All language subtitles for george_lopez_s03e09_fishing_cubans

Dad, Martha's diaper too is out. We've
got to go to the store and buy it before

they're all gone.

You know, I've been out of work for a
while, man. Money's a little tight,

though. Now's not a good time, okay?

How about now?

Max, when I was your age, I didn't have
any toys, man, and I still had fun.

I bought you toys.

Mom, walkie -talkies?

I was an only child with no friends.

George 1, this is George 2. What's your
20? Over.

I'm right here!

Honey, I was thinking. I know it's our
anniversary next week, but since we're

catching up on our bills, why don't we
let each other off the hook this year,

huh?

Yes! No gifts!

Oh, you don't know the hell I go through
trying to find you some overpriced,

meaningless piece of... I didn't say no
gift!

I just think this year we should give
each other something that represents our

love, you know? Something creative that
comes from the heart.

Oh, man.

Ah, this is too weak.

In Cuba, even babies drink coffee
stronger than this.

Yeah, that's because they haven't had
milk since 1959.

George, can you take my dad to Thirsty's
with you? I can't get any work done

with him here in the house.

What's his problem?

He can't open his practice until his
medical license transfers from Florida.

He's going crazy. He's dying to get back
to work.

All right.

But you know, he could always be like a
back alley cardiologist.

Oh, yeah.

Get in the van.

I'm doing angioplasty for 20 bucks.

And I'll throw in the speakers, huh?

You like the subwoofer? How about the
tweeters, okay?

Sometimes when you don't get what you
want, you've got to work the system a

little. You know, like when Grandma
wants a free dinner, she... Comes to our

house? No.

She goes to a restaurant and lies that
it's her birthday.

I wish I could have a fake birthday
party.

Well, maybe you can.

How would I do that?

First, first you've got to find a bunch
of kids that don't know when your real

birthday is. You know, kids you can
fool.

The kids from my special ed class.

They barely know me.

Hey,

what two -for -one daiquiri?

You know, a daiquiri is named after a
Cuban river.

Now it just reminds me how things used
to be before the revolution.

Today I wouldn't drink a daiquiri unless
it was made from Castro's frozen slushy

blood.

Daiquiri River run into a valley call,
get over it?

Three beers.

Sorry, my mind is burdened.

Look, Vic, man, I know it's going to be
a while before you can practice

cardiology, man, but think of it this
way.

There's a whole generation out there of
obese children who are only getting

fatter.

Hey, cha -ching!

That's not what's troubling me.

It's my brother, Octavio.

He was supposed to be getting out of
Cuba this month, but I found out this

morning that Castro won't let him go.

Angie doesn't know, does she? No, didn't
have the heart to tell her. She hasn't

seen her uncle since she was 12, and now
she may never get the chance. You know

what?

If Castro was here right now, we could
take turns kicking his khaki -covered

ass.

I'd be into that. Me too.

And then while he was laying on the
floor picking teeth out of his beard, we

could go down to Cuba and box my brother
out. Hey, you're damn right we could.

Hey, just try and stop him. Hey,

we could use my boat.

Hey, calm down.

I'm going to be the pirate of the
Caribbean. Hey, I got an eyepatch.

Let's do it, George.

Let's go get him.

I'll buy us plane tickets tonight.

Whoa, Vic, I wasn't serious.

Hey, man, that's just bar talk.

If we did everything we said over a
beer, I'd be playing quarterback for the

Raiders and Ernie would be a fighter
pilot.

I want to call Simon B. Hotwing.

Hey, hey, this is not a delusion or
fantasy for me, huh?

Come on, if Octavio can get a boat, we
could meet him in international waters

and take him to Florida.

He sets one foot on land, fills out some
paperwork, and then, pan, pan, he gets

asylum.

Listen, Vic, what Castro's doing to your
brother sucks, man, but I can't go. I

got a family to think about.

So you're a big afraidy cat.

Yes, I'm a big afraidy cat.

I'm afraid of the ocean. I'm afraid of
the Coast Guard, but most of all, I'm

afraid of what Angie would do if she
found out.

Well, you don't tell her.

You just surprise her with Octavio as
the best anniversary present ever.

Oh, man, that would be a hell of a gift.

What if we get caught?

We'll be rescuing a family member who
needs political asylum.

They don't prosecute.

You just gotta risk slapping.

Probably.

Probably?

I want to go.

I want to help somebody get their
freedom.

Plus, maybe there'd be a woman floating
out there that I could meet before

everybody else in America got a shot.

So, just out of curiosity, what
anniversary gift are you planning to

Huh. All right. I was going to make this
red paper mache heart, right, out of

toilet paper rolls that says...

Man, if Angie's going to believe our
story, man, you've got to sit here and

depressed.

But I'm too excited to act depressed.

Your wife left you for a younger man.

Perfect.

How's my dad doing?

Oh, not good.

Poor daddy.

I haven't seen that look on his face
since I told him we were getting

He's so low. I mean, he's talking crazy,
Angie.

Why don't you take me and Ernie to Miami
for a weekend fishing trip on this

boat? I think that's a great idea.

No, aren't you fishing with your dad?

Oh, it would mean so much to me. Please.

Okay.

Oh, Benny, George is going out of town
for the weekend and I've got a lumery

seminar. Can you watch the kids? Sure.

I guess I can think of something to keep
him busy.

Thanks.

So, your mom will be working late and
your dad will be out of town.

Happy birthday to me.

Give me that class list. We'll start
calling you.

All right.

Jamie Anderson.

Hi. This is Benita Lopez, Max Lopez's
grandma.

You know, I know that this is last
minute, but Max... He's going to have a

birthday party this Sunday, and he would
be crushed if Jamie couldn't come. He's

crazy about her.

