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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,852 --> 00:00:19,204 Previously, on The Last Man on Earth... 2 00:00:19,205 --> 00:00:21,342 If I'm so bad, then why do you want to live with me? 3 00:00:21,343 --> 00:00:22,650 Because I'm your wife! 4 00:00:22,651 --> 00:00:24,218 I wish I could have a do-over. 5 00:00:24,219 --> 00:00:25,296 Oh, my God! 6 00:00:25,297 --> 00:00:27,515 You're all alone out here? 7 00:00:27,516 --> 00:00:29,209 Yes. 8 00:00:30,017 --> 00:00:31,921 - Phil? - Wait. You know Phil? 9 00:00:31,922 --> 00:00:33,154 Phil's my husband. 10 00:00:33,155 --> 00:00:34,517 Surprise! 11 00:00:36,018 --> 00:00:37,652 You guys don't understand. 12 00:00:37,653 --> 00:00:39,921 This was gonna be an awesome joke. 13 00:00:39,922 --> 00:00:42,423 I just can't believe you didn't tell us there were other people. 14 00:00:42,424 --> 00:00:43,758 Yeah, that's, like, the one thing 15 00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:45,460 that's important in this world. 16 00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:47,862 Yeah, and all for what, just so you can get laid? 17 00:00:47,863 --> 00:00:50,565 No. Because I had this awesome idea for a prank. 18 00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:52,533 And I had it perfectly lined up. 19 00:00:52,534 --> 00:00:54,502 I mean, I had you guys thinking 20 00:00:54,503 --> 00:00:55,670 that I was going out camping, 21 00:00:55,671 --> 00:00:57,171 and I had you guys thinking 22 00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:58,439 these guys didn't exist. 23 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,074 That's called the perfect storm. 24 00:01:00,075 --> 00:01:02,763 So, there we are, about to go skinny-dipping... 25 00:01:02,764 --> 00:01:04,178 You were gonna go skinny-dipping?! 26 00:01:04,179 --> 00:01:06,247 As if I would ever do that. 27 00:01:06,248 --> 00:01:08,316 I-I am married to you, Carol. 28 00:01:08,317 --> 00:01:10,284 You told us Carol was dead. 29 00:01:10,285 --> 00:01:11,953 - What?! What?! - Oh, my God! 30 00:01:11,954 --> 00:01:13,588 No, a-a different Carol. 31 00:01:13,589 --> 00:01:16,791 Carol, I was, uh, married to this other woman named Carol 32 00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:18,826 before the virus. You told me 33 00:01:18,827 --> 00:01:19,961 you were single. 34 00:01:19,962 --> 00:01:22,063 Yeah, I was... Before I got married 35 00:01:22,064 --> 00:01:23,664 to that, uh, Carol. 36 00:01:24,566 --> 00:01:26,234 And, uh, she died in that, uh, 37 00:01:26,235 --> 00:01:28,569 tragic... snowmobiling accident. 38 00:01:28,570 --> 00:01:30,304 Sorry. I miss you. 39 00:01:30,305 --> 00:01:31,873 You're disgusting. 40 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,708 Disgustingly good at pranks! 41 00:01:33,709 --> 00:01:36,477 God, you know, before I go on, can I just say, 42 00:01:36,478 --> 00:01:38,212 this is really disrespectful to Carol. 43 00:01:38,213 --> 00:01:39,814 The other Carol. The late Carol. 44 00:01:39,815 --> 00:01:42,050 Uh, but, you know, back to this prank. 45 00:01:42,051 --> 00:01:45,086 So, you know, God, it was gonna be such a great one, 46 00:01:45,087 --> 00:01:46,988 a-and then you guys all just ruined it. 47 00:01:46,989 --> 00:01:49,057 I feel so bad for you... You missed out 48 00:01:49,058 --> 00:01:50,324 on this wonderful thing. 49 00:01:50,325 --> 00:01:51,526 I mean, see, I was gonna... 