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00:00:02,510 --> 00:00:03,510
Did my mom call?
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00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:05,990
No. I thought she carpooled with you
today.
3
00:00:06,290 --> 00:00:07,069
Oh, she did.
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But she lit a cigarette in the car
again, so I pulled over and I kicked her
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You left your mom in the street?
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00:00:14,310 --> 00:00:17,790
No, I slowed down so she could get back
in. Then when she got close, I sped up
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again.
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Then I slowed down. Then I sped up.
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Tell her about when your mom dove for
the bumper. Right when you hit the
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it was like, boom!
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That was accidental.
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But very funny.
13
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,160
George, some guy called for you. He said
he was one of your mom's boyfriends.
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That could be anybody. I mean, my mom
was the fast food of dating.
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Easy, cheap, and perfect when you're
drunk.
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00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:51,300
Yeah, she was the first one with the
dollar menu.
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He said his name is Wayne Hill.
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Wayne Hill?
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00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,520
Oh, man.
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Well, he said he's single now and he's
coming over to talk to you about Benny.
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Again? I wish that guy would stop trying
to use me to smooth things over with
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00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,940
her. Well, then just give him your mom's
number. No way. I'm not letting that
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guy anywhere near her. I even told her
she lost her job at the factory so he
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wouldn't try to call her there.
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What did he do to her?
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Broke her heart.
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Or whatever she has that pumps blood,
tequila, and acid to her veins.
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You were there. You remember, remember?
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Take your girlfriend and go play dolls
someplace else.
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They're not dolls. They're G .I .s, and
they're kicking hippie ass.
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How's it going, babe? Got to be up
early. Film a commercial for the new
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Oh, I finally hooked a winner.
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You are the rent -to -own furniture
king.
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Well, you know what they say.
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Behind every good man, there's a good
woman.
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And quality furniture for just pennies a
month.
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00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:12,100
I let the portion miss a payment, then I
jack up the interest 30%. Suckers.
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00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,240
Don't talk like that if you have to
leave.
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00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,100
Hey, new waterbed's coming in. Maybe
I'll get you one.
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00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:23,500
You too, little man.
41
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,860
Oh, he makes his own waterbed every
night.
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something falling out of your pocket.
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00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:41,750
What the hell?
44
00:02:45,310 --> 00:02:46,310
Yeah.
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What the hell was that doing in there?
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Benny, I swear, I've never seen this
before in my life.
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00:02:52,330 --> 00:02:54,070
You're cheating on me, aren't you?
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00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:57,390
Hey, those things are so big, I bet
there'll still be snow on them in the
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00:02:57,390 --> 00:02:58,570
summer. Hey, all right.
50
00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:04,370
He's a guy on TV. Nobody respects him.
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00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:11,770
My mom was depressed for a month after
Wayne cheated on her. That's why I don't
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00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:12,770
even tell her when he calls.
53
00:03:13,070 --> 00:03:15,730
That was a long time ago. Maybe he's
changed.
54
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:17,630
Angie, guys don't change.
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00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:21,010
You've been trying to change me for
years, but I still scoop the peanut
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00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:22,010
out with my fingers.
57
00:03:23,710 --> 00:03:25,370
No, you don't. I check.
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00:03:25,690 --> 00:03:28,310
Oh, I do. I just smooth it with a spoon
so you can't tell.
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00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:33,110
If you already have the spoon out, why
don't you just use that?
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00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:36,610
Because it tastes better off my finger.
It's scary, really, how little you know.
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00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,780
You better not tell what really happened
with Wayne. I won't.
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00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:52,200
You know what? It'd be safer if you just
got out of here. You can trust me. I
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00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,280
can keep a secret. No, you can't. You've
never been able to keep a secret your
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00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:56,540
whole life. Out. Oh, yeah?
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00:03:56,860 --> 00:04:00,220
I didn't tell you that that guy at work,
Drill Press Steve, is gay.
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00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:05,180
That's not a secret. He stalks the
vending machines, yet they call him
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Press Steve. Think.
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00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:07,620
Think.
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00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,400
George.
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00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,520
Hey, George. You look good.
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I see you're still lying.
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00:04:17,899 --> 00:04:21,560
All I said was, you look good. And
that's a lie, because I look great.
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00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,700
I lost weight, and I had my teeth
whitened. Watch out.
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00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:31,120
Come on, it was 30 years ago. Won't
Benny at least talk to me? Look, like I
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you last time, my mom's not going to see
you, man, so give it up. You know, if
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00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,440
I'm going to get turned down again, I
need to hear it from her. What's her
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number? It's 3... Not going to happen.
