All language subtitles for family_ties_s07e14_my_best_friend_s_girl

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love
each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Hi. Hi. Hi, Jennifer.

Notice anything different about me?

No.

I'll give you a clue. It happens when
you're 16, and once it happens, you're

never the same again.

Yes,

yes. I got my learner's permit.

That's a relief.

I don't even know why.

Jen, you must be so excited. Getting
your learner's permit is a big event.

And you've got something else to get
excited about.

driving lessons with your good old dad.

Boy, excited is such a subjective term.

You know, Dad, I really appreciate that
you want to teach me to drive, and it

means a lot to me.

But I've been thinking of the lessons
you gave Alex and Mallory. Oh, yeah,

those were great lessons. They could
drive through hell if they had to.

And in a sense, we did.

Dad, I want Mom to teach me to drive.

Well...

Oh, well, no, that's fine,

Jen. Just fine.

Your mother will be a wonderful teacher.

If you want to learn to drive that way.

Who is that?

You know.

Okay, boys.

Stephen, I know I can teach Jen to drive
better than you ever could.

Not if I hide the keys, you can.

This is going to be hard. The learner's
permit says there has to be at least one

adult in the car.

Hey. Hi, you ready to go?

Yes, I am, my little psycho -political
cupcake.

We're going to the movies, Mel. You want
to come?

Oh, you guys don't leave me now.

Skippy's on his way over. His new
girlfriend, he wants to introduce her to

That's great.

When did this happen?

How did this happen?

I don't know, but this could be just
what Skippy needs. I mean, he hasn't

since Amy transferred to Yale.

Didn't they decide to see other people?

Well, yeah, but Skippy didn't know what
that meant.

So for months, he just walked around
looking at other people.

Hi. Hey, Skip, buddy. Come on in.

I'd like you all to meet someone
special.

This is Darlene. Darlene, this is Alex,
Lauren, and Mallory. Hi, Darlene. Hi.

Hey, why don't we sit down and get
better acquainted, all right?

I know.

Um, so have you two known each other
long? Yes. No.

Um, we just met this morning.

So this is your first date?

Oh, no. This isn't a date. We're lab
partners.

As soon as I met him, he asked me to
come home and meet his neighbors, which

is... Weird enough.

Thank you.

Oh, but I said yes because you begged me
and I have real trouble saying no.

Will you marry me? Not that much
trouble.

Look, I hope you won't mind if I see
myself out.

I won't. I don't suppose this engagement
ring is going to change your mind?

There must be something we can do. I
mean, such a sweet, lovable guy.

There's got to be someone out there for
him.

There's not, I looked.

That little vixen. She's playing hard to
get.

No, she's not. Who am I kidding?

She hates me. They all hate me.

Skippy, come on. That's not true.

How come last week I asked Lisa Tobin if
she wanted to go to the movies with me

and her head spun around a full 360
degrees?

Well, she's had the flu, Skippy.

Skippy, look, the odds are always huge
against meeting the right person, but

somehow it happens.

Look, look at Lauren.

She wanted the best, and, you know, darn
it, she got it.

Well, sure, Alex, you've never had
problems with women, but all the women I

reject me. Even the women I don't meet
reject me.

Listen, Skippy, I think maybe I can help
you.

Why don't you come to my lab at school
and I'll assess your psychological

profile. Maybe we can find out what type
of female you're compatible with. I

don't care if she's compatible, as long
as she's human.

All right, pal, one time around the
maze, then lunch.

Come on, it's easy. You can do it.

That's it.

That's it. Just a little further.

I don't know where to start.

Hi, Skippy. I'll be done in just a
second. We're trying to find the cheese.

It's right here.

Very good.

Are you a little nervous?

Well, yes, just a little, though.

I'm not too good with these things.

When I was a kid, my parents sent me to
a psychologist, and then a week later,

he spotted rollerskating naked through
Woolworths.

Well, Skippy, I don't skate, and I'm
sure this is going to go fine.

Just relax.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Oh, I think you're asking the wrong guy.

See, I'm pretty much a mystery to me.

Okay, then we'll both discover you at
the same time.

Skippy, why don't you tell me a little
bit about your past relationships with

women?

Okay. Well, you know about Amy.

And before that, there was, oh, let's
see.

Nobody. Unless, of course, you count
Mallory.

What exactly was the nature of your
relationship with Mallory?

Somewhere in between close personal
friend and dog.

