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1
00:00:00,590 --> 00:00:01,770
Oh, hi, Brenda.
2
00:00:02,750 --> 00:00:04,830
Oh, my God.
3
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,130
That's terrible.
4
00:00:07,690 --> 00:00:12,210
Well, I had plans, but I guess I can
help you out.
5
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,370
Okay. Bye.
6
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:30,400
You don't even know what it is.
7
00:00:32,180 --> 00:00:33,840
I don't care. Keep dancing.
8
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,160
Kathy Stein, the district sales manager
for Lumry, has meningitis.
9
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Yes!
10
00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:42,540
Meningitis!
11
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Dance!
12
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No!
13
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,360
That's not the good part. She can't make
it to the Lumry sales conference in Las
14
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,300
Vegas, so they asked me to go.
15
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,400
Vegas, all right!
16
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,500
I'm going to Vegas. I'm going to be like
that at the casino. What you like?
17
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,129
No, you're not.
18
00:01:02,510 --> 00:01:03,510
Why not?
19
00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:09,930
Because someone has to watch the kids
and that someone is... You
20
00:01:09,930 --> 00:01:16,850
know, I think I might be coming down
with meningitis.
21
00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:22,050
What are the symptoms again?
22
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:24,630
Swelling of the brain lining.
23
00:01:25,570 --> 00:01:26,930
I've had it since birth.
24
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:30,970
George, it's just a...
25
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,840
and the kids are at an age where they
can almost look after themselves.
26
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,760
Give me that letter or I'm going to kill
you. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
27
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:42,460
Like it kills a piece of your heart
every time you and Jason are apart?
28
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,140
Everybody hates you, you loser.
29
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:50,660
Oh, wait, you hate going to sleep
because eight hours without Jason makes
30
00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:51,660
weep?
31
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,180
I'm going to beat you with a bat.
32
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:59,360
The way you beat Jason, that's not in
here. Oh, oh.
33
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,120
you two fighting.
34
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:07,780
You're not going to the dance on Friday,
and you, say goodbye to the skate park.
35
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:11,320
That's not fair, Mom. He stole my
letter. So what? It's just a stupid
36
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,000
She hit me with a bat, Mom.
37
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Hey, don't look at her.
38
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,280
She agrees with me.
39
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:18,180
Yes, I do.
40
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,720
Now go to your rooms.
41
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:20,940
Now.
42
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,640
I do not agree with you. You were too
harsh with them.
43
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,300
That dance is really important to
Carmen, and you don't have to take away
44
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,300
skate park.
45
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,360
apologize. That's it?
46
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,620
Look, Angie, we're being way too easy on
these kids.
47
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:40,720
You know what my mom would have done to
me if I pulled any of this crap?
48
00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:44,240
She'd make me sit on my hands until they
fell asleep and then she'd slap me with
49
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,240
them.
50
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,600
Hey, Max, these trucks are expensive.
You better not be driving it off the
51
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,600
table. Don't worry.
52
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,300
I wouldn't do something that stupid.
53
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,160
So you can destroy them. But I'm going
to get more.
54
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,800
Do you know there are kids in the world,
Max, who don't even have toys?
55
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,900
And there are kids who have a lot more
toys than me. So it kind of balances
56
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,160
Sit on your hands.
57
00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:11,660
What?
58
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:12,820
Look, never mind.
59
00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:15,860
I don't want you wrecking another toy,
okay? And I want you to clean this up
60
00:04:15,860 --> 00:04:16,860
right now.
61
00:04:22,670 --> 00:04:23,730
The built -in camera. Ha!
62
00:04:25,690 --> 00:04:28,630
Carmen, you can't get a cell phone
without asking. Dad, don't worry.
63
00:04:28,870 --> 00:04:29,870
The phone is free.
64
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:33,530
I have to call Taylor and tell her my
phone came. I want to show her how
65
00:04:33,530 --> 00:04:34,550
I was when I opened it.
66
00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:41,610
Carmen, the plan you signed up for is an
extra $20 a month.
67
00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:44,810
And you're locked in for two years.
That's like $480.
68
00:04:45,390 --> 00:04:48,390
Dad, the phone is free.
69
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:55,020
You know what? The phone is free,
because we're sending it back.
70
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,680
No, Daddy, I really want this phone.
