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Come in.
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Fresh squeezed orange juice for my lady.
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Thank you. To celebrate the most
important day of the year.
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The first day of school.
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We have survived yet another summer.
Yes.
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No more friends of our children running
through our house, going
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into our refrigerator like locusts.
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leaving nothing for you or for me except
a box of arm and hammer.
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No more little children hiding in
fireplaces, breaking things, and then
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I'm sorry, I have no money.
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No more, I tell you. Pretty soon, this
will all be behind us because they're
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getting out.
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And you and I will be here to smell our
own
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house.
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Yes!
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Here they come!
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Look at that!
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And once again, our children are forced
to leave the house whether they want to
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or not.
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Everybody goes!
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00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:09,360
And look at this one here!
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Who's so excited? Who went to summer
school to graduate early so she could go
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Lincoln University?
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Yes! Get the rest of the stuff. Hurry!
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Everybody go!
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Ah, look at the pace of this one. The
slower one, but still has to go.
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00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:33,460
Rudy, I hope you packed your summer
clothes away last night.
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Mom, I have enough on my mind. I'm
starting sixth grade.
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00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,380
Well, now, what is wrong with her?
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00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:44,660
There's nothing wrong, Claire. They've
got a union. They said, we look like
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opening day of school. Maybe the parents
will go down to the schools and cancel
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the school out and we won't have to go
to school anymore. But we know that
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tired of them.
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Well, I'm ready.
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00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:59,460
Yes! Our daughter, off to Lincoln
University!
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Ta -da! Yeah!
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She's afraid she's going to be lonely,
Cliff.
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We gave you a list of relatives this
long.
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00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:30,480
You can call people and just say, I'm
lonely, please cook me something. Your
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00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,240
cousin Thornhill loves to cook.
41
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,660
We sent him a wok for Christmas.
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You love Chinese food. He's got a wok.
He loves to cook Chinese food. Call him
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up. Say, Cousin Thornhill, get out the
wok.
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00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:58,120
Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Theo was supposed
to get back from Europe today.
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I know he's going to call you as soon as
he gets a chance.
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00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:07,100
Listen, I know you're a little nervous
about leaving home, but you're going to
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do just fine at Lincoln.
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00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,360
You think so?
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00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,400
Honey, I know it.
50
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,460
I'm going to miss you, Mom.
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I'm going to miss you, too.
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00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,080
Hey!
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00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:21,840
College! Girl, I can't believe it. Have
a good time.
54
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,280
Thank you. Here we go.
55
00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:25,280
Listen, the car's running out of gas.
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00:05:26,540 --> 00:05:28,460
All right, I'm going, I'm going.
57
00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:29,940
Yeah, now, do you need any money?
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00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,520
No. All right, take this just in case.
Take that just in case. All right, here
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we go.
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00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:41,860
All right. Hey,
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you, number two, next college person,
Matt Gabbers, out the door. Yes,
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absolutely. I'm looking forward to it.
No, you're not looking forward anymore.
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00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,360
We're walking forward.
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00:05:58,350 --> 00:05:59,610
Please don't think, dear.
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00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:02,250
I don't think I'm going to get to
Medgarvers today.
66
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:03,830
Why not?
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00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:04,910
It's Olivia.
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00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:08,730
Olivia? Today is her first day of
preschool, you know.
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00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,630
I mean, remember my first day? Mom, Dad,
you guys were with me the whole day.
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00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:17,470
I've given this a lot of thought, and I
know that if I drop her off, she's going
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00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:19,890
to cry from the moment I leave until I
come back and get her.
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00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:23,810
I mean, this could scar her for the rest
of her life.
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00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:25,450
Ginny?
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00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:57,050
need me. She could probably go out and
get a job in an apartment.
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00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,970
Well, next time, tell her to take you
with her.
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00:07:00,910 --> 00:07:04,750
All right!
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00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,950
Let's move it, Mopey!
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00:07:07,670 --> 00:07:10,890
Dad, can you please give me a chance to
get my stuff together?
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00:07:11,510 --> 00:07:14,650
Please? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I lost my
head.
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00:07:14,950 --> 00:07:17,110
She's acting awfully funny this morning.
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00:07:17,330 --> 00:07:20,630
She's starting sixth grade. She's just
nervous.
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00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,280
Why are you so excited about preschool?
83
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:34,900
Well, you read, and you write, and it
gets smart.
84
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:41,700
But you also have some fun. You play
games, huh?
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Sometimes, but not little kids' games
anymore.
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00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,020
Big people's games.
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00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:05,920
You must think that this is a lot of
fun. It is, except for one thing.
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00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:07,079
What's that?
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00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:11,520
Naps. Naps? What's wrong with naps? Naps
for old people.
