All language subtitles for Star-ving s01e10 El Al-Qaeda

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,060 Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy, Merriwood Children. This is what happens 2 00:00:03,060 --> 00:00:05,880 I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a midget, and my wife left me for my 3 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,920 neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend, Corin Emmett, former star of TV's 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,580 Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. 5 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,560 My manager's been with me since I was in diapers. Now he's in diapers. 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,940 When I'm not trying to kill myself, I run a porn shop left to me by a crazed 7 00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:19,380 fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short. Thanks, God. 8 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,900 A little lonely present over here. 9 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:32,920 Ooh. 10 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,400 Shake it. 11 00:00:34,460 --> 00:00:35,460 Yeah. 12 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,900 Oh, it's, uh... It's glue. 13 00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:42,180 Really strong glue. Next time your teeth fall out, you can just glue them back 14 00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:44,400 in. Oh, I got one right here in my pocket. 15 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:48,000 See? Suddenly not having any dental insurance is no big deal, huh? 16 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,080 Let's see. 17 00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:51,740 Let's see. You got there. 18 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:54,940 You fooled me. 19 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,020 Nice, Andy. For you, huh? 20 00:00:58,380 --> 00:00:59,380 You forgot about me. 21 00:00:59,540 --> 00:01:01,000 What do we got here? 22 00:01:02,190 --> 00:01:04,810 Five minute mini therapy session. 23 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,390 What the fuck do I need therapy for? 24 00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,150 Dave, you're very angry. 25 00:01:10,390 --> 00:01:11,390 No, I'm not. 26 00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:12,710 Yeah, you are. 27 00:01:12,890 --> 00:01:13,910 No, I'm not. 28 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,130 All right, maybe you're right. 29 00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:26,870 I'm sorry about that hit. I will go to therapy, I promise, and I'll work on 30 00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:27,950 that. I really apologize. 31 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:41,560 It's time for your session. 32 00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:43,140 Yeah. 33 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:46,780 How are you? Good. 34 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:50,780 Dr. Lipschitz. I'm David. Nice to meet you. Come on in, David. 35 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,440 Get on the bed, you little bitch. 36 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,280 Fucking corn. 37 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,740 It's my goddamn bed! 38 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,660 You dick, cocksucker, pussy ass! 39 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:10,060 No, no, no! 40 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,400 Enough! 41 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,700 Enough! 42 00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,960 Come! Come! 43 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,740 That's my wife. 44 00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:29,480 She runs the S &M business in the house, too. 45 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,360 Then she's sucking up all my clients. 46 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,280 How can I compete with that? 47 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:35,740 Well, you could say... 48 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:37,900 Nothing. 49 00:02:42,940 --> 00:02:43,940 Okay. 50 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,060 We've only got five minutes, you cheap fuck. 51 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:50,960 So what's your problem? 52 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:53,940 Anger. Oh, I can understand that. 53 00:02:54,200 --> 00:03:00,580 You're short, you're ugly, you have no future, and you have a tiny little dick. 54 00:03:00,940 --> 00:03:02,800 Who told you I have a tiny little dick? 55 00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:04,460 My wife texted me. 56 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:05,950 I can still hear her laughing. 57 00:03:08,090 --> 00:03:10,930 Maybe that's why she didn't suck me off. 58 00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:12,550 No, I don't think so. 59 00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:16,450 Anyway, time's almost up. 60 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:18,710 But what do you do? 61 00:03:19,090 --> 00:03:20,310 Oh, I'm an actor, a comedian. 62 00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:23,090 I was on a show for 11 years, Bud Bundy from Married with Children. 63 00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:24,650 Yeah, I don't know you. 64 00:03:25,070 --> 00:03:28,410 Anyway, I think I have a solution for you. 65 00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:31,210 I have a brother, a twin brother. 66 00:03:31,850 --> 00:03:33,390 He runs a network. 67 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:35,698 A network? 68 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:36,700 What network? 69 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,480 Al Juheda. Al Juheda? The network that hates Jews? 70 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,600 Wow, that's big time. 71 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,680 Oh, yeah, it's real big time. 72 00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:29,860 I'd like to adapt better than I am. This room of a bitch is too hot. 73 00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:33,800 I don't know how you people stand it. I like that towel you're wearing. I bet 74 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,260 that's cooler than what I got on. 75 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:45,160 What's your idea now? Well, I want to have something like the greatest hit of 76 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,160 Osama bin Laden. 