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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,080
Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy,
Merriwood Children.
2
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This is what happens when I drink. My
money's gone, my mother's a midget, and
3
00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:08,039
wife left me for my neighbor, Julio.
This is my best friend, Corin Emmett,
4
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former star of TV's Parker Lewis Can't
Lose. He did lose.
5
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,580
My manager's been with me since I was in
diapers. Now he's in diapers.
6
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,940
When I'm not trying to kill myself, I
run a porn shop left to me by a crazed
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fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short.
Thanks, God.
8
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:31,100
Hi, I'm Alan Six, beloved TV... father
here to make you rich like me.
9
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,560
Oh, I'm not talking Kelsey Grammer rich,
but I do okay.
10
00:00:34,940 --> 00:00:35,940
Why?
11
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Because I sold out completely.
12
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Alan Thicke, what a douchebag.
13
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Actually, I've known Alan a long time.
14
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:47,100
He's a really nice guy. He's done really
well for himself. He's done great with
15
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:51,760
these infomercials. His son, Robin
Thicke, he's even more richer and more
16
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,439
than him.
17
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I mean, he's a huge pop star now. He's
worth trillions.
18
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Trillions?
19
00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:01,760
Get rich with alanthick .com. You click,
I stay rich.
20
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Where can we find Alan Thick? I don't
know what you're thinking over there,
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Alan's Canadian.
22
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Where's the nearest ice rink?
23
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You are sharp as a tack.
24
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They could have made the big. I know it.
25
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They said I wasn't tough enough.
26
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Hollywood hockey, that's all I'm good
for.
27
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Yeah, yeah. So I would give half my
fortune to these departments.
28
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Get him!
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Get him!
30
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What's this?
31
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Give us your filthy rich son Robin
Thicke's phone number right now or else.
32
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Torture.
33
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It's a black one connected to the right
testicle and red to the left.
34
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Don't let me stop you.
35
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You know I do like this.
36
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Juice them up! Juice them up!
37
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Hit it! Hit it!
38
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It's what they did just before my penis
reduction. We got a good old -fashioned
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ripping out of the fingers.
40
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:25,710
In Canada, we call that a manicure. And
make sure you get this one.
41
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Let me know when you start.
42
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Oh, my God.
43
00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:40,670
Is this guy going to start soon?
44
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I don't believe this. He's not human.
45
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He's not fucking human!
46
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Waterboarding. No one can take a good
old drowning.
47
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If you're the senior agent, you go ahead
and pour the water. Okay.
48
00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:53,450
You ready? Yeah.
49
00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,770
I'd be offended if I nod off.
50
00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:58,190
You're going to give us Robin's number.
Come on!
51
00:02:58,430 --> 00:02:59,870
Give us Robin's number! Get it to us!
52
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He's supposed to start freaking out now.
53
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He should start gagging and drowning.
54
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Don't forget to twist those nipples.
55
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:14,360
What? You know I once fucked a moose?
Ah, fucking son of a bitch! We can't
56
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,580
get that fucking number!
57
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:17,460
Now what?
58
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:18,560
You got any beer?
59
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,160
The TV family!
60
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,440
The TV family? The TV family!
61
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:25,380
Why didn't we think of that in the first
place? I have no idea. They all have
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money. Forget about Robin Thicke. Yeah,
fuck that.
63
00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,039
All right, let's do it.
64
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:33,380
My father, who art in heaven, hallowed
be thy name.
65
00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:40,228
Oh, Lord.
66
00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:42,470
Please don't let this be David Faustino.
67
00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:46,050
Hello? Kirk Cameron?
68
00:03:46,370 --> 00:03:48,090
David Faustino!
69
00:03:48,870 --> 00:03:50,010
He passed.
70
00:03:56,810 --> 00:03:58,550
Shit! All right, plan B.
71
00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:00,230
Tracy Gold.
72
00:04:08,270 --> 00:04:09,270
You've got Alan.
73
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:10,950
What's the project?
74
00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:15,110
No, um... We've got Alan.
75
00:04:16,610 --> 00:04:17,610
Yeah.
76
00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:20,089
Yeah? We have him.
77
00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:22,870
We got him blocked.
78
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,250
I don't get it. What do you need me for?
79
00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:29,010
Don't you want to see Alan alive again,
Tracy?
80
00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:30,490
Then we need your money.
81
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:32,130
What are you guys talking about?
82
00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:33,430
Uh, that's it.
83
00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:36,790
Smart girl. Smart girl playing dumb.
Nothing sexy.
84
00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:39,450
So, uh, there is no project?
85
00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:40,830
No.
86
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:44,370
So you got me all the way down here, and
there's no project?
87
00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:48,950
We have Alan Fitt.
88
00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:52,350
Oh! Oh!
89
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:53,730
Oh! Oh!
90
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:55,650
Oh! Oh!
91
00:04:56,070 --> 00:04:57,070
Oh! Oh!
92
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,250
There's your check from the other day.
93
00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:01,649
Has been.
94
00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:02,650
Thank you!
95
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,680
What about the other son on the show?
You know, the dorky one, the blonde
96
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,540
goody -goody? Oh, the little brother.
Yeah. Jeremy Miller. That's right,
97
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:26,560
Miller. I used to smoke weed with him
all the time. Really?
98
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:28,760
Yeah, he's not a goody -goody.
99
00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:33,240
Hi, I'm Alan Thicke, beloved TV father,
here to make you rich.
100
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,140
Please don't let this be David Faustino.
101
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:50,590
Hello? Jeremy Miller?
102
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:52,850
We have your father.
103
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:54,650
And we're gonna kill him.
104
00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:55,930
My father?
105
00:05:56,430 --> 00:06:00,250
Well, I mean, it's not your real father.
It's, you know, your TV dad, Alan
106
00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:01,250
Thicke.
107
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:06,410
And? And if you give us one trillion
dollars in small unmarked bills
108
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:10,010
immediately, he's dead, you faggot. A
trillion dollars?
109
00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:13,870
All I got is like a hundred bucks and a
sack of weed.
110
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:15,950
We'll take it!
111
00:06:16,390 --> 00:06:17,390
5 p .m.
112
00:06:17,630 --> 00:06:19,160
Vanite! Nice rink.
113
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,640
Be there, bitch.
114
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,060
Go down to the mall and sign autographs.
115
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:26,180
Well,
116
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:30,740
Mr. Pick, you might not be worth a
trillion bucks, but we're going home.
117
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,640
What's the matter? No more smart -ass
remarks, Mr. Canada?
118
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,100
Mr. Tookie!
119
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:05,840
You first.
120
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,660
You first.
121
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:08,799
You first.
122
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:09,759
You first.
123
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,280
Hey, come on. You guys flight it first.
124
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:12,579
You first.
125
00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:14,360
I don't trust you losers a bit.
126
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,280
Flight it first, then I'll flight it
over. You pass your stuff over.
127
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,100
We'll pass our goods over. We meet in
the middle.
128
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:22,760
Same time.
129
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:23,800
On three.
130
00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:24,940
On three.
131
00:07:25,580 --> 00:07:26,580
One.
132
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,340
Two.
133
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,240
Thank you.
9665
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