All language subtitles for family_ties_s06e18_the_play_s_the_thing

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love
each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

No, see, this color's all wrong for you,
Andy.

You must stay away from green.

I'm not promising anything.

You are a winter person.

Your colors are gray, blue, navy, azure,
and you must stay away from plaids and

avoid large prints whenever possible.

Hey, I came in here to eat.

Andy, I'm giving you a free color
analysis.

No, I don't even pick out my own
clothes.

Hi. Is your dad home yet? Hi, Mom.

Has he called?

No, not yet. Why?

Well, your father is down at the
Columbus Community Playhouse.

They are considering putting on a play
he wrote, and I'm just kind of anxious

see what the decision is.

Really? What's it about?

Well, it's a very autobiographical story
about how we met and fell in love. It's

a very nice moment from the 60s.

A draft card for The Burning by Stephen
Keaton.

Wait a minute.

Oh, my diamond in the rough from
Buffalo, come let me love you?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I've heard
that before.

Wait a minute. Oh, it's an old memory.

It's an old, old memory. I'm in my crib.

I'm tossing. I'm turning.

It's a nightmare.

It's Dad's play.

There's a chance that the Columbus
Community Playhouse is going to do it.

They must be stopped.

I think it's nice that it might be
produced again.

You mean it's been produced before?

Oh, yeah, when we were in college. Your
father directed, and I had the lead, the

activist anthropology student, Sequoia
Free.

I'm telling you, the 60s were a joke,
man. We was running around with these

cartoon names.

I wouldn't laugh if I were you. When you
were a little baby, we called you Moon

Muffin.

He looks like a little moon muffin,
doesn't he?

Yeah, well, it could have been worse.

I could have been moon muffin free.

I remember you telling us about this
play, isn't it? The one that almost

you and Dad up?

Yeah, it did almost break us up. Your
father's whole personality just changed

completely. He became insanely jealous
about whoever played opposite me. He

became extremely pompous and terribly
theatrical.

The Columbus Community Theater is proud
to announce the Ohio debut of Stephen

Keaton's A Draft Card for the Burning.

Congratulations.

Well, it's going to be the first in
their Undiscovered Playwrights of Ohio

series. I'm going to direct it. And,
Lisa, I want you to star in it.

Oh, it's... So sweet of you to think of
me. I can't.

Why not? It'll be just like the old
days.

That's what I'm afraid of.

I know there was a little tension the
last time we worked together, but that's

all in the past. We're so much more
mature now. Anyway, it's only going to

two days.

Well, what two days do you have in mind?
Sunday and Monday. Oh, heartbreak. I'm

not available.

You don't even know which Sunday and
Monday. Well, it doesn't really matter

because I've just joined this group
Sundays and Mondays in Ohio.

Well, maybe we could move the play
nights to Tuesdays and Wednesdays. No,

don't do that because Sundays and
Mondays might be changing to Tuesdays

Wednesdays.

Well, I'm certainly not going to beg
you.

I'm sure Shakespeare had his rejections.

Probably not from his wife, but I'll
find another leading actress. This town

must be full of sequoia frees.

Man's more peaceful nature as the waves
wash onto the shore of life.

Oh, my diamond in the rough from
Buffalo, come let me love you.

Okay.

Very good.

Very, very good, Carol. We'll let you
know.

Stephen, I just want you to know that
I've done a lot of classic theater, from

Ibsen to Shaw and back again.

And the role of Sequoia Free in A Draft
Card for the Burning is perhaps the most

significant role written for a woman
since Joan of Arc. In Joan of Arc.

I loved it, too, Steve.

The moment I read it.

I was in my office just kicking back
after finishing a root canal.

I picked it up.

I picked it up and couldn't put it down.
It had fire.

It had a... Jeff, Jeff, please.

You've already got the part.

No, no, I mean it. It just rolls off the
tongue.

Kelp of poverty.

Seashells of experience.

Do you like fish, Steve?

Hey,

how's it going?

Tough, Alex.

My dad having trouble finding any actors
for his play?

No, it's been tough on me. Sitting here
listening to all this, I'm starting to

see past lives and envying them.

That tough, huh?

Have you read the whole play yet, Alex?

No, nobody's read the whole play.

Not even Dad.

Hey, Bob.

Bob, it's nice. I hear it's going like
gangbusters.

Well, the material's certainly holding
up.

The trick is to find actors of the same
caliber.

That's going to be tough, Dad.

All right, let's get on with it.

Ready, Alice?

Okie dokie.

