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Thank you.
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do do do do do do do do do do do do do
do do do
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Sandra, I'm sure that Elvin only said
that because he was upset. What did you
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say to him?
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Sounds like you were kind of upset, too.
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Honey, you had a fight, so what?
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Baby, don't worry about that. Married
couples have fights, you know.
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Sure.
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If you want to talk about this some
more, we'll always be here.
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Yeah.
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I love you, too.
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Bye -bye.
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Sandra and Elvin had a fight, huh?
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Yeah. Yeah, the first fight.
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That brings back memories.
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You make that sound like those are happy
memories.
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Well, no, no, I was just thinking about
how silly it was.
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Now it seems silly, but I remember at
the time we were pretty shaken up. Well,
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how's Tondra taking it?
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She's pretty shaken up.
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She said Elvin went for a walk and he's
been gone for over an hour.
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This is Elvin.
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Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
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How's your dad taking the walk?
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Beautiful day for a walk. Sure is.
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A day like this, you can walk your
troubles away. Not that I have any.
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So, everything's going well?
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Absolutely.
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Tremendous. Life is great. I sang all
the way here. Sandra calls.
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Oh, we had such a terrible fight.
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It was a blowout. Our whole
relationship's over.
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Gone forever.
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Get a hold of yourself, boy.
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Help and everything will be all right.
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It was over such a... Stupid thing, too.
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You see, I've been working every night
at the wilderness store, and it was my
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turn to do the dishes.
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Well, I mean, that's why I was so tired.
So anyway, I said to Sandra, Sandra,
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dear, could you please do them for me?
I'm so tired, honey, please.
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And she said, well, I've been working a
double shift at the restaurant. I'm just
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as tired as you are. So I said, well,
muffin, you're probably not as tired as
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am. So she said, well, yes, I am. I
said, well, no, you're not.
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So anyway, Dad, we were fighting over...
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Who was more tired?
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One thing led to another, and finally
she said, I should have listened to my
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parents. When we were dating, they said
that I should find someone else.
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Now, that can't be true, can it?
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Can it?
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Oh, Elvin, wait a minute. Now, stop.
Leave that jacket where it is.
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Now, you have to remember, when you and
Sandra first started going out, you
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really weren't getting along that well.
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So, we...
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We sort of suggested that maybe she
should explore some other possibilities.
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Since you and Elvin have broken up, why
don't you take this opportunity to call
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somebody else?
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There is no one else.
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Sondra, please. There is someone else
who's intelligent with a good sense of
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humor. I can't think of anyone.
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Don't you have some friends who could
tell you about somebody?
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Well, there is this guy that my friends
keep telling me I should meet.
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Call him.
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Call him.
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Dad, he goes to Oberlin. That's in Ohio.
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We'll fly him in.
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Well, he is from New York. Well, then he
may be home this weekend, so call him.
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No, I'll have to think about it. Call
this boy.
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And you get his number and you call him
and you apologize and tell him you're
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sorry you waited so long before you
called.
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I don't care. Just call the boy. That's
all. Call him.
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Call the boy.
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Please.
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Of course, she never called him.
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She did.
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She never told me about him. Well,
Elvin, it was only one date.
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Griff invited him to dinner.
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Dad!
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I'm very hungry.
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All I'll say, Elvin, is it's a lucky
thing that you were on your way over
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to pick up Sandra.
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Dr. Huxbull, I want to thank you for
having me over. You have a terrific
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Yeah, uh, Daryl, you're failing.
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Failing? Yes, but Sandra, you're not
moving fast enough.
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Excuse me?
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You're supposed to be in there talking
to my daughter. Now, you like her, don't
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you? Well, from what I've known of her
the last five hours, uh, she's
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Very bright, attractive.
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Well, then cut it!
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Uh, look, Dr. Huxtable, it is a little
awkward. I mean, this is our first date,
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and the whole family has been around us.
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And it's really not my style. I mean,
I'm more of a slow mover.
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You don't have time.
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Why not?
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Because he's coming.
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Who's coming?
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Alvin.
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Who's Alvin?
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Alvin is the fellow that she likes.
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Oh. Then why am I here?
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Because you're the fellow I like.
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Dad, how could you do that to me?
Different time, different Elvin.
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That's right.
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When you first started coming over here,
Elvin, I, for one, had a bit of a
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problem with your personal philosophies.
What do you mean?
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Well, remember that time I offered to
get you some coffee?
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Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some
coffee?
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Coffee? Yeah, coffee.
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You mean you're going to get it?
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Yeah. You're surprised?
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I'm sorry, Mrs. Huxtable. I didn't think
you did that kind of thing.
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What kind of thing?
