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Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy,
Merriwood Children. This is what happens
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I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a
midget, and my wife left me for my
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neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend,
Corin Emmett, former star of TV's
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Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My
manager's been with me since I was in
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diapers. Now he's in diapers.
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When I'm not trying to kill myself, I
run a porn shop left to me by a crazed
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fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short.
Thanks, God.
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I'm so tired and hungry I can't even
pull this trigger.
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I better eat something so I can kill
myself.
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Oh, morning wood.
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What a waste.
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Stop!
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Bitch, what are you doing in there? Oh,
bro, I passed down here last night
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looking for some food.
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Well, guess what?
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There is no food.
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Let's order in.
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Come on, man. Credit cards are maxed.
What?
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Mom, who's mom? Mom!
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Oh, she's, uh, she's out on location.
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I don't think your tiny little cogs are
good for my health.
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Why don't you bring in the specialist?
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Oh, famished.
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So hungry.
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I'm so hungry I could eat, uh...
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So I don't really need anything.
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Okay, now fuck that. Fuck that. We're
not doing it.
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Are we Korean?
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Wait a second.
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What's that smell?
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Julio!
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I ain't taking them birth controls no
more. When are you going to get
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girl? I need me a little half and half
baby.
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Barbie.
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Now I'm counting on Nick for a free meal
when you're in need.
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Thank you.
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Not bad, huh? Oh, yeah.
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Nick, thank you so much, man. I mean,
you know, we're hurting right now, so
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thank you.
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What the fuck is this?
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It's chicken. What's wrong?
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I said it's too spicy.
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I mean, it's just spicy.
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I said it's too spicy. Hey, ungrateful
ass. Get the hell out of my restaurant.
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Now, get out.
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Hey, just, hey.
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I'm sorry.
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Get out of here. Sorry.
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Get it while it's still fresh.
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Hey!
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Hey, Kato!
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Hey, what's up, man?
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Hey, what's happening?
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Uh, pitch meeting. Had a good meeting.
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Oh, yeah? Probably gonna get a show. Oh,
yeah? Probably gonna get a TV show of
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my own. So works good.
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Working a lot. Like I said, things are
going pretty good. How about you guys?
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Oh, we're doing great. We've got a bunch
of projects going on.
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We've got a porn shop going. We're
making a lot of money at the porn shop.
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raking it in, actually. Is it tapes or
just DVDs? I don't have a DVD player.
61
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So, Cato, what's on the menu in there?
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Chicken wings and all that. You wouldn't
mind sharing a, you know, just like,
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you know, just one little piece. No.
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Seriously, that's what you're hanging
out for. I thought you were my friends.
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00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:33,450
No. This is my pool. We can't even throw
us a morsel? Yeah, not even like one
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wing? I'm starving!
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00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:38,470
Oh, it's like that. Come on, it's like
that. Oh, okay. Okay, cool. All right.
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Hold it!
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Get together! Watch my new show!
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Well, Mom always told me, when in need,
go to God.
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You too.
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the fucking cash.
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Kato! Yeah, give me the fucking cash.
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No! Give me the fucking cash or I'll
kill you.
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No, you won't. Oh, yeah, I'll kill you
both, so give me the fucking cash.
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Bullshit. Oh, then I'll ass -fuck you.
77
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Wait, after we're dead?
78
00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:52,090
Yeah, after you're dead, so give me the
cash. Give him the money!
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00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:14,960
I cannot accept this, guys. Why?
80
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,400
It's painted.
81
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,520
Oh, this is bullshit. Give me my blood.
82
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I can't believe this.
83
00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:26,800
Doc, how are we supposed to get this
back in us now?
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I'll tell you how, Dave.
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Uh, Corin, that... Corin?
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That's mine.
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God,
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that's disgusting, Dave. How could you
let me do that? You just started
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it. Is it good?
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Not bad.
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You guys are disgusting.
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00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:01,000
How dare you do those things in a place
like this? All these years, I've never
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00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,140
seen anything like that.
94
00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:05,710
I can't taste it. I don't know if it's
working.
95
00:06:06,110 --> 00:06:09,170
And you know what? If I'm not getting
paid for this, then I'm getting paid in
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these.
97
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All of them.
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I'm taking them all.
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00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:13,370
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on.
100
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:45,800
Well, you know, nothing.
101
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What's this?
102
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,060
What? This?
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Uh... Sperm.
104
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Uh... Perm.
105
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What's that?
106
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Perm... Sperm perm.
107
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Why are you walking around with sperm?
108
00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:02,440
Oh, but this is not from now. It's from
earlier... Sort of today. Oh.
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00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:06,960
Hey. You've got a beautiful white family
having a picnic here. What's wrong with
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you?
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00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,240
We didn't mean it.
112
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,280
It's disgusting.
113
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But we're... Perm...
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Thank you so much. Thank you.
115
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:22,740
Oh, that.
116
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:24,620
I want to smell it. It's my thing.
117
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Oh, it's delicious.
118
00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:28,160
It's still warm.
119
00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:30,360
Oh, what's that? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hey.
120
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,960
Yes. That's my order, two foods.
121
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,120
Just be thankful that I didn't ask, fuck
you.
122
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Again, boss, you know.
123
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,380
He already robbed us at gunpoint. I'm
crazy.
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The bird.
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Birds. He beat me.
9189
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