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All language subtitles for Star-ving s01e04 Married with Children..The Movie

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,060 Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy, Merriwood Children. This is what happens 2 00:00:03,060 --> 00:00:05,880 I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a midget, and my wife left me for my 3 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,920 neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend, Corin Emmett, former star of TV's 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,240 Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My manager's been with me since I was in 5 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,560 diapers. Now he's in diapers. 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,980 When I'm not trying to kill myself, I run a porn shop left to me by a crazed 7 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,360 fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short. Thanks, God. 8 00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:36,950 That's a wrap, life. 9 00:00:40,310 --> 00:00:45,450 This is the home of David Faustino, formerly known as an actor. But over 10 00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:47,010 we have Coolio's house. 11 00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:49,270 Staying there is David Faustino's ex -wife. 12 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,650 You might want to get a picture. 13 00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:55,450 You seen the paper? 14 00:00:55,730 --> 00:00:56,709 Y 'all got that? 15 00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:57,710 Good, good. 16 00:00:58,410 --> 00:00:59,610 Let's move on. 17 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,830 As we get to the crest of the hill... Don't fall on my side. 18 00:01:10,910 --> 00:01:12,190 Hello! Hey! 19 00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:14,170 Look! Look! You're back! 20 00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:16,110 Married Children goes to the big screen! 21 00:01:16,350 --> 00:01:20,170 Huh? Live news crew to film the table read! What? 22 00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:21,670 Yeah! Drew to help! 23 00:01:21,970 --> 00:01:24,530 Drew? That's big time! Hell yeah! 24 00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:26,750 Wow! I'm going to the big screen! 25 00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,390 I'm going to the big screen! 26 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:30,990 I almost just killed myself! 27 00:01:31,350 --> 00:01:32,710 I'm going to ride on your coattails! 28 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,340 Let's fuck along. We've got to wait for this guy, Jay. 29 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:43,920 You know, we're waiting on him. 30 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,860 Some things don't change. 31 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:50,920 Hey. 32 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:54,640 That's not an entrance. 33 00:01:54,660 --> 00:01:55,539 Sorry. Hello. 34 00:01:55,540 --> 00:01:56,660 Hey. Hey, buddy. 35 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,760 Good to see you. Katie. 36 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:00,800 This is exciting, huh? 37 00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:02,260 Movie. Hi, Christina. 38 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:07,580 Hey. Hi, sweetie. Oh, John. Sorry I'm late, guys. There was a little traffic 39 00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:08,339 coming over the hill. 40 00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:09,340 All right. We ready to go? 41 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:10,459 No traffic. 42 00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:11,920 Yes. All right, let's get going. 43 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:17,700 Married with children movie, scene one, act one, interior bungee house, night, 44 00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:18,940 Al enters. 45 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,840 God, I hate my life. 46 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,020 You hate your life? I gotta fuck you. 47 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,400 Daddy, Bud's downloading porn on my computer again. 48 00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:29,820 I'm gonna get a virus. 49 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,340 Don't worry, Kel. You can only get herpes one. 50 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,740 Fuck Seth Green doing here? 51 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,240 What's up, Seth? 52 00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:41,420 I'm playing Bud Bundy. 53 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:47,040 What is this? What is this? A roast or a joke of some sort? Are you kidding me? 54 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,700 Pizza guy? Yeah. 55 00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:51,020 Oh, you're playing the pizza guy? Oh, that's cool. No, no, no, no. You. 56 00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:52,580 Huh? Pizza guy. 57 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,660 They told me that they talked to you. 58 00:02:57,220 --> 00:03:00,520 That's funny. Are you part of... Well, because they called me and they asked me 59 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,920 to come in and play Bud Bundy. And I said, well, isn't Dave going to do that? 60 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,220 And they're like, oh, no, Dave's not going to do that. You guys are kidding 61 00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:05,999 right? What am I? 62 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,040 Am I on punk or something? Or am I being candy camera? What's going on? 63 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,400 It's very awkward. 64 00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:14,020 This is my comeback. This is my opportunity to make some money. Seth 65 00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:15,980 playing Bud Bundy. I can't play it good enough now? 66 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,500 All right, you know what? This is bullshit. Somebody get my manager on the 67 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:21,500 right now! 68 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:23,740 Uh, he's over there, Dee. 69 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:28,420 Ira, please! 70 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:29,560 Ira! 71 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:35,060 Ira! I'm too... I mean, I'm a professional person. I get hired quick. 