50 00:01:51,527 --> 00:01:52,627 I was gonna, uh... 51 00:01:53,929 --> 00:01:55,496 uh, uh... 52 00:01:55,497 --> 00:01:56,698 What... 53 00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:57,999 what was gonna happen was, 54 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,001 when we got out to those hot springs, 55 00:02:00,002 --> 00:02:03,137 I was gonna say, "Hey, wait... I need my bathing suit." 56 00:02:03,138 --> 00:02:05,907 Then I was gonna lead you back to our cul-de-sac, 57 00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,208 introduce you to all these people 58 00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:09,377 who mean the most to me in the world. 59 00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:11,779 'Cause you do... Have I ever told you guys that? 60 00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:13,314 I wish I told you more. 61 00:02:13,315 --> 00:02:14,749 - Yeah. - Phil... 62 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,551 Stop talking. 63 00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:17,652 No! No, wait! 64 00:02:17,653 --> 00:02:19,153 Because it feels to me 65 00:02:19,154 --> 00:02:21,456 like you guys still think this wasn't a prank. 66 00:02:21,457 --> 00:02:22,924 And that's... 67 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:23,925 that's not acceptable. 68 00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:25,460 That's where I draw the line. 69 00:02:25,461 --> 00:02:27,795 Still think he's a good guy? 70 00:02:29,731 --> 00:02:30,998 Todd, come on, bud. 71 00:02:30,999 --> 00:02:33,367 There's got to be some explanation here! 72 00:02:33,368 --> 00:02:35,269 I-I mean, there is an explanation. 73 00:02:35,270 --> 00:02:37,271 The... you know, that, uh, prank thing. 74 00:02:37,272 --> 00:02:38,572 Way to go, Phil. 75 00:02:38,573 --> 00:02:39,840 He actually really liked you. 76 00:02:39,841 --> 00:02:41,575 I don't know why, but he did. 77 00:02:41,576 --> 00:02:44,578 You guys can follow us to the cul-de-sac... that's where we live. 78 00:02:44,579 --> 00:02:46,346 Because we exist! 79 00:02:47,082 --> 00:02:48,348 I... 80 00:02:53,721 --> 00:02:55,456 It was prank. 81 00:02:55,457 --> 00:02:56,857 Carol... 82 00:02:56,858 --> 00:02:58,258 wait... 83 00:02:58,259 --> 00:03:00,394 What, you're just gonna leave me here? 84 00:03:00,395 --> 00:03:02,062 Wha...? 85 00:03:03,832 --> 00:03:05,199 What...? 86 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:14,195 - Synced and Corrected by peterbrito - - www.addic7ed.com - 87 00:03:53,815 --> 00:03:55,149 This is amazing. 88 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,651 I can't believe you guys have a cow! 89 00:03:57,652 --> 00:03:59,653 And Gail's a chef, 90 00:03:59,654 --> 00:04:02,790 so this is, like... Oh, hon, the things I can make with this. 91 00:04:02,791 --> 00:04:04,792 My mind is literally spinning. 92 00:04:04,793 --> 00:04:05,926 Creme brulee, 93 00:04:05,927 --> 00:04:08,095 dulce de leche... 94 00:04:08,096 --> 00:04:10,497 Good morning. 95 00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:16,437 I just came here to get some, uh... java... 96 00:04:16,438 --> 00:04:17,971 little milk. 97 00:04:21,843 --> 00:04:24,978 These guys give you the tour? Huh? 98 00:04:24,979 --> 00:04:27,147 Show you around? 99 00:04:29,951 --> 00:04:32,953 I'll take that as a yes or no. 100 00:04:37,659 --> 00:04:40,627 Hey... anybody seen Carol anywhere? 101 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,668 How long am I gonna be in the doghouse here? 102 00:04:47,669 --> 00:04:49,470 It was a prank. 103 00:04:50,605 --> 00:04:52,406 Okay. I get it. 104 00:04:52,407 --> 00:04:54,408 You're giving me the silent treatment. 105 00:04:54,409 --> 00:04:55,976 Very mature. 106 00:04:55,977 --> 00:04:57,578 Well, guess what? I can silent treatment 107 00:04:57,579 --> 00:04:58,979 with the best of 'em, huh? 108 00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:00,581 You want to do this? Let's go. 109 00:05:32,247 --> 00:05:34,615 Boom! Silent treatment! 