90
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,480
I'm young, and I'm up.
91
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:21,980
You have to understand, naps are good
and healthy for you. Not if you're not
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sleepy. You see, Doctor, they say close
your eyes and go to sleep.
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00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:30,880
Right. I close my eyes, and I lay...
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00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:41,060
Dad?
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Yeah? Rudy says she's not going to
school. Something about her glands.
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00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,000
She doesn't need glands to go to school.
She needs books.
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00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,340
Hurry up and finish your cereal.
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00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:55,800
Okay, here we go.
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Dad, I don't feel so good. Really? I
don't think I can go to school today.
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00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:01,359
Yeah, what's the matter?
101
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,360
My glands.
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00:09:02,380 --> 00:09:04,420
Well, your glands don't feel swollen,
hon.
103
00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:07,930
That's the problem. I think they shrunk.
Right.
104
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:09,830
Just say, aw.
105
00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:12,210
Aw. I mean, it looks okay, okay?
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I knew it.
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They shrunk so much, now they're gone.
108
00:09:16,970 --> 00:09:19,450
You know what's good for shrunken, gone
glands?
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00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:23,890
Get up and go to school. Come on. Dad,
there's nothing wrong with my glands.
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I have an even bigger problem.
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00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:28,570
Well, you want to talk about it?
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00:09:28,810 --> 00:09:31,430
This is woman stuff. I think I need Mom
for this one.
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00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:35,060
I'm a gynecologist. You want to talk to
a lawyer?
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00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:47,040
Look, sometimes, you know, if there's
something difficult that a person can't
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00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:52,500
really get out, if they whisper it, they
feel a little better. So if we just
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keep it between the two of us, nobody
else is going to know.
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All right.
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00:09:56,580 --> 00:09:57,580
Yeah.
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00:09:57,620 --> 00:09:59,340
All right, now tell me what it is.
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00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:07,410
Oh, honey, don't worry about that. Some
girls develop them later than others.
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What if I don't develop them at all?
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But you will.
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00:10:10,990 --> 00:10:12,190
When? When?
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00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:14,750
Well, I don't know.
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00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:22,030
But, Dad, I waited all summer for them.
You see, some people don't get
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summer ones. They get the ones... And I
have heard that the fall ones
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are much better.
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00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:36,690
in a sixth grader and a fifth grader's
body.
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00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:39,850
Look, there's something that perhaps the
two of us can share.
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00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:43,990
There was a boy in our class, sixth
grade, had a mustache.
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00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:45,890
And man...
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I just admired that so much. I wanted a
mustache, and my little bald upper lip
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00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:55,750
was just shining out there. And this guy
had a comb. He would comb it, and then
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00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:59,270
sometimes he would trim it till it was
real thin, you know. Then sometimes he'd
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00:10:59,270 --> 00:11:02,150
let it go, and he'd drink milk, and it
was still around his mouth.
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00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:04,970
My milk fell all down in my mouth.
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00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:11,470
Then I developed something that this guy
with the mustache didn't have, and all
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00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,070
the others didn't have.
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00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:20,430
What? One day, I did an imitation of our
vice principal, Mrs. Mars.
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00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:26,450
And all the girls loved it. And it was
something that that guy couldn't do with
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the mustache.
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00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:28,550
Yeah, Mrs.
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00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:30,150
Mars, she talked like this.
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00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:31,550
Isabel.
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00:11:33,070 --> 00:11:34,070
Isabel.
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00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:39,690
I want you to put on your thinking cap.
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00:11:41,550 --> 00:11:42,870
Dad, you're funny.
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00:11:43,230 --> 00:11:44,139
Yeah, well...
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00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:47,260
Thank you. So, you see, the two of us,
we have something in common.
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00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:50,640
But, Dad, I don't want a mustache.
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00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,360
Somehow you missed a point.
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00:11:55,620 --> 00:12:00,460
My point is it doesn't make any
difference. You see, what it is is your
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00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:04,620
personality. Now, I tell you, and not
because I'm your father, but when you
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00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:09,980
smile, I mean, you can light up a room.
You have a great brain, great smile.
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00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:12,290
Look. The smile makes me smile.
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00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,410
I was depressed until you smiled.
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00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:19,450
And you go outside and you smile and the
bus goes by. I bet you the bus will
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00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:20,450
smile.
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00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:26,350
Come on, let's go.
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00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:27,549
Yes, sir.
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There you go. Here we go.
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00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:30,310
All right. Here we go. Get yourself.
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00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:33,870
Okay. And tell it like it is. Tell it
like it is. All right.
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00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:35,370
Out the door.
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00:12:35,570 --> 00:12:36,570
Yeah.
