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As you all know, Lauren is doing a paper
on the American family, and as you also
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may know, she's chosen us to be her case
study.
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I mean, would you say that your life is
the fulfillment of a dream that the two
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of you set out for yourself?
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But there were a lot of surprises along
the way. Can you give me an example?
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We thought about having a little brother
or sister, and we decided that it could
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be a lot of fun.
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Yeah, the family needs a little shaking
up anyway.
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It's a boy.
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Thank you!
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Well, what are we going to sing?
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Something for a baby.
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Hey, do you know Let's Get Crazy by
Twins?
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This is him.
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This is the guy I've been telling you
about.
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Here's your lunchbox.
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Now, these are your coloring books and
your crayons. Remember, how do we feel
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about sharing?
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Dad, you're really embarrassing me. This
is not the place for you to be. Why do
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you say that? Look around you, Dad. Do
you see anyone else here who's shamed?
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Jennifer, I just want to spend some time
with you. I'm sorry, Dad, but this
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isn't the right place.
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If you don't leave, I will.
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What would we do, baby, without us?
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What would we do, baby, without us?
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And there ain't no nothing we can't love
each other through.
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What would we do, baby, without us?
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Sha -la -la -la.
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I have to say, I learned a lot from that
meeting.
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Me too.
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Like, don't ever be seen with your
father in public.
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It's a lovely thing your father did. It
shows what kind of dad he is. He's got a
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stay -at -home dad.
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Dad, in the future, do us a favor, stay
at home.
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Can you think of other ways that your
father embarrassed... I mean, got
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in what you kids were doing? Nothing
specific, but he was always involved.
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Mom, too.
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What would you say is the key to the
closeness that you have with your
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Honesty.
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Talking out problems.
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Financial dependence.
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Get honesty in talking out problems.
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We made a decision a long time ago that
if anyone had a problem, they would come
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to us and we would talk about it. And
that works for you?
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Definitely.
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Well, sometimes it's a hard thing to do,
like the time I had to tell Mom and Dad
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that I might not graduate from high
school.
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Hi, honey.
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I had the dress altered for you.
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So excited you're going to be wearing it
to your graduation.
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It really means a lot to me.
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What do you think of this frame, Mel? I
think your diploma will look great in
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here.
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It looks nice the way it is, Dad.
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Come on, Jan.
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Mom, Dad.
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There's something I have to tell you.
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This isn't easy for me, and it's not
going to make you happy.
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I don't like it any more than you will.
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Okay, I'm failing history. Unless I get
a B on my final, which is not likely,
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I'm not going to graduate.
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Not graduate?
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Why is this the first we're hearing of
this?
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I didn't mention it before?
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No.
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I guess I was hoping it wouldn't come to
this, that I'd get that diploma
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somehow. Well, how did you plan on
getting this diploma, Mel? By going to
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mall four nights a week?
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By spending all that time with Nick? By
talking on the phone all hours?
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What do you want me to do?
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I want you to start taking things
seriously. I want you to grow up.
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Mom, don't yell at me. I feel bad enough
already.
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Well, sometimes I have to yell at you.
It's the only way I can get through to
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you these days. Come on, come on, come
on. Getting all upset isn't going to
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help, Elise.
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How could you do this, Mel? I didn't
want to.
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Can't you bring the grade up at all?
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My teacher is so unfair to me.
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I asked her if I could do extra credit.
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She said, no, Mallory.
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You have to get a B on the final or F.
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There's no way I'm going to be able to
do that.
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There's still time.
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What do you want me to do?
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Look, I think your only choice now is to
sit down and study as hard as you can.
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Dad, what would be the point? I'd still
flunk.
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I'm not smart.
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There's no way I can do this.
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Smart, Mallory, you just don't apply
yourself. Your teachers have always said
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that. Look, if you give up on this,
you're not even giving yourself a
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Now, this time it's too important.
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I'm scared.
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You have no choice.
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Well, I hit the book like I never did
before.
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And by the time the big exam came, I
thought I was ready.
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So, have you been studying?
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Yes, a lot.
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Well, good luck. Thank you.
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Okay, I'm going to ask you six
questions.
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I want you to think about what you're
going to say and be brief and to the
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point. You ready? Uh -huh.
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Okay.
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What was the Louisiana Purchase and how
did it affect Thomas Jefferson's
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presidency?
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00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:07,840
Well, Thomas Jefferson wanted some land
and Napoleon had some.
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So we finally bought it for...
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Fifteen million dollars.
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Which wasn't a bad price considering it
was from France.
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I thought you said you studied.
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I did.
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That answer was gibberish.
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Now tell me the answer in clear and
coherent English.