77 00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:47,540 Get out of here now. 78 00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,780 These fucking Jews, they never pay me. 79 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,560 What'd you say? Wait, hey, what? 80 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:58,660 What'd you say? I say you still owe me for 9 -11. 81 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,660 You keep your fucking mouth shut, boy. 82 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:02,580 I'll call you when I need you. 83 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,020 Yeah, who are you guys? 84 00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:07,919 Mr. Lipschitz? 85 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:08,920 Yeah. 86 00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:13,430 David Postino, Corin Nemec, your brother, Mr. Lipschitz. Oh, my brother 87 00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:15,850 you? Yeah, did he tell you he was going to send you? Yeah, he said he was 88 00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:18,510 sending a couple of schmucks over here. I said, what do you want? 89 00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:23,090 Okay, we thought a new show for Al Juheda would be great. You know, both of 90 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:26,170 are big stars in Hollywood. He's bigger, but, you know. You may have seen some 91 00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:28,970 of our work. David Postino, Bud Bundy, Married with Children, 11 Seasons. 92 00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:30,230 Oh, yeah. Parker Lewis. 93 00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:32,749 That's shit. 94 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:33,569 That's shit. 95 00:05:33,570 --> 00:05:38,050 I got an idea. I just had an idea. You two are the new odd couple. 96 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:44,720 You guys are about as odd as they come. But this time, you've got a next -door 97 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:49,420 neighbor who's a fag Middle Easterner. And we're going to use Osama bin Laden 98 00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:50,420 that role. 99 00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:53,800 Osama bin Laden? Yeah, yeah. 100 00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:56,460 Now, hey, bring Osama back in here. 101 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:57,700 Bring him back. 102 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,400 Come here, O. 103 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:02,600 Bud Bundy. 104 00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:07,860 I'm a very big fan of yours. I watch your show all the time. Yes. 105 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,380 Well, it's nice to meet you. 106 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,280 All right, we're going to do a new series. 107 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,340 It's going to be The Odd Couple. You remember The Odd Couple? It doesn't 108 00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:20,960 Anyway, this is The Odd Couple. You're going to be their next -door fag 109 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,500 neighbor. Come again? It's going to be a fantastic idea. 110 00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,280 It is kind of funny, but it's not that funny, okay? 111 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,520 Yeah, yeah. 112 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,540 What's the problem? 113 00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:34,600 I'm not comfortable playing a gay neighbor. Oh, you'll get comfortable. 114 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:35,840 We're going to make it. 115 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:40,500 Look, I would really love to do this with Bud Bundy as one of Al Juheda's 116 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,000 project is. You three. 117 00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:45,380 Al Juheda? It's a good show? Yeah, Al Juheda. 118 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:46,680 The new idea. 119 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,020 The new odd couple. Thank you, Mr. Lipschitz. It was a pleasure. Very good. 120 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:51,700 Yeah, we'll talk to you. Bye -bye. 121 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:53,780 Congratulations. 122 00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:55,260 Oh. 123 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,240 Dead man, Bundy. 124 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,160 What the hell did you do? Well, he said that... You know what you just did? That 125 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:11,400 was a compliment. That's Osama Bin Laden. You spat on him, you dumb 126 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,320 told me that was a compliment? Maybe it is. That's disgraceful. 127 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:15,920 That sucks. 128 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,600 What about our show? You're a disgrace to your country. God, get out of here! 129 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,160 And we're back. 130 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,440 Welcome to Cave Talk. 131 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,140 I'm your host, Osama Bin Laden. If you don't like my show, I kill you. 132 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,480 He's Jew of all Jews. 133 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:36,980 Michael Richard. 134 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,740 Michael Richard is on my show. 135 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,900 You crack me up. Go ahead and you crack me up. 136 00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:44,460 He's so loud. 137 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,860 What did you do to my poppy seeds? 138 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:48,220 I smoked them. 9786

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