I'm sorry,

Steve. I didn't realize your auditions
were still going on. We'll get out of

your way. No, no.

Stay and watch her butcher the dialogue
meant to come only from your lips.

Any time, mon capitaine.

Okay, Jeff, Alice, let's read a little,
have fun with it, and begin.

We must turn back the tide of war.

Uncover the kelp of poverty and greed.

Lay bare the seashells of human
experience, like man's more peaceful

the waves

Wash on to the shore of life.

Oh, my diamond in the rough from
Buffalo.

Come, let me love you.

That's fine, honey.

Thank you. Oh, no, there's more.

Not necessarily.

I have a full sense of your gift.

Thank you. All right.

Come again.

Anyone else back there, Jen?

I don't know.

All right, let's knock it off then,
Jeff.

Oh, all right.

Do you know how much I love this?

Jeff, you've got the job, I swear.

Okay.

Way to go, Dad. Any luck?

Rough afternoon now, rough.

Very discouraging.

Well, don't worry, it's still early. No,
we're kidding ourselves. Your mother is

the only one who can play Sequoia free.

We might as well not do it.

Come on, Dad, there's got to be someone
else. No, no, there's no one.

I wrote it for you, only for you.

It's our life, Elise, our passion. And
if you can't find it in your heart to be

my Sequoia free, well, I say forget it.

Let a draft card for the burning die a
proper death.

Oh, my diamond in the rough from
Buffalo.

Come, let me love you.

Okay, they'll be held at the door for
you. Six tickets, front row center.

That'll be $1 .50.

Okay, six more reservations, Andy. How
many does that give us?

11.

Hey.

How's it going, fellow siblings?

Okay.

Where are the Lunts?

They're in there rehearsing.

Well, what do you think, Alex?

It's Mom's dress for the play.

That's not her dress.

That's her handkerchief.

Alex, Sequoia Free is a high -spirited,
unconventional woman of the 60s. This is

an extension of her fantasy life.

Sequoia Free is your mother.

Okay? She does not have a fantasy life.

And she's not going to be wearing this
as long as Alex Free is alive.

Please, how can you make such a big deal
about this? Because already it's

getting out of control.

How can you say that?

Steven, maybe you aren't even aware of
it, but every time Jeff comes near me,

you start acting more like a jealous
husband than a director.

Jeff?

You call him Jeff?

Isn't that a little familiar? His name
is Dr.

Cooper.

Well, Mom, I'm done. What do you think?
Oh, that's wonderful.

What's that?

Oh, this is for me in the sit -in scene
in the second act.

Why do you need a handkerchief?

This isn't a handkerchief, Stephen. This
is a dress.

And it reflects the era.

Elise, the 60s was a time of decorum.

Of prim and proper behavior, as I
remember.

People wore these kind of high neck
dresses, you know, right up to the eyes.

We're ready in there, Admiral.

Whoa, Elise.

You gonna wear that?

It's no bigger than a handkerchief.

Fabulous.

Your job's hanging by a thread, Jeff.

I love your dialogue, Steve.

All right.

This is the big sit -in scene in the
dean's office. We'll take it from your

speech, Elise, at the top of page 311.

Oh, Randolph.

You're courageous, courageous,
outrageous, and contagious.

three of those, Sequoia.

Let them come. Let them take us away. At
least we'll be together.

Okay, hold it.

What is it, Steve? The kiss was too
much.

Don't dwell on it. Make it incidental. A
throwaway.

Well, look at this stage direction,
Steve.

With the heat of love burning in his
heart, Randolph sweeps Sequoia into a

passionate embrace.

That's a throwaway?

It's a matter of interpretation.

Oh?

I think Randolph's worn out.

Too tired and emotionally drained to do
much more than shake hands with Sequoia.

I wouldn't even go that far.

Make it a high five.

Five, five?

That doesn't seem right.

Look, I'm the director. I say the kiss
does not work. Now, let's please get on

with it. Let's take it from here. And,
Jeff, please, keep your lips to

Five minutes, everybody. Five minutes.

Four minutes, 55 seconds.

450.

449.

It's just a play. It's just, I keep
telling myself it's just a play. Dad?

Yeah? Dad, what do you think of the
outfit?

Oh, it's a gas.

The amazing thing is, this is my own.

Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute. You
mean you wore that stuff in the 60s? No,

this is what I wear now.

I was really straight in the 60s.

Oh, you're nervous.

It's in your hands now, Elise.

Yours and Oscar's and Jeff's.

Boy, am I nervous.

