All language subtitles for george_lopez_s04e24_negoti-ate_it

What are you doing?

Hey, did you see where Mom hid my
birthday present?

No, but you'll never find my gift,
because I haven't made it yet.

You're going to make me something fun
that's so sweet, if you were three.

Now it's just cheap, so hit the mall,
little man, and don't come back here

a picture of you on a T -shirt. I know
what you look like.

Nice try, Angie. Hello.

Don't be a jackass. Wait for your
birthday.

Morning, honey.

Nice ass.

If you like it now, wait till I unwrap
it. Watch out. Circular.

Would you stop looking for your gift?
You're never going to find it.

But I'll tell you this much.

It'll be the most amazing thing I'll
ever do for you.

You found a stranger as long as you
think she's pretty.

Not bad.

Hey, the cute delivery guy left this out
front.

Why didn't he come to the door?

He asked if I was willing to accept a
package.

We had a little misunderstanding.

That's from Jason's father in
Switzerland. It must be the custody

What custody papers?

We're going to become Jason's legal
guardians.

The couple that can't discipline their
own kids is going to take in a six -foot

-four jock who's coming off steroids.

Why don't you just adopt that monkey
that ripped that guy's face off?

And who's going to groom you Sunday
nights?

It's just for three months that he goes
to college.

His own father pushed him onto steroids.
He's kind of lost right now. He needs

some guidance.

You realize, Angie, we are now owners of
a white boy.

I've rented, but never owned.

When we go shopping, we're going to have
to go in the Caucasian aisle.

Get mayonnaise, sunscreen, and a mild
salsa, because the other one's really

We'll even have to start watching PBS.

We just signed the custody papers.
Welcome to the family. Oh, my God.

Yo, Angelina Jolie, stop kissing your
brother, cochina.

Mr. Lopez, since we're family now, I
could really use your help with

You know, Jason, I want you to look at
me as your father, so if you have any

problem whatsoever, please go to Angie
now.

We're done here now. Give me a beer,
son.

Jason, what's the matter?

I got drafted to play minor league
baseball, but I got two college

coming today for football.

I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I remember when I was your age and I had
to choose between two offers.

The taco stand was coming at me hard
with my own hairnet.

Then the car wash at the last minute
stepped up with a sponge and big black

boots.

I was internally torn.

If the signing bonus was bigger, I'd go
with baseball.

But it'd be nice to get a college
education.

I thought you were going to pick USC so
we can stay together.

Don't leave. I want to be with you
forever.

Honey, I'll tell you what I told your
dad when he was 16.

Desperate and clingy does not make
someone love you more.

So you think it's desperate and clingy
to follow your girlfriend to

camp in Phoenix because you're afraid
she might talk to another guy and forget

all about you?

I call that devotion.

Watch out.

All right, Mr. Lopez.

If you were in my position, what would
you pick?

Would you go with football or baseball?

I can't tell you what to do, Jason, but
I'll tell you what.

I'll sit through the meetings with you,
listen to what everybody has to say. If

you get overwhelmed, just turn to me.

Because I'm Mr. Calm, Cool, and Watch
Out. Not yet, wait for it.

Collected.

I'm here to see Jason McInerney.

Donovan McNabb, I can't believe it, son!

Hey, man, you want some soup or
something?

Is your mom here? Mom!

Syracuse has some great receivers this
year, so you'll be throwing the ball a

lot.

I'm going to stop you right there.

I'm going to do this official because I
know I can only talk to designated

coaches who are certified recruiters.
So, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to

sign in.

I'm supposed to sign in on a football?

We're out of paper.

Make it out to your best buddy, George,
and, you know, put the date and time,

please, sir.

It must be your competition from Central
Florida.

Oh, crap.

Dante Culpepper. Seen him at the coffee
shop looking through maps.

I can't believe this.

Mr.

Culpepper, please come in.

Donovan, Dante.

Dante, Donovan.

This is awkward.

Did you steal my day planner?

This is the third kid you beat me to.

