All language subtitles for george_lopez_s04e07_the_simple_life

Did you get the rum for Daddy's cooking
at Rum Shrimp? It is.

Hey, why do you cook everything with so
much alcohol?

This isn't Cuba.

I'm not trying to disinfect some sick
chicken that got hit in the street by a

-year -old truck.

Yeah, you Americans take your chickens
for granted with your tender -fingered

nuggets.

In Cuba, I had to hunt my own birds.

Let me tell you, my friend, nothing
tasted as sweet as a chicken you've

to death with an empty gasoline can.

Poor chicken. Probably never saw it
coming.

Probably just thought you were stranded.

Hey, mister, did you run out of... I'll

talk to you for a second.

You know where I was talking about
trying to find a better place to raise

kids? Uh -huh. One of my suppliers told
me there's a factory looking for a

manager, so I checked it out online.

Look at that.

George, this is in Colorado. I know.
Angie, check out the name.

Paradise Canyon.

We talked about moving to a safer
suburb, not some tiny little town in the

middle of nowhere.

Look, we can't escape the problems of a
big city by just moving a couple miles

out. Angie, look, this is in the Rocky
Mountains, huh? There's pine forest,

running streams.

I think we'd get the water before they
made beer out of it.

I used

it up teaching the Chang's dog not to
poop on our lawn.

The recipe said add rum to taste.

I like rum.

I want the truth, and I want it now.

All right. You're not shrinking.

Ernie and I have been lengthening your
work code. Not that.

We know you're moving to Colorado.

Who told you that?

You left your resume and the cover
letter in the fax machine at work,

George, you already submitted a resume?

I don't want the job to get away, Angie.
I think we should check it out.

What? I moved all the way from Miami to
be close to you, and now you're going to

leave? How can you do this to me,
princess? Daddy, nothing's definite.

We just think there's too many bad
influences here.

Max and his friends beat up a boy
practically in a gang. And Carmen's gone

through three high schools in three
years. And she danced half -naked in a

video.

Does anybody here went to Harvard at the
end of that story?

How could you just leave me?

I'm your best friend.

We always talked about getting married
and living on the same block and raising

our kids together.

Carmen is 15 and Max is 11, all right?
And you've had zero hits on maxidate

.com. I gotta go. Stop!

I just need a new picture.

I'm having my ears digitally reduced.

Hey.

So, how do your children feel about
leaving their grandpappy Vic?

Leaving? Who's leaving? Are we going
somewhere?

George.

Kid, how'd you like to do something
special this Thanksgiving?

Oh, no.

Even better. We're going on vacation.

We're finally going to Hawaii?

We're going to Paradise Canyon.

Please tell me I can wear a cute bikini
there. You can wear whatever you want

under your long johns and your parka.

It's in Colorado.

There'll be snow and lots of fun things
to do there.

Why don't you kids go upstairs and see
if you have enough warm clothes, huh?

I can't believe you.

Vacation. You just lied to your kids.

Look, I don't want to upset them, okay?
We're just going to go check it out.

We're not sure we're moving.

Oh, yeah. So when you lie, you're
protecting your kids. But when I tell a

white lie, I'm a bad mom.

Little white lie?

You said that my dad was dead.

You never told me I had a sister.

You said that rat in my room was a South
American gerbil, Senor Chewy.

Senor Chewy loved you.

He would sit on your chest while you
were sleeping and he wouldn't let

get near you.

He was protecting his kill. He thought I
was dead.

You two,

knock it off.

Come on, Max has never been in the snow
before. I just wanted to show him how

much fun it is. All right, look, I'm
sorry, baby.

rest of the bear on the other side of
the wall?

Think about it, Uncle. The other side of
the fireplace is the parking lot.

Did you see a giant bear's ass when you
got out of the car?

Yeah, I saw it coming out of the
driver's seat.

Carmen, what are you doing?

Having a cookie.

You don't know what's in those. They
could have been left there by a crazy

person.

Angie, relax.

You're not in the city anymore.

Max, taste your sister's cookie.

I heard you talking about my butt.

Hi, I'm Winnie Bellamy. You must be the
Lopez's. Welcome to Paradise Canyon.

Here are your keys.

You're in seven and eight.

Mom, I finished all my chores.

Can I go sledding now? Honey, these are
the Lopez's. This is my daughter, Sarah,

but we all call her Little Bit because
she is my little bit of heaven.

Sir? Ma 'am?

Ma 'am?

You hear that, kids?

She called your mom ma 'am.

And not just because she's old, but out
of respect.

We're on vacation.

Are we going to have to hear this crap
all week long?