110 00:05:35,917 --> 00:05:38,085 It was a prank. 111 00:05:42,357 --> 00:05:44,625 Carol? 112 00:05:46,962 --> 00:05:49,263 Carol? 113 00:05:51,634 --> 00:05:53,901 - Carol. - What? 114 00:05:53,902 --> 00:05:55,436 Oh, there you are. 115 00:05:55,437 --> 00:05:56,971 Hey, I really need to talk to you. 116 00:05:56,972 --> 00:05:58,306 Fine. 117 00:05:58,307 --> 00:06:00,074 Let's talk. 118 00:06:06,348 --> 00:06:07,749 I'm not quite... understanding 119 00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:09,350 what you're... what you're doing there. 120 00:06:09,351 --> 00:06:11,152 Isn't that how ghosts talk? 121 00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:12,153 Carol... 122 00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:13,154 Well, I'm dead, right? 123 00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:14,522 Isn't that what you told them? 124 00:06:14,523 --> 00:06:16,724 Can I please explain? 125 00:06:16,725 --> 00:06:18,359 I think it's pretty cut-and-dry, Phil. 126 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,295 You told me you were going camping, 127 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:23,097 and then you went out skinny-dipping with two hussies. 128 00:06:23,098 --> 00:06:24,799 But I didn't do anything! 129 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,267 Bologna on rye, Phil! 130 00:06:26,268 --> 00:06:29,103 No! Truth meat on honesty bread! 131 00:06:29,104 --> 00:06:33,207 You are nothing but a sewer rat, you dumb donkey. 132 00:06:33,208 --> 00:06:35,009 Just cattin' around 133 00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:38,212 like the cock of the walk. Well, guess what, you skunk? 134 00:06:38,213 --> 00:06:40,615 You just sprayed the wrong dog. 135 00:06:40,616 --> 00:06:42,450 Now, get out. 136 00:06:42,451 --> 00:06:44,552 Carol, this is my house. 137 00:06:44,553 --> 00:06:46,821 Skunks don't live in houses. 138 00:06:46,822 --> 00:06:49,057 And this one's haunted, anyways. 139 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:56,431 Get out! 140 00:07:17,692 --> 00:07:19,294 Thanks for letting me stay here, guys. 141 00:07:19,295 --> 00:07:21,029 It's nice to feel welcome somewhere. 142 00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:23,298 And don't worry, I won't be here long. 143 00:07:23,299 --> 00:07:24,599 This is temporary. 144 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,701 They're gonna come looking for me. 145 00:07:26,702 --> 00:07:27,869 You know, this'll be good. 146 00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:29,771 You know, this is a nice change of pace. 147 00:07:29,772 --> 00:07:31,606 I could use a break from people. 148 00:07:31,607 --> 00:07:33,441 Yeah, with all their, "Oh, Phil, do this, 149 00:07:33,442 --> 00:07:36,544 do that, you're a jerk...." 150 00:07:36,545 --> 00:07:39,214 Oh, no, this is good, this is nice. 151 00:07:39,215 --> 00:07:41,616 Solitude, loneliness, friends. 152 00:07:41,617 --> 00:07:44,319 And this pool table makes a fine bed. Yeah. 153 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,089 You know, it's firm, no give... Which is great for the back. 154 00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:49,257 Oh, yeah. 155 00:07:49,258 --> 00:07:52,427 Beds are overrated. 156 00:07:54,263 --> 00:07:56,097 Don't miss beds. 157 00:07:56,098 --> 00:07:57,499 Knock, knock... 158 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,534 - Carol? - Knock, knock. 159 00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:01,636 Did you hear us knocking? 160 00:08:01,637 --> 00:08:03,872 Well, we just wanted to drop by 161 00:08:03,873 --> 00:08:05,406 with this pecan pie 162 00:08:05,407 --> 00:08:08,643 and say we hope that there's no hard feelings. 163 00:08:08,644 --> 00:08:10,979 Why would there be any hard feelings? 