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Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy,
Merriwood Children. This is what happens
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I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a
midget, and my wife left me for my
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neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend,
Corin Nemec, former star of TV's Parker
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Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My
manager's been with me since I was in
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Now he's in diapers.
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When I'm not trying to kill myself, I
run a porn shop left to me by a crazed
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fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short.
Thanks, God.
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Don't fucking tell me you can't babysit
now.
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You said yesterday you were going to
babysit. I swear to God, I'm coming over
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there. I'll cut your fucking throat
open. I'll smash your face in with a
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you fucking bitch.
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Phil, is it 12?
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Oh, she's 12.
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Give me a break.
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She sucked almost as much cock as you
have.
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Now who are we going to get?
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Ah, let's see if Bastino hasn't leaked
off a bridge yet.
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Hello?
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Yeah, Dave, remember when you fucked my
wife?
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Yeah, I mean, that was a long time ago.
Yeah, yeah, you know something?
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My wife still laughs about the size of
your...
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If it was a quarter of an inch smaller,
it would be a pussy.
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Okay,
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look. You gotta come over and babysit.
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Which one?
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You know which one.
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Now? Look, you owe me, you little
fucking faggot.
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00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:52,660
Swimming!
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Well, looks like you're going swimming,
Dave.
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00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:04,960
Hi. Oh, you two know each other?
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Not really.
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00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:07,020
Good to see you. Good to see you.
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You fucking whore. Welcome to my world,
Dave.
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How do I duck, didn't you, sweetheart?
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You know how much this cost me in
special ed? A hundred thousand a month.
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think it doesn't eat good? Go ahead, ask
him his name. Ask him his name.
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Uh, what's your name?
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He wants to take part in the retard
Olympics.
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They give medals.
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Anyway, have fun. The liquor cabinet's
locked, so don't even bother.
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00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:52,240
And if you bring that Parker Lewis
asshole here, I'll shoot him. It's
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won't bring him here. Dave, thank you so
much. Really appreciate it. You're
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welcome. Mommy loves you. Oh, hurry up.
Don't worry about us now.
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Don't worry about us. We'll be all
right.
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Okay, buddy.
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You ready to have some fun?
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No hitting, okay? Let's go. Come on.
Food time.
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All right. Come on. Let's go. We'll go
eat now, okay? Come on. Enough hitting.
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Enough hitting. Let's go eat.
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Okay. Big bite, Sparky.
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Open it. Come on. It's good for you.
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Now that's good.
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I don't want a needle dick.
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Who told you I had a needle dick?
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My mommy.
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Well, just eat the food, okay?
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I don't want any. Your turn.
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Something's the matter. Huh?
59
00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:40,830
Yeah, I... Dave, Dave, put the retard
on.
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00:05:41,430 --> 00:05:44,750
Uh, no, he's busy playing right now.
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00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,300
Then he's holding his cock.
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00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:53,000
Now he's not getting a fucking medal.
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I guess we'll go ahead and get out of
here now.
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Babysitting money.
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00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:04,340
If you don't get out of here right now,
I'll smack you like the fucking bitch
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00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,340
you are.
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00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,560
That's right.
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00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,560
Just get the fuck out.
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00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,370
Unbelievable.
5411
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