Ma 'am?

Hey!

Sounds like you folks have been cooped
up in the car a while. How about a

bit takes you kids night sledding?

Cool. Can we?

I don't know. Is it safe?

They'll just be sledding down a big,
wide -open hill.

Nothing can happen to them as long as
they know they're left from their right.

Max, let your sister steer the sled.

We've got all sorts of winter fun around
here.

Angie, you should take the kids skating
tomorrow during George's interview.

Interview? What interview?

I thought we were on vacation.

We are on vacation.

I'm interviewing a dog breeder.

We may be getting a rare Rocky Mountain
spotted tick.

Hound. I don't know. I said they were
rare.

Wouldn't it become a trial, Johnny
Cochran?

You guys get out of here. We'll meet you
in an hour by the fire for some hot

cocoa and a sing -along. We'll be like
that. She'll be coming around the

mountain with you guys.

Hot cocoa for four and I'll get my
guitar.

Get out! You really do that?

Well, sure. You never had a sing -along
back in L .A.? No.

The only time I ever heard someone sing
around the fire was my mom during the

riots. I got a new TV!

I got a new TV!

I like it here, Angie.

The people are happy.

They're friendly. It's beautiful.

A month from now, I see myself whittling
and telling stories over a pickle

barrel. I'll be like... George, we've
been here 12 minutes, and you're all

to turn our lives upside down.

We don't even know if the kids like it
here.

We don't know if the schools are good.
We don't even know if you're going to

the job.

Well, first thing tomorrow at the pickle
barrel, I'm nominating you for town

sourpuss.

I don't even know if you're going to
like it here.

Did you see all that snow?

You'll only be able to golf two months
out of the year.

Well, so I'll give up golf for the kids.
I'll find something else to do.

You can always spend more time with your
family on the weekend.

Yeah, well, don't worry about me. I'll
find something.

I just want you to be realistic about
this. Look, Angie, and I just want you

have an open mind.

I am.

Then eat the cookie.

I am not going to eat the cookie.

Angie, if you have an open mind and you
still believe there are places in this

country where people are basically
decent and don't want to poison you, eat

cookie.

That's a good cookie.

Oh, thank God, because I was starving,
but I didn't want to die.

A real

lady

would turn around and allow me to cover
myself.

what happened with the cowboy movies
called A Mexican Tender.

Looks more like we've got a Cuban
Missile Crisis.

Money, please.

Toss me Angie's jacket.

I don't care what you do when Angie and
George are here, eh?

But when I am house -sitting, you call
before you come over.

Aye, aye, aye.

What's that?

It's a pro -con list for moving to
Colorado.

Pro?

Let's rhyme.

Con cold weather.

Pro a thousand miles away from Benny.

Con?

Only a thousand miles away from me.
Please, please.

Hope you're happy, Benny. You are a
major reason our children are leaving.

You didn't read far enough.

Pro, won't have to listen to Vic tell us
how to raise our kids.

Con, will miss laughing at the way he
says, a stupid.

What? They are the ones who are a
stupid.

All I do is help and they never
appreciate anything.

Oh, hey.

I'm just as insulted as you are.

Now, look, we can either whine about it
or we can get back at them by drinking

George's good scotch.

I like good scotch.

Especially when I ordered the pay -per
-view boxing on George's TV.

I'll show them not to take me for
granted.

Victor Palmeiro has his pride.

I'm a man. I sit here.

and the housing is great.

We could get a huge house here for the
same money we're paying in L .A.

Ten acres and a barn?

There's enough room to have horses and
keep a stall open for when your mom

to visit.

What do you think, Angie?

My mom falling asleep with a cigarette
in a barn full of hay.

George Lopez?

Yeah. Ed Donnelly, Donnelly Aviation.
I'll be interviewing you this afternoon.

Hey, Ed, nice to meet you. This is my
wife, Angie Lopez.

Hi, well, look, I don't mean to
interrupt your lunch there, so go ahead

finish, and I'll see you in a couple
hours.

Okay, honey, now I'm getting nervous.

I'm starting to like this place, but I
don't want to get my hopes up if you

don't get the job.

Angie, I am going to ace this interview.
I got it all planned out.

I'm going to take a nap, take a shower,
put on my lucky underwear, shadowbox to

Eye of the Tiger, put on my pants, and
go.

You know, George, I'm just thinking,
you're here.

I'm here. Why don't we just take care of
this right now? I'll get a cup of

coffee.

Actually, I'm not ready.

I didn't take a nap. I didn't take a
shower. I got my second string chonies.

Don't freak out.

You know you're qualified.