164 00:08:11,914 --> 00:08:13,648 All you did was make a series 165 00:08:13,649 --> 00:08:15,183 of quick, slut-based decisions 166 00:08:15,184 --> 00:08:17,819 about sharing your body with a man you hardly knew. 167 00:08:17,820 --> 00:08:21,289 Carol, you know we would never have done that stuff 168 00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:23,491 if we'd known Phil was married. 169 00:08:23,492 --> 00:08:24,793 Of course. 170 00:08:24,794 --> 00:08:26,594 I don't hold it against you. 171 00:08:26,595 --> 00:08:28,196 You had no idea. 172 00:08:28,197 --> 00:08:30,365 And you're not even from here. 173 00:08:30,366 --> 00:08:32,801 In this country, we tend to do a bit of research 174 00:08:32,802 --> 00:08:35,270 before inviting a man into the land down under. 175 00:08:35,271 --> 00:08:39,240 Carol, I can see that you're hurting really badly, 176 00:08:39,241 --> 00:08:42,744 and I'm hoping that we just... move past all this. 177 00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:44,012 But in the meantime, 178 00:08:44,013 --> 00:08:46,147 we're just gonna leave this pie right here. 179 00:08:46,148 --> 00:08:48,283 Oh, I can't eat that pie. 180 00:08:48,284 --> 00:08:51,386 Uh, are you... are you allergic to pecans? 181 00:08:51,387 --> 00:08:52,387 No. 182 00:08:52,388 --> 00:08:54,656 I just don't enjoy hussy pie. 183 00:08:54,657 --> 00:08:56,658 You understand. 184 00:08:56,659 --> 00:08:59,661 I don't, but we'll be taking off now. 185 00:08:59,662 --> 00:09:01,696 Yeah. 186 00:09:01,697 --> 00:09:03,765 Okay, Gary, what's your poison? 187 00:09:03,766 --> 00:09:05,667 Tequila sunrise, huh? Okay. 188 00:09:05,668 --> 00:09:07,202 That's a fun choice. 189 00:09:10,139 --> 00:09:12,006 Oh. Let me try that again. 190 00:09:12,007 --> 00:09:13,041 Just grab another bottle, like so. 191 00:09:13,042 --> 00:09:14,175 Try that. 192 00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:17,378 Cruise makes it look so easy, you know? 193 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:22,917 Ow, that hurt. That really hurt. 194 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,888 They must have CGI'd those bottles, right? 195 00:09:29,425 --> 00:09:31,092 Yeah, I'm gonna have all these tricks down 196 00:09:31,093 --> 00:09:32,727 by the time they come looking for me. 197 00:09:32,728 --> 00:09:34,396 It's gonna be a fun surprise for them. 198 00:09:34,397 --> 00:09:36,231 Okay, here we go. Okay. 199 00:09:36,232 --> 00:09:37,265 Whoa! 200 00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:38,666 I got it! 201 00:09:41,404 --> 00:09:42,904 Hey, Carol. 202 00:09:42,905 --> 00:09:44,906 - Can we come in? - Oh, absolutely. 203 00:09:45,207 --> 00:09:47,041 Come in. Have a seat, you. 204 00:09:47,042 --> 00:09:48,476 Hey, I brought you some tea. 205 00:09:48,477 --> 00:09:50,511 Careful, it's really hot, okay? 206 00:09:50,512 --> 00:09:52,580 So, we heard 207 00:09:52,581 --> 00:09:54,882 you talked with... Gail and Erica. 208 00:09:54,883 --> 00:09:56,417 We just wanted to come over, 209 00:09:56,418 --> 00:09:59,420 and see if you're doing okay. 210 00:09:59,421 --> 00:10:00,421 I'm fine. 211 00:10:00,422 --> 00:10:01,656 Why wouldn't I be? 212 00:10:01,657 --> 00:10:03,725 - Everything's fine. - Carol, that's... 213 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,161 Sorry, I tried to warn you... 214 00:10:07,162 --> 00:10:08,396 about... 215 00:10:09,898 --> 00:10:11,699 That's all right, Todd. 216 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:13,368 It's okay. 217 00:10:13,369 --> 00:10:14,535 Everything's fine. 218 00:10:14,536 --> 00:10:15,903 So... 219 00:10:20,909 --> 00:10:22,176 Okay... 220 00:10:22,177 --> 00:10:24,245 I see what you're doing over there. 