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00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:55,240
Now, what is the matter, Rudy? Well,
she's 11, going on 12, hoping for 12
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00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,460
now, if you know what I mean.
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00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,860
Oh. All right, hit it! Hunt it out!
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00:13:00,260 --> 00:13:00,959
Score it!
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00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,800
Hey! Hi, Margie. Hi, Rudy. Did you have
a good summer?
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00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:11,520
I'm sorry, Margie. I don't think I'm
going to be going to school today.
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00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,260
My glands are bothering me.
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00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,020
as before with Sandra, Denise, and
Vanessa.
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00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,820
So, so, so, what did we do?
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Oh, so long ago, I forgot.
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But, dear, you ought to write these
things down.
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00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:41,800
Amy,
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00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:52,260
hello. Hi, Mr. Textable. Listen,
sweetheart, Rudy is upstairs in her
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00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:53,900
don't... Rudy called. There's an
emergency.
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00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,200
She's expecting...
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00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:09,050
the great medical discoveries of the
20th century.
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00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:12,570
Lady Rondell's claim for bust
enhancement.
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00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:16,530
Guaranteed results in 48 hours of your
money back.
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00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,470
You know it works when they say they'll
give you your money back. And here's
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00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:21,470
proof.
186
00:14:21,490 --> 00:14:23,870
Before and after.
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00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:25,610
Whoa!
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00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:29,970
You probably won't look like that in two
days.
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00:14:31,530 --> 00:14:34,590
How long have you been using it? I got
it in the mail yesterday.
190
00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:38,430
It's only been 24 hours, but I can feel
it kicking in already.
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00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:42,910
What do you think you're doing up there?
192
00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:46,510
Well, I would like to think that Amy's
convincing Rudy to go to school.
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00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,930
Bye, Doctor and Miss Maxwell.
194
00:14:50,210 --> 00:14:51,470
The emergency's over.
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00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:55,590
Well, Amy, thank you so much for
stopping by on your way to school.
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00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:56,870
You're welcome.
197
00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:01,990
Mom, Dad, can I ask you guys a favor?
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00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:03,330
Yeah, Rudy, what is it?
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00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,820
I don't go to school for 48 hours.
200
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,280
Rudy, you have to go to school today,
now.
201
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:13,120
Please, Mom, just to Wednesday.
202
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,140
What is so important about Wednesday?
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00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:18,140
On Wednesday, all my troubles will be
over.
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00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,600
All right, young lady, sit down here.
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00:15:20,860 --> 00:15:21,860
Come on.
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00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:23,240
Now, what is this about?
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00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,700
Promise you won't laugh? We are not
going to laugh. What is it?
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00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,320
This.
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00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,740
Lady Rondell's cream for bust
enhancement?
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00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:39,110
Ruby, that is not possible, honey.
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00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:42,550
Development is a natural biological
process.
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00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:45,670
I knew you wouldn't want me to use it.
213
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,190
Maybe I shouldn't have done that. It
might make my nose grow.
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00:15:58,530 --> 00:15:59,830
I'm a doctor, honey.
215
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,950
Trust me. There's nothing in here that
is going...
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00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:05,960
To enhance anything.
217
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:10,160
You could get the same results putting
mayonnaise on your chest.
218
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,160
You're just saying that because you want
me to be a little girl forever.
219
00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:17,500
But I'm not a little girl anymore.
220
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:20,320
And I don't want to go to school until
Wednesday.
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00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:24,920
Rudy?
222
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:26,620
Yes?
223
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,520
Rudy.
224
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,320
Honey, nothing is going to change about
you in two days.
225
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,140
You get what you're going to get when
you get it.
226
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,360
Mom, can't we just wait and see?
227
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:41,380
Oh, baby, I know what you're going
through.
228
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,440
How could you? You got them already.
229
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,740
But I wasn't born with them.
230
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,780
I went through the same thing, and so
did your sisters.
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00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,660
You should see some of the stuff that
has come through this house.
232
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,700
There was Blotham's bus booster. Sondra
brought that one.
233
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:03,820
Denise showed up with Dr. Jim's growth
capsules. And Vanessa had the best of
234
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,319
all, Bailey's Bust -O -Matic.
235
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,760
The thing looked like two plunges on a
power cord. And do you know that that
236
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,859
phone was getting ready to plug it into
the wall and shock her chest?
237
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,480
Mom, the stuff in the jar really works.
238
00:17:20,819 --> 00:17:22,400
They'll give you your money back.
239
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,920
Well, you better get your money back
right away because you heard what your
240
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,060
father said. It's junk.
241
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:30,000
But I can't go to school looking like
this. All the boys will laugh at me.
