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Sleep in heavenly peace.
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Okay, love.
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George, you have to hear this. We're
hipping up the Christmas music to
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younger people to the church.
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Come on, Angie. I want you guys to be
practicing. I got a lot of work to do.
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We've only got one more song.
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Well, hurry up. I don't need to be
listening to that stuff in my own house.
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The angel did say, what do certain poor
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shepherds in fields as they lay? Break
it down, y 'all.
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In fields as they lay. Keeping their
sheep on a pole with a knife that was so
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deep.
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You have the power to stop this.
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you think about New South, George?
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Tell me the truth.
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I think it's great, Father.
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Forgive me, Father, for I have just
lied.
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So, we'll rehearse here again next
Wednesday, Father.
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Do you mind, George?
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Father, I want to do whatever Angie
wants to do.
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Say,
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have you two ever considered doing some
marriage counseling?
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I don't think so, Father. I think once
the kids are out of the house, we'll
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a way to make it work again.
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No, no, no. I meant counseling other
couples.
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Because I think you two have one of the
strongest relationships in the
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congregation. Oh, George, and I would
love to help out, Father.
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See, you always do this, all right?
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Don't just jump at it, Angie. How much
does it pay? George!
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It's only five Mondays, George.
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I don't think so, Father. I'm pretty
busy at work. I mean, I know you've
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the vow of poverty, but I can't wear the
same clothes to work every day.
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That's too bad, George, because my
sermon this Sunday was going to be
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the Church.
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And I have one more opening.
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All right, I'll do it, Father. But under
one condition.
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I don't want to sit on the wooden pews.
I like a soft chair with a cup holder
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like at the movies.
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I cannot do that, George.
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We'll be there, Father. You're going to
do it again, huh?
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00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:53,020
Okay, if I can't have the chair, how
about if you put me in the background of
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one of the stained glass windows? How
about as a waiter at the Last Supper,
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I'm the only one that knows what Judith
is up to. He's sitting right there, and
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I'm like this.
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Okay, next topic.
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Very important.
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Dealing with finances.
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Oh, we haven't really talked about that.
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Well...
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It's the number one cause of divorce.
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You want to tell them how we share
financial responsibility?
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Love conquers everything.
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I balance the checkbook while George
handles our savings.
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Yeah, but with all the checks she
writes, I don't have to worry about any
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savings.
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You see, humor is very important in a
marriage.
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What's going on?
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Benny, this is Andrew and Tina. We're
doing premarital counseling for them.
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Holy crap.
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You're giving marriage advice?
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Where are you going after this?
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A driving lesson with Stevie Wonder?
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Enjoy your smoke, Mother.
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your relations with your future in
-laws?
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Both our parents passed away.
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Congratulations.
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Okay, do you plan on having children?
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Yes.
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Are you planning on working after having
children? No, I want to stay home and
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raise the kids.
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That's what I did. It's the hardest job
you can ever have.
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Yeah, it's the hardest job you can ever
have.
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See, I work in a factory. That's easy.
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When my boss is screaming at me, I just
put him on my boob to suckle.
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It shuts him right up. That's okay.
That's okay. The budget can wait.
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I'm not saying what you do isn't hard,
but we agreed that a healthy marriage is
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a 50 -50 partnership. Isn't that right?
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Absolutely.
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That's what you said, and that's what I
agreed to.
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You know what? Your workbook has more
material on finances. We should move on
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the next topic, which is intimacy.
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Okay. I think I got it from here.
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Welcome to my schoolhouse, where the
very best grade you can get is bad. And
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mean very bad.
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It's not written right there, but just
remember, although the freaks come out
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night.
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Why don't we talk about this separately,
huh?
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All right, Andrew, come with me.
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Remember, the key to intimacy isn't
facts. It's about listening to your
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and responding to her needs.
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The one way to true intimacy is... Look.
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Just light candles and hug her when it's
over, man. Let's just watch TV.
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How do you know if you really satisfied
your wife in bed?
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Take it easy, man.
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Relax, all right?
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There's books and tapes on this stuff.
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Are there any you recommend?
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Well, dude, I don't need them because I
don't care. I'm a natural.
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00:06:57,910 --> 00:07:01,230
Oh, cool. You got the game on. Hey,
Ernie, this is Andrew, the guy that's
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getting married that I told you about.
Oh, congratulations.
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So, um, what have you learned so far?
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have to talk about finances.
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Humor's important, and it's a
partnership. You've got to share the
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But you always complain that you do more
work, like it's 80 -20.
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Mr. Lopez, you agreed with your wife it
was 50 -50.
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You agree with your wife that it's 50
-50?
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I said what I did in there because this
counseling stuff is like traffic school.
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All right? You just got to get through
it.
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Lying is part of marriage.
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All right? And you can trust me on that
because I'm a hero of the church.
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But I thought you were supposed to be
completely honest with your wife all the
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time.
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I'm sorry. Are you the counselor and I'm
the guy that doesn't know how to
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satisfy his wife?
