All language subtitles for family_ties_s03e18_birth_of_a_keaton2

Last week on Family Ties, the whole
family was down at WKS, helping Stephen

the final night of Pledge Week.

WKS, you're the one.

Oh, no way. No, don't touch a thing.
Don't do anything until I get there.

I've got to go home. We've got major
plumbing problems.

Oh, Stephen, I don't want you to miss my
song.

Oh, don't worry. I'll only be gone for a
little bit. There's plenty of time

before you go on.

Gus, I'll be back in a few minutes.

I guess I'll rehearse.

Okay, Elise, you're on after the
magician.

Well, I don't want to sing if Stephen's
not here. Well, clap really loud, no

matter how bad you sing.

Hey, your wife's on television.

Wow,

she really nailed it that time.

You're not going into labor.

Labor?

Stephen, if you're watching, take me at
the hospital.

Elise, I'll be there in 15 minutes.

Be there in 10 minutes?

Ten minutes and I'll get your suitcase.

Don't forget my suitcase.

Stop nagging. I'm coming.

I

bet

we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a
million years.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the
night we did.

And I can't remember what I ever did
before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love
each other through.

What would we do, baby, without a shot
of love?

I thought I'd anticipated every possible
situation, prepared for every

contingency, but I never expected my
wife would go into labor on television.

Well, that's the one most people
overlook.

Oh, Mr. Keaton.

Oh, boy.

Were you watching TV just now? Yes,
Kippy. I saw the whole thing. Was it not

amazing? A mid -court shot at the
buzzer.

Kippy, what are you talking about?

The basketball game.

What are you talking about? Mrs. Keaton
just went into labor.

Oh.

Imagine that.

We were talking about two completely
different things.

Mrs. Keaton's going into labor.

Wait a minute.

That means she's going to have the baby.

Who are you?

I'm the plumber.

Shouldn't you be a doctor?

I'm not here to deliver a baby. I'm here
to fix the plumbing.

You're doing a nice job.

So, uh, tell me, where's Mrs. Keaton?

Mrs. Keaton just went into labor down at
the TV station.

That's where Mr. Keaton is going now.

It's really snowing outside.

Why don't you just stay home here with
us and watch it on TV?

All right.

I think I have everything.

Chapstick, towels, lollipops, a fan, two
tennis balls, and a

bottle of champagne.

Where are you going, Club Med?

Bud, you do whatever you need to do to
fix this plumbing.

basketball game?

I don't know, when it's overtime.

So what do you want to do? You want to
watch the basketball game, or do you

to watch Mrs. Keaton give him birth?

We'll flip back and forth.

The damn car's stuck in the snow.

Skippy, bud, you mind giving me a hand
pushing it out?

Oh, sure, yeah.

Uh -oh.

What?

You don't have tire chains in that
Lamaze bag of yours. You're not going

anywhere.

You want me to check?

What do you mean, bud?

I didn't know it was snowing that hard
out. You'll never get your car out of

there. No, this is terrible.

All right, Mr. Geaton, we'll take my
bike.

No, we'll take my truck.

I got chains on, and besides, I never
get stuck.

Come on, kid, you better come with us in
case we get stuck.

All right, just stay calm, okay? The
important thing here is that you stay

I can, uh, handle everything.

Well, I can't handle everything. But if
you stay calm, we're okay.

Alex, why don't you stay calm?

Okay, fair enough. That's a start.

I think we should stop standing around
and get Mom to the hospital. Hospital.

Hospital, good. Uh, Jen, uh, let's get
the coat.

Does it hurt, Mom?

No, no, it's not bad. Just a little
twinge now and then.

Yeah, it's funny. I could have sworn
this wouldn't be until next month.

Um, is there anything I can do to help?

Yeah, start thinking of names. We don't
have one.

Um, how about Early Keaton?

How are you feeling, Elise?

Well, I'll tell you, Gus, I don't think
I'm going to finish my song.