242
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,780
They're going to laugh at you if you get
them. They're going to laugh at you if
243
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:33,780
you don't. And you know why?
244
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,260
Because that's how boys are at this age,
baby.
245
00:17:36,540 --> 00:17:37,540
They're just dumb.
246
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,420
No, that's not your problem. It's
theirs.
247
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,240
It is? Yes.
248
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,560
So now what are you going to do?
249
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,040
Are you going to...
250
00:17:48,350 --> 00:17:51,190
Are you going to go to school, or do I
have to write a note to your principal
251
00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:54,610
saying, please excuse rooted Lillian
Huxtable from school today?
252
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,050
She's waiting for her breasts to arrive.
253
00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:02,070
Well?
254
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,830
Guess this is what they mean when they
say growing up's tough.
255
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,260
a nice day. Oh, ever since Rudy left for
school this morning, it's been
256
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:30,280
heavenly. And aren't you happy you
decided to work at home today? Thank you
257
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,920
much. Yes, indeed.
258
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,880
It's official.
259
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,160
We have taken the house back.
260
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,560
Mmm, yes.
261
00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:40,280
Would you like some tea?
262
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:56,350
It's the first time in a long time I've
heard you go, Mmm.
263
00:18:58,210 --> 00:18:59,210
Mmm.
264
00:19:00,570 --> 00:19:01,570
Mmm.
265
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,270
Mom!
266
00:19:09,030 --> 00:19:12,270
Dad! Oh, it's so good to be home.
267
00:19:17,170 --> 00:19:18,170
Hey.
268
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:20,890
Oh, good. How you doing?
269
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:26,800
Oh. You guys, I just saw all of Europe
in 17 days.
270
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:28,980
Everything was a blur.
271
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,780
Well, what did you see?
272
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:37,680
We saw... We
273
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:44,460
saw Westminster Abbey.
274
00:19:44,540 --> 00:19:50,560
We saw the Louvre. We saw the Leaning
Tower of Pisa. The bus led us off of
275
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:51,560
one.
276
00:19:54,670 --> 00:19:58,370
and said, oh, it really leans.
277
00:19:59,710 --> 00:20:03,710
And the tour guide said, okay, time to
get back on the bus, and we were off.
278
00:20:03,910 --> 00:20:07,570
So we drove through Rome. I saw the
Colosseum.
279
00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:10,370
It was on the left of us.
280
00:20:12,370 --> 00:20:16,850
I missed what was on the right. We drove
through Germany that night.
281
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:20,510
I saw the world's largest cuckoo clock.
282
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:23,630
Everybody said, wow.
283
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:26,810
That's a big clock.
284
00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:32,090
Then the tour guide said, okay, it's
time to get back on the bus.
285
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,990
Oh, but I got you guys a gift.
286
00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:37,830
Whoa. Really?
287
00:20:38,090 --> 00:20:39,090
Here you go.
288
00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:42,790
Matching wristwatches. Thank you.
289
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:45,790
Now, those have genuine twist movement.
290
00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:47,150
Really?
291
00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:50,210
It's certainly kind of light.
292
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:52,810
No, that's because the parts aren't
inside.
293
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,319
from is smart.
294
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,260
They can't charge duty for just the
case.
295
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,500
So what he does is mail the inside a
little bit later.
296
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:15,320
Well, that's very thoughtful of you,
son.
297
00:21:16,260 --> 00:21:17,520
You look tired.
298
00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:18,740
And confused.
299
00:21:20,060 --> 00:21:22,360
I am, but I'm also hungry.
300
00:21:23,110 --> 00:21:28,330
And after all those heavy -rich sauces,
I just want some plain American food.
301
00:21:28,850 --> 00:21:29,870
Jersey corn.
302
00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:31,610
Wisconsin cheese.
303
00:21:32,050 --> 00:21:33,170
Idaho potatoes.
304
00:21:34,170 --> 00:21:37,070
Florida oranges. God bless America.
305
00:21:42,570 --> 00:21:43,770
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
306
00:21:43,990 --> 00:21:45,630
Rudy, how was your first day at school?
307
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,110
Fine. Hey, come back here.
308
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:49,890
Please.
309
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,840
How was your first day of school?
310
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,400
Fine.
311
00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:56,280
Fine? That's all you can say, fine?
312
00:21:56,780 --> 00:22:00,560
Yeah, you know, teacher, students, first
day of school, book.
313
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:06,340
This morning, we weren't going to school
because there was a disaster.
314
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:07,600
What happened?
315
00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:08,700
It's like what Mom said.
316
00:22:08,900 --> 00:22:11,880
You get what you get when you get it,
and a lot of us haven't got them yet.
24914
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