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I don't know what you mean.
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Well, then you're going to flunk and you
won't graduate. Mrs. Hillman. When are
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you going to drop this charade and start
acting like an intelligent young woman?
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purchase affect thomas jefferson's
presidency tell me what you think
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intelligently can you do that or would
you rather take that purchase was
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difficult for jefferson because he
supported states rights and when he made
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purchase he was doing more for federal
powers and we lost political backing for
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the people of all the states rights i'm
sorry i didn't mean that
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That was an intelligent answer.
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It was?
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Yes, it was.
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And that is the story of how I got to
Grant College.
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Grant College.
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Where the school motto is, get left
back, win a free pie.
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Look, another grand college, dare we
say, student.
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What brings you by, Skip?
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Nothing, just a slow night at my house.
My mother's playing Mahjong, and my
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dad's cleaning the furnace with an
electric toothbrush.
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Same old stuff.
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What's going on here?
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I'm interviewing the Keatons on what
it's like to be a typical American
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in 1987.
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Oh, wow, then, Lauren, you might want to
interview me, too. I mean, yeah, having
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lived next door to the Keatons for so
many years, I felt just like part of the
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family. All right, go ahead, Skippy.
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Can you remember a specific time when
the family embraced you and included you
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as one of its members?
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Did we do that?
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Why don't you mention it? I can.
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It was when I first found out that I was
adopted.
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You were adopted?
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Yes.
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Skippy, we all know.
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Well, anyway, the news was rather
shocking, but with the encouragement
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I decided to go see my natural mother,
but it didn't turn out as great as I'd
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hoped. She didn't want me back in her
life. When we got back here, I was
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crushed. Alex, I'm in a daze. I'm
stunned.
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My mother rejected me.
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Again.
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My mother never would have acted that
way.
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That's just the point, Skip.
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She wouldn't have done that because she
is your mother.
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She loves you.
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Wait a minute. Which mother are you
talking about?
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Talking about your mother. No, not the
one from today, but your other mother,
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your real mother.
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The one from today is my real mother.
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Well, that's true, but I was referring
to the mother that you thought was your
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real mother until a few days ago. When
you said my mother, I thought you meant
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my mother as in the one who was my
mother first.
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No, no, I'm talking about your other
mother, not the mother who knew you
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the mother that you knew first.
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Got it.
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What about her?
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Skip, all I'm trying to say to you is
this.
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Your mother didn't reject you.
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The woman who gave birth to you rejected
you.
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You mean my mother?
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Let's not start this again, Skip.
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Look, when you were seven years old and
you got your head caught in the
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banister, who got you loose?
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My mom.
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Which mom?
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The one that raised me?
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Mrs. Handelman?
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That's right.
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And when you were 13 years old and you
got your head caught in the banister...
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Who got you loose?
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That time it was my dad.
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Mr.
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Handelman.
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Skip.
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If it wasn't for those two people...
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Your head would be stuck in that bed.
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It's true.
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See, the woman you met today is your
natural mother. And there's a guy out
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who is your natural father.
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But they haven't been a part of your
life for 16 years.
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Oh, even so, Alex.
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How would you feel if you found out that
your mom and dad aren't your natural
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parents?
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It would explain a lot of
inconsistencies in my life.
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Look, what it gets right down to, Skip,
is the people who are most important in
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your life are the people who love you
and the people who care about you.
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And you got those people just as much as
I do.
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You're home.
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Yeah, just got back.
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We would have been here sooner, but we
got stuck at the Wilson Interchange.
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I was worried you might. They ought to
put better signs up there.
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Oh, how'd it go, baby boy?
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You don't have to call me that anymore.
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Did you meet her?
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Yeah, I met her.
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She was...
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Pretty nice.
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Well, I'm glad you're real mother's
knife.
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You're my real mother.
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00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:20,050
Oh, Mom.
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Hey, what about me? You're my real dad,
Dad.
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Let's go home and have real dinner.
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Let's go home.
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I just said that.
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Honey.
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Tell me, and you can be completely
honest with me, okay?
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00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:45,520
Are we ever going to get to my personal
history?
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I'm afraid not.
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00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,280
Okay, okay.
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00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:50,720
That's fine.
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I just think that we've discovered a
very interesting area here.
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More interesting than me? Have you seen
my baby pictures?
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00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:03,000
You know, what I think is interesting is
that in all this, there seems to be a
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sense of responsibility that bonds this
family together.
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00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,280
And whoever's in need, they always have
someone to go to.
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00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:15,160
We try to be there for them, to guide
them, to nurture, to support them.
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00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:16,820
Children need their parents.