Oh, boy, boy, boy. Those pledges have
been pouring in like crazy. I mean, that

audience really got excited when you
went into labor.

Man, we should do this every year.

Oh, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Listen,
Lisa's gone into labor. Now, she can't

finish her song. You've got to go back
on, okay?

This is my big chance. My big break. Oh,
thank you, Mrs. Keaton. Thank you.

All right, let's go. I'll drive.

Are you ready? I couldn't be readier.

All right, let's go.

love new babies, because they're the
only people who haven't heard my joke.

Hey, uh, any new babies in the audience,
huh?

Raise your rattles.

Hey, how many of you babies are from out
of town, huh?

Hey, that was fast. Was it a boy or a
girl?

Well, we can't leave. The guard said the
roads are impassable.

We're, uh, gonna have to try again a
little while, Mom. I'm afraid not.

Things are happening a lot faster than I
thought.

I'm not going anywhere.

Oh, Mom, will you just control yourself?

I'm doing the best I can.

Oh, well, I guess. What are we going to
do? I'm not sure, but just don't panic,

okay? All right, okay, don't panic.

Don't panic, don't panic. Is there a
doctor in the house?

Anywhere? That's a good question. Is
there a doctor here?

Because if there is, I've got this
thing. No, Jack, I mean, just no.

Please, is there a doctor in the house?
Maybe I can help you. I'm Dr.

Witt. What? Witt.

Wow.

Right here.

You're the one who's pregnant, right?

Yeah. Are you a obstetrician? A
botanist.

A botanist? Yeah, plants.

Hubert Witt, Ph .D.

You mean you're not a real doctor?

I resent that.

Ah, look, no offense. It's just that we
need somebody to help us deliver a baby.

Well, I mean, but how different can it
be? You know, a bee carries pollen from

flower to flower, a man, a woman. I
know.

Well, you try to help people.

Dr. Witt, ladies and gentlemen, the
plant doctor.

Mom, what are we going to do?

Mom, couldn't you and Dad have planned
this little event for the summer?

Maybe next time.

Next time?

have no choice.

I think we're going to have to have the
baby here.

And we'll be back with that baby in just
a few minutes.

Uh, excuse me. My name is Erwin
Handelman.

We're having a baby.

He's carrying low.

Not me, him.

Hi, I'm Stephen Keaton.

I'm his neighbor. And I'm his plumber.

That's everyone we need.

Let's get you three into delivery.

My wife is the one that's having the
baby. She's already here. Her name is

Keaton. One moment.

That's with a K.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Keaton, but your
wife isn't registered in this hospital.

That's impossible.

She's in labor, and this is our
hospital.

She's probably in delivery right now.
They probably took her right in there.

Keaton, I'm sorry, sir, but no Elise
Keaton has been admitted.

Thanks for your help, Don. They should
all go as well as that one did.

Dr. Alexander?

Hi, Stephen Keaton.

How is she? Oh, hi, Stephen. Oh, she's
fine.

Just fine.

And the baby?

The seven -pound girl.

Congratulations, Mr. Keaton.

Can I see her now?

I didn't know you knew the Dorfmans.

The Dorfmans?

Not Elise?

No.

Is Elise here?

She was down at the station. I was at
home checking on the plumbing, and I saw

her go into labor on television.

We better get down there. I'll go get my
things.

She could be on her way over here.

I better call, see what's going on.

Nice hospital, kid. Were you born here?

Me? Oh, I don't know. I was adopted, so
I wasn't at my birth.

Not now, Skippy. I'm trying to call my
wife.

Steven, if you're watching, I couldn't
make it to the hospital.

I'm still here at the station.

Don't go to the hospital.

But I'm already at the hospital.

Come right to the station, Steven.

Are you out there?

That was Elise Keaton, ladies and
gentlemen.

Elise and me were at this very moment.

Now tell me, when was the last time you
saw something like that on commercial

television?

Let's keep those pledges coming in.

Stephen, if you can hear me, I'm at the
station. Don't go to the hospital.

