All language subtitles for george_lopez_s06e14_gets_smoking_mad_at

Hey, George.

Just got off the phone with the
insurance guys. We have a brand new

plan.

As long as there are no more cutbacks,
Jack.

The only doctor we have on our plan now
is at the mall.

Of course, my blood pressure was going
to be high. The lingerie store had brown

mannequins in the window there. Hello.

No, George, no more cutbacks. In fact,
this plan has everything you and the

workers wanted.

There's just, you know, one little
catch.

You gotta tell them that in order to
afford this, nobody at the factory can

smoke anymore. Not here, not at home.

What? You can't tell people what to do
in their own homes.

My lawyers tell me that since we're
paying for the insurance, it's perfectly

legal.

They also tell me that I can date that
big girl from shipping if I just make

a subcontractor.

I love those guys.

Jack, these are the same guys that
approved Thumb Thursday.

You tell people they can't smoke,
they're going to go crazy.

Look, George, we're not heartless.

We'll provide patches, gum, therapy,
whatever it takes. Besides, they'll have

whole month to quit.

Jack, half the workers are chain
smokers. Why don't you just fire

a tattoo or a criminal record?

They don't just be me, you, and that
born -again dude in accounting.

No, it'd just be you and the born -again
dude, George.

I got a little four -leaf clover.

south of the border.

If someone's looking at that, their luck
has run out.

All right, everyone, listen up.

I got some very, very good news.

We have a new health plan with cheaper
prescription drugs, dental coverage, and

lower co -pays.

There is just one little thing. if
you're a smoker, you have to quit.

What the hell are you talking about,
George?

Everyone has a month to quit smoking or
else there'll be repercussions.

What kind of repercussions, Lopez?

The kind that make you lose your job.

Don't do anything crazy, Carl. No job,
no protein shake money.

I just wanted to thank you.

This is the incentive I needed to quit.

You got your nipples pierced. I can feel
them through my shirt.

That's nice.

You can't make us stop smoking. I know
my rights.

Of course you do. They've been read to
you every New Year's Eve since I was

seven.

Where's my mom?

She's in the living room watching TV.

Poor thing is ready to crawl out of her
skin.

What did you say to convince her to
quit?

The same thing I wrote on her mother's
day card.

You're old and you better not lose your
job because, Aske, I'm not taking care

of your ass.

Warmest regards, your son, George.

Oh, Benny, I made you some carrot
sticks. I thought maybe they'd give you

something to hold instead of cigarettes.

You know what I'd like to hold in my
hands right now?

Your throat.

Forget the carrot sticks. I need a chair
and a whip.

Hello, princess.

Daddy, why are you still wearing your
scrubs?

Oh, I didn't have time to change before
I left the hospital.

He wears them to the grocery store so he
can meet women.

I need 200 cc's of macaroni salad.

Baby lies and making Matt stuck the cat.

Hey, Vic, you remember to bring the
nicotine gum for my mom? Yeah.

How is she doing?

You'll see.

Just don't make eye contact with her.

I never do. She's four feet tall.

Mom, Vic, brought you some more of that
nicotine gum.

Well, you know what? You can keep it.
That crap doesn't work for me.

She tried the patch.

Just stick it on and forget about it.

The average person only needs one a day.

Well, I must be freaking special.

Benny, you can't wear three patches.

It'll make you sick.

No, you idiot.

This one's so I don't get knocked up.

No, all you need to find is a guy with a
patch over each eye and you're all set.

No way. You're going to lose your job.

Well, okay. Then, you know what?

You are going to have to help me. You're
the manager. You can cover for me. Are

you crazy? Then I'll lose my job.

Thanks for nothing.

Why don't you get some chairs that work?

George, I don't think she's going to
make it.

She may need professional help.

No way. She'll never go for it.

What if she has a nervous breakdown or
something?

Who's going to take care of her then?

The church.

She's small enough. We'll put her in a
basket.

Leave her on the doorstep. Ring the bell
and vamonos.

Ding dong ditch.

We can't ignore this. We have to do
something.

Look, Angie, you got to give her credit.
I mean, she's already gone a week

without a cigarette. She's tough. She'll
make it.

Dad.

Veronica's hogging the bathroom again.

She's in there drying her hair and she
won't let me in.

Do you really need to use the bathroom?
Are you just trying to sneak in there

and peek at your cousin blow -drying her
hair again?

Dad, if I really wanted to find her, I'd
lean a ladder against the tree and use

the periscope I built in shop class.

So, thank you for not trusting me.

Come on, Veronica.