Beat you to a Super Bowl too, didn't I?

Yeah,

you did. But you lost though.

Oh!

Smell that? Somebody got burned. Lean
back.

doing in that? Well, since the recruiter
from USC couldn't make it till

tomorrow, I'm representing the school's
interests.

I see you.

Now that playtime is over, let's get
down to business.

Who can

offer me the

most stuff?

Central Florida has already offered
Jason a full ride.

A full ride?

Now we're talking.

You're talking about convertible with 20
-inch rims?

People jiggle when you drive by.

No,

no, no.

Such a float is a clean program.

All we can offer him is a full
scholarship.

Thank you for Syracuse. Anything else
would be illegal.

You mean so I'm just picking schools?

Man, I could do that off a brochure.

I got your message, George.

I came over as fast as I could.

Mr. Donovan.

Mr. Dante, I'm a huge fan.

I can't believe it.

He heard it.

Please.

These gentlemen are here on official
business chief.

Some agent, when he found out I was
helping Jason pick a school, he sent me

eight boxes of this stuff.

Isn't that against the rules?

Only if Jake can take it.

I got the perfect thing for you. Watch
out.

Don't touch me.

I'm a minor.

Oh, yeah, because you know what? We want
to encourage more women not to touch

me. Listen,

I want to ask you something.

If my birthday present to you was Lakers
tickets, but I was on a budget...

Would you rather sit with me in crappy
seats or go sit by yourself in a good

seat?

Ernie, you know it's only a birthday if
I spend it with you.

So why don't I meet you at Thirsty's
after the game for a beer? Cool.

Hey, you want to borrow this?

I want to scare my mom when she comes
out of the shower.

Your mom's a 400 -pound woman. You want
to scare her? Show her a vegetable.

Is the USC guy here?

Jason's game went into extra innings.
He's going to be late.

Don't worry. I'll handle the USC game.

No, I want to meet him too, Dad. I don't
trust you.

Look, Carmen, I have to tell you
something, but you have to stand on the

side of the glass.

Why? Just do it.

Jason and I talked, and we feel that the
best school for him to go to is USC.

Ten bucks, she wets herself.

I'm going to go back to the game.

You know Carmen is going to be visiting
Jason down at USC every weekend.

That's great.

By the time she gets to college, she'll
already know how to win a wet T -shirt

contest at a frat house.

Well, don't worry, Mom. She won't be
competing against you. Maybe they'll

a low -chi -chi division.

Oh, baby, leave it on.

It might help the USC guys feel the deal
faster if he thinks that other schools

are interested.

It's like when we were dating and you
pretend all those other guys were

interested in you.

They were interested, George.

You can turn it off, baby. You won.

Hi,

Jim Mora, USC football. George Lopez.
Come on in. Have a seat, Jim.

This is my wife, Angie.

I thought you might like some coffee.

You have a lot of southern Kentucky

stuff. You guys alumni?

No, that's just from an agent that wants
Jason to go there.

So, what, Jason accepted gifts from an
agent?

No, he hasn't accepted a thing from
anybody.

Look, I did my homework. I know that I'm
the only one who can get stuff for

free.

And you're not related to him at all,
because then the gifts would make him

ineligible to play college sports.

Nope, not related whatsoever.

But I thought you were his legal
guardian.

George.

I forgot, man.

We are alumni. I thought you said
aluminum.

When you go to southern Kentucky, there
ain't much to do but drink. So the whole

four years are a blur. Some nights I was
like... I'll do this.

Max, what happened?

I was trying to make enough money to buy
Dad a good birthday gift.

He was at the mall filling clothes out
of a box.

I thought they might be stolen.

Tell him, Dad.

Tell him why you got all this stuff free
from the guy who wants Jason to go to

Kentucky.

Sir, I've never seen this boy before in
my life, but it's apparent to me he's on

the glue.

Officer, this is our son, and none of
this stuff is stolen.