78
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,820
Fine. I'll go look her up in the phone
book.
79
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:51,540
I mean, how many Lopez's can there be in
L .A.? Please tell me your number.
80
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:57,340
George, it seems like Wayne is pretty
determined to talk to your mom.
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Maybe it's time he knew what was going
on.
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00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:03,860
Yeah, you're right.
83
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:11,080
I didn't want to hurt you, Wayne, but my
mom's dead.
84
00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:15,060
I don't believe it.
85
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,400
Maybe you should tell Wayne how your mom
died.
86
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,180
You don't think I can do that?
87
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:27,820
She smoked and drank for so long, Wayne,
that she had a myocarditis infection.
88
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:32,800
Don't you mean myocardial infarction? I
wish.
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00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,380
That's treatable. The thing I said? Very
deadly.
90
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,340
So, yeah, I mean, there it is.
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00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:09,040
My mom passed away.
92
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,360
I'm so sorry.
93
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,760
I mean, after my divorce, I really had
it worked up in my head that somehow I
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00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,820
had a chance of winning her back.
95
00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:22,760
She was the only woman who ever called
me on my crap.
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00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:24,740
She made me a better man.
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00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:27,960
I can't believe she's gone.
98
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:36,740
Benny might have been really happy to
see you, George.
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00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,520
Angie, she's dead. She'll be happy to
see anything, really. A cloud, a tomato,
100
00:06:41,580 --> 00:06:42,580
mention something.
101
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,280
A cat? No, bro, she hated cats. You
really didn't know her that well, did
102
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,340
I guess not.
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00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,560
Well, if you don't mind, I need time to
grieve. Oh, I'm sorry.
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00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:56,100
Internally, of course.
105
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,100
Dad, Grandma Benny's on the phone.
106
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:01,280
On the phone?
107
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,660
Stupid kid, he keeps spilling her ashes.
108
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,980
Sponge off the phone and put the urn
back on the mantel. Take care of it.
109
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,880
Surround yourself with friends and
family.
110
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,020
Grandma's mad that you kicked her out of
the car.
111
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,640
What are you talking about?
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00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:18,980
Ashes. I was lying to that man to
protect Grandma.
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00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,340
What is he? A bookie?
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00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:22,659
Bill collector?
115
00:07:22,660 --> 00:07:23,660
Ripple man?
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00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:25,440
Married guy with an angry wife? All
right.
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00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,480
No more sleepover that Grandma for you.
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choked up Wayne was about your mom.
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00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:39,850
I think you should tell Benny about him
and let her decide what to do. No. If I
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00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:42,170
tell her about Wayne now, she's going to
find out that I've been lying about him
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all these years.
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00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:44,670
She's going to find out eventually.
123
00:07:45,070 --> 00:07:46,070
No, she's not.
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You're not going to get away with this.
The truth always comes out. No. The
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00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,550
Lopez way is you take your secrets to
their grave.
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00:07:52,870 --> 00:07:54,970
Then they come out of the funeral in a
big fight.
127
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:59,530
When my cousin Roberto died and the two
women he was married to found out about
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00:07:59,530 --> 00:08:00,630
each other. That was sad.
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00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,020
Dad, it was funny. Two women in dresses
with painted -on eyebrows throwing
130
00:08:05,020 --> 00:08:06,300
punches. It was like Mexican Dynasty.
131
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,000
If you don't tell your mom the truth, I
am going to lose some respect for you.
132
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,820
Let me ask you something. Would you lose
so much respect that you would leave
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00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:17,060
me? Of course not.
134
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,280
Okay, then I'm good.
135
00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:25,680
What are you watching?
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00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,100
SportsCenter.
137
00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:37,299
No.
138
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:57,740
This movie is really heartwarming
because the son finally realizes how
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00:08:57,740 --> 00:08:59,260
hurt when he was lied to.
140
00:08:59,770 --> 00:09:01,530
So he decides to come clean.
141
00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:03,630
And then she set him on fire?
142
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:10,550
What about the one where the wife is
right, but she's so annoying that when
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00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:14,050
goes missing, they don't look for her?
It's sad, but I find myself rooting for
144
00:09:14,050 --> 00:09:15,050
the husband.
145
00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:19,150
All I heard was the wife is right.
146
00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,430
Hey, hey, what are you doing? Hey.
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00:09:33,550 --> 00:09:34,550
Okay.
148
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:38,750
We got to talk about something, okay?
149
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:42,850
Remember a long time ago you had this
boyfriend, this guy named Wayne?