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You know, serve.
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Serve whom?
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Serve him.
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Oh, serve him. As in serve your man?
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Well, yeah.
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Let me tell you something, Elvis.
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You see, I am not serving Dr.
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Huxtable. Okay? Okay. That's the kind of
thing that goes on in a restaurant.
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Now, I'm going to bring him a cup of
coffee just like he brought me a cup of
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coffee this morning. And that, young
man, is what marriage is made of. It is
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give and take 50 -50. And if you don't
get it together and drop these macho
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attitudes, you are never going to have
anybody bringing you anything, anywhere,
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any place, anytime, ever.
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Now, what would you like in your coffee?
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Maybe I could get you some coffee.
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Sorry, Elvin, but you deserved it.
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Actually, you've been one of the more
normal boyfriends we've met. Some of the
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others have been a little strange.
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I
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see
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you're watching the old music station.
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You're into reggae, huh?
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Yeah.
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I'll see you.
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I don't believe in grades.
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You do?
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Usually, people who don't believe in
grades do so because of the grades
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getting.
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I get all A's.
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But what is an A? I mean, what does it
really mean?
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I've been reading Socrates, and he
believed that true learning comes from
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observing the world.
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Where can I get that book?
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You don't read, son.
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Maybe there's a movie about it.
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Claire. Yes?
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Did you tell Denise she could go out on
a date tonight?
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Yes, I did.
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Well, have you seen the boy?
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Yes, I have.
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Well, how ugly is he?
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I mean, four daughters keeps you busy
when you're a father.
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Especially if you're a father like
Cliff.
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See, he's always seen himself as the
protector of his daughter.
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Basically, you are rough.
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00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,840
No, I am not that rough, honey.
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Well, what are you?
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Well, the way I see it is I'm like Old
Yeller.
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You know that movie Old Yeller where the
dog protected the home? It's my job to
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protect the home.
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So I have to bark.
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Now, boys come by the house, and I bark.
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Pretty soon, boys come by, and they say,
Old Yeller lives up there.
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And all I'm saying is that some good
ones come by, and some bad ones come by.
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That's who I am. Old Yeller. That's my
job.
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Cliff, you know, at the end of that
movie, they shot Old Yeller.
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I came over to visit your parents.
They've been telling me about some of
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Denise's boyfriends.
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Yeah, they were weird.
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00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,360
Well, I was never surprised by the guys
Denise brought over. Weird attracts
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weird.
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Denise just has an interesting way of
expressing herself. There's no reason to
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call her weird.
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You're right, Mom.
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Vanessa's the weird one.
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Vanessa!
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Come here.
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Come here.
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Here. Here.
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Here.
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See, there is there. This is here. Come
here.
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Dad, Denise pushed us out of the
bathroom and threw the shampoos in
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and she wouldn't let me rinse it off
like Mom said to. And now Rudy might be
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blinded for life.
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If she is, can we get a dog?
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Theo, you shouldn't call anyone in this
house weird.
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Okay, I'll just say we're all unusual.
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Remember the time when I told you and
Dad that I wanted to go out into the
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world?
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They decided to show me what the real
world was like.
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Hey, Dad, how you doing? Who?
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00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,600
Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, Mr. Landlord.
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My name is Harley.
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Harley Wewax.
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00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,240
We want to welcome you to the real world
apartment.
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00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:30,720
Take a look at this.
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00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:34,140
As you can see, the woodwork here is
all...
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00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:46,630
That's Millie Farquhar. She runs the
Chuckwagon restaurant.
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00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,610
Howdy. Good one, Bob.
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00:12:51,290 --> 00:12:53,530
I'm sorry I mean Mrs. Farquhar.
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Look forward to seeing you real soon.
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00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:58,170
Well, here comes Mrs.
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Griswold.
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She owns this building, but she drinks
heavily.
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00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,290
That's pretty unusual.
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00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:22,310
Not for this house. You weren't around
when Rudy was mourning the loss of her
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goldfish.
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00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:30,930
We're here to say goodbye to a cherished
friend.
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00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:34,630
Lamont Goldfish.
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00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:39,170
Daddy? Yes, dear?
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00:13:39,430 --> 00:13:41,030
I want to watch television.
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00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:48,480
Yeah. You see, we're having a funeral
for your friend.
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00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:51,140
I want to watch TV now.
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00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,180
Me too.
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00:13:54,800 --> 00:14:01,420
Nobody is going to watch TV until the
funeral is over. Is that clear?
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00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:06,700
If she doesn't want the funeral, maybe
we shouldn't have it. We got dressed up
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00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:07,700
for this.
