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of music I'd like to hear.
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00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:26,520
Wow! Just listen to those laughs! Would
you like to make people laugh like that?
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00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,560
Wouldn't it be great to be the funniest
kid on your block?
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00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:36,340
You can be by calling 555 -JOKE for the
most hilarious jokes you've ever heard!
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00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,190
your parents' permission.
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00:02:10,770 --> 00:02:13,650
Dr. Huxtable, are you ready to roll in
the aisle?
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00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:15,210
Pardon me?
8
00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:19,190
Can I have your permission to tell you a
joke?
9
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,170
Oh, yes, yes, sure, sure.
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00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:23,570
Okay,
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00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:26,530
hit it.
12
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:31,950
Was that the joke?
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00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:50,390
a restaurant with a pigeon on the set
and the waiter says, what do you feed
14
00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:51,390
thing?
15
00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,210
And? Get it?
16
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:57,710
Get it?
17
00:02:57,730 --> 00:02:58,730
Yes.
18
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,610
You're supposed to tell a whole joke.
All you told me was the beginning.
19
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,800
lines all over my face, ready to
explode.
20
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,640
Two men are playing golf. Good.
21
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,400
Two men are playing golf. Right.
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Two men sit together.
23
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,940
It doesn't work unless you know how to
putt.
24
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,480
It doesn't work unless you know how to
putt.
25
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:05,610
give somebody a punchline, you gotta
have some part to the story. You gotta
26
00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:09,870
a story and then you tell the punchline.
That's what makes the person laugh.
27
00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:12,050
Okay, I'll be right back.
28
00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:21,829
Hey.
29
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:27,110
What are you doing? I'm calling 5555
joke.
30
00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:29,690
Yeah, but you're not supposed to use the
phone.
31
00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:39,580
you permission to tell me a joke i
didn't give you permission to use the
32
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:46,200
do you know how much money it costs yes
the man on tv said 95 cents a minute you
33
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,200
had that phone line
34
00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:30,590
Once I told them we're spending the
night at Susan's house, they even asked
35
00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:33,330
where the concert was. You know, the
same thing happened to me. I told my
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00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:35,670
parents that after the concert, we were
going to stay at Susan's house. They
37
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:38,730
just assumed that the concert was in New
York City. They have no idea that we
38
00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:40,050
are going to Baltimore.
39
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,150
Oh, great plan, Susan.
40
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:45,670
This was the perfect weekend for my
parents to go away. See, my grandma
41
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:49,530
in the guest room. She goes to bed at 9
.30. So as long as we're in before 6 a
42
00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:50,990
.m. when she wakes up, we're fine.
43
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:57,590
the wretched live on stage. You know, I
hear the lead singer Frankie X wipes
44
00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,870
sweat from his body and flings it into
the audience.
45
00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:05,370
If only we could have gotten front row
seats. Hey, you know, we gotta go. We
46
00:06:05,370 --> 00:06:06,370
have a four -hour...
47
00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:31,020
Susan, a month ago, your mother loaned
me this book. And I finished reading it.
48
00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:33,380
I really liked it. Would you tell her
that? And tell her I'm going to call
49
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:34,439
too. Okay.
50
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,460
But I wouldn't call her this weekend.
See, things are kind of crazy around the
51
00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,440
house. Monday would be much better. All
right.
52
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:41,020
What time are you coming home?
53
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:44,500
We're probably going to sleep late, so
I'll be home sometime tomorrow
54
00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:45,740
Have a nice time.
55
00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:47,620
Bye.
56
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:48,880
Bye. Bye.
57
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,320
Come on, let's get out of here before
someone else wants to say goodbye.
58
00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:31,370
here because we're 120 miles away from
home and we're eating them as free
59
00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:37,850
All right, Kara, I have to know, how did
you get your brother to lend us his
60
00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:42,110
car? Well, I didn't actually get him to
lend it to me. He goes away to college
61
00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:45,170
and leaves it at home. And he asked me
to start it for him every so often, so I
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00:07:45,170 --> 00:07:48,390
started it. I didn't tell him what I was
going to do with it once it was ready.
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00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:49,990
Oh, Kara,
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00:07:50,910 --> 00:07:53,150
can I borrow the keys to the car? I have
to freshen my makeup.