Him. I'm sorry, him.

I've had a few.

Oh, great.

I bet the birthday boy would like a
Martian Sniper 2 video game.

Thank you.

He's kidding me. Perfect.

Oh, no, it's not, because I'm telling
Mom and Dad.

All right.

What do I have to do?

You've got to ask one of your little
friends for a pink T -shirt that says

Girl on it.

No way! They're going to think it's for
me.

Yup.

It's a rotten thing to do.

I know.

And I hate that you're going to ask the
next kid for Roach Traps and Flip Flops.

No, just my lunch.

Please, dear God, make the rocking stop.

This is your fishing boat, man. How
could you be seasick?

Hey, man, Octavio needs to put one foot
on American soil to get asylum.

Do you know how hard that's going to be
if he doesn't have any legs?

Yeah, what he said.

Now,

welcome aboard Octavio.

a relative with a flap on the wrist.

Oh, man, what do they slap you when
you're caught with a boatload of

Well, that's considered smuggling.

You go to jail for five years.

Five years? What am I going to tell
Angie and the kids?

What am I going to tell my mom? She
thinks I'm...

a pizza bagel before.

Where the hell is Octavio?

He radioed me these exact coordinates.

Should they hear?

Oh, my God, it's a Coast Guard plane.
They found us, George.

Dude, that's a pelican.

This is crazy.

We can't go to jail for a bunch of guys
we don't know.

Man, I'm going to call the Coast Guard,
tell them we rescued some Haitians, and

end this thing right now. What if
Octavio comes when the Coast Guard is

Do you know what would happen to him if
he was sent back to Cuba?

Fine. We'll keep looking.

Ernie, make sure these guys stay down
here. Hey, George, don't leave me. We're

out of food. What am I supposed to do?

I don't care.

Butter yourself up and play keep away.

Oh, great.

Party girl T -shirt.

Why don't you help yourself to some
punch and whatever's left of the cookie?

Hey, guys.

Mom just called. She's coming home
early.

We've got to get them out of here.

But we didn't sing or do the cake.

Right.

Okay, kids.

Get over here. Come on. Move it or lose
it.

Here we go.

Now, for our song today, we have our own
special version, and I'm sure that you

kids will love it. All right.

It's your birthday. Here's your song.
Now your song is over.

We had to come back, man. We were run
out of fuel.

Come on, we had a good day. Got some
sun. We saved a few Haitians.

You puked up those five pounds you were
trying to lose.

My brother is floating somewhere in the
ocean, and you make the money.

Look, man, maybe somebody else picked
him up.

We tried, Vic. We did our best.

Hey, check it out. There's another boat
of Haitians.

matter now. We're together.

This is George, Angie's husband.

The one who kept her from college?

Octavio, welcome to America, the land of
the free and the home of the brave.

We no longer have to fear an oppressive
government.

you couldn't get that new video game you
wanted.

So, I picked you up a little surprise.

A puzzle.

A polar bear puzzle.

Look, he's on an iceberg.

All those white pieces are sure going to
be a big challenge.

Sorry I'm late.

I went to another birthday party with my
sister.

My social life's on fire.

Here. I got you roach traps and flip
-flops.

Aren't they pretty swanky at presents?

Max!

You faked your birthday?

And you arranged it?

Angie, I swear on my son's life.

I got here late. I had no idea this was
going on. I am as shocked as you.

Benny, I counted on you. There has to be
an adult here.

Absolutely. Next time.

are grounded, and you're going to return
all the gifts you've got.

That's not all. You're going to give
each of these kids a toy of yours in

return. Now, before I take him home,
apologize.

I'm sorry, Dee.

Here's one of my toys.

A polar bear puzzle.

Now, why am I being punished?

Oye, chica, say hello to your little
friend.

How was the trip?

Great. And I picked up a little
anniversary present outside of Miami.

Honey, we weren't supposed to spend any
money.

Close your eyes.

Are you what?

Close your eyes.

Okay. Keep them closed.

All right.

Okay, open them.

My little Angie. Look at you, all grown
up.

My God, Uncle Octavio.

Angie, Castro wasn't going to let him
leave Cuba.

No, I lost all hope of coming.

But this brave man and your father went
into the ocean to get me.

They were a little late, and we had to
outrun the Coast Guard.

Killing the moment.

My God, George, this is the most amazing
thing anyone's ever done for me.

Come on, Octavio.

Let's take your stuff upstairs, eh?

Tomorrow we'll go to a supermarket and
I'll show you peanut butter and jelly in

the same jar.

What is peanut butter?

What is toothpaste that whitens and
brightens?

What is hot dog with cheese already
inside it?

That, mi hermano, is the sweet taste of
freedom.

I'm blown away. I don't even know what
to say.

Don't say anything.

I'm sure you got me something just as
special.

Happy anniversary.

What's this?

I made you a mixtape from the year we
met.

So I flew across the country, risked my
life on the ocean.

And you give me a tape with, wake me up
before you gale -gale.

I'm sorry.

I love it.

Here's your real gift.

Happy anniversary, baby.

I made it.

What about Octavio?

Oh, Angie, he's family.

I would have done that anyway.

George.

I love it.

It's lopsided. It's dented.

Looks like a three -year -old did it.

But I love that it came from your heart.

It sucks, but it's still better than a
mixtape. Hey!

You know, if Castro were here right now,
I would take an old rusty razor, shave

that beard off, and pour vinegar all
over his face.

Ooh, that's thingy.

If Castro were here right now, I would
train a pack of dogs just to attack

cigars. Then when he started smoking,
they would destroy his face.

Now if Castro were here right now, I
would rip his head off with my bare

and put it on backwards so that he would
have to look at his own butt.