221 00:10:25,214 --> 00:10:26,881 - What-what are we doing? - Mm. 222 00:10:26,882 --> 00:10:29,417 Sitting so far apart from each other. 223 00:10:29,418 --> 00:10:30,585 Oh, we're not... No. 224 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,387 I'm a strong woman, okay? 225 00:10:32,388 --> 00:10:36,224 I can handle seeing two people being affectionate. 226 00:10:36,225 --> 00:10:37,558 Ah. Please, 227 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:38,793 kiss each other. 228 00:10:38,794 --> 00:10:40,561 For me. I can take it. 229 00:10:40,562 --> 00:10:42,163 We're just kind of hanging out right now, 230 00:10:42,164 --> 00:10:43,931 - you know what I mean? - Carol, this is uncomfortable. 231 00:10:43,932 --> 00:10:45,500 You know what's uncomfortable 232 00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:47,935 is this pity party you're throwing me. 233 00:10:47,936 --> 00:10:49,437 Okay? 234 00:10:49,438 --> 00:10:51,339 Go ahead, kiss. Come on. 235 00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:54,309 Kiss. For me, please. 236 00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:57,211 Oh, come on, you can do better than that. 237 00:10:57,212 --> 00:10:58,212 Get into it! 238 00:10:58,213 --> 00:10:59,781 Come on, kiss like you used to! 239 00:11:01,417 --> 00:11:03,384 Oh, that was so fake! 240 00:11:03,385 --> 00:11:05,119 Kiss! Come on! 241 00:11:06,488 --> 00:11:07,488 Okay, that's enough, Todd. 242 00:11:07,489 --> 00:11:08,923 - Yes, copy that. - This is... 243 00:11:08,924 --> 00:11:10,558 - I just... Whoo! - This is weird. 244 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:13,061 - Very. - Carol, what is going on with you? 245 00:11:13,062 --> 00:11:14,495 It's called being just fine, Melissa. 246 00:11:14,496 --> 00:11:15,930 Maybe you should try it some time. 247 00:11:15,931 --> 00:11:17,098 - Carol... - Now, if you don't mind, 248 00:11:17,099 --> 00:11:19,267 I'd like to be alone. Thank you. 249 00:11:19,268 --> 00:11:21,636 Yeah, okay. 250 00:11:22,671 --> 00:11:24,472 Okay, well, just let us know 251 00:11:24,473 --> 00:11:25,740 if you need anything. 252 00:11:28,077 --> 00:11:30,979 They're not coming. 253 00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:34,282 Oh, they don't care where I am 254 00:11:34,283 --> 00:11:37,051 'cause they don't like me. 255 00:11:37,052 --> 00:11:40,822 Which is really sad 'cause I want to go back! 256 00:11:40,823 --> 00:11:44,058 I don't want to live at this stupid bar... 257 00:11:44,059 --> 00:11:47,528 a pool table for a bed. 258 00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:50,365 I was wrong. 259 00:11:50,366 --> 00:11:53,568 Beds are underrated. 260 00:11:53,569 --> 00:11:56,671 And people are underrated. God. 261 00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,172 Oh, but they don't like me. 262 00:11:58,173 --> 00:12:00,775 They're not gonna talk to me. 263 00:12:02,444 --> 00:12:04,412 Oh, I get it, I blew it. 264 00:12:04,413 --> 00:12:06,981 I really beefed it. 265 00:12:06,982 --> 00:12:08,750 I asked for a do-over 266 00:12:08,751 --> 00:12:11,452 and instead I got a do-do-over. 267 00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:14,389 Boom, I still got it. 268 00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:17,559 I'm persona non grata. 269 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,761 Iced out. 270 00:12:19,762 --> 00:12:22,864 No one wants to have anything to do 271 00:12:22,865 --> 00:12:25,867 with old Phil Miller. 272 00:12:25,868 --> 00:12:30,171 But I mean, I am who I am. 273 00:12:30,172 --> 00:12:34,943 I can't just magically change into another person. 274 00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:45,954 Hi. 275 00:12:45,955 --> 00:12:47,422 The name's Mike Miller. 