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Come on, boy.
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Come through the tube.
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Come on, boy. I've got a treat.
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What's going on, Max?
5
00:00:06,810 --> 00:00:10,350
I'm training Mr. Needles. I want to
enter him in the dog show. Does Mr.
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Needles have papers?
7
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Oh, no, because I don't think it's right
that Mr. Needles has papers and some of
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our relatives don't.
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Hey, Max.
10
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Maybe Mr. Needles needs to see you run
the course. You know, so he knows what
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do.
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Okay.
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Mr. Needles, I'm only going to show you
this once.
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I know where that tongue's been.
15
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Sorry to hear that.
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Oh, of course we can come down.
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Okay, take care.
18
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Bye.
19
00:01:11,580 --> 00:01:12,880
I've got some bad news.
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Oh, that's good. Lots of drama.
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Now listen, when you say it, go like
this.
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And then go... No.
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Serious.
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That was Uncle Joe's girlfriend.
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Your brother's dying, Benny.
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Oh, man.
27
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So?
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What's the bad news?
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Oh, come on, Mom. Don't be like that.
30
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Benny, I know how you feel about Joe,
but he wants you to go down to San Diego
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to say goodbye.
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I said goodbye to him 15 years ago when
he cheated me out of my money.
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I don't believe her.
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The man is dying and she's not going to
talk to him because of some stupid
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grudge over a Super Bowl bet?
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You know, the Lopez's are proud people.
37
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,560
And when there's principle at stake, we
don't compromise no matter what. That's
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just the Lopez way.
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They're fighting over $20.
40
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We're petty, too.
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This is so sad.
42
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Joe's not even that old.
43
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His girlfriend didn't say what he had,
and I didn't want to ask.
44
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Well, I bet it was the bump.
45
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,760
The bump? Yeah, remember when I told you
he visited two years ago? He had a huge
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bump on the side of his neck.
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Uncle Joe!
48
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Whoa!
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Give me a hug.
50
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Wow, it's been a long time.
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Anything new going on in your life, Joe?
54
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Same old, same old.
55
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So, nothing's new. I guess nothing's
popped up.
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No, but I could use a soda, though. A
long trip from San Diego, you know?
57
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How was the traffic, Joe? Was it bumpy?
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I had to come up and talk to your mom.
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I want to make things right.
60
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:15,570
Oh, hey, man.
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Wow, hearing that gives me a lump in my
throat.
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Or a little to the left.
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I mean, have you been to the doctor? I'm
treating it myself. I drink warm ginger
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ale. Well, if it gets any bigger, Joe, I
mean, you can use the carpool lane
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going home.
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So?
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Benny, I'm ready to settle our bet.
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I brought you your money.
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00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:07,500
Well, where are you keeping it? In your
net wallet? What the hell is that thing?
70
00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:09,880
It's fine. Don't worry about it.
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00:04:10,190 --> 00:04:13,750
Look, I didn't come here to fight. I
came to make peace with my only sister.
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I got your money.
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That's ten. You owe me twenty.
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I still don't think I owe you anything.
75
00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:23,450
But I'm willing to meet you halfway.
76
00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,690
So take the ten. No, it's twenty or
nothing.
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00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:28,970
Look, why can't you just call it even so
we can bury the hatchet?
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00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:36,450
You know, speaking of hatchet, Joe, you
might want to... You know, I don't
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give a crap about the twenty dollars.
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Okay? You cheated me.
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00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:42,550
Of course, I should have known better to
let my brother be my bookie.
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00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:47,510
I did not cheat you. Yes, you did. No, I
didn't. Yes, you did. No, I didn't.
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Joe! Look, Mom, what fell out of Joe's
pocket.
84
00:04:51,810 --> 00:04:54,730
It's a 20. See there, problem solved. No
kissing makeup.
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00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:57,590
I'm not taking it unless he gives it to
me.
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I'm not giving it to you.
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Joe,
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that's my 20. No, it isn't.
89
00:05:05,290 --> 00:05:08,770
Come on, man, it is. No, it isn't. See?