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Well, Dad, I mean, wait a minute, wait a
minute. It's not just a one -way street
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here. I mean, there have been times that
you've come to me for help.
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Really? Oh, I don't remember that.
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00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:27,440
Well, I do.
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00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:31,580
Oh, can anyone cite an example of when
one or both of your parents came to you
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00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:32,159
for help?
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00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:33,700
Ooh, I've got a great one.
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Okay, all right.
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Dad, remember that time that old flame
of moms came into town? They went out
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dinner, and you got so jealous, you made
a fool of yourself.
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00:12:44,790 --> 00:12:45,790
Dad,
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00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:49,110
what are you doing here? I thought you
and Mom were going out with Richie
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00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:50,270
tonight. We did.
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00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:52,630
What happened?
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00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:55,430
Well, I embarrassed your mother. I
embarrassed myself.
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00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,490
I embarrassed an old friend.
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00:12:58,270 --> 00:13:01,690
And as far as I can tell now, I'm
probably completely wrong.
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So it's nothing new then.
246
00:13:05,540 --> 00:13:06,540
I guess not.
247
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:14,060
Listen, Dad, you know, you always told
me that it takes a big man to admit when
248
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:15,060
he's wrong.
249
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,620
And to always try and keep a perspective
on things.
250
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,240
To always respect the other person's
point of view.
251
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,480
To understand your own motivation,
control your own worst instincts.
252
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,820
To always rise above...
253
00:13:35,359 --> 00:13:36,359
I'm sorry.
254
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:37,760
You're right.
255
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,060
Don't worry, Dad.
256
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,200
You're gonna pull through this.
257
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:50,680
And, uh, when you talk to Mom, cry if
you have to.
258
00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:54,220
You know, women like that.
259
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,920
You know, if you're back in, they think
it's sensitive.
260
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,400
How did my little prank go over?
261
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:23,380
Stephen, stop it. What you did tonight
was absolutely indefensible.
262
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:27,720
I'm so sick and tired of it. I don't
want to hear another word about it.
263
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:31,120
Elise, I'm sorry, but I only did this
because you're the most beautiful,
264
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:35,320
exciting woman I've ever met. And
sometimes the passion I feel for you is
265
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,340
great, it makes me crazy.
266
00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:40,220
I'm listening.
267
00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:51,350
Do you remember the first day we met?
268
00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:54,630
Freshman year.
269
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:57,230
You were lost.
270
00:14:58,490 --> 00:14:59,850
You couldn't find your class.
271
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:02,270
I had a map.
272
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:06,870
Unfortunately, it was a map of Spain.
273
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:14,030
So we spent the day wandering around the
town.
274
00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:16,210
Getting ice cream.
275
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,740
Browsing through bookstores.
276
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:21,820
Falling in love.
277
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,760
Oh, you were so beautiful.
278
00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:26,260
You still are.
279
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,940
Even after all these years, after all
we've been through, after everything
280
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:36,480
that's happened, I still can't believe
you picked me.
281
00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:39,540
Go on.
282
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:45,160
Don't you see what I'm saying, Elise,
when...
283
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:51,500
When Richie came here and I found out
about the two of you, it just went right
284
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:54,880
to the heart of all the insecurities
I've ever had about myself.
285
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:59,900
And about whether I'm good enough for
you.
286
00:16:01,780 --> 00:16:04,820
Stephen, what do you think I've been
doing all these years?
287
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:08,180
Biting my time until I found someone I
really liked?
288
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,760
I don't want to become one of those
couples, Lace.
289
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:19,380
The ones that have settled, grown tired,
bored, where everyone else is more
290
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:20,880
exciting than the person they're married
to.
291
00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:22,960
I don't want that either, Stephen.
292
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:27,280
I want there to be romance, love, going
off.
293
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,580
How quick and impulsive when I walk
through that door. I want that look.
294
00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:31,660
look is mine.
295
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,000
What look?
296
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,000
My look.
297
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:39,840
The one that's supposed to be only for
me. The look that tells me that we're
298
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,020
really meant to be together.
299
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:43,380
That I'm the one.
300
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:46,680
book that says all that?
301
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,900
Yeah, I showed it to you yesterday.
302
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:59,040
I can't do it. You do it. Forget the
look. The look isn't important.
303
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:05,500
What's important is that we trust each
other.
304
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:08,720
You're my best friend, Stephen.
305
00:17:09,859 --> 00:17:13,240
I rely on you. I want you to rely on me.
306
00:17:15,849 --> 00:17:16,849
I love you, Steven.
307
00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:19,050
Let's go upstairs.
308
00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:25,630
Why go upstairs, Captain Romance?