276 00:12:47,423 --> 00:12:49,257 I'm looking for my twin brother, Phil. 277 00:12:49,258 --> 00:12:50,491 Oh, my God, people. 278 00:12:50,492 --> 00:12:53,228 It's been so long. Oh, God! 279 00:12:53,229 --> 00:12:55,363 Damn it. 280 00:12:55,364 --> 00:12:57,031 How did that not work? 281 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,578 That's looking good. 282 00:13:01,579 --> 00:13:02,812 Ooh! 283 00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:05,013 - Hey. - Good shot. 284 00:13:05,014 --> 00:13:07,950 I just can't believe he put on a costume. 285 00:13:07,951 --> 00:13:10,285 That's what you can't believe? 286 00:13:10,286 --> 00:13:11,653 I can't believe he thought we would believe 287 00:13:11,654 --> 00:13:12,988 he was his own brother. 288 00:13:12,989 --> 00:13:14,790 What did Carol say? 289 00:13:14,791 --> 00:13:17,292 Oh, she just slammed the door right in his face. 290 00:13:17,293 --> 00:13:18,660 Good for her, poor thing. 291 00:13:18,661 --> 00:13:20,796 I mean, that man is a little tossed in the head. 292 00:13:20,797 --> 00:13:22,831 - Yeah, a little. - Yeah. 293 00:13:22,832 --> 00:13:24,533 He's also a pathological liar. 294 00:13:24,534 --> 00:13:26,235 Oh, what a wanker. 295 00:13:26,236 --> 00:13:28,570 We really dodged a bullet with that guy. 296 00:13:28,571 --> 00:13:31,707 Oh, good-bye and good riddance, Phil Cormaneau. 297 00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:33,442 Cormaneau? 298 00:13:33,443 --> 00:13:34,643 His last name's Miller. 299 00:13:34,644 --> 00:13:37,880 He lied about that, too? Why? 300 00:13:37,881 --> 00:13:39,681 - Why not? - What a liar. 301 00:13:39,682 --> 00:13:41,183 - I can't believe he just lied. - What a liar. 302 00:13:41,184 --> 00:13:42,584 Take is easy. 303 00:13:42,585 --> 00:13:44,887 Okay, I'm just so disappointed... 304 00:13:44,888 --> 00:13:48,924 I do not feel great right now. 305 00:13:48,925 --> 00:13:51,493 They don't miss me at all. 306 00:13:51,494 --> 00:13:53,295 Why are they so mad? 307 00:13:53,296 --> 00:13:56,198 Why won't they give me the benefit of the doubt? 308 00:13:56,199 --> 00:13:58,534 They think I'm just some liar. 309 00:13:58,535 --> 00:14:00,669 I am not a liar. 310 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:03,839 I mean, what have I ever done that would make them think that? 311 00:14:06,543 --> 00:14:08,343 - It was a prank. - I found the cow! 312 00:14:08,344 --> 00:14:09,378 I got the rings. 313 00:14:09,379 --> 00:14:11,180 I'm a pretty major tennis guy. 314 00:14:11,181 --> 00:14:13,215 - Are you attracted to Melissa? - No. 315 00:14:13,216 --> 00:14:14,716 - Are you lactose intolerant? - Yes. 316 00:14:14,717 --> 00:14:16,652 - I can fix a friggin' door. - Committed to this marriage. 317 00:14:16,653 --> 00:14:18,086 I've been very busy, Carol. 318 00:14:18,087 --> 00:14:19,488 - You're all alone out here? - Yes. 319 00:14:19,489 --> 00:14:20,489 Must've been a raccoon. 320 00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:21,590 I used to have a VW Bug. 321 00:14:21,591 --> 00:14:23,025 - I have diarrhea... - Big Shankhead here... 322 00:14:23,026 --> 00:14:24,426 - Cormaneau... - I'm a nice person... 323 00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:26,094 - The name's Mike Miller... - Balls are clean... 324 00:14:27,363 --> 00:14:29,264 I am a liar. 325 00:14:34,771 --> 00:14:35,838 Oh, look who it is, 326 00:14:35,839 --> 00:14:37,072 everybody. 327 00:14:37,073 --> 00:14:38,207 Mike Miller. 328 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,842 Or is it Mike Cormaneau? 329 00:14:41,177 --> 00:14:42,444 Can I talk to you guys? 330 00:14:42,445 --> 00:14:43,479 No. 331 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,581 I'm not leaving until I say my piece. 