90
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:14,410
Forget it. You're never going to change.
You're the same nasty, bitter woman
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00:05:14,410 --> 00:05:17,090
you've always been, except now you're an
inch shorter.
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00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:21,370
Well, screw you and the bump that rode
in on you.
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00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:26,310
I wonder how big the bump is now.
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00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:30,390
Well, ginger ale is good for treating
growth.
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00:05:31,870 --> 00:05:33,850
As long as you take it with
chemotherapy.
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00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:39,350
Look, you've got to convince your mother
to visit Joe. She needs...
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00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:43,510
If he dies before she gets a chance to
talk to him, she's going to regret it
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the rest of her life.
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00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,030
Angie, my mom doesn't regret anything.
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Except maybe not getting a bigger TV
during the riots.
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All right, I'll talk to her.
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Mom, Angie wants me to talk to you. Save
your breath. I'm not seeing Joe.
103
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But he's dying.
104
00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:07,430
I mean...
105
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This is your last chance to make things
right, to get closure.
106
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:15,560
Closure? You know what? I would rather
give birth to you as a grown man than
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that snake.
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How can you treat your only brother this
way?
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How?
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I'll tell you how. You don't screw
family.
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Joe and I grew up together. We shared a
room. Oh, but now that he's got money,
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now that he wears gold chains and goes
to the Super Bowl every year, he can't
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give up 20 freaking bucks to his own
sister.
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Look, your mom's gone.
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And your dad's gone. He's all you have
left. Forget the 20. You said it
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yourself. You don't screw family.
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I don't know.
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We're a proud people.
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Save it for somebody that doesn't know
us.
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You have a birthday dinner every month
at Denny's. We're not that proud.
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00:07:07,630 --> 00:07:08,970
his Super Bowl tickets this year.
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He could give them to a forgiving
sister.
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You know what?
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I need closure.
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All right, now.
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Joe!
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Is my mom still in with Joe? Yeah. Where
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have you been?
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I told you I was going to get
sandwiches.
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00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:03,360
That was hours ago.
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00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,720
I have been hit on by four of your
cousins.
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00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:10,580
And one of them was so overcome with
grief, he collapsed into my lap and
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there.
134
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,660
Hey, Jimmy's here. You know, I taught
him that move.
135
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:18,460
Where's Joe?
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We're his cousins from Albuquerque. Oh,
I'm Angie, and this is his nephew,
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George. Joe's in his bedroom with his
sister. Oh, crap. She's going to take
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tickets.
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What tickets?
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00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:30,960
Joe's Super Bowl tickets.
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Why do you think we drove all the way
here from Albuquerque?
142
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,980
George, did your mom come down here for
Super Bowl tickets?
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Ticket? I don't know anything about
tickets.
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Gentlemen, what is this pertaining to?
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You okay?
146
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That was tough.
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He's really dying.
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I know.
149
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We sat there and talked like we were
kids again.
150
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:07,820
And then I realized, when Joey goes...
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00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:11,370
There'll be no one left who'll remember
my childhood but me.
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00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:14,370
So you got closure?
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00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:17,850
Yeah. Oh, and I got the tickets.
154
00:09:19,470 --> 00:09:22,490
You know what? I don't even really care
about him now.
155
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Mom, you don't have to do this.
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You deserve him.
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You got me down here.
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Penny, I know this wasn't easy for you.
What is it with you?
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Anything to get a hug.
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You think we should go in and say
goodbye to Joe now? You know, I don't
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see him like this, Angie. I want to
remember him the way he was. I'll call
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George, you should see him.
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I mean, I don't know, Angie. I mean,
what if I'm in there and it's dark and
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death comes in and takes the wrong
Mexican?
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00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:05,420
Hey, George.
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00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,520
I heard you went down to see your uncle
and he's real sick.
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00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,700
So I thought I'd keep you company today.
168
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:14,800
Or tomorrow.
169
00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:16,400
Or Super Bowl Sunday.
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00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,780
You heard I have an extra ticket.