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00:14:21,410 --> 00:14:23,850
You want to talk to Lamont by yourself?
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00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:26,230
No, I want to use the bathroom.
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00:14:28,690 --> 00:14:30,590
I don't remember having a funeral.
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00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:33,590
Rudy, you probably don't even remember
having a goldfish.
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00:14:33,930 --> 00:14:37,910
Well, I bet you don't remember getting
your ear pierced. Yes, I do.
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00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:41,110
That was better.
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00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,980
I had it done Friday after school.
That's great. It looks fantastic.
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00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:55,740
And you know what it says?
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00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,160
That I'm old enough to make my own
decisions.
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00:14:58,680 --> 00:14:59,820
Wait, Theo, your ear looks red.
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00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,260
If I want to put an earring on my ear,
that's my business.
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00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:04,760
Theo, it looks puffy.
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00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,500
When people see this, they're going to
know they're dealing with a man.
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00:15:20,430 --> 00:15:22,570
There's no music coming through the
headset.
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00:15:23,830 --> 00:15:26,510
You still bopping to what's left of your
brain?
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00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:28,810
No, no.
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00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:30,750
Take the headset off, please.
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00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:38,530
I
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00:15:38,530 --> 00:15:48,910
sure
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00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:50,460
can't get up. can't it? Yeah.
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00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:47,590
Oh, you leave him alone, Cliff. Now,
he's not the only male in this house who
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00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,529
makes mistakes.
240
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:49,529
Hi, dear.
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00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:50,530
Cliff, come here and look at this.
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00:16:51,270 --> 00:16:53,710
I want you to see what someone did. Take
a look at that.
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00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:58,050
What? Now, did you see that someone has
broken the handle off my favorite coffee
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00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,210
mug? You're kidding.
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00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:02,470
And do you know what they did after they
broke it? They tried to glue it
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00:17:02,470 --> 00:17:03,770
together and put it away.
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00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:08,490
Somebody just took the thing and just
glued it and then put it way back in the
248
00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:09,490
cupboard, huh?
249
00:17:09,930 --> 00:17:11,450
How'd you know it was in the cupboard,
Cliff?
250
00:17:14,399 --> 00:17:18,720
Because I just guessed that it would be
way back in the cupboard. How did you
251
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,660
know it was way back in the cupboard?
252
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,740
Am I going to need a lawyer? I think so.
253
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,700
You broke my mug.
254
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,280
See, I tried to. I see what you tried to
do with all this old tired -looking
255
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,220
glue all clumped up in here together
like this.
256
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,400
Pieces missing, all chipped up glue on
the inside of the cup. But see, I did
257
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,480
that on purpose.
258
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,940
Why? So that you would think that one of
the children did it.
259
00:17:47,590 --> 00:17:49,430
went to the children and accused them.
260
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:54,570
Right. And then they would have denied
doing it. But I wouldn't have believed
261
00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:55,570
them. That's right.
262
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:28,230
to put one over on mom oh p .o i
wouldn't talk about you you've tried to
263
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:33,910
over on us a few times me yes you
there's a certain designer shirt that
264
00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:39,350
mind that when i wear this on my date
with christine oh she is gonna die
265
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:46,090
does it again how much is it see the
label gordon
266
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:50,750
gartrell this is the shirt gordon
gartrell is a big designer how
267
00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:56,280
one quality, you're going to have to pay
for it.
268
00:19:14,460 --> 00:19:15,460
$95.
269
00:19:17,140 --> 00:19:19,080
Oh, well, there must be a pair of pants
in there, too.
270
00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:23,980
See you.
271
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,700
I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a
job.
272
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,340
Don't you want something better for your
son?
273
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,700
Sure. You want to trade your room for
that shirt?
274
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,660
No. All right, then.
275
00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:41,960
The shirt goes back.
276
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,560
But, Dad, I told Christine I was getting
a Gordon Gartrell.
277
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,960
You tell Christine you lied.
278
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,600
Dad.
279
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:58,600
No 14 -year -old... old boy should have
a $95 shirt unless he is on
280
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,420
stage with his four brothers.
281
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:08,800
Then Denise promised Theo she could make
him a shirt just like that one for $30.
282
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:09,899
Did she?
283
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:12,000
Well, she came close.
284
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:13,900
Come talk to me.
285
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,440
Me?
286
00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:19,220
I'm a little nervous about the shirt. I
need company. Okay.
287
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,520
Anything. Uh, Jan and Martha got a new
bike today. It's really great.
288
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,900
Of course.
289
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:08,720
question again.
290
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,020
You don't like it? Look at these
sleeves.
291
00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,400
My arms are the same length. Where are
my sleeves?
