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George. Sandy.
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00:00:04,190 --> 00:00:05,129
What is it?
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We need two weeks off for our honeymoon.
4
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I can't believe I'm actually going to be
married to this lady.
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I get to go to bed with her, wake up
with her, have dinner with her, go to
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00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:21,870
with her, wake up with her, have dinner
with her.
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Yeah, you get to clip her nails, brush
her coat, and hide her pills in peanut
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butter.
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00:00:29,150 --> 00:00:33,030
Man, I can't wait to go on a honeymoon.
I'm going to go someplace with nice
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00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:35,670
beaches, cold beer, and really hot
women.
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00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:40,210
What about your wife?
12
00:00:41,330 --> 00:00:42,750
Oh, that's right. I'll be married.
13
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God, I haven't even met her yet, and
she's already ruining my vacation.
14
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Put everybody on the floor right away.
15
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Especially you, George.
16
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:56,790
What's that about?
17
00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:57,850
I don't know.
18
00:00:58,010 --> 00:00:59,010
Did you put the drill back?
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00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:03,830
All right, listen up, everybody. This is
important.
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00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:07,850
George has done something, and I don't
want it to go unnoticed.
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Okay, I wasn't sick, Jack. It was
opening day, all right? I did have a
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00:01:13,930 --> 00:01:15,610
man. I just didn't say that it was
Dodger fever.
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00:01:17,350 --> 00:01:18,350
That's not it, George.
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Although you did just lose a person all
day.
25
00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:24,710
While we make this announcement, I'd
like to introduce somebody you all know,
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Angie Lopez.
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00:01:29,370 --> 00:01:30,610
What's going on?
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You'll see.
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I am pleased to announce that the
Southern California Minorities and
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Association has named our very own
George Lopez as the recipient of its
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Star Award.
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Congratulations,
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honey.
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Wow, in recognition of excellence in
management.
35
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I've never won anything before.
36
00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:04,120
That's not true.
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You won my heart.
38
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Aw, thank you.
39
00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:10,660
Why you got to do that way at work?
40
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:11,880
George,
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00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,200
you deserve this award.
42
00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:20,120
I nominated you because, well, you keep
this place running smooth and you got us
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through the shutdown this year.
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When we go up for government contracts,
this...
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Minority Award will help us play the
race card, amigo.
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Hey, remember the rule? You don't call
me amigo and you don't high -five
47
00:02:32,930 --> 00:02:33,930
Jermaine?
48
00:02:38,930 --> 00:02:39,930
My bad.
49
00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:46,350
Anyway, after the presentation on
Saturday, I'm throwing a big reception
50
00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:47,350
Thirsty's.
51
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:02,559
Way to go, George.
52
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,200
Yeah, congratulations, George.
53
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:05,299
Thanks, Randy.
54
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:06,780
I'm so proud of you, honey.
55
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Thanks, baby.
56
00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:13,720
So, Benny, what do you think? Your son
is Outstanding Minority Businessman of
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00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:14,720
the Year.
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00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:19,800
Yeah. You know, someday he'll be good
enough to win a White Guys Award.
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00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:30,360
And to my mother, I wish she'd live to
see this day, but...
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00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,900
I know she's down there right now
looking up at me.
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00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:37,240
And she's saying, oh, my flesh is
burning.
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00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:13,490
Can I have the rest of the frosting? No,
Mac.
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00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:16,810
It's for the Great American Bake Sale.
We're raising money for hungry children.
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00:04:17,370 --> 00:04:21,209
Did you know that one out of every four
persons standing in a soup kitchen line
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00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:22,210
is a child?
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00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:27,110
Did you know that one out of every two
people in this kitchen doesn't care and
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00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:28,110
just wants frosting?
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00:04:57,390 --> 00:04:58,790
Hey -ho, check out that banner.
69
00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:09,190
I made it for you on the computer in
special ed class.
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00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:10,830
Yeah, congratulations.
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00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:16,670
How does this kid find his way home?
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00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:20,950
So did everyone go crazy at work?
73
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:22,510
Not everybody.