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00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:21,260
You do?
172
00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:24,040
Hey, don't give it to him, fool.
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I'm your assistant.
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I do all the crap you don't want to do.
Give me the ticket.
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00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,720
Let's see where you are on the list.
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00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:37,320
Okay, there's Angie, Ernie, everyone
else on the planet, all the dogs and
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00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,660
and then you. So, yeah, it could happen.
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00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,540
You're going to the Super Bowl.
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00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,180
Thank you, George.
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00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,040
You don't know how much this means to
me.
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This is the greatest moment of my life.
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That's sad, bro.
183
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,180
Angie, what are you doing here?
184
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Jill passed away.
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00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:03,720
Oh, damn.
186
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:05,460
Is Benny around?
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00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:06,880
Yeah.
188
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:10,100
Mom, could you come in here, please?
189
00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:17,970
Sorry, Mom. Joe's gone.
190
00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:20,510
They called about an hour ago.
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00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:21,930
The funeral's this Sunday.
192
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,830
Well, Alicia's not suffering anymore.
193
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:26,270
Super Bowl Sunday?
194
00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:31,530
Yeah, I know that sucks, but what are
you going to do?
195
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:34,330
We'll all drive down to the funeral
together.
196
00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:42,170
I can't go to the funeral.
197
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,350
You have to.
198
00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:45,990
No, I can't.
199
00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:51,640
Oh, okay, okay. How about this? You go
to the funeral, you see Joe, and then
200
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,560
can leave and still get to the game in
time for kickoff. I'm sure your mom will
201
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:55,560
be fine with that.
202
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:57,480
No, I don't want to go.
203
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,820
Why are you being like this? Because I
don't want to go to the funeral.
204
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,140
What is the big deal?
205
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,340
I don't want to see dead people, and I
don't want to see people crying, and,
206
00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:07,520
know, I don't want to talk about this
anymore.
207
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,620
Hey, I know you. You got me this job.
208
00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:17,590
That's right.
209
00:12:17,810 --> 00:12:19,850
I should kick your ass right here.
210
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:35,250
I got the kids some clothes for the
funeral on Sunday. You want me to press
211
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:36,630
black suit in case you change your mind?
212
00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:38,470
No.
213
00:12:39,630 --> 00:12:44,010
You know, sometimes when I say I don't
want to talk about something, it means
214
00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:47,200
that... what I really want to talk about
the most.
215
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:48,960
Yeah, I hate that about you.
216
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:53,700
Come on, Carmen and Max are both going.
It's going to be hard to explain to them
217
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:54,700
why you're not.
218
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,240
Why are you taking the kids?
219
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,760
I don't think they have to go through
all that.
220
00:12:59,380 --> 00:13:00,520
Go through all what?
221
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:06,420
You know, when you see the coffin and
you think about your body rotting away
222
00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:10,360
your eyes shriveling up and your nails
are still growing. Angie, your nails
223
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,440
never stop growing.
224
00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:13,740
George.
225
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:14,919
Stop growing?
226
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:18,740
If they didn't stop growing everywhere
you went, there'd be fingernails
227
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:19,740
up out of the ground.
228
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,400
I don't get it.
229
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:25,940
What's his problem?
230
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,180
He won't go to the funeral.
231
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:30,960
Damn. He should have seen this coming.
232
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:35,820
What? Oh, he's scared of death ever
since he was a kid.
233
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:38,800
Well, he never told me that. Did
something happen?
234
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:41,180
Oh, just the kind of stuff that...
235
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,470
really is out of a parent's control.
236
00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:45,450
Like what?
237
00:13:46,570 --> 00:13:50,270
Like, um, I lied to him and told him
that his dad died when he was four. That
238
00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:51,270
probably didn't help.
239
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:53,250
Mm -hmm.
240
00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:57,610
And then he was really scared, and he
asked me if he was ever gonna die.
241
00:13:58,550 --> 00:13:59,950
And what did you say?
242
00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:01,750
I said, no.