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That was a little harsh.
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Look, I can't let you go into this with
your eyes closed. You have unrealistic
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expectations. All right? I love my wife.
I respect her. But I do more of the
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work.
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Listen up, rookie. Here's my day, okay?
I'm up at 6. I bring in the paper. I
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take out the trash.
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Then I go to work for 10 hours and come
home to a list of chores.
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Here's my wife's day. She makes a list
of chores.
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And I don't know what... else she does,
but apparently it's just so exhausting.
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Man, 80, 20.
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I'm working overtime as it is. I don't
know if I can handle anymore.
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Well, you got the rings and the tux.
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Maybe you can figure it out as you walk
down the aisle.
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Can I have a beer?
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Yeah, man, they're in the fridge. Help
yourself.
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You know, it's funny. I didn't even want
to do this counseling stuff, but I
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think that I'm really good at it.
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Hey, maybe you could help me with my
dating problems.
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Dude, I just talk to people, but I don't
have magical powers.
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it's actually dream weaver and it's one
of my favorites it's in the garage what
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is going on andrew said that you told
him that your
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marriage wasn't 50 50 then you do all
the work and all that she does is make
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lists of more work for you to do george
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tina do whatever you can to get that man
back because he really listens
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00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,120
You went to find Andrew to work this
out.
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00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:47,360
Why would you tell him all that crap?
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I had no idea he was going to call off
the wedding.
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Congratulations, George.
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You have ruined one relationship and
severely damaged another.
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Which one are we?
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Do you really think you do more than me?
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00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:10,710
Angie, I'm just saying that with my job
at the factory and everything I do
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around the house, I got a lot on my
plate.
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The only reason there's anything on your
plate is because I do all the cooking.
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00:11:18,190 --> 00:11:22,910
And I drive the kids around, and I clean
the house, and run a business on the
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side.
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I'm not saying that you don't have busy
mornings.
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Dammit, I work all day.
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Sorry, okay, I know, I know.
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All right?
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Sometimes I take for granted everything
you do around here.
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By the way, what was on Oprah yesterday?
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It was about clueless husbands who don't
realize
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that wives can do housework and watch TV
at the same time.
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Sounds a little convenient, but okay.
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00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,420
Look, what does it matter who does more?
This isn't a contest, Angie. We're not
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keeping score.
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00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:08,470
Let's have a contest and keep score.
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You don't want to do this, Angie.
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Why? Are you afraid when we add it all
up, I'll prove I do a lot more than your
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golf -playing, TV -watching, cigar
-smoking, lazy butt?
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Okay.
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Just like the TV in this house in the
afternoon, it's on!
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Whoever loses has to do all the winner's
chores for a month.
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All right, we need a point system.
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I think work around the house should be
worth five points.
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Anything with the kid, ten.
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00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,600
Anything having to do with our jobs,
five points an hour.
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What about all the other stuff that we
do for each other?
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Like what?
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Well, last night I think I earned a good
30 points.
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And by the way, you're welcome.
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I'm going to give myself five points for
that.
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00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:16,920
Why should you get the point? Because I
consider that a household chore.
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Really?
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Because you don't make faces like that
when you're folding socks.
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What? I said it's on.
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00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,300
your dad. Don't worry about it.
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Now go clean your room.
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00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,640
Hey, where have you guys been?
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Dad took me to that new skate park. It
was awesome.
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00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,880
We had the best time, didn't we, son?
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I love you. Give me a hug.
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Here's that candy bar you asked for,
honey bear.
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I wanted your mom to see this.
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00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:02,760
Just fed him lunch. Ten more.
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00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,900
A candy bar does not count as lunch.
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00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:13,260
Well, I don't think that tuna sandwich
you made me counted as lunch either.
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00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:16,820
But I still gave you the points all
night. I was like...
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00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,340
I just listened to Carmen's boy
troubles. That's ten for me.
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00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:28,040
Just for listening to her troubles? No
way.
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00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:29,980
She's still upset.
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00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,540
You want to go upstairs and help her
deal with her feelings?
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00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,240
Take your stinking points.
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00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,540
Hey, where's Max?
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00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,220
I promised him I couldn't listen.
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00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:40,580
He's inside, Daddy.
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00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,020
Hey, Vic.
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00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:46,660
Tell me how you learned to play back in
Cuba, because I'd love to hear that
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00:15:46,660 --> 00:15:47,660
story.
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00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,400
Well...
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00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,800
I was six when I learned the rhythm of
the island.
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00:15:55,680 --> 00:16:00,940
An old fisherman who lived down the road
in a shack, Pepe the Conguero,
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00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:05,660
saw my hands and knew that I had the
gift.
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00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,920
If we both have to listen to the story,
we both get the point.
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00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,400
One day,
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00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:17,920
On Pepper's deathbed.
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00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:21,780
Yeah, yeah, he died at the end, very
sad. Oh, laundry must be done. Five
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00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:22,780
for me.
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00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,660
What are these points you two are
talking about?