292
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,620
This collar's all crazy and it's thin
because it's so big.
293
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,020
Maybe you can touch it in a little more.
294
00:21:23,340 --> 00:21:24,860
It's tucked into my throat.
295
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,460
Well, this has been very helpful hearing
about your family.
296
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:33,280
I feel like I understand Sandra better.
297
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,840
But why didn't you tell me all this
before we got married? Well, because we
298
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,720
afraid you might not show up for the
wedding.
299
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:43,900
Hi,
300
00:21:51,340 --> 00:21:53,680
everybody. Hi, Vanessa. Hi, Elvin. Hi.
301
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,280
How did you know you were coming over
today?
302
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,100
Well, it was so beautiful out, I thought
I'd take a little walk. You walked
303
00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:01,200
here? Elvin, you live 70 miles away.
304
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,200
What's wrong with that? A married man
can take a long walk if he likes.
305
00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:09,240
Sandra just didn't want to come with me.
But Sandra likes to walk.
306
00:22:09,780 --> 00:22:11,060
Okay, we had a fight.
307
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,380
You got it out of me.
308
00:22:12,660 --> 00:22:14,800
Elvin, when people are married, they're
going to have fights.
309
00:22:15,220 --> 00:22:18,300
You mean you and Dad have them? Oh, yes,
we do.
310
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:22,960
And over the silliest things. Like the
time my friend's wife passed away and he
311
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,360
started to date a younger woman?
312
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:30,220
Cliff, I just want you to know that if I
die, you have my permission to marry
313
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:31,220
again.
314
00:22:37,870 --> 00:22:39,370
I have your permission?
315
00:22:39,930 --> 00:22:40,930
Yes.
316
00:22:43,890 --> 00:22:44,890
You're dead.
317
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:49,430
I want you to find a woman who can make
you happy and help take care of the
318
00:22:49,430 --> 00:22:50,430
kids.
319
00:22:50,950 --> 00:22:51,950
Thank you.
320
00:22:56,050 --> 00:22:57,050
Would you?
321
00:23:01,150 --> 00:23:02,150
Would I what?
322
00:23:02,860 --> 00:23:03,900
If I died, would you marry again?
323
00:23:04,740 --> 00:23:06,520
Well, talk about it when it happens.
324
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:09,820
We can't talk about it then.
325
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:12,480
Okay.
326
00:23:12,860 --> 00:23:19,220
No, the answer is no, I wouldn't. Under
no circumstances, if I died, would you
327
00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:20,720
marry again? You would be single
forever.
328
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:23,700
Yes.
329
00:23:24,420 --> 00:23:25,600
Would you date somebody?
330
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,420
No, I wouldn't.
331
00:23:31,150 --> 00:23:32,590
Okay, Cliff, I'm dead. I'm gone.
332
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:36,970
And you're still in the bed with me?
333
00:23:43,150 --> 00:23:47,890
What if you met a gorgeous international
type of beauty?
334
00:23:52,890 --> 00:23:53,890
Not interested.
335
00:23:54,410 --> 00:23:56,150
What if you met a woman who could sing
jazz?
336
00:24:02,540 --> 00:24:03,540
And can sketch.
337
00:24:03,780 --> 00:24:05,400
Like Ella Fitzgerald? You see.
338
00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:06,700
Not my type.
339
00:24:07,380 --> 00:24:08,540
Then what is your type?
340
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:12,500
You.
341
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:13,960
Okay, say you met me.
342
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,080
You're dead.
343
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,460
But there's somebody out there just like
me.
344
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:24,960
You're dead?
345
00:24:25,020 --> 00:24:26,020
Gone.
346
00:24:26,220 --> 00:24:28,260
Okay, now you're not coming back, are
you?
347
00:24:30,620 --> 00:24:34,460
No, I'm... You're not coming back. I'm
not coming back. So you're dead. I'm
348
00:24:34,460 --> 00:24:38,920
dead. And then I bump into this woman
and she looks exactly like you. Exactly.
349
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:39,920
And you're dead.
350
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:42,760
Oh, boy.
351
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:50,320
Okay. So then what I would do is I would
call her up.
352
00:24:50,570 --> 00:24:54,190
And I would ask her if she would go out
on a date with me. And then I would
353
00:24:54,190 --> 00:24:56,730
court her and I would send her flowers
and I would call her.
354
00:24:56,970 --> 00:25:02,230
And I would introduce her to the
children. And then I would marry her and
355
00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:03,230
her in here.
356
00:25:07,070 --> 00:25:12,450
Would you keep my picture up?
357
00:25:13,210 --> 00:25:17,110
Well, dear, I don't have to keep your
picture up because she looks exactly
358
00:25:17,110 --> 00:25:18,110
you.