Now, that number is 555 -6131.

Try that number. Tell her I'm on my way.
Doc, Bud, Skippy, come on. Those

phones are just ringing off their hooks.
Thank you for your generosity.

And if that line is busy, please...

Mom, now just relax.

It's dark in here.

Oh, no. The power's out, Mom. What are
we going to do?

It's back on.

What a break.

Okay, Mom.

Just take it easy. Just relax. We'll
handle everything.

You just got to tell us one thing.

What? Tell us what to do.

Well, for now, all we can do is keep
track of the contractions, see how far

apart they are, and that'll let us know
how soon the baby's going to come.

I got it, Mom.

I bet these are the first contractions
ever to be timed on a Duran Duran watch.

Same as any other watch, Mallory.

See, when the big Duran's on the nine,
and the little Duran... Here you are,

Elise. I brought you some ice water. Oh,
thank you, Gus.

Oh, Elise, thanks to you, we've set an
all -time record for pledges. Over $70

,000. You know, Robert Matheson says
he'll pledge $1 ,000 if you'll have a

What do you think of that?

I'll do my best. Oh, thank you. But I've
got to get back.

Mom, how can you be so calm?

But you are about to have a baby in a
non -medical, non -professional, non

-profit environment.

Well, it could be worse, honey.

I'm in a familiar setting.

I'm surrounded by my family.

Sure, my husband's not here, but I've
got a picture of him.

Contraction.

Mallory, Jennifer, how far apart are
they? About three feet.

No!

I meant the contractions.

They're about ten minutes apart, Mom.
Oh, ten minutes.

Ten minutes. Mom, do you know what this
means?

What does this mean?

Alex, listen, please.

I'm depending on you. I need you, all
right?

All right.

Jennifer, Mallory, Fine guts. Tell them
we need some blanket sheets, towels, and

hot water. Oh, and they do a medical
show, right? On stage two? They got a

gurney down there. Find some guys in the
crew and bring it up here, okay?

Okay. Hey, you could use this to tie
Mom's contractions.

So when the big Duran's on the eight and
the little Duran's on the seven...

Jennifer?

I'll use my own watch, okay?

It's got numbers.

Okay, Mom.

I'm gonna stay here with you.

No, that's more like it. I'm calm.

We're organized.

I feel better already.

Change your mind yet?

Need an expert?

I think I'm well within my rights not to
be examined by a botanist.

Young lady, the reproductive processes
can be remarkably similar in totally

different species.

When were you last watered?

Thanks very much for your concern, and
we appreciate it, but we really don't

think there's anything you can do to
help. Okay, okay, I'm leaving. Good

Mrs. Keaton.

Try to keep her near the window. Make
sure she gets plenty of sunlight.

Hello? Oh, honey, thank goodness you
called. Where are you? I need you.

You are?

Well, I'll do my best. They're ten
minutes apart.

Give me a wheel.

Okay, sweetheart, I love you.

Okay, bye.

Who was that?

That was your dad.

He's on his way here with Dr. Alexander
and Skippy and the plumber are with him.

Oh, what a relief.

For a second there, I thought the
plumber wasn't going to make it.

I'm not even sure that they'll make it.
He called from a pay phone. He said that

the traffic and the storm is terrible.

Well, I'm here with you, Mom.

You've got to admit it, Alex. I'm
getting a little scared.

Well, Mom,

I know exactly how you feel.

Well, not exactly.

But I know this can't be easy for you.

This is not the way it's supposed to be.

There's supposed to be a doctor here.

There's supposed to be a husband here.

There's supposed to be a hospital here.

Ah, look, Mom.

I'm sorry that I panicked earlier.

It's just that, I don't know, whenever
there's a problem or a crisis of some

kind, it's always you or Dad who handle
it.

I mean, it's a new world for me.

Well, it suits you, honey.

Thanks, Mom.

Well, you've done this birth thing
before, so you just tell me what you

For now, all I need is you to be
supportive.