150
00:09:44,790 --> 00:09:46,570
Of course I remember Wayne.
151
00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:51,390
He was the best guy I ever went out
with.
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Until, you know, he cheated on me.
153
00:09:57,490 --> 00:09:58,970
You liked him that much, huh?
154
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:03,440
Oh. I waited forever for him to make it
up to me, but he never did.
155
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:06,980
One of my biggest disappointments.
156
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,220
Probably he would have changed my life
forever.
157
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,160
Why do you bring him up?
158
00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:19,040
Um, he's dead.
159
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:22,940
I just thought that you should know.
160
00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:27,700
Well, he's probably not going to be
looking me up now.
161
00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:28,980
That's probably not.
162
00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:31,530
Hey, I just signed for these flowers.
163
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:35,930
They're from someone named Wayne.
164
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:41,390
Get rid of them. What? What is going on?
165
00:10:45,330 --> 00:10:46,630
Who are the flowers for?
166
00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:49,270
Um, Angie.
167
00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:52,670
Oh, yeah, why does it say rest in peace?
168
00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:55,190
Well, good luck, my son, because she
needs her rest.
169
00:10:57,710 --> 00:10:59,710
Then why does it say in loving memory?
170
00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:02,290
In memory of the loving. Any more
questions?
171
00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:07,750
Yeah. How many times are you going to
mention sleeping with my daughter before
172
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,750
leave the room?
173
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,830
Okay, look, I'm sorry. We both know
she's an angel.
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00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:14,370
So she walks up those stairs. I love
her.
175
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:22,190
Come on, George. What are the flowers
really for?
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00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:24,650
You got something for Wayne, didn't you?
177
00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:27,990
All right. Yeah, they're for Wayne's
funeral.
178
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:30,490
I'm going to take them over there, you
know, because I always kind of like the
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00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,630
guy. Oh, my God.
180
00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:33,530
Wayne is dead?
181
00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:37,750
He was just here yesterday.
182
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:03,240
to see you, okay, Mom? He knew that he
was dying. And he wrote down some last
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00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:04,240
words for you.
184
00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:07,900
Sorry about everything.
185
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:09,680
Forget about me.
186
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,160
Never blame George.
187
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,620
Let me see that.
188
00:12:15,780 --> 00:12:16,780
Continues.
189
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:22,360
I am writing and disappearing ink
because I don't want anyone to...
190
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,700
Wayne was here yesterday because he
wanted to see you, Mom. I told him you
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00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,800
dead, and these flowers are for you.
192
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,260
Why didn't you tell me?
193
00:12:57,260 --> 00:13:00,000
Because he cheated on you once, and I
didn't want to see you get hurt again
194
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,000
because you're my mom.
195
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:03,320
Really?
196
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,140
Oh, that's nice.
197
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,160
But it's a lie.
198
00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:13,500
Now tell me the truth, or I'll rip off
one of Dumbo's ears!
199
00:13:21,580 --> 00:13:22,580
There's nothing to tell.
200
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:27,100
It was all George's idea. He set up the
whole thing.
201
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,920
All right, all right.
202
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,320
All right, here's what happened.
203
00:13:33,820 --> 00:13:38,260
But just remember this is the 70s. Disco
Duck was a hit. White people had afros,
204
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,280
Mom. Nothing made sense.
205
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,760
Hey, George, George, George. I got my
mom's bra.
206
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,390
But if you have that, Where's Kipper and
Gilligan sleeping?
207
00:13:58,610 --> 00:13:59,610
George,
208
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:09,490
take your girlfriend and go play dolls
someplace else.
209
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:22,840
for 20 years.
210
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,720
Hated men?
211
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,940
Not on Friday and Saturday nights?
212
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,380
How dumb do you think I was? I knew
there wasn't a ghost in your room.
213
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:38,700
No ghost calls out men's names.
214
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,900
Well, now I get it.
215
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:46,340
I never understood why a ghost would
haunt for 10 minutes, go use your
216
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:47,440
then haunt again.
217
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,010
for you, but not for me.
218
00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:07,090
What's he mean to you?
219
00:15:07,570 --> 00:15:10,470
Did he smack you around when I wasn't in
the room?
220
00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:12,830
Because that's okay. I gave him
permission.
221
00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:16,790
It wasn't like that.
222
00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:24,110
Mom, mom, guess what? The coach picked
me to be on the all -star team.
223
00:15:27,950 --> 00:15:29,490
Oh, that's great.
224
00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:32,670
That means you're better than all the
other water boys.
225
00:15:36,910 --> 00:15:39,650
and you promised you'd go if I made the
team.