359
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:21,420
Good night, Cliff. You need some sleep.
360
00:25:28,060 --> 00:25:34,980
What is it? What is the matter with you?
You're not
361
00:25:34,980 --> 00:25:36,560
going to keep my picture up?
362
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,880
Yes, I'll keep your picture up, dear.
Where are you going to keep it?
363
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:42,780
Out in the hallway.
364
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:48,190
I'll put it in the closet.
365
00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:49,410
Oh, sorry.
366
00:25:49,850 --> 00:25:55,230
Where? I'll put it over the bed. A blow
-up over the bed, Cliff. I want a blow
367
00:25:55,230 --> 00:25:57,030
-up over the bed. With lights?
368
00:25:57,270 --> 00:25:58,270
Yes. Yes.
369
00:25:59,150 --> 00:26:01,390
What are you going to do with my
clothes?
370
00:26:01,930 --> 00:26:02,930
I'll wear them.
371
00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:04,250
I'll wear them.
372
00:26:04,510 --> 00:26:06,690
Just be sure you don't let her wear
them.
373
00:26:06,890 --> 00:26:10,230
Oh, no. No. What will the children call
her, Cliff?
374
00:26:10,890 --> 00:26:11,890
Lola. Ah!
375
00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:16,650
That's what I love about our
discussions. They are at such a high
376
00:26:16,650 --> 00:26:20,010
level. But the part I like the most is
making up afterwards.
377
00:28:30,060 --> 00:28:34,180
It's amazing that you can still be so
romantic after 23 years of marriage. Oh,
378
00:28:34,180 --> 00:28:36,720
well, it isn't the 23 years that makes
it amazing.
379
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,380
It's the five children.
380
00:28:39,780 --> 00:28:43,560
If you're going to have five children,
you better have a whole lot of stamina.
381
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,540
Let go of my hair, Vanessa!
382
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,000
Let go!
383
00:28:47,500 --> 00:28:48,660
What's going on in there?
384
00:28:48,900 --> 00:28:49,900
Fight! Fight!
385
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:53,460
Stop. Stop. Stop.
386
00:28:54,220 --> 00:28:55,960
No, come on. Come on. Stop.
387
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:57,560
Stop. Look, the two of you...
388
00:29:06,380 --> 00:29:09,000
Dad's taking out the clothes as fast as
he can.
389
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:10,440
Okay, here we go.
390
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,000
I didn't know they were hooked to her,
Dad.
391
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:29,180
All right, got the bucking horse now. We
have the championship. We're going for
392
00:29:29,180 --> 00:29:32,060
the last time around. Here comes our
challenge.
393
00:29:36,460 --> 00:29:40,600
the first two times out, but I know this
time that she's going to do well. All
394
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,500
right, you know the rules. Arms
sideways.
395
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,040
All right, we're riding.
396
00:29:44,380 --> 00:29:48,560
And the horse looks like arms to the
side. Now, you're just falling off, and
397
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:49,560
there she goes.
398
00:29:49,700 --> 00:29:51,320
She's doing it, and the horse...
399
00:30:53,550 --> 00:30:54,550
to study for the test.
400
00:30:54,890 --> 00:30:56,310
Dad, they won't throw him at you.
401
00:30:57,150 --> 00:30:58,210
Please, Dr. Huxtable.
402
00:31:10,870 --> 00:31:11,870
Step out of the way.
403
00:32:02,670 --> 00:32:03,670
Thanks, Dad.
404
00:32:09,710 --> 00:32:10,710
Now,
405
00:32:15,130 --> 00:32:18,170
Dad, we were laughing with you, not at
you. Yeah, liar.
406
00:32:19,150 --> 00:32:22,890
Elvin, if you're going to become a
parent, it takes more than just physical
407
00:32:22,890 --> 00:32:25,270
stamina. It helps if you have mental
stamina.
408
00:32:25,630 --> 00:32:27,490
But Dad has said I have germs.
409
00:32:28,010 --> 00:32:29,050
What kind do I have?
410
00:32:29,470 --> 00:32:34,710
Oh, yeah. Well, see, you have... You
have the tryptophanas.
411
00:32:36,990 --> 00:32:42,830
Tryptophanas? See, the tryps, as they
like to call themselves, they hang
412
00:32:42,830 --> 00:32:46,750
water fountains and glasses and things
like that, and they just keep saying,
413
00:32:46,970 --> 00:32:48,390
Hey, where's the party?
414
00:32:49,890 --> 00:32:51,830
I love to party.
415
00:32:52,430 --> 00:32:56,630
I just love to just get inside of a
young body and just...