Mr. Lopez, I don't think Jason's going
to be playing college football at USC or

anyplace else next year.

What are you going to tell Jason?

Oh, God, what are you going to tell
Carmen?

But tell him the truth. You think I'm
scared?

I'm going to tell him that Jason had a
brilliant career and Max messed that up.

It's outfishing.

What did the NCAA say?

There's nothing they can do.

Jason's screwed.

We ruined his chance to play college
football.

What do you mean, we?

Oh, I see. It's easy to be Mrs. George
Lopez when everything's going great,

Not always.

Well, congratulations.

No, Mom, I feel bad enough.

No. I was going to give you a
compliment.

It took you 16 years to screw Carmen up.

It took you 13 years to screw Max up.

It only took a couple of days to screw
Jason up.

You're getting good at this.

Jason, it's our responsibility now. What
are we going to do?

Angie, please.

I got nothing.

Jason just finished his game. He's icing
his shoulder. Is the USC guy still

here? No, he left after a very eventful
meeting.

Well, how did it go?

When's his birthday?

Don't you have something to say?

Can you tell if it's Jason when he's got
his helmet on?

Not really. Okay, then. He's number 11.

Honey, there's no easy way to say this,
but Jason can't play football at USC

or any other college.

What?

What happened?

I screwed up. Carmen, I didn't know I
could ruin Jason's eligibility by taking

some gifts.

You did this on purpose.

You never wanted us to be together.

You're so cruel. Your father is not
cruel. He's just incompetent.

Well, Carmen, you still got the baseball
offer?

Oh, yeah.

That's great, Dad. He can go play
baseball in the middle of nowhere, and

never see him again.

I'm going to go tell Jason what you did.
You ruined my life.

Don't listen to her, George. You didn't
ruin her life, you ruined Jason's.

No, I didn't. Because I can fix this.

What are you doing?

I'm going to call the baseball guy to
come over and give Jason a better deal.

I'll be his agent.

George, you don't know the first thing
about being an agent.

How hard can it be?

I have a nice suit, the hair gel, the
ability to look someone straight in the

eye and lie to them. By the way, thank
you for that.

You're the best mommy ever.

It's easy with a wonderful son like you.

George, won't you be in over your head
with this baseball guy? He negotiates

a living.

Would you please? I can negotiate. Test
me.

Well, okay. I disagree.

Here to for thereafter the
aforementioned.

Honey, that's probably the baseball rep.
I think you're out of time.

That's okay.

I got all this legal stuff down.

Ask me a question. Not yet. Let me get
in position. Watch out. Wait for it.

Well, okay.

In the event of a breach of contract,
would you seek out third -party

arbitration?

I broke her my first deal as an agent.

What's in the briefcase?

Breath mints and a little black cone.

Hi, Dan Driscoll.

You must be George. Nice to meet you,
Dan. Come on in.

Thank you.

I got the impression Jason wasn't
excited about the signing bonus we

Well, he wasn't.

And neither was I, Dan, so you're going
to have to do better.

Breath mint?

No, thanks.

Okay, so we came in at a $100 ,000
signing bonus, but we're prepared to

the offer.

How does something in the neighborhood
of $200 ,000 sound?

Sounds like a neighborhood with bars on
the windows, couches on the lawn, and a

sad little Mexican boy tied to a lemon
tree.

It's a true story. I'll tell you when I
know you better.

George, my GM won't let me go any
higher.

Well, I guess Jason's going to have to
take that offer to USC and play

You would see offered him a scholarship?

That's what I said.

If I was lying, you think I could look
you in the eye and comb my hair?

You know what? I put a great offer on
the table. You'd be stupid to walk away.

And you'd be stupid to let one of your
top draft picks get away, especially one

who throws 95 miles an hour.

Just a minute.

I'm making my own call with this one.

$400 ,000.

Not good enough.

George, listen to me.

I can walk out of here, catch a flight
to the Dominican Republic, and buy an 18

-year -old switch here for a sack of
potatoes.

You celebrate your way, I'll celebrate
mine.