71
00:04:58,220 --> 00:05:00,820
I mean, it's super cool, and look, you
can even press this button, and it'll
72
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:02,280
record your own voice. No way!
73
00:05:02,980 --> 00:05:03,980
Carmen,
74
00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:07,620
you really want this phone, don't you? I
really do, Daddy.
75
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:08,840
No way!
76
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,660
Hey, did you clean up the backyard like
I told you?
77
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,120
Relax, I'll get it done.
78
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,940
Did I ever tell you you're doing a fine
job with these two?
79
00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:27,910
computer i'm downloading a song too late
here's the new song move your feet lose
80
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:34,710
your feet damn it what's the matter with
you
81
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:41,390
two do you know how much this computer
costs you have the protection plan right
82
00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:48,010
no i don't have the protection plan
83
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:51,170
if i believed in protection plans
neither you would be here
84
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,780
You guys are spoiled brats. You take
everything for granted.
85
00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:02,080
You don't know how good you have it.
86
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:05,080
You guys wouldn't have been able to make
it through one week of my childhood.
87
00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:08,800
Oh, please. They wouldn't last one night
at my house.
88
00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:14,540
You know, they would probably start
crying the very first time they had to
89
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,660
water out of the tap.
90
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,560
Oh, it's slightly yellow.
91
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,220
You know what? Let's do it.
92
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,520
It's time I teach you two kids a lesson.
93
00:06:27,050 --> 00:06:29,390
You guys are spending the week at
Grandma Benny's house. What?
94
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:36,750
Do they have to do whatever I say? I
95
00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:38,950
have complete control?
96
00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:42,130
Yes. Okay, but no hitting.
97
00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:44,010
And you can't make them hit themselves.
98
00:06:47,230 --> 00:06:48,350
You're not serious.
99
00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:49,750
Open your mouths.
100
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,730
Open them. Wide.
101
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:43,760
Welcome to my childhood.
102
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,880
Dad, we've been to Grandma's house
before.
103
00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:49,960
Yeah, well, you've been to the zoo
before, but you never spent the night in
104
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:50,960
gorilla's cage.
105
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,020
All right, let's get a couple of things
straight before Coco gets back.
106
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,700
You guys are going to live this week
exactly the way I did when I was a kid.
107
00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:08,000
So, no cell phones, no computer games,
and if you cry yourselves to sleep at
108
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,180
night, save the tears so you have
something to drink in the morning.
109
00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:16,330
Oh, and just remember, you have no one
but yourselves to blame.
110
00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:18,570
You're horrible, horrible children.
111
00:08:21,230 --> 00:08:22,230
All right.
112
00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:27,170
I use your dad's old room for storage
now, so you kids are going to sleep on
113
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:28,170
pull -out couch.
114
00:08:28,430 --> 00:08:29,810
What time do we have to go to bed?
115
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,110
I don't care.
116
00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:33,169
I got three basic rules.
117
00:08:34,270 --> 00:08:35,390
Don't drink my beer.
118
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:41,850
Don't touch my smokes. And don't sneak
up on me when I'm sleeping.
119
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,320
I got a gun under my pillow.
120
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,640
And I sleep au naturel.
121
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,540
What are you doing home?
122
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:10,880
Stupid Kathy and her meningitis.
123
00:09:11,290 --> 00:09:12,290
They canceled the conference.
124
00:09:12,990 --> 00:09:13,990
What happened?
125
00:09:14,390 --> 00:09:15,390
She died.
126
00:09:17,310 --> 00:09:18,450
Oh, it's too bad.
127
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:22,770
So, kids drove you out of the house?
128
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,530
Um, kids aren't here, Angie.
129
00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:26,929
Where are they?
130
00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:30,690
Look, listen, before you start, let me
tell you that Carmen and Max were acting
131
00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:34,770
so bad that I actually thought about
sending them to my mom's for the week.
132
00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:38,730
That would have been the dumbest thing
you've ever done.
133
00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:44,470
Okay, then this next part's not going to
be easy.
134
00:09:47,470 --> 00:09:48,470
Oh, my God.
135
00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:53,230
You sent them to the house of the woman
who's responsible for everything that's
136
00:09:53,230 --> 00:09:54,230
wrong with you?
137
00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:58,950
Look, Angie, you weren't here, okay? You
didn't see the way they acted.
138
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:03,590
Nothing that kids could ever do would
justify sending them to Benny's.