416
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,300
because you're young and you're cute.
417
00:33:07,140 --> 00:33:12,060
And they go inside your body and they
say, hmm, this is a lovely place to
418
00:33:12,620 --> 00:33:16,660
And they start moving around all fast,
you know, hmm, this is a hot party.
419
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,980
And they bumped into the corpuscles and
they did the boogie down.
420
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:22,980
Party, party, party.
421
00:33:23,340 --> 00:33:26,140
Party, party, party. Mommy does the
airplane.
422
00:33:26,900 --> 00:33:29,820
Well, what? You want a single engine or
a jet?
423
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,600
Open up and raise your voices.
424
00:34:18,450 --> 00:34:19,570
No problem.
425
00:34:19,830 --> 00:34:22,550
See, I'm not going to college.
426
00:34:22,830 --> 00:34:23,830
Damn right.
427
00:34:24,469 --> 00:34:29,429
I am going to get through high school
and then get a job like regular people.
428
00:34:29,730 --> 00:34:30,730
Regular people?
429
00:34:30,929 --> 00:34:35,230
Yeah, you know, who work in a gas
station, drive a bus, something like
430
00:34:36,770 --> 00:34:41,489
So what you're saying is your mother and
I shouldn't care if you get D's because
431
00:34:41,489 --> 00:34:44,850
you don't need good grades to be regular
people.
432
00:34:45,469 --> 00:34:46,469
Right.
433
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,120
Okay. Oh.
434
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:57,840
Suppose you graduate from high school.
Let's say you just slide by.
435
00:34:58,100 --> 00:35:00,700
All right. Now, you've got to find a
job.
436
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:06,420
Now, what kind of salary do you expect
for a regular person?
437
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:11,940
$250 a week.
438
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,140
$250 a week? Yeah. Sit down.
439
00:35:17,260 --> 00:35:20,300
I'm going to give you $300 a week. Yes,
indeed.
440
00:35:20,740 --> 00:35:24,640
$300 a week, $1 ,200 a month.
441
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:30,220
All right? Great. I'll take it. Yes, you
will. And I will take $350
442
00:35:30,220 --> 00:35:32,440
for taxes.
443
00:35:32,940 --> 00:35:33,940
Whoa. Huh?
444
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:38,580
Yeah. Now, because, see, the government
comes for the regular people first.
445
00:35:46,890 --> 00:35:49,430
Now, how much does that leave you with?
446
00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,810
$850. All right.
447
00:35:52,010 --> 00:35:56,030
Now, you've got to have an apartment
because you are not going to live here.
448
00:35:58,410 --> 00:36:04,770
So, an apartment in Manhattan will run
you at least $400
449
00:36:04,770 --> 00:36:05,770
a month.
450
00:36:06,050 --> 00:36:07,650
I'll live in New Jersey.
451
00:36:11,210 --> 00:36:12,210
All right.
452
00:36:12,630 --> 00:36:15,370
You live in New Jersey, you've got to
have a car.
453
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,160
I ride a motorbike.
454
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:21,960
You need a helmet.
455
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:30,580
Figure $100 a month for clothes and
shoes.
456
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,340
Figure $200. I want to look good.
457
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:39,420
Okay, so what does that leave you with?
$200.
458
00:36:39,820 --> 00:36:41,500
So, no problem.
459
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,200
There is a problem. You haven't eaten
yet.
460
00:36:52,780 --> 00:36:54,540
I can get by on bologna and cereal.
461
00:36:56,780 --> 00:37:00,980
So I got everything I need, plus $200
left for the month.
462
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,260
You plan to have a girlfriend?
463
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:04,520
For sure.
464
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,440
You're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer. And
you're both successful and everything,
465
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:12,680
and that's great.
466
00:37:13,060 --> 00:37:18,040
But maybe I was born to be a regular
person and have a regular life.
467
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,580
If you weren't a doctor, I wouldn't love
you less.
468
00:37:22,380 --> 00:37:23,520
Because you're my dad.
469
00:37:25,140 --> 00:37:31,740
And so, instead of acting disappointed
because I'm not like you,
470
00:37:31,860 --> 00:37:38,320
maybe you can just accept who I am and
love me anyway because
471
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:39,540
I'm your son.
472
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,820
Dumbest thing I've ever heard in my
life.
473
00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:58,480
You know, when you get D's in
everything.
474
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:07,220
Now, you are afraid to try because
you're afraid that your brain is going
475
00:38:07,220 --> 00:38:10,500
explode and it's going to ooze out of
your ear.
476
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:16,700
Now, I'm telling you, you are going to
try as hard as you can.
477
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,040
And you're going to do it because I said
so.