226
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:43,610
Okay. Quit your whining. I will be
there.
227
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:45,910
Babe? Babe?
228
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:48,630
I got a big surprise.
229
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:51,130
George, go to your room. Turn on the
stereo.
230
00:15:52,470 --> 00:15:56,870
Oh, no, not that. I met with this
investor guy. He may want to franchise
231
00:15:56,870 --> 00:16:00,290
business. I'm going to go to the fondue
place with him Saturday night, try to
232
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:01,290
seal the deal.
233
00:16:01,450 --> 00:16:02,730
Babe, I really need you there.
234
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:06,440
You can't go, Mom. You promised you'd be
at my all -star game.
235
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,000
I know, but Wayne needs me.
236
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:16,320
If you really are an all -star, you'll
make the team next year, and I'll go to
237
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,320
that game.
238
00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:28,200
You couldn't share me, so you
239
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,200
ruined my life.
240
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:31,980
I didn't know what...
241
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:34,510
Wayne meant you, Mom. I was 10. I didn't
know anything.
242
00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:37,290
I thought it would be cool if you
married Elton John.
243
00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:43,770
George, Wayne could have made our lives
so much better, but you blew it.
244
00:16:44,650 --> 00:16:47,710
Mom, I feel horrible about this, but
there's nothing I can do. It was a long
245
00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:48,449
time ago.
246
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:52,050
It wasn't a long time ago. He came by
the other day, and you told him I was
247
00:16:52,050 --> 00:16:53,050
dead.
248
00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:55,290
You lied.
249
00:16:56,290 --> 00:16:59,290
You're always calling me a liar, but you
are no better.
250
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,110
Yes, I am. I only lied once.
251
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,180
Really? Is this the first time Wayne
tried to contact me?
252
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:08,760
Yes.
253
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:15,859
No, he comes by every time he's single.
It's been seven times in the last 30
254
00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:17,599
years. Oh, he misses you greatly.
255
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:21,700
Seven times.
256
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:25,640
Okay, so I was raised by the biggest
liar in the world.
257
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,660
You told me for my birthday that you got
me a cat like a special breed called
258
00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:31,660
the nut cat.
259
00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:39,290
almost tore off my whole face at least i
didn't ruin your life i'm gonna die
260
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:44,090
alone thanks to you no you're not mom
because i'm gonna find wayne and i'm
261
00:17:44,090 --> 00:17:47,970
fix this i'm gonna give you guys a
second chance you told him i was dead so
262
00:17:47,970 --> 00:17:50,850
tell him the truth and i promise you mom
when he sees you he's gonna think
263
00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:54,610
you're as beautiful now as you were 30
years ago okay i'm lying and now i can't
264
00:17:54,610 --> 00:17:55,610
stop
265
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,270
I told you I picked it.
266
00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:08,510
What's going on?
267
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:09,810
I brought Wayne here.
268
00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:12,130
He wants to catch up, regenerate love.
269
00:18:14,530 --> 00:18:15,530
Hello, Benita.
270
00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:17,290
It's been a long time.
271
00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:19,210
Wayne.
272
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:20,970
It's good to see you again.
273
00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:23,050
I'll be right out.
274
00:18:24,650 --> 00:18:26,730
Why didn't you tell me I was going to
see him tonight?
275
00:18:27,290 --> 00:18:29,590
Geez, I would have worn more makeup and
less underwear.
276
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:32,890
Hey, she's wearing underwear again.
277
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,700
Okay, this might work out.
278
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,560
Yeah, I hope so. You know, it feels good
not having this hanging over my head
279
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,340
anymore. Well, if you don't lie in the
first place, then you don't have to
280
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:52,400
about hurting people.
281
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,500
No, I don't know about that. Some lies
are actually good for people like you,
282
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,960
for example. Don't tell me. No, your
wedding ring, you should know.
283
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,180
I don't want to hear it.
284
00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:03,120
Someone tries to steal it, don't fight
for it.
285
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:06,960
Should I fight for my diamond earrings?
286
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,070
Only if that guy's small. Damn it.
287
00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:15,610
Hey,
288
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:21,130
what did he say to you? All the right
things. We're going to a motel. What?
289
00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:28,150
I'm trying to take things slow this
time. I'm going to sleep with him, but
290
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:31,290
things don't work out, I do not want him
to know where I live.
291
00:19:32,870 --> 00:19:34,930
I got a good feeling about this.
292
00:19:38,060 --> 00:19:40,880
I feel bad for the people in the next
room. They don't know the motel is
293
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:41,880
haunted.
23826
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