309
00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:29,470
That's the look.
310
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:32,410
Get a camera.
311
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:37,730
You really do love me, huh?
312
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,060
Quick, somebody stop them before they
start kissing. Get a bucket of water or
313
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,440
bang on some cymbals or something.
314
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,160
My parents never kiss in front of me.
315
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:49,560
At their most romantic, they might rub
noses or pull each other's hair.
316
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,900
Well, I think that's all the time that
we have for tonight.
317
00:17:56,700 --> 00:18:03,580
In closing, if you had to pick one word
that means family
318
00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:05,480
to you, what would it be?
319
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:07,760
Love.
320
00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:11,110
Love. Love.
321
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:13,450
Love.
322
00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:15,610
Money.
323
00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:19,270
Love of money.
324
00:18:21,030 --> 00:18:22,030
Love.
325
00:18:22,910 --> 00:18:24,970
I don't think you can sum up family.
326
00:18:26,050 --> 00:18:31,350
It's a web of interchanging and always
changing relations and emotions.
327
00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:35,050
Come on, Alex. You're his big brother.
No, this is for a ticket. Show him!
328
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:41,840
I need a new mom. This one's had it.
329
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,840
Do you know what it means that we're
brothers?
330
00:18:45,180 --> 00:18:48,540
It means that I have to do everything
that you say.
331
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,000
That's a big part of it. Yep.
332
00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:57,820
If you want to fit in around here, Nick,
you got to look like me.
333
00:18:58,060 --> 00:19:01,880
You got to act like me. You got to talk
like me. You got to be another me.
334
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,140
Okay. I'll do it.
335
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,080
I'll do it because I love Mallory.
336
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,300
Why do you do it?
337
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,400
All right, okay, Jennifer.
338
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:14,680
All right.
339
00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:17,020
I've tried to appeal to your sense of
compassion.
340
00:19:17,780 --> 00:19:18,840
I have no other option.
341
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:21,800
$10. $20. $12.
342
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,120
$17. $14 .50.
343
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:24,099
$15 .75.
344
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,700
$15 .25. $15 .50. Done.
345
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,480
You guys are really something. You know
that? You're a very special couple.
346
00:19:31,110 --> 00:19:36,230
You do things together. You learn from
each other, share things, common
347
00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:38,350
interests. You like being with each
other.
348
00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:39,690
What's your secret?
349
00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:40,970
I never get in my way.
350
00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:46,870
Do you know that I used to sit around
just thinking about what it would be
351
00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:47,870
if we got married?
352
00:19:51,430 --> 00:19:52,430
Married?
353
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:55,230
Yeah. Yeah, I had the whole thing
planned out.
354
00:19:55,970 --> 00:20:00,510
A big ceremony at night, under a big
tent, like a circus.
355
00:20:01,830 --> 00:20:04,770
Exactly. But instead of walking down the
aisle, I get shot out of a cannon
356
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:05,770
toward the altar.
357
00:20:06,810 --> 00:20:10,270
And then, uh, we'd go on our honeymoon.
358
00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:15,650
We'd go to Paris, where we'd spend our
evenings dining alone on the banks of
359
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:16,650
Nile.
360
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,610
Skippy, the Nile's in London.
361
00:20:29,930 --> 00:20:31,690
That's generic brand shampoo.
362
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:36,550
It's family, Alex. You can't escape it.
Yeah.
363
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:38,730
I'm hip. I'm cool.
364
00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:40,570
I'm a happening fool.
365
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,790
Well, let's slow this thing down, Elise.
366
00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:46,870
You're going too fast.
367
00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:50,310
Yesterday, Jennifer was two. Today,
she's 11.
368
00:20:50,790 --> 00:20:51,790
Alex is 18.
369
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:53,850
What the hell's going on here?
370
00:20:54,430 --> 00:20:55,970
Life. That's what's going on.
371
00:20:56,510 --> 00:20:58,090
I love you all so much.
372
00:20:59,180 --> 00:20:59,719
I love you.
373
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:00,720
I love you.
374
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:02,100
I love you.
375
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:03,360
I love you, honey.
376
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,040
I love me.
377
00:21:05,420 --> 00:21:06,420
I love you, Dad.
378
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:08,580
I love you more every day.
379
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,260
I love you too, Steven.
380
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:17,140
Everything I care about, really, really
care about is in this house.
381
00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:21,300
Just think about how we just love each
other.
382
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,140
Just remember those things.
383
00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:24,460
We do.
384
00:22:02,730 --> 00:22:03,770
Sit, Ubu, sit.
385
00:22:04,230 --> 00:22:05,230
Good dog.
30088
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