478
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,720
I brought you in this world, and I'll
take you out.
479
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:37,060
You know,
480
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:41,500
I've really enjoyed this. Someday, if
Sandra and I do have a family, I hope we
481
00:38:41,500 --> 00:38:43,720
can sit around and talk as openly and
freely as you do.
482
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:47,180
Elvin, we've always encouraged our
children to tell us anything and
483
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,500
Mom, I remember a discussion we had
where you didn't seem so happy to hear
484
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:54,500
we had to say.
485
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:58,140
Now, this is serious now. Your father
and I want to know that you feel you can
486
00:38:58,140 --> 00:38:59,140
really come to us.
487
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,160
Yeah. About anything?
488
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:03,200
Yeah.
489
00:39:05,380 --> 00:39:09,120
Okay. Okay. Let me give you an example.
All right?
490
00:39:09,500 --> 00:39:13,800
Let's say that one of you became
pregnant.
491
00:39:14,660 --> 00:39:15,660
Dad!
492
00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:17,440
No, no, I'm serious.
493
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,560
Hey. I know it's not me.
494
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,560
Okay, let's say it's you.
495
00:39:31,420 --> 00:39:36,020
Me? Let's say that you are pregnant,
okay?
496
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,240
Now, what are you going to do?
497
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,700
Well, first, I want to find out who did
it.
498
00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:00,620
You didn't find out.
499
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:02,240
You didn't find out.
500
00:40:02,820 --> 00:40:07,240
Now, what would you do? Could you guys
help me on this one?
501
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:09,400
Don't look at me.
502
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,360
Don't even think of looking at me.
503
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,620
No, no, no. Come on, come on. Help your
brother now.
504
00:40:15,060 --> 00:40:16,840
Well, I guess I'd be scared, wouldn't I?
505
00:40:17,420 --> 00:40:18,980
Definitely. Very definitely.
506
00:40:19,860 --> 00:40:23,440
Well, Dad, if I was scared, I would
probably go to a friend first.
507
00:40:23,740 --> 00:40:26,720
If you become pregnant, you would go to
cockroach?
508
00:40:30,190 --> 00:40:31,290
Dad, you didn't be honest.
509
00:40:31,510 --> 00:40:33,170
I know I didn't be honest.
510
00:40:33,490 --> 00:40:39,690
I'm just amazed at the fact that you
would go to cockroach and not come to
511
00:40:40,050 --> 00:40:42,150
Well, Dad, I would be afraid we'd get
mad.
512
00:40:42,730 --> 00:40:43,730
Mad?
513
00:40:44,030 --> 00:40:45,430
I'm not going to get mad.
514
00:40:46,050 --> 00:40:49,370
Yeah. I wouldn't get mad.
515
00:40:49,690 --> 00:40:52,170
Dad, you can say that now because it
hasn't happened.
516
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:56,430
Yeah, but I'm telling you that I
wouldn't get mad. Now, when I say I
517
00:40:56,430 --> 00:40:58,210
get mad, I mean I wouldn't get mad. You
understand?
518
00:41:01,540 --> 00:41:04,980
Now look, there is nothing more
important to us than your health and
519
00:41:04,980 --> 00:41:07,840
-being. Well, sit up in there and tell
me I get mad.
520
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,820
And if you've got a problem, we want to
know about it so we can help you.
521
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:14,840
I mean, I know when I'm mad about
something.
522
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:17,520
Okay, Dad.
523
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:18,800
Okay what?
524
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:21,460
In the first place, let's get things
straightened out.
525
00:41:21,900 --> 00:41:23,120
Dogs get mad.
526
00:41:24,620 --> 00:41:26,380
Human beings get angry.
527
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:27,720
Okay, Dad, okay.
528
00:41:27,930 --> 00:41:31,130
So if you promise that you're not going
to get angry, maybe we should give you
529
00:41:31,130 --> 00:41:31,968
some examples.
530
00:41:31,970 --> 00:41:32,788
Go ahead.
531
00:41:32,790 --> 00:41:36,790
Okay. Say Vanessa comes to you and she
tells you that she's been secretly
532
00:41:36,790 --> 00:41:37,790
a boy who's 17.
533
00:41:38,010 --> 00:41:39,010
Oh!
534
00:41:39,210 --> 00:41:40,310
Way to go, Vanessa.
535
00:41:43,330 --> 00:41:50,110
Well, first of all, first of all, I
think that I would not get angry because
536
00:41:50,110 --> 00:41:51,450
came to us.
537
00:41:51,670 --> 00:41:55,050
No, we wouldn't get angry, but we would
get serious, very serious.