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00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:24,330
Come on, Angie, let it go.
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00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:29,120
Oh, come on. Why can't your own...
mother one time compliments you when you
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00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,120
something good.
77
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:31,380
Why start now?
78
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,380
She's never given me credit for
anything. And Little League would hit my
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00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:37,540
home run. She said, that's great.
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00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,100
Babe Ruth hit 714 of them.
81
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:43,680
Wow.
82
00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:45,140
714?
83
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:46,440
That's a lot.
84
00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,720
It was my first home run.
85
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:53,280
And Babe Ruth never faced a 19 -year
-old Dominican who said he was 12, and
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00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:54,280
drove to the game.
87
00:05:57,260 --> 00:06:00,080
Okay, kids, that's your right to the
movies. Call when you're ready to be
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00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,080
up, huh? Okay.
89
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:03,180
Look,
90
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,080
you might be used to your mother's
attitude, but I'm not.
91
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,880
This is a big award.
92
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:17,100
You are the rising star among all the
other minorities in L .A., and that
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00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,100
includes Asians.
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00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,960
or approval to feel good about myself,
okay? If it doesn't bother me, then why
95
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:28,819
does it bother you?
96
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:31,100
Well, I just think it's a cycle that
should be broken.
97
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:36,260
As a child, Benny would never praise, so
she didn't learn how to praise you, and
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00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:38,340
that's why it's hard for you to praise
the kids.
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00:06:40,060 --> 00:06:41,820
Look, I praise the kids, okay?
100
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,640
The other day, I bet Max he couldn't run
to the kitchen and get me a beer in 15
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00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,680
seconds, and when it took him 17, I
still said, nice job, son.
102
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,140
Don't worry, you'll get another chance
at halftime.
103
00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:56,750
Look, Angie, I'm over it, okay? It
doesn't bother me because my mom cannot
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00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,890
compliment anyone, okay? She's not
capable of it. You're right.
105
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:04,690
I'm letting your mother ruin the
celebration she's not even here.
106
00:07:05,870 --> 00:07:09,110
So, why don't you come on outside?
107
00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:12,450
I want to give you your surprise.
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What is it?
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You'll see.
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00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:17,350
Hi.
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00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:23,110
Lie down.
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00:07:26,950 --> 00:07:29,290
I didn't take a shower, Angie.
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Do it.
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00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,840
Order to George, sunny side up. Watch
out.
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00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:05,540
Now, I figured, since you are a rising
star, that
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00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:12,500
I should buy you a star and name it
after you. That's right. You
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00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:15,700
can buy me, you can name me, but you
can't tame me. That's what I'm talking
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about. What star was it?
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00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:23,860
It's, um...
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00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,060
I feast my eyes on 36C, Lopez.
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00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:07,380
Thanks, honey, but I'm actually a 34B.
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00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:09,880
You said make a wish.
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00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,520
He's all sweaty. He's out of breath.
124
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,320
Looks like he's going to throw up.
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00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:34,220
Somebody's ready to ask a girl out.
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00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:40,580
No, I'm all sweaty because they put in
this new game. It's called Pump It Up.
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00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:44,520
It's got these arrows and these lights,
and you've got to step where it tells
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00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:45,800
you to. Watch out, like this.
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00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:53,380
Wow. While you were describing it, it
sounded stupid.
130
00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:57,880
But now... Listen up, everybody.
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00:09:58,700 --> 00:09:59,700
pulls the toast.
132
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,600
17 years ago, I took a chance on this
guy.
133
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:07,860
No matter what the job, he proved
himself time and time again.
134
00:10:08,780 --> 00:10:09,820
Wow, thanks, Jack.
135
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,200
Yeah!
136
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:16,140
Oh, sure, I've made a lot of bad
decisions in my life.
137
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,140
Like not moving the entire plant to
China.
138
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,980
But then I'd be giving this speech in
Cantonese.
139
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:25,700
Of course, it'd be to a bunch of
peasants who make 10 cents an hour.
140
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,080
You want a 10 % raise?
141
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,039
No problem.
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00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,040
Here's a penny.