Open up.

Max is home.

Not since I found him in the hamper.

What the hell is that?

What are you, 15?

It's only one cigarette. Leave me alone.

Put it out.

Get back.

Or I will turn this dryer on high and
split your ends right down to the root.

I think she's bluffing.

But you better go first. Your hair's
already dried out.

Oh, this is hard, but we only want to
help you. Let us be a resource.

She doesn't understand your language.

Let me translate, Mom.

Put the cigarette down or I will plunge
the smoke right out of your little bat

lungs.

Don't you dare touch your mother with
that. I'm going to clean it before we

it again.

Mom.

Fine.

I'm starting to lose it, George.

I have been sucking the nicotine stains
off my fingernails.

I'm down to my pinky, but I was saving
it till after dinner.

We've got to do something else, George.

Shock therapy.

I'll fill the tub with water. You get
the hairdryer.

What's going on up here?

It's my mom.

She's in bad shape. Is there anything
you can give her to help her get through

this? Well, there are some drugs, but I
wouldn't recommend them until she's

tried behavioral therapy.

I know someone who can see you right
away.

No therapy. I am not a nut job.

You're standing on a toilet and you're
sucking your fingernails.

Part of treating an addiction is
recognizing the behavior that leads to

Mom, if you want, I can take you to
Vicksky right now. Never.

You know what, Benny?

You don't have to. to go to therapy you
can come downstairs with me and we can

go online and read inspirational stories
of real people who have climbed this

mountain and come out on the other side
safe and whole big

sky it is i'll meet you in the car that
was ugly but it worked good job

Benny, I know you're not happy to be
here, but I want you to know that I

sympathize with everything you're going
through, and I'm going to do everything

in my power to help you overcome your
addiction.

Wouldn't you say that it makes me want
to smash your face with this

Mom, you said you'd give this a chance.

You're in danger. Make your point
quickly.

I just, uh... I need some background so
we can figure out what triggers your

need to smoke. Now, when did you start?

Oh, let's see. I was crying all the
time. I felt trapped.

I wanted to kill myself. Oh, yeah. I was
pregnant with him.

You, uh... You started smoking when you
were pregnant?

Yeah. I was trying to keep off the
weight.

But, uh... After you had, George, did
you try to stop?

Hell no. I needed to smoke.

I had to hold down two jobs just to feed
this bottomless pit over here.

You never fed me.

One time I was so hungry I tried to eat
the beans out of a beanbag chair.

Here we go. Put the needle on the
record.

She's a bad mother. I'm hungry. I'm
cold. My foot won't stop hurting.

You drove over it!

You knew I was drinking. You shouldn't
have been playing on the lawn, George.

So, anyway, that's when I started
smoking.

Well, let's try to figure out what's
causing your stress now. Do you smoke at

work? Oh, maybe a little.

A little?

Every time she coughs, she hacks up
enough tar to repave the parking lot.

Okay, so, work.

Now, when else do you smoke?

Oh, I don't know. Sometimes, you know, I
like to have a smoke after a meal.

After a meal? She eats at my house all
the time. She smokes during meals.

Don't fool anybody. That wasn't steam
coming out of your soup. Shut up. You

up. Okay, hello. Hello. Hello.

Well, it sounds like you two spend a lot
of time together.

I can't get rid of her, Doctor.

Carpools, work, after work, dinner,
holidays, weekends, and my nightmares.

Assorted gatherings.

Okay. Well, Mrs. Lopez, it doesn't
usually happen this quickly, but I think

figured out your trigger.

See? Those diplomas on the wall, Mom,
they mean something. Learn from this

Learn!

It's you, George.

Me?

You're done, fool. Come on, Patches.
Let's go get you some more of that gum.

Clearly, when you're around your mom,
she smokes more.

Figures this is all your fault. You wish
it was my fault. It is your fault.

Okay, okay, okay. Look, I know it's
hard, George, but you're her stress

Está loco, stress trigger.

She's the one that gives me stress.
También angina.

waste of time.

I loved it. The guy's a genius.

Let me guess.

Your addictive personality is a result
of your unstable childhood.

No. I smoke because George is a whiny
little girl.

That doctor didn't know what the hell he
was talking about. He wasn't even a

real doctor.

I tried to show him the mole on my back.
He was like, sir, please pull your

pants up.

Why do you show that thing to everybody?

She was a horrible mother, but I'm the
bad guy for complaining about it. I

agree. She was awful.

But if the doctor says that you're
making her smoke, maybe you can cut her

slack. Do you really have to complain?

Yes, because now I can.