538
00:41:58,060 --> 00:42:01,340
And we would sit Miss Vanessa down and
have a long talk.
539
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:03,320
But I didn't do anything.
540
00:42:04,060 --> 00:42:05,960
I'm not seeing anybody secretly.
541
00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:08,160
Well, there's Robert, but he's only 12.
542
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,820
Please, you stay careful without me in
it, okay?
543
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:13,400
Okay. All right, Mom.
544
00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:14,720
I got one for you.
545
00:42:16,180 --> 00:42:17,180
Okay.
546
00:42:17,940 --> 00:42:23,220
Now, remember when I spent the night at
Jeanette's house a couple weeks ago?
547
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,440
Yes, I do.
548
00:42:25,340 --> 00:42:26,540
Okay, well, um...
549
00:42:27,630 --> 00:42:30,850
I didn't really spend the night at
Jeanette's. I spent it at Tommy
550
00:42:30,850 --> 00:42:31,850
what?
551
00:42:34,230 --> 00:42:37,110
Why didn't Mr.
552
00:42:37,330 --> 00:42:40,450
and Mrs. Watkins call us and tell us
about it? They were on vacation.
553
00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:41,850
They were?
554
00:42:43,530 --> 00:42:49,110
You spent the night at Tommy Watkins'
house and his parents were not there?
555
00:42:49,370 --> 00:42:51,370
Yeah. We didn't do anything.
556
00:42:54,070 --> 00:42:55,490
Are you angry?
557
00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:10,420
I'm mad.
558
00:43:11,820 --> 00:43:12,860
I was just kidding.
559
00:43:13,620 --> 00:43:17,860
That was a good one. I made it up. I
did.
560
00:43:18,220 --> 00:43:19,220
Is it true?
561
00:43:19,240 --> 00:43:21,560
You need someone to talk to you. I was
kidding.
562
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:23,299
I was kidding.
563
00:43:23,300 --> 00:43:26,120
I spent the night at Jeanette's. You
could call her mom and ask her.
564
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:31,200
I think that what we have to understand
is that
565
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:35,340
we're going to get angry.
566
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,640
But what we're hoping for...
567
00:43:38,910 --> 00:43:45,630
is that you all would still come to us
if you have any problems as
568
00:43:45,630 --> 00:43:52,590
opposed to going to other people. I
mean, we love you. And I don't think
569
00:43:52,590 --> 00:43:58,950
anybody can care for you with the love
that we have.
570
00:43:59,150 --> 00:44:03,870
No one cares more than your mother and
me.
571
00:44:04,330 --> 00:44:05,930
Okay? Okay.
572
00:44:06,570 --> 00:44:08,850
Well, I am certainly glad we had this
little talk.
573
00:44:09,210 --> 00:44:11,050
And now I'm going upstairs.
574
00:44:12,210 --> 00:44:13,530
I'm going to call Jeanette's mother.
575
00:44:13,750 --> 00:44:14,750
I was kidding!
576
00:44:16,390 --> 00:44:19,450
Must make you sad that only three of
your children are still living at home.
577
00:44:22,510 --> 00:44:25,710
Elvin, your children grow up and they go
away to college, and yes, you do miss
578
00:44:25,710 --> 00:44:26,649
them a lot.
579
00:44:26,650 --> 00:44:28,710
That's why I'm going to keep on living
right here.
580
00:44:29,490 --> 00:44:32,650
No, son, we want to experience the joy
of missing you.
581
00:44:37,299 --> 00:44:38,500
Elvin. Hi, Sandra.
582
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,060
What are you doing here with my family?
We had a fight.
583
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:42,720
You're supposed to be with your parents.
584
00:44:43,020 --> 00:44:45,260
Well, I went over there, but nobody was
home.
585
00:44:46,020 --> 00:44:47,340
Are you still angry with me?
586
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,380
No. I feel pretty good about things now.
587
00:44:50,700 --> 00:44:51,479
You do?
588
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:55,560
Sure. Every married couple has to have a
first argument and I think ours was a
589
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,560
pretty mild one.
590
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:57,600
You mean the fight's over?
591
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:58,840
Of course.
592
00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:03,760
Oh, and when the Huxtables get married,
they stay married for a long time.
593
00:45:04,180 --> 00:45:05,580
That's right. It runs in the family.
594
00:45:06,140 --> 00:45:11,020
We figure after 49 years of marriage,
perhaps the two of you need a little
595
00:45:11,020 --> 00:45:13,700
romantic inspiration.
596
00:45:15,340 --> 00:45:17,240
Okay, now here we go.
597
00:48:12,940 --> 00:48:14,940
The show is taped before a studio
audience.
46707
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