143
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:37,940
Well, the one choice I never regretted
was hiring George Lopez.
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00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,980
Well, thanks, Jack. That was beautiful.
145
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:47,780
You know, I wouldn't be holding this
award today if it
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00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,600
weren't for one special person.
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00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,860
Somebody who I've never really taken the
time to thank publicly.
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00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,200
Oh, honey.
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Isn't that you?
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00:10:59,010 --> 00:11:00,010
Me.
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00:11:00,270 --> 00:11:02,810
I worked hard for this award. Angie,
give it up for me.
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00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:06,249
Benny,
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00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:13,410
you
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00:11:13,410 --> 00:11:15,550
missed a wonderful awards banquet
honoring your son.
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00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:18,570
Yeah. Who parked your car tonight?
156
00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:19,890
Last year's winner?
157
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:32,920
Randy, what's going on?
158
00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:39,640
Oh, uh... Well, I'm sorry to have to
give you my notice, George, but I got a
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00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,620
managing an office supply warehouse in
Torrance!
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00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,120
Congratulations, baby!
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00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,380
something so small be so evil?
162
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:18,660
They drained all the water out and made
pure, concentrated evil.
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00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,260
You know, like for campers or something.
164
00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:23,880
Why don't you let her get to me, Angie?
165
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,760
I'm a grown man, right?
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00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:28,440
This is my night. Your night. My night.
167
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,000
Not the two of them.
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00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:56,660
in S .U .K.
169
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,040
Did that.
170
00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:29,940
Mission accomplished.
171
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:38,080
Do you know that every year, 300 million
people die of hunger in the United
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00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,080
States alone?
173
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:42,420
Carmen, there's only 280 million people
in the country.
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00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,360
Now?
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00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,140
I'll leave you two alone.
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00:15:02,830 --> 00:15:03,830
She didn't win the war.
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00:15:07,850 --> 00:15:12,530
I'll see you at... Regionals!
178
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:22,010
What the hell was all that at the bar?
179
00:15:22,610 --> 00:15:25,250
Mom, do you know you're the only one
that didn't congratulate me when I won
180
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:26,250
award?
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00:15:26,370 --> 00:15:27,790
Here we go again.
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00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:31,010
Whoopi, your mommy's so happy for you.
183
00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:34,210
You're such a baby, George. Why can't
you let me have this?
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00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:35,490
Why do you need it?
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00:15:35,730 --> 00:15:38,770
I don't. All right, I just thought it
would be nice if my own mother was proud
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00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,570
of me for one thing.
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00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:44,950
I mean, I worked my way up to manager at
the factory, Mom. In 15 short years.
188
00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:49,670
Well, what about the house?
189
00:15:49,970 --> 00:15:51,070
Oh, you make payments.
190
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:55,150
What about my kids?
191
00:15:57,270 --> 00:16:00,950
All we know for sure is Angie gave birth
twice.
192
00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:04,910
speculation.
193
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:10,970
So there isn't one thing you ever
thought that I was good at?
194
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,170
Well, I don't know about that.
195
00:16:15,530 --> 00:16:17,450
I thought you were pretty good on the
guitar.
196
00:16:18,950 --> 00:16:21,430
What? You never thought I was any good
at the guitar?
197
00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:22,670
Yes, I did.
198
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,750
I used to tell Marlene Sanchez all the
time.
199
00:16:26,870 --> 00:16:28,710
You told Marlene Sanchez, you liar.
200
00:16:33,230 --> 00:16:35,710
I want to see you do it right now. Call
her right now. Go, pick up the phone.
201
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:38,630
Sanchez.
202
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,370
Here we go. San Fernando.
203
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:42,910
Maria. Maria.
204
00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:44,790
Maria. Maria.
205
00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:47,390
Maria.
206
00:16:47,970 --> 00:16:48,970
Maria. Maria.
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00:16:49,950 --> 00:16:50,950
Marlene.
208
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,510
Here we go.
209
00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:58,650
Hey, Mr. Sanchez.
210
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:00,250
Hey, it's George Lopez.