243
00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:06,670
I said, when you grow up, they will have
cured all of the diseases, and you're
244
00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:07,670
gonna live forever.
245
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,700
But that one wasn't my fault. Science
let me down.
246
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:18,000
Benny, you messed him up. He never
learned how to handle death as a child,
247
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,520
now he can't handle it as an adult.
248
00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:21,020
I know.
249
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:22,640
I'm going to talk to him.
250
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:25,140
It's time he went to his first funeral.
251
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,960
He never went?
252
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,420
Even when he was younger?
253
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,220
Well, they never invited him.
254
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,120
I was always having fights with all of
the relatives.
255
00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:35,220
You know?
256
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:39,440
Even my cousin Rudy had it put on his
tombstone. If you can read this, Benny
257
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,640
Lopez, you're too close.
258
00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:46,980
George,
259
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:53,800
I got to talk to you.
260
00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:56,780
What's with the dress?
261
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:59,380
This is the dress I want to be buried
in.
262
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,080
That's the dress you want God to see you
in the first time you meet?
263
00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:08,540
I'm not kidding. This is my death dress.
264
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:12,400
What are you going to wear for the
swimsuit competition?
265
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:18,400
Listen, George, you help me get through
something, now I'm going to help you.
266
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:23,360
You know, the best way to get rid of
your fear of death is take control of
267
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,980
Like me. I got everything planned.
268
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,720
Mom, I don't want to do this.
269
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:28,919
Come on, George.
270
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:29,920
Come on. Pay attention.
271
00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:33,840
You're the only one I trust, and I'm
going to make sure that you're in charge
272
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,020
all of my arrangements, okay?
273
00:15:35,380 --> 00:15:37,560
Number one, make sure I'm dead.
274
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,640
Number two, make sure I'm dead.
275
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:49,360
Number three, do not let them put me in
the ground without doing my eye makeup,
276
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:52,680
okay? And I would like for it to be
powder blue to match my gown.
277
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:56,780
And also, you know, have them arch my
eyebrows.
278
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,140
look like I'm surprised, you know, like
somebody got me from behind.
279
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:06,200
Come on, Mom, you're creeping me out.
This is stupid. You're not going to die
280
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,680
for a long, long time. What are you
doing?
281
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,480
This is what it's going to look like.
282
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,800
But not exactly.
283
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:15,300
I don't want to be buried in a bra.
These things hurt after four hours. Come
284
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:19,020
Mom, stop it. Get up. No, no, I'm just
saying, picture them more to the side.
285
00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:24,320
Okay, okay, I'll go to Joe's funeral.
Just get up.
286
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,680
Mom, I don't want to picture you dead.
287
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:28,840
Good.
288
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:30,840
You feel better?
289
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:33,880
No, but I'll be okay.
290
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:43,800
So, I guess you're going to be fed when
I go, huh?
291
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:45,960
Of course, you're my mom.
292
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:48,220
But that's a long, long way down the
road.
293
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,480
Oh, yeah, yeah.
294
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,380
Yeah, sure, you're right.
295
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,620
Uh -oh.
296
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:59,140
What's this right here? I got a little
bump on my nose.
297
00:17:02,190 --> 00:17:03,190
gonna die.
298
00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:05,050
I'm gonna die.
299
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,300
I think I want to say goodbye to Joe.
300
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,220
You sure?
301
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,280
Yeah.
302
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,060
Well, you know, it sort of reeks of
death in here. I'm going to go out and
303
00:17:50,060 --> 00:17:51,060
a smoke.
304
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:29,080
my mom meant about the eyebrows.
305
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:33,620
Joe, you were an all right uncle.
306
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,920
Thank you for making up with my mom.
307
00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:41,900
Hey, man, I know you didn't want to miss
the Super Bowl, so...
308
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:47,020
Here you go, T.
309
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:05,750
Should I give you a minute?
310
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,810
The ball is loose.
311
00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:17,050
There's a big pileup on the two, but it
won't matter as time runs out.
312
00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:18,270
Why?
313
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,600
You know some chips would be nice.
23920
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