332 00:14:45,582 --> 00:14:47,683 Fine, stay here. We'll just ignore you. 333 00:14:47,684 --> 00:14:49,184 You know what, anybody want a refill? 334 00:14:49,185 --> 00:14:50,686 I do. 335 00:14:50,687 --> 00:14:52,020 - Great. - Thank you very much. 336 00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,690 Don't mind me. I'll just be here, uh, doing this... 337 00:15:01,631 --> 00:15:03,632 I'll just keep screaming until you talk to me. 338 00:15:07,804 --> 00:15:09,571 Phil. 339 00:15:09,572 --> 00:15:11,006 Can't you get it through your little perm? 340 00:15:11,007 --> 00:15:12,274 We don't want to talk to you. 341 00:15:12,275 --> 00:15:17,012 No, Melissa, let's just over with which to get this. 342 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,216 Are you guys ready for a bombshell? 343 00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:25,921 When I was gonna go skinny-dipping with Gail and Erica... 344 00:15:25,922 --> 00:15:27,689 that wasn't a prank. 345 00:15:29,392 --> 00:15:32,261 That was a very real effort to swim naked with women. 346 00:15:34,964 --> 00:15:36,465 Moving on. Melissa. 347 00:15:37,967 --> 00:15:39,868 I did not want to have sex with you 348 00:15:39,869 --> 00:15:42,104 solely for the purpose of repopulation. 349 00:15:43,306 --> 00:15:44,907 I wanted to have sex with you 350 00:15:44,908 --> 00:15:46,775 because you're a friggin' smokeshow. 351 00:15:49,245 --> 00:15:51,313 Todd... 352 00:15:51,314 --> 00:15:53,649 I did not co-write "Fields of Gold." 353 00:15:53,650 --> 00:15:56,718 The only person who wrote that song was Sting. 354 00:15:58,188 --> 00:16:00,756 And finally, Carol. 355 00:16:03,093 --> 00:16:05,394 I can't even begin to count the ways 356 00:16:05,395 --> 00:16:07,229 that I've been dishonest with you. 357 00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:09,932 But let me start with this: 358 00:16:09,933 --> 00:16:12,434 We should have never gotten married. 359 00:16:14,537 --> 00:16:16,672 When I said "I do," 360 00:16:16,673 --> 00:16:18,207 it was a lie, 361 00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,775 'cause I didn't. 362 00:16:23,146 --> 00:16:25,214 And I know I've hurt you... 363 00:16:25,215 --> 00:16:27,583 and I'm really, really sorry. 364 00:16:29,886 --> 00:16:32,221 Look, I don't expect this to change the way 365 00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:34,390 that any of you guys feel about me, 366 00:16:34,391 --> 00:16:38,560 but I'd rather be an honest person with no friends 367 00:16:38,561 --> 00:16:41,997 than live one more day as a liar, so... 368 00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,634 Smell ya never. 369 00:16:47,871 --> 00:16:49,872 Excuse me. 370 00:16:57,881 --> 00:17:00,983 I knew he didn't write "Fields of Gold." 371 00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:21,011 So I, you know, 372 00:17:21,012 --> 00:17:23,814 I said my piece and, uh... 373 00:17:23,815 --> 00:17:26,450 did not get a lot of traction there, 374 00:17:26,451 --> 00:17:28,118 but, uh, I feel good. 375 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,854 I-I feel... I did the right thing. 376 00:17:30,855 --> 00:17:32,823 I mean, it's-it's what I had to do. 377 00:17:32,824 --> 00:17:35,092 - Um... - Phil? 378 00:17:36,695 --> 00:17:40,097 Phil, are you talking to balls with faces drawn on them? 379 00:17:40,098 --> 00:17:43,033 Y-Yes. 380 00:17:43,034 --> 00:17:44,468 I am. 381 00:17:44,469 --> 00:17:46,637 Okay. 382 00:17:46,638 --> 00:17:50,274 Well, I guess they can hear this, too. 383 00:17:50,275 --> 00:17:52,409 I have a few things to say. 384 00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:55,145 If you have any questions, comments or applause, 385 00:17:55,146 --> 00:17:56,547 just save it until I'm done. 386 00:17:57,582 --> 00:17:59,249 I don't think applause will apply, 387 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,719 but just hold it till the end. 388 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,488 - Okay. - Phil, what did I just ask? 389 00:18:04,489 --> 00:18:06,090 - Sorry. - Phil! 390 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:18,135 Phil, what do you think about this quilt? 