65
00:07:53,930 --> 00:07:56,530
We are in a donut shop. You don't have
to look that good.
66
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,680
started this trip I was a little worried
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00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,210
Call the police. Our parents are going
to find out that we reported a car
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00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:34,690
from Wilmington, Delaware.
69
00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:36,270
They're going to find out that we were
here.
70
00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:37,950
She's right. Don't call the police.
71
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,630
What am I supposed to do?
72
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,230
Wait a minute.
73
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:43,750
A car can get stolen anywhere.
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00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:47,210
When we get back to New York, we'll call
the police and tell them it was taken
75
00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:50,330
out of your garage at home. And if they
find it down here, they'll think this is
76
00:09:50,330 --> 00:09:53,430
where the thief left it. Come on, Carol.
I don't know. Carol.
77
00:09:53,730 --> 00:09:57,790
Carol, we do not have room for doubters
right now. Don't let your emotions get
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00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:58,790
in the way.
79
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:05,650
Kara, this is when we get back to New
York. When we get back to New York, I'm
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00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:07,350
reporting the car stolen.
81
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:08,610
Fine.
82
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:09,690
Kara.
83
00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:11,070
Kara, listen.
84
00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,910
Cars come and cars go.
85
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,330
But, honey, that wretched concert's in
Baltimore.
86
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:20,990
What do you say?
87
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:52,350
I told you not to use the phone, and
you're wasting my money.
88
00:10:52,790 --> 00:10:55,210
I didn't waste your money. I made a joke
on myself.
89
00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:57,330
Oh, well, then that's comedy.
90
00:10:57,570 --> 00:10:58,570
All right, fine.
91
00:11:00,070 --> 00:11:01,630
Ready? Yeah, go ahead.
92
00:11:03,970 --> 00:11:05,110
A horse and a pig.
93
00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:09,090
Horse and a pig. That's a good setup.
You got the setup going. Yeah. The horse
94
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,890
jumped over the pig. There you go.
95
00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:33,260
You'd laugh so hard, I'll be just... A
pig and a cow.
96
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,560
Pig and a cow.
97
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:40,480
The pig jumped over the cow, and the cow
said, you wouldn't do that if it was
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00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:41,480
summer.
99
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,160
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
100
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:51,240
For my next joke. No more, no more next
joke.
101
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,380
Because these jokes are not funny. I
don't understand them. You're just
102
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:56,480
things and taking bows.
103
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:04,970
Comedy, knowing when to get off.
104
00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:06,050
My parents are going away for the
weekend.
105
00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:09,030
So fortunately, the house is empty now.
Yes.
106
00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:12,850
My granddaughter and her friends were
supposed to come over, but the fireman
107
00:13:12,850 --> 00:13:14,690
checked the house and said nobody was in
there.
108
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:18,730
That's the story from here. Only
property damage. No lives lost.
109
00:13:20,510 --> 00:13:23,910
But now Vanessa said that she and the
girls are going to stay at Susan's house
110
00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:25,070
until the concert.
111
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:28,310
Why don't you call some of the other
parents to see if they're over there?
112
00:13:28,530 --> 00:13:29,610
Yeah, that's a good idea.
113
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,500
And... And even if they haven't heard
from them, we could always find out
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00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:37,100
the Wretched concert is in the city, and
we could go there and meet them.
115
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:40,640
The Wretched, Mom, did you say the
Wretched? Yeah, that's right. Well,
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00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,260
not playing in New York. They're not
allowed to play here. Last time they
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00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:45,240
here, they caused so much trouble, no
one will book them.
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00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,820
Oh, look, there's Frankie X on the TV
right now.
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00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:52,140
He's from the Wretched. In other
entertainment news, lead singer Frankie
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00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:55,420
at a news conference today that he
wanted to thank the citizens of
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00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:58,320
letting the Wretched play there tonight.
He promised to try...
122
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,900
Did he say that the wretched are in
Baltimore tonight?
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00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,460
That's what he said.
124
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,700
But Nessa went all...
