All language subtitles for george_lopez_s05e18_helps_ernie

Parale, Lady Susan.

It's not your break time. Get back to
work. There are no parts to inspect.

they're only slowing down the line.

You might want to wake up Queen Latina.

Is the toast ready?

What are you doing sleeping on the job?

Oh, I'm sorry, George. I just sat down
for a minute to rest my knees. I guess I

must have knotted off.

I don't know why they're bothering me so
much.

You know, you're supposed to listen to
your body, and right now your knees are

screaming, you're crushing us, eat a
salad.

So I gained a couple of pounds.

A couple of pounds? You're huge.

You know, you might want to check your
belly button. I think I saw a cat crawl

in there to have kittens.

Your sore knees are slowing down
production.

You know, Ernie, maybe if you lost a few
pounds... Hey, you know what?

I'm doing fine, all right? If anything's
slowing me down, it's you asking me

questions while I have work to do. Now
leave me alone.

Vamanos. I gotta go pick up a load with
my forklift.

Is it your lunch?

You better take that back. Don't eat me.

Mom, ease up on Ernie. Oh, what do you
care?

I'm the manager, and it's my job to
defend the workers.

You never defended me.

That's not true.

I cleaned the stall in the men's room
where all that nasty stuff was written

about you.

What did it say?

I don't remember. I wrote it a long time
ago.

Ernie wants mini donuts. There's no
stopping him, huh?

Could you lose control of the forklift?
I don't know what happened.

The steering wheel just locked up on me.

God, I bet people are already making
jokes about me hitting the vending

No. I said no one makes jokes about my
friend in my factory.

Besides, they're going crazy in the
parking lot.

He wants dibs on your tusks.

Hey, Ernie. How you doing?

I'm fine.

I'm sorry about the accident, Mel. Oh,
don't you worry about it, buddy. You

what? Accidents happen.

We can replace that vending machine and
the forklift, but we can't replace you.

That's a lot, Mel.

All right.

Time to replace Lardo.

What? The guys in the shop checked the
forklift. There is nothing wrong with

steering wheel. Ernie couldn't turn the
wheel because his gut is too big. That's

ridiculous, Mel. Look, his gut might be
big enough to accidentally push buttons

on the copier.

But it's not big enough to jam a
steering wheel.

How many copies? 500.

But I'll tell you this. If we can't find
Larry's cat, it's not because we didn't

get the word out.

It's not just the accident. He's gotten
too big to do his job.

Fire him.

Mel, you just can't fire somebody for
being overweight.

No, my lawyer said that if Ernie is
slowing down production and wrecking

equipment, those are undue burdens, and
I can fire him for that.

Okay, then you can't fire somebody
without giving him a warning.

Look, Ernie's one of our best employees.
Give him a chance to lose the weight.

He's not going to be able to do that.
These fatties have no self -control.

They're just weak people.

Come on, Mel. I mean, you should
understand. I mean, you're an alcoholic.

Who told you that?

Someone in the meeting talked?

Margaret F. in accounting?

When she's drinking, that F isn't for
faithful, my friend.

Just give Ernie some time, okay? I give
you my word, he'll lose the weight.

All right, fine.

I'll give him a month to lose 20 pounds.

But if he doesn't, he's out of here.
Don't worry, Mel. I'll whip him into

By the end of the month, hey, he'll be
back down to a seat cup.

You can't motivate anyone.

I just need to think of a way for him to
kill his appetite.

Mom, you have any naked pictures of
yourself?

That last one tasted like hot dog.

Hey, George.

Oh, glad to see the accident didn't hurt
your appetite.

Oh, hombre, it was like a wake -up call.
I realized how precious life is.

You gotta savor it, watch out.

That's great, Ernie, but do you have to
deep -fry life and dip it in blue cheese

dressing?

This is ranch, smartass.

Ernie, you gotta stop eating.

Man, I mean...

People at the factory are asking me when
you're due.

Man, I know I'm a little huskier, but
I'm happy with who I am. Besides, it's

what's on the outside that counts. It's
what's on the inside.

Yeah, and beauty's only skin deep
inside. It doesn't matter. You know who

that? Ugly people out there with tiny
churros.

You know, you gotta quit making fun of
people's appearances.

There's not a hat in the world that
would fit that head.

Oh, that was mean.

I thought you people were supposed to be
jolly.

Come on, man. Look, your productivity is
down and you crashed a forklift because

your thumb is too big.

Mel told me he's going to give you a
month to lose 20 pounds, so you're out

job.

I'd like to see him try and fire me.