You know, I've got to admit, I was a
little nervous about doing this. I mean,

because we're friends, and sometimes
it's hard to work with people you know

well. But I have to tell you, I feel
very comfortable talking to you.

I feel very comfortable talking to you,
too. I just wish I could be like this

around other women.

Well, maybe you're scared of women.

Maybe you're scared of relationships.

Does the word love scare you?

Well, maybe. I guess it depends on how
it's used in a sentence.

How so?

Well, I love my mother. It's fine.

We'd love to beat you up and take your
bike. Worries me.

Okay, let me rephrase the question. Does
the concept of being in love scare you?

Not if I could find the right person.
Well, who's the right person?

Someone who listens.

Someone who cares.

What does she look like?

Well, she's got long, dark brown,
lustrous hair.

Beautiful pale blue eyes.

Pink shell -like ears.

And...

Cute little orange freckles across the
bridge of her nose.

Wow.

Sounds like a knockout.

She is.

So, you ladies prepared for your
adventure on wheels?

Stephen, don't start.

At least I'm not. I just want to help. I
happened upon this Ohio driver's

handbook, and I thought I might give you
a little quiz.

Dad, I think we'll be fine on our own.

Come on.

This will be fun.

When making a left turn from a two -lane
street onto a three -lane highway, does

the car turning left onto the street or
the car turning right onto the highway

have the right of way?

Let me think just a minute. Quickly,
Elise, there's no time. Here comes the

tractor trailer.

Too late, Elise.

All right, all right. Let's, uh...

Let's try an easy one.

At what speed do you require a Class 3
license to tow anhydrous ammonia?

It's impossible.

I don't know that.

And you call yourself a driver.

Do you think you could do better?

Yes, I do.

Okay, big boy, you got it.

Oh, no, Mom, please don't leave. No,
honey, I'm sorry. I cannot take the risk

what might happen on some wild night
when you and your girlfriends decide to

out and toe ammonia.

Okay, Jen, out to the garage for a few
words about tire pressure.

Oh, hell, Dad's taking me to the garage.

I really need to talk now.

Okay, I'll get out of your way.

I meant to you.

Oh, oh, okay.

What? Mallory, I'm having uncontrollable
romantic feelings. Oh, I knew it,

Skippy. Stop.

You've got to stop pining for me.

I mean, sure, you're lonely.

Yes, I'm desirable.

But it's got to stop.

It's not you.

Oh, okay.

That was really embarrassing.

Well, sure, I felt that way about you
once, but now you're more like a sister

me, or even a brother.

No, no, more like a third cousin on my
mom's side, Uncle Nestor's boy.

It's all right, Skippy, I'm over it.
What's up?

I think I'm in love with Lauren.

Well, that's great. Lauren who?

Lauren, of Alex and Lauren.

That Lauren?

Is keeping you crazy?

I know. I feel so guilty. I feel
horrible.

You should.

How can you do this to Alex? I know. I
know. There's nothing you can say that I

haven't said to myself already.

Have you said this?

I'm a jerk.

I was much tougher on myself.

It even got physical. Twice I had to
separate me.

But she's just the only thing on my
mind. She's the only thing I can think

all day and all night. All I say is
Lauren.

Lauren.

Lauren, I'm thirsty.

Lauren?

Skippy, perfect. You know, we got some
great news for you. Tell them.

All right, I hope you don't mind, but I
matched up your profile with some other

women I know at school, and I got you a
date.

Alex and I are going to double with you.
Isn't this exciting?

Skippy!

Sorry, we're late.

I guess I'm in charge of the
introductions.

Alex, this is Pippi.

Hi, Pippi.

Pippi, this is Skippy.

My folks love Pippi Longstocking, so...
My folks love peanut butter, so...

Pippi and Skippy.

Will you two ever get married? Your kids
could be Flippy, Snippy, and Dippy.

You look beautiful, Lauren.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Don't you think Pippi looks terrific?

Pippi who?

Pippi Longstocking.

Oh, yes, that Pippi, of course. Yes, you
look very nice. Very peppy, Pippi.

Uh, bread, anybody?

Sure. What? Hey, no, don't hog it.

No, thank you. Are we ready to hear the
specials?

Sure. Will you wait just a minute,
please?

Lauren, are you ready to hear the
specials?

I think so.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't
think I'm ready yet.

All right, I'm ready.

Tonight I have a lovely veal scallopini,
a delightful little chicken in a

mustard sauce, and of course...

A number of selections from our brand
-new fresh seafood cart.