211
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:02,329
Uh -huh.
212
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:03,550
Remember I used to live down the block?
213
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:04,790
You remember, remember?
214
00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:12,890
With the head, that one.
215
00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:18,170
Hey, is Marlene there?
216
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:22,329
Oh my God, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
217
00:17:25,069 --> 00:17:28,329
Hey man, before she slipped away, did
she mention that I was good at guitar?
218
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,150
Hello?
219
00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:36,890
Marlene's gone, and so am I.
220
00:17:37,170 --> 00:17:39,770
Oh, no, you're not going anywhere until
you say something nice about my life.
221
00:17:39,990 --> 00:17:40,990
George, don't be stupid.
222
00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:44,450
Mom, I can wait. You on the other hand
need a smoke in about three minutes.
223
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:50,250
I'm not going to do it. Why not? Would
it clear you to say something nice about
224
00:17:50,250 --> 00:17:51,069
me for once?
225
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,070
No.
226
00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:56,090
Say something nice. No. Say it! No! Why
not?
227
00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:58,490
Because if I do, it'll go away.
228
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,750
What are you talking about, you crazy
old bat?
229
00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:07,570
supposed to brag about things.
230
00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:11,150
If you do, the evil eye will take it
away. You know?
231
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:13,670
Maldiojo.
232
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:17,510
Okay, let's try this again.
233
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:19,430
What are you talking about, you crazy
old bat?
234
00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:23,570
I am not crazy.
235
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:26,570
Why do you think I rubbed pee on your
face when you were a baby?
236
00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:34,970
Mom, that's unsanitary.
237
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:43,400
You know, your aunts kept saying how
cute you were, and so I had to go and
238
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,100
some ugly to rub on your face.
239
00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:50,140
You know, so that the evil eye would
pass over you. So I took a little pee
240
00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:51,520
the diaper. That was the ugly.
241
00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:58,040
You know, now that I look back at it, I
probably put a little too much on it.
242
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,440
Well, now that you say it like that, it
makes perfect sense. I better go wake up
243
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,640
my adorable son and smear it with his
own waste.
244
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,340
You know, to protect him from the evil
eye.
245
00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:13,980
Shut up, George. Shut up.
246
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:15,180
Shh.
247
00:19:15,460 --> 00:19:16,560
It can hear you.
248
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,300
With what, Mom? Its evil ears?
249
00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:23,040
You don't get it, do you?
250
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:26,420
Almost everything good in my life's been
taken away.
251
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,260
You don't play with this.
252
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:31,760
That's why you don't compliment me?
253
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,520
Wait a second. Then why were you
complimenting Randy?
254
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:39,400
If something happens to Randy, that's
bad. If something happens to you...
255
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:48,200
Thank
256
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,220
you. That's all I ever wanted.
257
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:55,100
You know what?
258
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:57,860
You're really a good mom.
259
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:02,840
Come and get her, I.
260
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,580
You're a good person and you shouldn't
live forever. Come on, I!
261
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,140
Let's go to the backyard!
262
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:12,760
Let's go!
263
00:20:15,060 --> 00:20:16,060
Hey.
264
00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:21,839
What's up, Jack?
265
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,560
Hey, I just wanted to stop by and see if
anything happened today you might want
266
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,780
to tell me about. You know, something
that I might be proud of.
267
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000
Not really.
268
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,020
Oh, Max, there has to be something.
269
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,480
Hey, what do you got there?
270
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:34,799
Book report.
271
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,800
Oh, hey, how'd you do?
272
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:37,380
D -minus.
273
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:41,760
Well, how about soccer?
274
00:20:42,460 --> 00:20:43,720
We lost eight to nothing.
275
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,400
Mercy, we left the first quarter.
276
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,240
I mean, did anything happen today, Max?
I mean, even the tiniest accomplishment.
277
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:53,520
Come on, man, work with me.
278
00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:02,100
Oh, okay. Well, I was laughing so hard
in math class. that I got a fly caught
279
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,100
my mouth.
280
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,980
And I kept it in there for a whole
minute.
21272
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