139
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:24,060
the right day okay i see what you're
doing you just wanted the kids out of
140
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:28,720
house so you could hang out with ernie
but that's not true okay i'm teaching
141
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:34,340
them something so you're teaching with a
six -pack and a videotape
142
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:37,960
what's the tape ernie oh nothing
143
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:44,260
what's the tape hey i didn't
144
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,100
Like he's got no legs.
145
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:54,600
I don't believe you two.
146
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,040
Listen, Angie.
147
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,480
He puts his legs to a bed or something
that's underneath him.
148
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:01,520
He's got legs.
149
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,620
Yeah. Basically, you know...
150
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:21,310
bennies to make sure the kids are all
right look angie i'm sure they're fine
151
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:25,970
come on we let my mom babysit here all
the time yeah and the last time she
152
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:32,130
babysat we came home found her drunk and
passed out on the couch with a lit
153
00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:37,370
cigarette in her hand angie the kids
would have put out the fire
154
00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:44,350
all right what's next on grandma's list
155
00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:51,870
Do you want to clean the hair out of the
drain or sweep up the dead ants?
156
00:11:59,170 --> 00:12:00,390
Grandma, aren't you going to answer
that?
157
00:12:01,490 --> 00:12:02,510
It's probably Randy.
158
00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:05,690
Aren't you getting married to him in
like three months?
159
00:12:08,050 --> 00:12:11,010
Yeah, but when I don't answer, he gets
mad.
160
00:12:13,050 --> 00:12:14,530
I like him a little mad.
161
00:12:24,939 --> 00:12:26,560
Oh. All right, fine. Here.
162
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:29,580
Take half.
163
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:35,740
I don't like mayonnaise.
164
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:38,520
Eat crap, then.
165
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:44,320
No one's home.
166
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:46,920
This is just great.
167
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,520
Angie, you're overreacting. No, I'm not.
168
00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:53,120
The only reason you did this was because
I wasn't here to stop you.
169
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,180
This... It's total betrayal.
170
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,500
You want to talk about betrayal?
171
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,320
You saw Celine Dion, didn't you?
172
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,520
You knew I wanted to see that show. How
could you?
173
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,860
Name one of her songs.
174
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,560
They're all beautiful. Don't make me
choose.
175
00:13:21,420 --> 00:13:23,000
How about the one? She's like that.
176
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:32,840
consult each other before we do anything
with the kids.
177
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:36,320
But this time, you parented behind my
back.
178
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,280
I would never do that to you.
179
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,340
How do I trust you after this, huh?
180
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:42,500
All right, Angie, listen.
181
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,480
I got mad.
182
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,500
Okay, I did it in the heat of anger.
183
00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:49,140
I should have called.
184
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,280
Yes, you should have.
185
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,560
Now I'm going to keep calling Benny's
until someone's home.
186
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,750
Well, we got the House without the kids.
187
00:14:03,630 --> 00:14:07,290
The fight's over. Maybe now would be a
good time to, you know.
188
00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:14,190
Put up the shelves in Max's room that
you've been promising to do for a year.
189
00:14:15,490 --> 00:14:18,470
You sure this isn't just about you
wanting to see me in my tool belt?
190
00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:25,610
You really want me to do this, right?
191
00:14:43,310 --> 00:14:46,190
That's why they're extinct How do I
trust you after this?
192
00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:51,310
That's what I'm talking about
193
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:19,170
Max made a list of things to blackmail
Carmen with.
194
00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:22,430
Number one, Carmen failed her math quiz.
195
00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:25,650
Number two, Carmen took $20 out of Mom's
purse.
196
00:15:26,130 --> 00:15:28,790
Number three, Carmen wears a thong to
school.
197
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:35,210
George, how do we know Max isn't just
making things up?
198
00:15:35,510 --> 00:15:39,450
Remember when I said that Carmen's
virginity was hanging on by a thread?
199
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:54,270
Calm down. Why should I calm down? Look,
we told her she couldn't wear thongs
200
00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:55,450
and she did it behind our backs.
201
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,850
I'm going to my mom's. Well, I told you
no one's home.
202
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:00,130
I'll wait out front.
203
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:02,790
I want to see the look on her face when
I tell her that she's grounded for a
204
00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:03,790
year. You can't do that.
205
00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:05,850
Why not?
206
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:11,010
Because I gave her permission to wear
the underwear.