I'll sue.

I'll own the plant.

Why are you making such a big deal out
of this, man? Lose a few pounds, it'll

good for you. No, George.

I'm tired of everyone pushing me around.

Enough's enough.

It's time I pushed back.

For once in my life, I'm going to stand
up for my own dignity.

The ship has sailed on this dignity
thing.

here this morning? Well, Ernie's coming
over and we want him to lose weight, so

I need to get rid of all the fattening
food.

Well, you don't have to eat it. Why
don't you just hide it? This is for

He has no self -control.

Now go to the store and want ice cream.

You know, if I close my eyes, I could
swear a little girl is punching this

And visualize something that really
annoys you and hit it as hard as you

I want to, but the bag's in the way.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

I thought we were going to watch a game.

Oh, I'm taping it. I thought maybe we
could throw a few punches. Hey, why

you take over? All right, I'll do it,
Sean.

Remember, pace yourself.

Start with a couple of jabs, then throw
in some combinations.

Take it easy. That's connected to the
house. You're going to bring the whole

thing down.

George,

he's never going to get a workout this
way.

Workout?

Hey, I came over here to watch a game.
What, are you guys trying to trick me

into exercising?

Why, would that make you mad enough to
chase me around the block three times a

week before work?

Cut it out. I don't want to exercise.

Look, Ernie, you've got to do something,
man. You're going to end up as heavy as

your mom.

Hey, watch it now.

Ernie, your mother is morbidly obese.

You inherited her genes.

If you don't exercise and eat better,
you're headed for diabetes and heart

disease.

You know, you two would be in a world of
hurt if I hadn't just unleashed on that

bag.

Hey, and just so you know, I already
talked to a lawyer, and he sent a letter

the Powers Brothers saying that if they
fire me, I'm going to sue them for

wrongful termination.

Ernie, you can't win in court, okay?
Mel's got a real lawyer.

Not a guy who's advertising on the same
bus he's riding on.

You know what?

If you were really my friend, you'd
accept me the way I am.

Because when I look at the two mirrors
that I put up side by side of my house,

I'm okay with what I see.

So what's a nice, healthy snack of
carrots?

Nice try.

What? You're pushing carrots, but you
got cake in your teeth.

You're a horrible host.

What happened?

Couldn't get through to Ernie.

It's hopeless.

I've had patients like that.

They fill their emptiness with greasy
french fries and deep fry down your

Bacon cheeseburger dripping with
saturated fat.

I'm gonna make a run. Anyone want
anything?

Dad, your boss is here.

Mel, what's going on? I just got a
letter from Ernie's lawyer accusing me

being prejudiced against fat people.

Does no one remember how big my second
wife was?

Oh, yeah, I remember Cheryl.

She wore that green dress to the
Christmas party and you fired that guy

accidentally put an ornament on her.

George, I want you to fire Ernie.

Come on, Mel. Ernie's a great worker.
Save it.

All right, you gave him a warning, and
instead of losing the weight, he turns

around and he sues me. No, I don't want
to see Ernie at that factory again.

But this job is all he has, Mel. It's
going to be crushed.

All right, do what I did to my second
wife.

Write your eye to here on a cake.

That way she was able to get good news
and bad news.

Well, what are you going to do?

Well, I think I can get Mel to change
his mind if I could get Ernie to drop

lawsuit.

I don't know how I'm going to get him to
do that. I mean, he won't even admit he

has a problem.

It's a defense mechanism.

Ernie's eating emotionally to cover up
some pain.

The question is, what is Ernie's pain?

He's not married.

He doesn't have a girlfriend.

It's got to be that he's lonely.

The irony is, the more he eats, the less
attractive he becomes to women.

subconsciously he's eating to reject
women before they reject him. It's a

-fulfilling prophecy.

You know, there might be an emotional
reason behind this.

You didn't hear a word I said.

I think I'm on to something.

the place next door for lunch.

Later. I need a new suit. Hey, and if
you don't listen to me and take Mel to

court, you're going to need one too.

That's a good idea.

All I got is my lucky purple suit from
prom.

Lucky, you went with your cousin and she
gave birth in the bathroom.

Can I help you, gentlemen?

We're looking for a couple of suits.

Now, I know what I want, but my friend
here might need some help. Are we

shopping for a special occasion?

Well, I might be in court.

Yeah, I'll be standing up there for my
rights, and my man here will be right

beside me. Oh, good for you.

They'll take our taxes, but they won't
let us walk down the aisle.

It's not like that, man. We're not gay.