391 00:18:22,607 --> 00:18:24,341 'Cause you know what I think? 392 00:18:24,342 --> 00:18:27,044 I think it's U-G-L-Y, 393 00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:29,179 this quilt ain't got no alibi. 394 00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:30,447 It's ugly. 395 00:18:31,783 --> 00:18:33,517 It's ugly. 396 00:18:33,518 --> 00:18:35,252 Do you see where I'm going with this? 397 00:18:36,922 --> 00:18:38,489 You can talk. 398 00:18:38,490 --> 00:18:41,592 Respectfully, I-I have no clue. 399 00:18:41,593 --> 00:18:45,095 Phil, sometimes, in quilting, 400 00:18:45,096 --> 00:18:47,998 you just don't have the right scraps. 401 00:18:47,999 --> 00:18:51,535 And no matter how much effort you put in, 402 00:18:51,536 --> 00:18:53,871 you make a quilt that looks like this. 403 00:18:53,872 --> 00:18:55,211 I will agree that it's ugly. 404 00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:58,275 And you worked so hard on it 405 00:18:58,276 --> 00:19:01,145 and you trick yourself into thinking it's beautiful 406 00:19:01,146 --> 00:19:05,282 and you display it proudly in the entryway on you divan. 407 00:19:06,985 --> 00:19:09,453 And then your friend Barbara comes over a few days later, 408 00:19:09,454 --> 00:19:11,555 and she tells you that she thinks it's best 409 00:19:11,556 --> 00:19:14,191 if you fold it up and put it in the closet. 410 00:19:14,192 --> 00:19:16,360 You see what I'm saying now? 411 00:19:16,361 --> 00:19:20,865 Barbara's a pretty mean person and tells it like it is and... 412 00:19:21,366 --> 00:19:23,200 Right? Yes? 413 00:19:24,436 --> 00:19:27,471 I think it's time we put this quilt in the closet. 414 00:19:32,577 --> 00:19:34,678 So, here. 415 00:19:39,951 --> 00:19:42,186 Divorce papers? 416 00:19:42,187 --> 00:19:44,622 They're official, I'm a notary. 417 00:19:44,623 --> 00:19:46,690 Are you sure about this? 418 00:19:46,691 --> 00:19:48,559 Yeah, Phil. 419 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,696 You're better off without me. I'm better off without you. 420 00:19:52,697 --> 00:19:56,233 I just want you to be happy. 421 00:19:56,234 --> 00:20:00,571 Well, I just want you to be happy. 422 00:20:00,572 --> 00:20:02,072 Then sign. 423 00:20:07,212 --> 00:20:09,480 There. 424 00:20:09,481 --> 00:20:10,681 And there. 425 00:20:10,682 --> 00:20:13,584 Uh-huh. 426 00:20:13,585 --> 00:20:15,586 And... ooh, Social Security, right there. 427 00:20:15,587 --> 00:20:17,588 This is fun to notarize again. 428 00:20:17,589 --> 00:20:21,325 Oh, man, once you break the seal... 429 00:20:21,326 --> 00:20:23,160 It's a notary joke. 430 00:20:23,161 --> 00:20:24,662 I wish Glen were here. 431 00:20:24,663 --> 00:20:26,263 He would've gotten a kick out of that one. 432 00:20:28,967 --> 00:20:31,235 It's official. 433 00:20:31,236 --> 00:20:34,405 It's official. 434 00:20:34,406 --> 00:20:35,773 Friends? 435 00:20:36,808 --> 00:20:39,009 Friends. 436 00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:41,812 Ah, get in here. 437 00:21:02,934 --> 00:21:05,569 Well, see you back at the cul-de-sac. 438 00:21:05,570 --> 00:21:07,471 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 439 00:21:14,679 --> 00:21:17,882 So, that's my ex-wife. 440 00:21:17,883 --> 00:21:21,886 - Synced and Corrected by peterbrito - - www.addic7ed.com - 30139

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