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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,080 Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy, Merriwood Children. 2 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:05,020 This is what happens when I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a midget, and 3 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:08,300 wife left me for my neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend, Corin Nemec, 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:11,760 star of TV's Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My manager's been with me 5 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,560 since I was in diapers. Now he's in diapers. 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,980 When I'm not trying to kill myself, I run a porn shop left to me by a crazed 7 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,360 fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short. Thanks, God. 8 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:31,830 There you go, sir. 9 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,010 Is this for you, sweetheart? 10 00:00:35,310 --> 00:00:37,750 Oh, I thank you. Tell your friends about our shop. 11 00:00:38,190 --> 00:00:39,330 It's going to be some sabbath. 12 00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:42,710 Thank you. 13 00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:43,950 Wow. 14 00:00:47,890 --> 00:00:48,890 We're safe. 15 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,410 You folks have fallen a little bit behind in your payment. 16 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,160 You don't come up with another $190. By this time tomorrow, this shop goes into 17 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,400 permanent foreclosure. 18 00:00:57,940 --> 00:01:01,820 $190? You can't do that. That's illegal, man. I'm going to call the cops. 19 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,319 Go ahead. Call the cops. 20 00:01:04,519 --> 00:01:06,120 We own their houses, too. 21 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:07,440 Have a nice day. 22 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:09,500 I have some bailout money to count. 23 00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:11,920 This is bullshit. 24 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,000 You can't do this. 25 00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,140 $190? 26 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,100 How can we even raise that in a day? That's impossible. 27 00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:20,420 It's impossible. 28 00:01:20,810 --> 00:01:22,910 You're going to have to sell your memorabilia, sweetie. 29 00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:24,470 No! 30 00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:31,650 This was supposed to be for my grandkids. I can show them. 31 00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:33,250 We need money now. 32 00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:35,990 36, 33 00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:38,830 20. I just don't see the point in that. 34 00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:40,950 What do you mean? We've got money in the kids. 35 00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:44,630 Look at how upset it's making me. I know it's 24, 36, 24. 36 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,740 You're not going to find it. I mean, you know, it's virtually impossible. 37 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,480 Whoever pulled off this job is obviously a professional safecracker. I mean, you 38 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,360 know, there's just not a chance in hell. 39 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,200 Here it is. 40 00:02:04,220 --> 00:02:05,220 Huh? 41 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:09,220 David Bustino's personal items to be auctioned off in a Vegas hotel room one 42 00:02:09,220 --> 00:02:11,180 night only have to get there tonight. Why? 43 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,400 What are we going to do? 44 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:44,920 I got it. 45 00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:52,240 It's fucking locked. 46 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,720 Well, let's just go home, man. 47 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,120 Don't be a pussy. 48 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,040 God. Stand back. 49 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:03,960 Huh? 50 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,440 Fuck. 51 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,060 Fuck! 52 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:08,720 Fuck that, I'm fine! 53 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:13,440 We're selling a whole lot here, right? No partials. It's all or nothing, folks. 54 00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:16,290 I've got personally autographed panties from Christina Applegate. Snagged those 55 00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:18,610 myself. A stack of David Faustino suicide notes. 56 00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:20,670 A used condom from the Paris Hilton affair. 57 00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:25,530 And for you sick freaks, David Faustino at the birth. Not available in stores. 58 00:03:25,610 --> 00:03:26,730 Just here, folks. Mmm, delicious. 59 00:03:27,430 --> 00:03:31,630 And a personal blow -up love doll of Mr. David Faustino. And the most coveted, 60 00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:33,730 David Faustino's sex tape. 61 00:03:34,070 --> 00:03:35,430 Who's that sex tape with? 62 00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:37,670 Himself. And it's disgusting. 63 00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:39,550 Well, you all right? 64 00:03:46,740 --> 00:03:47,740 Give me out! 65 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:52,120 I mean the afterbirth of the great American TV icon, David Faustino! 66 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,980 You're all right in a few months there, old man. A little massage will clear 67 00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:11,959 that up. 68 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:12,960 Don't bleed on him. 69 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,100 It was that Parker Lewis guy that sold us this buffalo. Get out of here. It was 70 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,500 Corky Devitt. Get out of here. 71 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:47,850 Aren't you Bud Bundy, man? 72 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:20,940 I'm a single mother. 73 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,380 Single? Hmm. 74 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,120 What would you do for a potato? 75 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,400 Oh, well, what wouldn't I do? Hey, hey, hey, hey. 76 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,840 I'm just saying. Come on over here, Purple Rain. 77 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,160 Love the dress. 78 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,700 Oh, just for a minute. 79 00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:35,940 Mom! 80 00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:37,780 That's so great! 81 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,920 You like potatoes? 82 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,460 Mm -hmm. Do you like potatoes? 83 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:42,920 Oh, I... 6187

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