All you need to do is present what you
have to offer in a succinct and

manner.

Succinct and confident manner? Da loca,
I need my underwear.

So, George, I was looking over your
resume.

And the work experience is just great.

But there is one little thing that
worries me.

How's a big L .A. guy like yourself
going to adjust to life in a small town?

Well, you know, Ed, a small town is just
what I'm looking for, man. I mean, I

love it here. This morning I went to a
barbershop and let a man shave me.

Never thought I could trust like that
again.

Well, the last manager said he liked it
here, too. Then after a couple of

months, he split because he missed his
friends and family.

Are you folks leaving any loved ones
behind?

Well, there's Angie's dad, but I'm sure
he'll come and visit.

And you, George?

No, no loved ones.

Both my parents died during childbirth.

Please, George, don't make me laugh,
okay?

See, the last manager made me laugh,
and, well, what can I say?

One minute we're fishing together in a
stream, the next day I'm running

alongside a bus trying to touch the
window.

It's a little emotionally raw.

Well, you know, Ed, I'm doing this for
my kids, man, so if you give me the job,

I'm not leaving, I promise.

It's safe to laugh again.

I don't know.

Ed, the guy walks into a bar with a frog
on his head. Please, stop it. I love

this one.

And the bartender says?

He says, uh, this started out as a
warrant on the frog's butt.

What did I do to you, George? You've got
the job.

and we're going to laugh together.

Welcome aboard. We just closed the deal.

And I'm pretty sure you can trust the
napkins here.

You've got the job.

Congratulations.

Hey. Hey.

I guess it's time to tell them.

Let's do it.

Kids, your mom and I need to talk to you
about something. Can you tell them from

the car on the way home?

Yeah. Let's just grab this account and
get out of here.

Look, you need to learn some values.

So we're moving to an African village
where we're going to build schoolhouses

and eat what the earth gives us.

What? No way.

All right, then. Let's compromise.

We're going to live here for the rest of
our lives. You win. That's well played.

and it's safer here. You can walk down
the street and not worry about getting

shot. Are you kidding?

I've never seen so many guns in one
place in my life. There are gun racks in

cars, in trucks.

There's a gun right there on the
fireplace.

But that's different.

Guns out here are only used for hunting
and arming the militia in case the

people have to take back their
government.

That didn't sound so crazy this morning
in the barbershop.

You can't make us do this.

Oh, yes, we can.

Because we're the parents and you're the
kids. So you might as well get used to

the idea because we're moving to
Paradise Canyon.

This sucks. Come on, Max. We're out of
here right now.

She knew we were smoking inside.

Yes, she hates it because the smell gets
in the furniture and it will never come

out. Ooh.

What?

Can't believe they're stopping this
fight.

Oh, come on. Didn't you see that
headbutt?

It was just an accident.

Happens all the time.

Look, when you're a fighter and you're
in the clinch and your head... clothes.

It is natural.

Want to kill five minutes and walk to
the other

end of town again?

Yeah. Want to go look at that dead blue
jay again?

Nah. I'm going to go in and buy a six
foot licorice rope and hang myself.

I heard you guys are moving here.

I guess.

Is this what you guys do all day to get
outside the mini mart?

We do a lot of stuff.

You want to go make snow angel?

Did it.

Gate on the pond?

Did it.

Cigarette?

No way.

Then we can go inside and get something
to eat.

I'd have to take my snow pants off to
get the dollar out of my pocket.

It's not worth it.

on the counter while you steal some
chips. I can't do that.

I bet you there's a lot of things you
can do.

Once I show you how.

You're Carmen Lopez.

Who wants to know?

I'm Tom. My dad works at the factory
where your dad's gonna work.

Great.

So, we're gonna go moon the guy over at
the drive -thru.

You wanna come?

No.

Not bad.

New butts always freak him out.

You wanna go break into the summer cabin
and steal some beers?

No, I can't drink. I'm only 15.

So what?

You're in the country now. There are no
rules.

There is a 10 -year -old driving that
truck.

I don't know.

Look, everyone in this town parties.

So you want to sit here and freeze, or
you want to have a little fun?

You want to stand there freezing, or do
you want to have a little fun?

Are you sure doing this is the right
thing?

Ma 'am, I'm just showing you to your
room.

How you choose to tip me is your choice.

changing our whole lives and moving here
with the kids. Come on, Angie. If we

were in Los Angeles, we'd be worried
about what the kids are doing right now,

but we're in Paradise Canyon.

What could happen?

I guess you're right.

Now, let's go upstairs and warm up.

But I'm not cold anymore.

You're not cold anymore?

My baby's not cold.