Brings back a lot of memories, doesn't
it? So long ago.

Our opening night.

Also our closing night.

I'm so glad you decided to do this play.

At least you are Sequoia free.

Now and forever.

Break a leg, honey.

Thanks, baby. The Columbus Community
Playhouse proudly presents the Midwest

premiere of...

Mr. Farmer is so keen.

Who do you think?

I'm afraid those are the final demands,
Dean Hutchinson. We are not going to

budge until you agree to meet us here in
person.

Oh, Randolph, how can one man be so
wonderful and so perfect?

It's a question I often ask myself.

Well, two minutes left in the first act.
The audience is loving it.

time, Randolph.

And then they storm the room.

I don't think the dean is going to show.

You'll show, Sequoia.

I feel it.

I know it.

Randolph, I admire your chutzpah.

It's far out.

Sequoia, my darling, I love you with all
my heart. Come to me.

I'm on fire.

Didn't you see the sign?

She kissed me.

I was acting, Steve. It came out of the
moment. It seemed right.

There. Happy now, Steve? I told you. She
kissed me.

I didn't see you trying to fight her
off.

When a beautiful woman kisses Randolph,
he kisses back.

Randolph is a man of passion.

you, Steven.

So why don't you play him?

I've got an office full of patients
waiting.

Fine, I will. Fine.

And when I'm out of anesthesia, I'll
just read them your play.

I have to side with Jeff on this, Steve.
He's my dentist.

Fine, why don't you go with him? You can
help him do some filling.

Steve, this is uncalled for. My parents
are in the audience.

I don't want to have to wake them up and
tell them I'm not in the show.

You're out, good vibes.

They go. I'm going.

Jeff's my dentist, too.

Go! Go!

Go! All of you, go!

Get a gang filling!

See if I care.

And I'll tell you something else, Jeff.

I'm not flossing anymore.

Dad? They all gone?

Yeah.

What do we do?

We'll think of something.

Right.

Oh, Randolph.

It's beautiful outside right now.

The morning rain has washed away the
silence of injustice.

Hi, Sequoia.

Notice anything different?

Why, yes, you've grown a beard, haven't
you?

Can't leave you alone for a second.

What is going on?

Jeff, quit. I'm stepping in. Just
improvise. So, Sequoia, enjoying the

The chief of police couldn't come, so he
told me to tell you that you're all

under arrest.

Thank you, friend of the chief.

But we're not afraid.

Because any moment now, Peter Good Vibes
will be coming through that door with

words from the administration.

Yes, where could Peter be?

Well, you know Good Vibes. He works in
strange ways.

Yes, but you can't question his vibe.

went down. Good vibes?

Dig.

I go across town, man.

Fuzz everywhere, man.

Here a fuzz, there a fuzz.

Everywhere a fuzz fuzz.

Look, let me just say at this point that
I have nothing but respect for our men

in blue.

If it were up to me, I'd arrest every
single member of this cast.

Come on, Muffin.

Sequoia, Mom.

Let's be... The 60s are almost over.

We all just want to make a lot of money.

And I, Peter Good Vibes, am going to
apply to business school.

Well, Good Vibes is off to business
school.

So be it.

But we're still together, Sequoia.
That's all that matters.

Sequoia. Randolph.

Sequoia.

Randolph.

What are you doing here?

I'm in the play.

You can't be in the play. You quit.

I know, but I can't stay away.

I love the dialogue.

I don't care. You're out of here.

Tell us.

Randolph.

Sequoia, I'm on fire.

Sequoia, I'm on fire for you.

I was on fire for you first.

Let them come.

Let them take us away. At least we'll be
together.

Let them come.

Let them take us away. At least we'll be
together.

All right, Dr.

Cobra, come on, come on, come on.

I'm just going to sit here for a minute
if you don't mind.

May I join you?

I guess every 25 years I have to make a
fool of myself.

That's not so.

It's only been 23 years.

This is Italy.

Draft card goes back into the drawer.

Alex will be so happy.

It's not a good play, Lee.

I think I have to face that.

It's a lovely play in spots.

You cut 100, 150 pages out of that
sucker and it will fly.

I'm sorry I put you through this, Elise.
Can you forgive me?

Promise me you won't have to do it again
when I'm 70.

I didn't need 350 pages to say what I
needed to say.

All I needed was one speech.

I love you.

I'm crazy about you and I can't imagine
what my life would have been like if I'd

never met you.

Oh, my diamond in the rough from
Buffalo.

Come let me love you.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.