We have lobster, crab, ruffy, and scrot
on ice, and you can select the exact one

that you'd like.

All right, I'll have the lobster.

I think I'll have the lobster, too.

Oh, I'm sorry. We only have one lobster
left.

Oh, you go ahead, B. No, that's all
right, Lauren.

Lauren, you get the lobster. B, you get
the scrot. Oh!

Alex? Flip me a fly!

I've got to go. Oh, you can't go. It's
flying fish night at Guido's.

That's okay.

I've lost my appetite.

Did you drive her? Yeah, absolutely.

I was the designated driver anyway. It's
funny. I thought I'd be driving someone

home because they drank like a fish and
I got hit by one.

All right, honey. Save me that lobster,
all right?

See you in a while.

I had a very nice time, Pippi. I hope we
can do this again.

I'll bring my snorkel.

All right, I don't want you to blame
yourself.

Everything was going fine until you
started throwing fish.

It's all my fault. I'm a stupid, clumsy
oaf.

You're also sweet, sensitive, and
caring.

I know what your problem is. You just
tend to get overly excited around women,

and your senses overload.

And that only happens around certain
women.

Well, then maybe Pippi's still a good
bet.

Pippi wasn't the only woman here
tonight, Lauren.

That's very sweet, Skippy, but what I
meant was... Not that! I'm sorry. I

couldn't help myself.

Sort of felt like you helped yourself.

I'd better go.

The Keaton Driving School is now in
session.

Dad, would you mind if we didn't go out
in the car for the first time at night?

I mean, it's going to be hard enough in
the daytime.

Well, who said anything about a car? We
are going to simulate a driving lesson

right here in the kitchen.

Two more chairs and we have a back seat.

I can't do this. I get car sick.

Okay, everybody in the car.

Don't slam the door.

Everybody buckled up?

Okay. Here.

There you go.

Start the car.

Okay. Now pull carefully into the
street, checking both ways for traffic.

Stop!

You almost hit that bicycle.

Everybody calm down. We're in traffic
now.

Jennifer, watch the road.

Take a left at the line.

Where's the light? What light?

It's right... There!

You just ran a red light, young lady.

Oh, uh -oh, there's a cop behind us.

Where?

Right there.

I'm going to try to lose him. Jennifer,
you're...

Oh.

You teach her.

She's too much of a daredevil for me.

I quit.

You can't take the heat.

Get off the highway.

Ah, Skippy flipped out at the
restaurant. He tossed a scrod and kissed

the mouth.

Well, good thing it wasn't the other way
around.

Oh, that's Skippy. Do you mind if I talk
to him alone? He'd be crushed if he

thought you knew. Yeah, that's all
right.

Hello, Skippy.

Hello, Lauren.

I'm glad you came over. I think we
should talk.

I think so, too, and since I have to
catch a plane for the Arctic Circle,

go first.

I just want you to know that wasn't me
who kissed you in that restaurant

tonight. That was my evil twin.

Bad Irwin.

Phoebe, I think we should talk about
what happened at the restaurant tonight.

I'm sorry.

I really am. It's just that, uh... Well,
you were so close, and, um...

I started to...

Have these feelings.

What feelings?

That I loved you.

Skippy, you don't really love me.

You just have this need to be loved by
someone, and you transfer that need to

me. What's wrong with me?

I make a complete fool out of myself
every time a girl is nice to me.

Fortunately, it doesn't happen that
often.

Skippy, when we were alone at the lab,
you were charming and relaxed and funny,

and I liked you.

And someone else will, too.

If you can be that way around me, you
can be that way around anyone.

Do you think so?

All you've got to do is be yourself.

All right, I'll give it one more year,
but then I'm going to be someone else.

Well, now there's just one more thing I
have to do, which is talk to Alex.

Alex? Yes?

I think I'll leave you two guys alone.

Alex, there's something I have to tell
you. I fell in love with Lauren.

But we talked it over, and I'm getting
over it, and this will in no way affect

you two or your happiness.

You fell in love with Lauren?

Whoa.

Whoa, Skippy, this is a shocker.

I mean, I'm not sure exactly what to
say.

I mean, it's a pretty painful... It's a
pretty painful thing to spring on a

fella.

And I'm just gonna need some time to
absorb it and get over it.

All right, I'm over it.

Oh, Skip, hey, don't worry, because
somewhere out there is a wonderful girl

you.

She's telling me this. Where the hell is
she?

Watch

the

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Good dog.