That's a weird thing to just blurt out
like that, George.

What size pants do you wear?

Oh, well, now, I used to be 36, but I
gained a few pounds since then, so I

I'm 38, 40.

And what shall we be doing with the
other leg?

Hey, man, if my friend says he's a 40,
then he's a 40. Get him a 40.

Okay.

I got a 40 over here.

You rip it, you buy it.

I look around for pants in a different
style.

Don't sweat it, man. They run small.

These are one size bigger.

Try these.

Oh, now we're talking.

Do they fit?

Yeah. These feel good.

It's like they were made for me.

I guess I'm going to have to accept the
fact that I'm a 42 now.

Ernie, I brought those.

Those are your mom's pants. They're a
50, man. Mel told me to fire you. You're

obese and you're gonna die.

I kind of meant to space that out, but,
well, you know, here we are.

Oh, my God.

These are my mom's church pants.

And they fit.

I want to rub it in, but they look a
little tight in the waist.

I'm wearing fat lady pants.

How did this happen?

Dude, outside of Chicago, your stomach
is the biggest beef processing plant in

the country.

I tried to stop eating, but I couldn't.

Ever since I moved out of my parents'
house, I just started gaining all this

weight. You know, Ernie, your life was
supposed to get better when you got your

own bachelor pad. Girls buy the pool
parties.

No girl would be interested in me.

Well, not now. You made sure of that.

What do you mean?

Look, you've always been afraid of women
rejecting you.

When you were living with your parents,
you used that as your excuse.

When you moved out, you needed another
one. So what did you do, man? You gained

so much weight that you guaranteed that
women would reject you.

I was explaining this to Angie
yesterday. It's called a self

prophylactic.

That makes sense.

I never thought of it like that.

God, look at me.

I'm such a loser.

You're not a loser.

You're a good guy with a great heart
that happens to be working its ass off

right now.

How am I ever going to lose 20 pounds by
the end of the month?

Look, I'm going to help you.

Okay, we'll work out together.

I got your back no matter what, Ernie.
Hey, if Kirstie Alley can kind of do it,

then so can you.

Thanks, George.

And you know what? I'm going to start
today.

Yeah, I'm going to have a salad for
lunch, and then I'm going to go for a

Yeah, well, let's start with some speed
walking.

I'm not too fast to jog.

It's not that. These pants you ripped
cost $200.

Move it. You're in training. All right.

Where are you going?

It's the sound of all these zippers. I
got to get them home.

Hey, George.

Call Mel.

You ready to weigh in? Hey, no problem.

Watch out.

myself, I lost 22 pounds in one month.

Did you celebrate?

Yeah, I sure did.

I doubled my portion of cauliflower.

That was good.

Vegetables, fruits.

I can't get enough of those.

I miss pizza so much.

And fried chicken.

And gravy.

And mashed potatoes.

Here's one of your carrots. Look, eat
one of your carrots.

You've had your month. Let's do this.
Remember, anything less than 20 pounds,

and you're out of here.

I think you're going to be proud of me,
Mel. Yeah?

I've been dieting and working out hard.

I think you're in for a big surprise.

Yeah, not as big a surprise as that
scale's in for.

What? Huh?

Oh.

What's it say?

Hang on. It's still spinning.

Hey, he lost 17 pounds.

That's almost 20. Isn't that great, Mel?

Almost may work with horseshoes and
landing gear.

But not when you made a promise.

I don't understand.

I've been working out hard. I counted
calories.

This is the hardest thing I ever had to
do in my whole life.

Wait a minute. What were you wearing
last night when you weighed yourself?

Oh, I was naked.

I bet if I take my clothes off, I'll
make it for sure.

That's all right. That's all right.
Well, come back, Ernie.

Hey, George.

Thanks, man. I could have done it
without you.

Okay, just remember, you got to keep it
up, okay?

Got to stay strong.

Hey, watch out.

All right, take it easy.

Congratulations on losing the weight,
Ernie.

You know, there is a pool that says you
won't be able to keep it off.

Are you in on it?

No, of course not.

Your health is worth more to me than
$50.

Someone has picked the lock on the new
vending machine.

Why, a fella could eat anything he
wants.

Ernie!

You know what? I'm not hungry.

Why do those drapes give you strength?

Back to work, Bat.

for feeling prophylactic.

Um, Nancy, uh, I was wondering if you
weren't doing anything this weekend.

we could... You know what? Never mind.

Yo, Nancy.

Friday, 8 o 'clock, dinner, you and me.
What do you say?

Don't jump on a fault line.