125
00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:45,680
thing in wilmington spilling out that
stupid police report we're gonna be a
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00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:51,760
of music history excuse me are you girls
all together yeah you need help finding
127
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:56,180
your seats yeah we're seated in section
a but we don't know where it is because
128
00:14:56,180 --> 00:15:02,600
we've never been here before really you
from out of town yeah new york new
129
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,380
york oh you must really love the red
130
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,520
I'm going to take care of you. I'm with
the band.
131
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:16,380
You give me those tickets, and I'll take
you in through the special entrance.
132
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:20,460
Is it the same special entrance the
wretch had used?
133
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:21,880
The very one.
134
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,880
I'll get you some backstage passes.
135
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:30,080
Here, come on. Give me the tickets.
These are righteous seats.
136
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,140
Here, come on. Follow me.
137
00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:46,520
and he told us he'd show us to our seat.
Then he took our tickets and ran off.
138
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,920
Was he wearing an ID tag like this one?
139
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,900
No. They've been trying to catch up with
that guy for months.
140
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,120
See, he goes up to people who look like,
you know, they don't know any better.
141
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,379
No offense.
142
00:15:57,380 --> 00:16:01,180
And he gets their tickets, runs off and
he sells them. It's wild, man.
143
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,980
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a
minute. You're saying our tickets are
144
00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:05,660
Probably.
145
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:07,960
It's all over, girls. This wasn't meant
to be.
146
00:16:08,580 --> 00:16:10,440
I said we'd just take a bus and go home.
147
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,220
Look, Danny, you're the treasure.
148
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:13,750
How much money do we have left?
149
00:16:21,590 --> 00:16:26,930
Thank you, Lily.
150
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,810
Yes. If you hear any more, please call
me.
151
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:31,310
Bye.
152
00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:34,670
Cliff, I don't know if you're ready for
this.
153
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:37,810
That was Kara's mother.
154
00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:42,650
She just received a call from the police
department of Wilmington, Delaware.
155
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:47,430
It seems that Kara's brother's car was
found on the side of the road completely
156
00:16:47,430 --> 00:16:48,430
stripped.
157
00:16:48,850 --> 00:16:54,130
When they apprehended the thief, he
confessed to having stolen the car from
158
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,790
parking lot of a local donut shop.
159
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:59,790
So the police went to the donut shop,
and they spoke to the woman behind the
160
00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:04,349
counter, who gave them a description of
four girls that fits the description of
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00:17:04,349 --> 00:17:07,170
our four girls, and said that they asked
her...
162
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,780
How do we catch the bus to Baltimore?
163
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:15,859
They don't even bother to call and
report that the car has been stolen. No,
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00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:22,420
get on a bus and go to Baltimore to be
with the wretched and have big fun.
165
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:31,360
I say we should get ourselves together
and go over to Susan's house and meet
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00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,460
Vanessa, because you know they're going
back there.
167
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:36,990
I want you to do me a favor.
168
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:46,930
From where my heels are to where I land,
I want you to mark how far I jumped.
169
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:50,570
All right, stay right there.
170
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,690
Okay, that's about eight feet. Eight
feet?
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00:18:00,290 --> 00:18:03,590
Add another three to that.
172
00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:11,340
Because when we see Vanessa, that's how
far away from her I will have to be.
173
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:17,560
You
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00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:25,080
bring
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00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,300
yourself in this house right now.
176
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,000
And if you think that that 30 -minute
ride home was something, believe me...
177
00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:46,320
building, dying of asphyxia, and you're
down in Baltimore having big fun.
178
00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:49,440
Weren't you, Vanessa? Isn't that where
you were? Didn't you go down there to
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00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:53,460
Baltimore and have big fun, Vanessa?
Tell me, didn't you go for big fun?
180
00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:55,440
Mom? Shut up!
181
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,100
Don't you dare open your mouth when I'm
asking you a question.
182
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,480
Rudy, go to bed.
183
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:11,510
I only hope that you can have this thing
mixed. Vanessa, I hope that one day you
184
00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:15,870
come to realize exactly how it feels to
think that your child's life is in
185
00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:22,290
danger. You have taken us from levels of
frenzy, panic, distress, and now that
186
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:24,310
we know you're okay, rage.
187
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:32,410
That's where we are right now, Vanessa.
We are in rage because we know that you
188
00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:37,590
have been to Baltimore, Maryland, with
the wretched to have been.