207
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:12,930
What? When?
208
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,660
You just don't remember. You never
listen to me.
209
00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:30,940
Oh, no.
210
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,480
Not this time, Angie.
211
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:36,660
Look, I might not pay attention when you
talk about work or family or your
212
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:37,660
feelings.
213
00:16:41,220 --> 00:16:46,180
But you say the word song, the rest of
the world melts away.
214
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:57,080
the two, wearing a thong at her age
isn't a big deal anymore.
215
00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:58,420
Well, it's a big deal to me.
216
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,540
George, I wear thongs.
217
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,700
Angie, when you wear a thong, you're
spicing up a 16 -year -old marriage.
218
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:10,480
When Carmen wears a thong, she's
starting a pep rally in every 16 -year
219
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,480
boy's pants.
220
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,220
It's not about sex.
221
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,300
It's about panty lines.
222
00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:23,240
You know what? You can be so...
223
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,440
rigid sometimes.
224
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:27,640
It's the tree that bends that doesn't
break.
225
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,900
Yeah? And there's that tree that's
bending over wearing a thong, because
226
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,240
the tree all the monkeys are climbing
on.
227
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,480
One thing. I did one thing behind your
back.
228
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:42,740
And what about Karma's new cell phone?
229
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,260
Did you know about that?
230
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,120
Or do the kids think they can do
whatever they want? Because when I tell
231
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,100
no, you go behind my back and you tell
them yes.
232
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,600
Well, I can't help it. The way you were
raised, your first instinct is to say no
233
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,560
and to punish. And that's not always
right.
234
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:06,900
No. Look, we agreed to be a team.
235
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,440
Look, it's us against them, Angie. If
we're not unified, they're going to walk
236
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,440
all over us.
237
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:14,420
You're right.
238
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,240
I'm sorry.
239
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:22,820
From now on, we don't go behind each
other's backs. We fight until someone
240
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:39,380
Okay, the phone goes back when Carmen
gets to wear a thong when she's 16.
241
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,040
47. 17.
242
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,820
66, and it's a retirement thong.
243
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,500
18, she should be out of the house and
should be able to wear whatever she
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00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:52,500
wants. Fine.
245
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:56,760
If she really moves out when she's 18,
she can wear plastic wrap and a cracker
246
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,760
for all I care.
247
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:03,340
You're back early. Hey, George, do you
have any rubber gloves?
248
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,670
Apparently. Some of my cleaning products
burn the skin.
249
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,710
Benny, where are the kids?
250
00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:15,690
Oh, relax. They're fine.
251
00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:20,370
When I left the house, the boy was
rewiring a lamp, and the girl was
252
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:21,990
the couch sobbing. You know, kid stuff.
253
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:25,570
All right, let's go get them.
254
00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:28,190
Oh, hey, Mom, let me ask you something.
255
00:19:28,430 --> 00:19:29,430
Huh?
256
00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:32,350
What do you think about a teenage girl
wearing thong underwear?
257
00:19:34,210 --> 00:19:36,340
Well... I used to think it was pretty
trashy.
258
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,900
But Randy likes it and...
259
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:45,540
It's pretty damn comfortable.
260
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:54,720
You're right.
261
00:19:55,220 --> 00:19:56,400
They're not sexual at all.
262
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:12,779
What's going on?
263
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:13,759
Sit down.
264
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:14,860
Yeah, sit down.
265
00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:16,660
We made you dinner.
266
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,920
You guys cooked for us? Mm -hmm. We
wanted to show how much we appreciate
267
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,900
guys. We're sorry for how we acted.
268
00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:24,140
Oh.
269
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:27,900
Huh.
270
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,060
Seems like maybe these children have
learned a lesson.
271
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,420
All right. Maybe a day at your mom's did
do them some good.
272
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,020
Angie, everything's perfect.
273
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,860
The kids made us dinner.
274
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:43,750
They learned a lesson, and Carmen's not
wearing a thong anymore.
275
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:47,070
VPL.
276
00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:53,030
All right, we made you your favorite
lasagna.
277
00:20:53,510 --> 00:20:59,090
And Mom's favorite dessert, bread
pudding. Oh, everything looks delicious,
278
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:03,110
A little garlicky.
279
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:17,000
It's Friday night and time for more TGIF
comedy.
280
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,400
A new Mary to the Kelly starts right
now.
22286
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