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00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,020
Angie and I are fighting about which one
of us does more work around here, so we
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00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:30,020
decided to keep score.
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00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:31,060
Are you crazy?
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00:16:31,380 --> 00:16:32,960
This is not a contest you can win.
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00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:39,520
Actually, it looks like I can't lose.
She's behind 60 points.
219
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,020
No, no, no, no. Listen to me.
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00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:45,560
When I was with Emelina, I always had to
be the superior one.
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I made her feel like she wasn't
important.
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00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:54,040
Then one day, she left me for someone
who made her feel like she was.
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00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:57,620
Look, Angie's not going to leave me over
this.
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00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,340
I didn't think Amelina was going to
leave me either.
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00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:06,960
When a woman feels unappreciated, it's
the beginning of something more serious.
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00:17:09,579 --> 00:17:12,859
Look, Angie thinks we do the same amount
of work around here and we don't. So
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00:17:12,859 --> 00:17:15,000
what? Let her think that.
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00:17:17,109 --> 00:17:20,609
George, seems like a small price to pay
for a lifetime of happiness.
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00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:23,329
I guess you're right.
230
00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:26,630
I'd rather make Angie happy than end up
sad and lonely like you.
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00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:38,050
Okay, five o 'clock.
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00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:39,250
Ready to do this?
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00:17:39,270 --> 00:17:41,410
Yep, I just need to add up my school.
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00:17:42,430 --> 00:17:44,590
Well, looks like their contest is
finally over.
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00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,190
What contest?
236
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:51,150
Max, haven't you noticed? Mom and Dad
are trying to prove who does more so
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00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,950
get points whenever they spend time with
us.
238
00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:54,450
What?
239
00:17:55,710 --> 00:17:57,410
How long has this been going on?
240
00:17:58,770 --> 00:17:59,770
Since you were three.
241
00:18:04,070 --> 00:18:05,070
Okay.
242
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:06,550
You go first.
243
00:18:07,230 --> 00:18:09,090
I had 90 points.
244
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,090
Oh, man, I had 90 points, too.
245
00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:14,950
It's a tie. You were right. Our marriage
is 50 -50.
246
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,840
That means that we're both important and
I appreciate you and you can never
247
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:20,840
leave me.
248
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,640
You didn't let me finish.
249
00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:27,720
I had 90 points up until today.
250
00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:35,060
Plus another 30. That means I have 120
total, which means I kicked your
251
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:36,060
butt. Oh, yeah.
252
00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:47,930
Is that you feel important?
253
00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:49,510
Oh, no.
254
00:18:50,050 --> 00:18:54,790
What's important is that you start doing
my chores.
255
00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:57,190
Get busy, Mrs. Lopez.
256
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,270
Look, I won, damn it.
257
00:19:01,950 --> 00:19:05,710
Sure you did. I said we tried to protect
our marriage, but I don't care about
258
00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:06,710
our marriage anymore. I won.
259
00:19:09,470 --> 00:19:10,470
Oh, yeah?
260
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:11,730
Prove it.
261
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:15,530
It's right here.
262
00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:17,070
I just need some tape in a couple hours.
263
00:19:18,370 --> 00:19:23,550
I wouldn't take too long with that.
You've got to get dinner started.
264
00:19:26,270 --> 00:19:29,070
Look, Angie, who cares about who won or
who lost, huh?
265
00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:32,930
I've got to admit something to you.
266
00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:38,710
All that stuff that you do around here,
especially the stuff with the kids, I
267
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:43,430
didn't realize it was so hard, and I
should have never taken you for granted.
268
00:19:43,430 --> 00:19:44,990
love you so much.
269
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:46,770
Come on. Honey.
270
00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:48,970
Oh.
271
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:51,810
Nice try.
272
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,710
Now I've got a game to watch.
273
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,030
Wear something sexy when you vacuum.
274
00:20:03,210 --> 00:20:07,190
I can't. Those bicycle shorts wore out.
The string came out and when I peddled
275
00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:08,190
it...
276
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,320
Not now. My girl's on.
277
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:25,620
Who are you talking about? Oprah.
278
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,420
She found this woman who was chained in
the basement for eight years.
279
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,260
And now she's paying her way through law
school.
280
00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,920
And I'm pretty sure everyone in the
audience is getting scooters.
281
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,600
But they don't know it.
282
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:45,200
Well, my meeting's going to run late
tonight, so I don't think I'll be home
283
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,200
dinner.
284
00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:49,660
George?
285
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:50,920
Something wrong?
286
00:20:51,930 --> 00:20:52,930
Is there something wrong?
287
00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:55,530
My hair.
288
00:20:55,650 --> 00:20:58,470
I got it cut two days ago. You haven't
said a word. I don't know why I tried.
289
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:01,510
I'm sorry.
290
00:21:01,530 --> 00:21:02,610
I've just been so busy.
291
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:04,309
Just go.
292
00:21:04,310 --> 00:21:05,310
Okay.
23775
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