Comforting and strong.

And if there's time, go to medical
school.

But when do you think we'll get there?

Well, Mr. Keaton, we're doing two miles
an hour.

The next exit is three miles down the
road.

By my best calculations, we should get
there Thursday, Friday, by the latest.

Great.

Now we're not even moving.

Dr. Alexander, what if we can't get
there in time?

All I can say, Stephen, is it's not
ideal, but billions of women have given

birth without a doctor's aid. It's a
completely natural function, and your

is a very healthy woman.

There's every reason to believe that
she'll be fine.

Thank you, doctor.

I feel better.

No use.

Mr. Keaton, you've got to calm down.

You heard what the doctor said.

Mrs. Keaton's going to be fine.

Everything's going to be okay.

Your wife don't need you hanging around
while she's having that kid. Heck, my

wife had six kids without me.

Well, you know what I mean.

But I know it's possible for her to have
a baby if I'm not there.

But Elise and I are a team.

I want to bring this baby into the world
together. After all, moments like this

don't happen every day.

This will probably be the last baby we
ever have. I just want to

be there with her.

Got everything. Got the towels, the
sheets, the hot water.

Asked around for lollipops, but the best
I could do was a six -pack of bud.

And some chewing tobacco.

I'll take the tobacco.

Is there anything else, Mom?

Well, I'd really like to lie down now.
Could you check on the gurney?

Well, I'll get it, Mom.

Jen, why don't you and two Durans come
with me?

Okay. Try not to have the baby until I
come back, okay, Mom?

You're going to do great. I know you
are. Thank you, honey.

You're really having the babies.

You know, for the first time, it's
starting to seem real to me.

You're not the only one.

You know, when I think of having babies
myself someday, I get real nervous.

What makes you nervous?

Oh, I don't know. Everything about it.

I mean, how do you know what to do when
the baby won't fall asleep?

Well, you just follow your instincts.

Well, how do you know what to do when
the baby won't stop crying?

Well, you'll know when it happens.

How do you know what to say when your
baby tells you she's old enough to stay

out past midnight?

Forget it, Mallory.

I thought I could slip that by you.

Oh, Mom, you're going to be a terrific
mother for this baby.

And I know that if I have kids someday,
if I turn out to be a great mother, it's

because I had a great mother like you.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Here you go, Elise.

Everything you need to become a new
mother.

Except a baby. You have to supply that.

Okay, now let's get you onto this bed.

I've got one on my neck.

It's the least we could do, Mom.

I'm sorry we're late. Let me stop for a
bite to eat.

Good going, Elise. We're almost there.
Thank God.

You're doing fine, Elise. Thank you,
Stephen. I'm so glad you're here. Oh, me

too.

Wouldn't seem right having the baby
without you.

Oh, it wouldn't have felt right to me if
you weren't here.

He did it.

You have a beautiful baby boy.

Oh, Stephen.

A boy, Elise.

A boy. Now we have two of each.

Wait a minute. Let me see. One, two.
Yeah, two of each.

Two of each.

You want to go for the tiebreaker?

Not tonight, honey. I had a long drive.

Oh, he's beautiful.

Like his mother.

Oh, no, Stephen. Look, he says your
eyes.

Maybe those are my eyes, but that is
your nose. I'd know it anyway.

You are great, please.

Oh, thank you, love. Oh, so are you.

Can we come in? We heard a baby.

Ah, we thought it might be yours.

Come on in.

It's a boy.

Thank you.

Alex, we can handle him. No problem.

Oh, wow.

It's a boy.

Oh.

Congratulate me, bud.

I'm a neighbor for the fourth time.

Bud, I never would have gotten here in
time if it weren't for you.

Think nothing of it, Mr. Keaton. I'm not
even going to charge you for the

overtime.

Come on, neighbor.

Come on, Plummer. Let's leave this
family alone for a while.

He's so cute.

Yeah. He looks just like me.

Good dog.