189
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,630
Isn't that what you had, Vanessa?
190
00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:44,550
Didn't you have big fun? Well, let's see
now. You had donuts.
191
00:19:48,070 --> 00:19:51,050
Had donuts in Wilmington, Delaware.
192
00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,850
Cliff, tell me, have you ever been to
Wilmington for donuts?
193
00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:56,490
Not on the weekend.
194
00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:03,870
There she is, sitting up in the local
donut shop in Wilmington, Delaware.
195
00:20:04,910 --> 00:20:09,030
Sipping hot chocolate and eating crumbs
and the car gets stolen. Now, a normal
196
00:20:09,030 --> 00:20:14,450
individual with half a gnat's brain
would have said, I'm going home now. But
197
00:20:14,450 --> 00:20:19,950
you? Oh, no, not you. You and your three
friends put yourselves on a bus and go
198
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,470
joyride off to Baltimore.
199
00:20:21,730 --> 00:20:23,970
All the way to Baltimore.
200
00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:27,210
What were you thinking?
201
00:20:27,590 --> 00:20:28,850
I wasn't thinking.
202
00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:30,270
You got that right.
203
00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:35,270
Did you really think that the four of
you could go off careening into the
204
00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:38,950
and not one single parent would find out
about it? Did you really think that,
205
00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,010
Vanessa?
206
00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:41,330
Shut up!
207
00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:47,830
Because I know what was going on. You
were off being wild and free with the
208
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,570
wretched and singing the wretched song.
209
00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:53,330
Now, I know you told me about it in the
car, Vanessa, but just for the record,
210
00:20:53,390 --> 00:20:57,630
one more time, how did it come to pass
that you did not get into the concert
211
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:59,650
with the wretched and the big fun?
212
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,560
to answer me when I ask you a question,
girl.
213
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:12,100
We gave our tickets to a man who said he
was with the band and he wasn't and he
214
00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:13,100
stole them.
215
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,360
Someone stole Janet's wallet.
216
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:21,220
We ran away and we bumped into this guy,
Freddy Scurry, a friend of Janet's
217
00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:22,640
brother and he gave us bus fare.
218
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,520
You're lucky to have found someone to
look at your little sorry selves and
219
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,520
pity on you.
220
00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:31,100
Mom, I'm sorry.
221
00:21:33,820 --> 00:21:35,680
Hurry. It'll never happen again.
222
00:21:36,660 --> 00:21:38,500
Can I please just have my punishment?
223
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,360
Vanessa, please. Your father and I have
been through much too much this evening
224
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:44,760
to be sitting up here thinking about a
punishment for you right now.
225
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:47,440
But I'd like my punishment before I go
to bed.
226
00:21:54,260 --> 00:21:56,500
Do yourself a favor and go to bed.
227
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:58,480
Okay?
228
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,620
And do me another favor, please.
229
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,960
If you're thinking about running away
from home, please don't take my car.
230
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,860
And there's just one more thing,
Vanessa, I have to say to you. You have
231
00:22:11,860 --> 00:22:14,020
to us that you cannot be trusted.
232
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,740
It's going to be a very long time before
we even think of trusting you again.
233
00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:22,440
Um, I said I was sorry.
234
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:26,340
This is not going to happen again. For
all I know, you are lying right now. Go
235
00:22:26,340 --> 00:22:27,340
to bed!
236
00:22:39,850 --> 00:22:41,490
do something about this child's honesty,
Cliff.
237
00:22:43,230 --> 00:22:46,150
Now, how are we going to get Vanessa to
be honest about something she wants to
238
00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:49,090
do when she knows darn good and well we
do not want her to do it?
239
00:22:49,850 --> 00:22:54,970
And I say that tonight, before we put
head to pillow to rest in this house,
240
00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:56,210
and I are going to figure this one out.
241
00:22:57,670 --> 00:23:03,250
All right, Roy, you get the pad and the
pencil and bring them on. into the chuck
242
00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:09,130
wagon and I'll fix some coffee and some
beans and a side of pork and we'll see
243
00:23:09,130 --> 00:23:12,150
what we can do about catching all the
desperado.
244
00:23:43,310 --> 00:23:46,170
The Cosby Show is taped in front of a
studio audience.
21405
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