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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,060 Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy, Merriwood Children. This is what happens 2 00:00:03,060 --> 00:00:05,880 I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a midget, and my wife left me for my 3 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,920 neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend, Corin Emmett, former star of TV's 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,240 Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My manager's been with me since I was in 5 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,560 diapers. Now he's in diapers. 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,980 When I'm not trying to kill myself, I run a porn shop left to me by a crazed 7 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,380 fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short. Thanks, God. 8 00:00:43,050 --> 00:00:45,510 I'm so tired and hungry I can't even pull this trigger. 9 00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:49,110 I better eat something so I can kill myself. 10 00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:53,430 Oh, morning wood. 11 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:55,930 What a waste. 12 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:03,330 Stop! 13 00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:08,790 Bitch, what are you doing in there? Oh, bro, I passed down here last night 14 00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:09,870 looking for some food. 15 00:01:10,130 --> 00:01:10,869 Well, guess what? 16 00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:11,930 There is no food. 17 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:13,520 Let's order in. 18 00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:16,140 Come on, man. Credit cards are maxed. What? 19 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,380 Mom, who's mom? Mom! 20 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,380 Oh, she's, uh, she's out on location. 21 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:27,900 I don't think your tiny little cogs are good for my health. 22 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,380 Why don't you bring in the specialist? 23 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:36,760 Oh, famished. 24 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:38,580 So hungry. 25 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,380 I'm so hungry I could eat, uh... 26 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:45,910 So I don't really need anything. 27 00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:49,690 Okay, now fuck that. Fuck that. We're not doing it. 28 00:01:49,970 --> 00:01:51,190 Are we Korean? 29 00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:53,310 Wait a second. 30 00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,350 What's that smell? 31 00:01:58,810 --> 00:01:59,810 Julio! 32 00:02:00,890 --> 00:02:04,210 I ain't taking them birth controls no more. When are you going to get 33 00:02:04,330 --> 00:02:07,930 girl? I need me a little half and half baby. 34 00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:13,070 Barbie. 35 00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:19,530 Now I'm counting on Nick for a free meal when you're in need. 36 00:02:21,050 --> 00:02:22,050 Thank you. 37 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,790 Not bad, huh? Oh, yeah. 38 00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:28,370 Nick, thank you so much, man. I mean, you know, we're hurting right now, so 39 00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:29,089 thank you. 40 00:02:29,090 --> 00:02:30,250 What the fuck is this? 41 00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:32,070 It's chicken. What's wrong? 42 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:33,570 I said it's too spicy. 43 00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:35,710 I mean, it's just spicy. 44 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:38,730 I said it's too spicy. Hey, ungrateful ass. Get the hell out of my restaurant. 45 00:02:39,270 --> 00:02:40,270 Now, get out. 46 00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:41,490 Hey, just, hey. 47 00:02:41,650 --> 00:02:42,650 I'm sorry. 48 00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:43,890 Get out of here. Sorry. 49 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:46,900 Get it while it's still fresh. 50 00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:48,260 Hey! 51 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:52,800 Hey, Kato! 52 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,840 Hey, what's up, man? 53 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,120 Hey, what's happening? 54 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,940 Uh, pitch meeting. Had a good meeting. 55 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:02,700 Oh, yeah? Probably gonna get a show. Oh, yeah? Probably gonna get a TV show of 56 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:03,700 my own. So works good. 57 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,500 Working a lot. Like I said, things are going pretty good. How about you guys? 58 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,980 Oh, we're doing great. We've got a bunch of projects going on. 59 00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:13,600 We've got a porn shop going. We're making a lot of money at the porn shop. 60 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:18,080 raking it in, actually. Is it tapes or just DVDs? I don't have a DVD player. 61 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:20,240 So, Cato, what's on the menu in there? 62 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,970 Chicken wings and all that. You wouldn't mind sharing a, you know, just like, 63 00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:26,790 you know, just one little piece. No. 64 00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:29,750 Seriously, that's what you're hanging out for. I thought you were my friends. 65 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:33,450 No. This is my pool. We can't even throw us a morsel? Yeah, not even like one 66 00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:35,130 wing? I'm starving! 67 00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:38,470 Oh, it's like that. Come on, it's like that. Oh, okay. Okay, cool. All right. 68 00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:39,590 Hold it! 69 00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:42,090 Get together! Watch my new show! 70 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:47,610 Well, Mom always told me, when in need, go to God. 71 00:04:00,270 --> 00:04:01,270 You too. 72 00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:34,069 the fucking cash. 73 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:36,010 Kato! Yeah, give me the fucking cash. 74 00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:39,730 No! Give me the fucking cash or I'll kill you. 75 00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:43,890 No, you won't. Oh, yeah, I'll kill you both, so give me the fucking cash. 76 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,930 Bullshit. Oh, then I'll ass -fuck you. 77 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,130 Wait, after we're dead? 78 00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:52,090 Yeah, after you're dead, so give me the cash. Give him the money! 79 00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:14,960 I cannot accept this, guys. Why? 80 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,400 It's painted. 81 00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,520 Oh, this is bullshit. Give me my blood. 82 00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:23,580 I can't believe this. 83 00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:26,800 Doc, how are we supposed to get this back in us now? 84 00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:28,680 I'll tell you how, Dave. 85 00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:34,620 Uh, Corin, that... Corin? 86 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:35,920 That's mine. 87 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:37,040 God, 88 00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:41,680 that's disgusting, Dave. How could you let me do that? You just started 89 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:46,180 it. Is it good? 90 00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:52,320 Not bad. 91 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,400 You guys are disgusting. 92 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:01,000 How dare you do those things in a place like this? All these years, I've never 93 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,140 seen anything like that. 94 00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:05,710 I can't taste it. I don't know if it's working. 95 00:06:06,110 --> 00:06:09,170 And you know what? If I'm not getting paid for this, then I'm getting paid in 96 00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:10,149 these. 97 00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,069 All of them. 98 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,070 I'm taking them all. 99 00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:13,370 Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on. 100 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:45,800 Well, you know, nothing. 101 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,540 What's this? 102 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,060 What? This? 103 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,560 Uh... Sperm. 104 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,600 Uh... Perm. 105 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,080 What's that? 106 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:56,480 Perm... Sperm perm. 107 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:57,920 Why are you walking around with sperm? 108 00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:02,440 Oh, but this is not from now. It's from earlier... Sort of today. Oh. 109 00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:06,960 Hey. You've got a beautiful white family having a picnic here. What's wrong with 110 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,960 you? 111 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,240 We didn't mean it. 112 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,280 It's disgusting. 113 00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:13,860 But we're... Perm... 114 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,360 Thank you so much. Thank you. 115 00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:22,740 Oh, that. 116 00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:24,620 I want to smell it. It's my thing. 117 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:26,880 Oh, it's delicious. 118 00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:28,160 It's still warm. 119 00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:30,360 Oh, what's that? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hey. 120 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,960 Yes. That's my order, two foods. 121 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,120 Just be thankful that I didn't ask, fuck you. 122 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,680 Again, boss, you know. 123 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,380 He already robbed us at gunpoint. I'm crazy. 124 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:46,640 The bird. 125 00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:49,380 Birds. He beat me. 8651