I can't believe you messed up USB for
me. Look, Jason. I trusted you with

Mr. Lopez.

I talked to the baseball rep.

Oh, no.

You didn't mess up that offer, too, did
you? Do I have to pay them to play?

No. How does a five with six zeros
sound?

You got me five million dollars?

No, wait, five zeros, whatever.

Whatever half a million dollars is.

Are you serious?

Yep, and they're even going to pay you
to go to college if you want to go later

on. You got them to agree to that, too?
Yep. You are now part of the Washington

Nationals organization.

You started on the minor league team in
Georgia, but you know what, Jason?

Congratulations, my man. You are now a
Savannah Sand Nat! Yes!

What's a Sand Nat?

What's a Sand Nat? I don't know, but who
cares? You're rich!

Mr. Lopez, thank you, thank you.

Ah, it's always been my dream to play
pro baseball.

Carmen, come on, look. I know it doesn't
look like a... Carmen!

I'll go talk to her.

Hey, thanks again. I mean...

Half a million bucks?

I don't know how to repay for this.

Well, I could use a new set of golf
clubs.

Consider it done. I thought you were
going to ask for the agent's usual 10 %

commission.

Carmen.

Carmen, wait.

I'm sorry.

I don't want to go away, but I can't
pass this up.

So baseball's more important than me?
No.

I love you.

Oh, my God.

That's the first time you've said that.

Oh, crap.

We've got to talk.

There was a time when I had an arm like
Jason.

Could have gone pro.

I didn't know about this, Daddy. Why
didn't you?

I would fall apart on the mound, hands
shaking, vision blurred.

So you became a heart surgeon instead.

That's different.

If someone dies on the table, there's no
booing.

It's just a respectful moment of
silence.

Then we huddle up and get our story
straight.

I'm going to call Carmen and see what's
keeping her.

It's got to be tough on Carmen with her
boyfriend leaving like that.

I know what that's like.

I had the love of my life leave me.

Well, he didn't really leave me. He got
taken away.

Actually, sent away because of my
testimony.

Those done yet?

Angie says I can't open my present until
we eat. Oh, George.

Always in a rush.

You know, in Cuba, we savor every moment
of life

because we are on island time.

That's because no one has jobs and no
place to go.

For entertainment, they watch a guy
paddle a refrigerator out to sea at high

tide.

I'm getting the buns and cheese.

Don't do the gift without me.

I just talked to Carmen. She's on her
way over.

She said you could either open the
presents now or wait a couple of

This is the guitar I always wanted since
I was a kid. This is the

greatest day of my life.

What about the birth of our children?

Well, they had the number one spot for
16 years. That's a good run.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

It's not even tuned.

Hey, George, you know what? Check it
out. We got you some lessons, brother.

Hey, come on in.

Happy birthday, honey.

Happy birthday, George.

How did you do this?

Well, his son goes to Max's school, and
I met him at a PTA meeting.

All right, George, show him what you
got. You ready?

Yeah.

That's pretty good, George. Why don't
you try this?

I

like mine

better. I didn't feel like you were
connected to yours. I think the

make you look distant.

birthday, Daddy. Oh, thanks, baby.

Whoa, Carmen, that's a big hunk of glass
on your finger.

It's a diamond.

Jason bought it for me with his signing
bonus.

You've got it on the wrong finger.
People might think you're engaged.

Uh -huh.

Carmen, tell me that's on the wrong
finger.

Uh -uh.

I don't think so. Either you move the
ring...

Or I'll move the finger.

I'm gonna take off now.

Look, no way, okay? You're 16. This is
not gonna happen. Jason and I are in

love.

We're moving to Georgia and getting
married.

Holy crap!

Carmen, you are too young. It's against
the law.

You're a minor, Carmen. There's no way
we're gonna give you consent.

I don't need it.

We looked online and I can get married
at 16 in Georgia if I'm pregnant.

Are you pregnant?

Okay! Who wants their buns toasted?