When I was a kid, every time I
complained, she'd smack me upside the

say, thank you for visiting the
complaint department.

It was the only department in her store.

And it drank a lot.

That was a long time ago.

And there's something more important
happening here.

We all know where the smoking is leading
to.

Do you really want to watch your mom die
a slow, painful death?

If her eyes roll back in her head and
her arms shake like a little bug, yeah,

I'd like to see that. For the first time
in her life, your mother has a real

reason to quit.

And if you help her, it won't just be
good for her. It'll be emotionally

for you.

But I didn't do anything. Why do I have
to be emotionally healthy?

Because it's the right thing to do.

Mom?

Yeah? Are you still going to try to quit
smoking?

No, I want to lose the job and live in a
small box in the middle of a road.

Okay, here's the deal. I'm going to try
to stop complaining because I don't want

to be your excuse for smoking.

So if you can't quit, it's because
you're self -destructive, undisciplined,

you never gave me a birthday party when
I was a kid. Starting now.

You're going to try?

Good luck.

I watched you try to learn to
skateboard, ride a bike, use a toilet.

You fell over and hit your head every
time.

Well, what can I say, Mama? I was a
clumsy little boy.

But, you know, if you want to try it, go
for it. Fine with me. It would be so

nice not to have to listen to a grown
man complain like a three -year -old.

Hey, you know what?

Pick me up tomorrow at eight.

Oh, and try not to fall off.

I'd have to smell cigarette smoke.

Now it's just truck exhaust, and the
fumes from that green stuff the

won't let us throw away.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, you must have got the last fruit
pie. The vending machine's all sold out.

The workers can't smoke, so they're
eating.

Hey, so how's it going with not
insulting your mom?

Well, you know, it's been two weeks, and
it gets easier all the time.

You just need discipline and self
-control.

and you're just punching him now?

I had one of my really, really bad
nights, Lord.

I kept having this nightmare that this
fat -headed kid kept crying, play with

me, play with me.

And all I wanted was to have a cigarette
and smack him.

I don't know what that means.

It means that, you know, you're fighting
an addiction and it's okay that you're

late. Excuse me.

Okay? I used to be big. I know. You're
eating because you're stressed out about

your mom.

I'm not stressed out, ma 'am. I'm just
hungry. Mind your own business. Oh, so

good I can't believe it.

George, George, I need for you to add
this invoice, okay?

It's gonna be over ten, so I'll wait
while you take off your shoes and socks.

You miserable old... I'll take care of
it right now.

I'll take those.

Hey, there's nothing but apples and
pears in there. What am I supposed to

think it's you.

Yeah, he's eating to stuff down his
feelings because he doesn't want to

you. Hey, I didn't ask him to do that.

You know, I've known you a long time and
I've never told you this, but you're a

cold woman.

Your son is eating himself sick to try
and keep you from killing yourself with

cigarettes and you don't even appreciate
it.

You know, um, my lungs are working
again.

And I can run you down like a dog.

Yeah, well, it's just a theory. I'll cut
you later.

I'm getting fired.

I am who I am, George.

I'm a smoker.

It's more than an addiction.

It's a lifestyle choice, like being a
cross -dresser or a terrorist.

But you've been here for 40 years. I
mean, where are you going to go?

Oh, come on. I'll find another job.

I'll just live cheaper.

I just know that I've got to get out of
here, George. Boy, I'll tell you what.

It's been pure hell these last few
weeks.

Now, you know what? The first 18 years
of my life were like, you better off.

Oh, it felt so good.

All right.

Everything is back to normal.

Now you can stop stuffing your face.

Wait a minute.

You're not quitting so you can smoke.

You're worried about me.

Yes, it's all about you.

the morning because George is afraid of
the dark.

You know, you don't have to leave, Mom.
I mean, it's been tough not being able

to insult you, but you know, find a way
to deal with it.

How?

Look at you.

Your pockets are stuffed with candy. You
got pie all over your face.

You're not a man anymore. You're a trick
-or -treater.

Sit down. Come on, sit down.

Let's talk.

Be honest, George.

We have been the way we are for over 40
years. We're not going to change now.

I mean, you know, who knows? Maybe not
being around you all the time, it'll be

easier for me to quit smoking.

Really going to leave the factory?

Yeah.

Hey.

I know you really can't say it, but...

I know why you're doing this. Thanks,
Mom.

I can say it.

Georgie, the truth is, with all the crap
I've gone through in my life,

there's really only one thing that's
ever brought me happiness. And you don't

have to say it.

Cigarettes.