72 00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:37,740 know. Don't worry about it. You're trying to kick me off the show! 73 00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:38,980 Ira! 74 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:43,920 When I take a job, it's because I intended to do it. 75 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:47,880 What? Mr. 76 00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:53,900 Director, sir, I just don't understand what's going on here. 77 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,200 Ed didn't want you. 78 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:56,300 Katie didn't want you. 79 00:03:56,980 --> 00:04:00,200 Christina didn't want you. The studio doesn't want you. You starting to see a 80 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:00,799 pattern here? 81 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,260 What about you? I don't get a vote. I'm a fucking Jew. 82 00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:06,240 I'm not a fucking kosher. 83 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,660 What's going on here? Look, now, David, you're just going to have to calm down. 84 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,420 And I really can't help you. 85 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,780 Why can't you help me? Look, the truth is, you know, you and I were really 86 00:04:22,780 --> 00:04:23,780 that close. 87 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,780 But you were like my mother. 88 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:30,180 Yeah, I was like your mother. I'm not your mother. You're going to have to 89 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:33,240 care of this yourself. This is a job. We have to act professionally. I need a 90 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,580 job. I know you need a job. But, you know, you got a job. You're the pizza 91 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,900 Just relax. You're the pizza guy. It's going to be fine. It's a moment in time. 92 00:04:41,290 --> 00:04:44,030 How could you do that to me? Hey, Dave, you know, listen. You know, I got no 93 00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:47,310 problem with you. You know that. I wanted you. Okay. I'm dying to have you 94 00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:49,930 the fucking thing. But this director, he... The director just told me you 95 00:04:49,930 --> 00:04:50,589 want me. 96 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:54,110 This fucking asshole. You believe that? I don't know what to believe. All I know 97 00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:56,710 is I need to eat. This was my... This was my comeback. 98 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,750 Here's the thing. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. 99 00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:01,290 That green is pretty good. 100 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:03,930 I gotta admit, a little bit. Pretty good. 101 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,069 Oh, yeah? 102 00:05:05,070 --> 00:05:07,770 Well, maybe you can slide me a keynote or something, because I'm starving. 103 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,860 Okay. Your cheerleaders aren't going to bend themselves. 104 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,440 What the hell? Seth, listen. Hey. Yeah, hey. Hey. 105 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,420 Wow. Crazy, huh? I'm so sorry. This is incredibly uncomfortable. 106 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:21,200 Oh, it's really uncomfortable. But, you know, it's fine. We'll just, we'll find 107 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,360 something for you in here and we'll clear it up. Oh, for me? 108 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:25,560 Yeah. Oh, I'm playing, I'm playing Bud. 109 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:31,070 Listen, in all honesty, you're not. This is my role that I did my whole life, so 110 00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:33,270 I'm going to have to go ahead and play that role, but we'll find something 111 00:05:33,270 --> 00:05:36,930 better than Pizza Guy, maybe. Listen, I totally appreciate that, and I 112 00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:40,030 understand the predicament that you're in. This is not going to work for me, 113 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:44,470 okay? Because this is my role that I've built. I know, and what's so weird is my 114 00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:48,270 entire life, people have thought that I was Bud Bundy, so this is sort of like 115 00:05:48,270 --> 00:05:51,590 coming full circle for me, finally getting to play it, but in the movie 116 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,700 Christina, Christina, come on. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. I 117 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,200 cancer, okay? So leave me alone. 118 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:04,740 I know about the whole cancer thing, but I really need this 119 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:05,740 job. Really? 120 00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:07,740 Yes, I need a job. Really, you're doing this right now? 121 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,460 After everything that I've been through, you're coming to me about this? No, I 122 00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:13,340 know you went through a lot. Like, I could give a fuck. Are those the new 123 00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,920 You're a cocksucker. 124 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:17,980 They're not the new ones, no. 125 00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,460 Fucking asshole. 126 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,020 Fuck. Fuck. 127 00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:24,620 Please, fuck. 128 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,120 Fuck you, Dave. 129 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,780 Oi! You! You! 130 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,000 Oi! 131 00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:33,340 Corin! 132 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:35,740 He's giving me your pizza guy role. 133 00:06:56,620 --> 00:06:57,359 Hey, D. 134 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,760 What's up? Hey, buddy. Hey. 135 00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,100 What can I do for you? 136 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,620 Hey, listen. I just got this new gig on a new Internet show. 10476