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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,060 Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy, Merriwood Children. This is what happens 2 00:00:03,060 --> 00:00:05,880 I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a midget, and my wife left me for my 3 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,920 neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend, Corin Emmett, former star of TV's 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,240 Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My manager's been with me since I was in 5 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,560 diapers. Now he's in diapers. 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,980 When I'm not trying to kill myself, I run a porn shop left to me by a crazed 7 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,380 fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short. Thanks, God. 8 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,160 Okay. Goodbye, life. 9 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,640 Oh, come on, you stupid fucking piece of shit! I'm trying to kill myself here! 10 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,400 Warned. Statutory rate? When the hell did I do that? 11 00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:49,360 That is definitely getting burned. 12 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,440 Give positive. 13 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,020 That sounds good. That's a keeper. 14 00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:56,340 Right on. 15 00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:58,920 What the fuck, Dave? 16 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,540 What the hell are you doing in there? 17 00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:02,360 Just trying to light myself on fire. 18 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,120 Okay, that's it. This has just gone too far. We need a vacation. We need to get 19 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,940 out of town, go to my Uncle Hugh's in Kentucky, do a little barbecuing, a 20 00:01:09,940 --> 00:01:13,120 fly fishing, and I'm going to fuck my cousin, Becky. 21 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,560 Goodbye, parking tickets. 22 00:01:21,380 --> 00:01:21,740 So 23 00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:28,640 what's Kentucky 24 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,280 like? Oh, you'll see. 25 00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:37,910 Oh, yeah. 26 00:01:43,490 --> 00:01:44,170 You 27 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:51,130 two are 28 00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:52,950 trespassing on my property. 29 00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:54,870 Uncle Hugh, it's me. 30 00:01:55,910 --> 00:01:56,910 Corky. 31 00:01:57,890 --> 00:01:59,190 Uncle Hugh. 32 00:02:04,460 --> 00:02:05,960 Who's your pretty little friend? 33 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,240 Oh, he's... Oh, no. I'm good. I'm good. 34 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:13,000 Excuse 35 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:20,320 me 36 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,280 a minute while I take care of some business. 37 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:25,360 No, no, no! 38 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:30,680 What the hell did you do that for? 39 00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,680 Them two stole from me. 40 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,070 I think. 41 00:02:34,710 --> 00:02:36,130 Or was it them two? 42 00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:42,970 Who's ready to eat? 43 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:50,910 You've been gone quite a while, Corky. A lot of things have changed around here. 44 00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:52,310 Oh, Uncle Hugh. 45 00:02:53,770 --> 00:02:55,010 Where's Cousin Becky? 46 00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:56,970 My kissing cousin? 47 00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,450 Becky, get your ass in here! 48 00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:02,370 I'm bush hogging my beaver, Daddy. 49 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,280 your request. 50 00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,180 Becky! 51 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:14,800 Becky! 52 00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:19,660 Becky! Becky! 53 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,060 Get in the kitchen and help your mama. 54 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,580 Aw. 55 00:03:27,980 --> 00:03:29,400 Stay in your room tonight. 56 00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:34,930 We got supper, boy. 57 00:03:41,030 --> 00:03:45,190 After supper, I'll show you the whole operation. 58 00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:52,030 You knocked the shit out of her. 59 00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:54,770 Come on in here. 60 00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:58,270 This here's what I call my lab. 61 00:04:00,450 --> 00:04:03,090 What kind of lab is it? 62 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:04,480 It's a meth lab. 63 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,220 Oh, yeah. Now, see, you mix this stuff in here, it comes around here, you lock 64 00:04:08,220 --> 00:04:12,800 the torch over there, and at the end product, this is what we got. And we 65 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,900 it to all the kids across America. It's really good. 66 00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:18,940 Hey, 67 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,540 who you trying to call? 68 00:04:21,899 --> 00:04:23,780 I'm calling the sheriff, okay? This is bullshit. 69 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:26,840 I is the sheriff. 70 00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:30,240 He's been the sheriff for 25 years, Dave. Call him. 71 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,940 You is the sheriff? 72 00:04:33,450 --> 00:04:36,070 Now, we got an assembly line working here. Wait a minute. 73 00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:38,870 I just shot them two beaners. 74 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,070 Well, then I guess you two will have to fill in. 75 00:04:43,790 --> 00:04:48,090 I don't... I know you're kin, so I know you won't steal from me. 76 00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:50,430 But I don't know about your little Jew friend here. 77 00:04:50,830 --> 00:04:53,910 Well, no, I'm not a Jew. Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to 78 00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:55,570 shoot your little Jew friend in the ass. 79 00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:58,830 That's what I'm going to do. But I'll go easy on you. 80 00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:00,290 It's okay. 81 00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:18,560 Hey, you guys want to continue that now? 82 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:20,800 Sure. 83 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:22,200 Can I help? 84 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,480 Deal. Okay. 85 00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:29,340 Oh, I love to keep it in my... 86 00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:18,530 Let me pick the vacation spot, okay? It doesn't hurt so bad. 87 00:07:19,030 --> 00:07:20,170 Jesus was a pussy. 88 00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:24,570 It's like they're in their jeans all at the same time. 89 00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:28,050 Happiest day of my life. 90 00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:31,130 Martha! 6447

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