All language subtitles for family_ties_s01e10_have_gu_will_unravel

Well, that was a wait of two hours. I
can't believe that your mother and I are

the only ones who enjoyed a hard day's
night.

No, no, I think there were some other
old people in the audience who enjoyed

too. Yeah, I hear beetles are big in
nursing homes.

Next time, let me pick the movie, okay?

Uh, no, we let you pick the movie last
time, and it was terrible.

I can't help it if you don't like
subtitles.

At least that movie was quiet. You could
sleep.

These guys kept breaking into song every
five minutes.

At least I'm crushed.

How did we raise three children who
don't care that Eleanor Rigby keeps her

in a jar by the door?

The same way our parents raised kids who
don't care how Stella looked by

starlight. I can't believe you guys used
to listen to that music. It was so

boring. They didn't even break any...

Is that how you judge music today, by
how many guitars get broken?

No, that's how you do it when the song
is over.

Stephen, come in here, quickly!

Honey, what... My God.

They've been robbed.

Can't believe it. People we don't even
know came in here. They tracked mud all

over...

They're burglars, Elise. That's their
job.

I need to check my room.

Me too.

Steven, check the dining room. See if
the silverware's still there. It's in

top drawer of the break front.

Wow, wait until my class hears about
this during show and tell.

Oh, Mommy, do you mind me tying you this
chair for a picture? The kids at school

are hard to impress.

I think the silver's gone, Elise.

It's not in the break front?

Hard to tell. They took the break front.

They cleaned me out. They took
everything. They took my calculator

They took my golf clubs.

At least they didn't touch my Montevani
albums.

That's a relief.

They made a mess up there. They went
through everything, even the linen

Oh, great. Now the entire underworld
knows that my sheets and pillowcases

match.

It's gone.

I can't believe it. They took my most
prized possession.

So we'll get you another mirror.

They took my dye.

The important thing is that nobody was
hurt.

Nothing else matters.

That's easy for you to say. You didn't
read her diary.

We'll be together for a million more.

It's like I started breathing on the
night we kissed.

Well, I can't remember what I ever did
before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing.

We can't love each other through What
would we do, baby, without

us?

Sha -la -la -la

I'm all right. I'm all right. I think
the broom's dead, though.

Just relax, Dad, okay? I'll check the
living room.

It's all clear. Nobody there.

Did you look up there?

where we keep the bedrooms.

Um, no, no, I didn't make it up there.

Howard. Look who's talking. The brave
soul who offered me five dollars to

me on the shower curtain last night.

I did not. I offered you three. You said
you'd do it for five.

Valerie, if you're scared, come to me or
Daddy. We don't charge.

I would have, but you're downstairs
frisking the paper boy. I wasn't

him. I was checking his I .D. He's new
on the roof.

All right, look, this is going to have
to stop. I will not have my family.

afraid in our own home.

Can we go to a motel?

No. I think it's time for a family
meeting about this. Oh, yeah. Not a

meeting. Come on. Well, can't we just
talk about this without having a formal

meeting? Just because you two want to
keep up this charade of a 60th

participatory democracy, why do we have
to be subjective to it? Yeah.

Because we say so.

Okay.

Assigned seats?

Assigned seats.

We'll dispense with the minutes.

Any old business?

At the last meeting, we decided to
boycott the following products.

Persian rugs, whale blubber. Can't we
just skip the old business and get on to

the problem at hand?

It's highly irregular.

Oh, okay.

Okay, look.

I know the burglary's been hard on
everyone, but we've got to put it past

can't let fear take over and destroy our
lives.

Does that mean I have to stop sleeping
with my light on?

No, no, you keep your light on as long
as you need to if it makes you feel more

comfortable. Can I keep his on, too?

Jennifer. You told me to ask.

I explained that to you.

I need the light to read by.

You read by a Donald Duck nightlight?

Not all I'm saying.

All I'm saying is we're going to take
some steps to try and...

Help us feel safe again. Yeah, I think
we should keep the house locked at all

times. Don't let any strangers in, and
if you see anybody acting suspicious,

call the police. We want to know where
you are and who you're with at all

At all times?

At all times. Well, as a member of this
Democratic household, I move we hold a

vote on the last issue.

Motion denied.

Last winter, when we all came down with
the colds at the same time. Yeah, Dad

tried to ration tissues to save trees.

Yeah, well, I think getting robbed is a
lot like having a cold.

You don't get over it all at once. It
takes a while.

Well, we've all been through this
together. I think we can help each other

Well, ever since the robbery, I can't
help feeling real weird.

That's because you are real weird.

Oh, no. Every time I go into my bedroom,
I feel like there's a stranger watching

me. That's probably Marty Obeck across
the street.

All right, look, I know you're on edge,
but let's try and stick together here.

What do you think about organizing a
neighborhood watch meeting, Elise?

Boy, Dad, you'll do anything to hold a
meeting.

The police said they would send someone
to speak if we did. I think it's a real

good idea.

Should we hold it here, or maybe we
should call Phyllis and have it open?

Chris's parents had a neighborhood watch
meeting, and every house on the block

got robbed that night, except...

We'll have it here.

Just remember, nothing's foolproof.

Burglars want to get in badly enough,
they will. The most you can do is make

hard for them. And then maybe they'll go
down the block instead, to your

neighbor's house.

Officer, officer.

Now that you've lost control of this
meeting, do you mind if I say something?

I have a feeling you're going to. Thank
you.

My name is Earl Quigley.

I sell insurance.

This should be real subtle and
sensitive.

If anybody knows how vulnerable a house
can be, it's yours truly.

Leave me.

There isn't an alarm system on this
earth that can't be suckered. Do you

statistics? I got statistics.

Take a crime, any crime.

Okay, um, assault and battery.

One of my favorites.

Up 20 % in this neighborhood over the
last year.

We live in a jungle.

At this very moment.

There's a crime being committed
somewhere in this neighborhood within a

-mile radius.

It wouldn't happen nowhere, would you?

Let's face it, the only way to really
protect ourselves is to get a G .U .N.

Now, I wouldn't recommend that for most
people.

Accidents happen.

If you've got a gun, you better be
careful.

I am?

Well, I gotta be moving on. I hope I
haven't made you people any more

than you already were. Well, we
appreciate your honesty.

Burglars are a peculiar breed.

They're not usually satisfied to hit one
house on the block and then move on.

Oh, no.

They'll keep coming back again and
again.

Picking on it.

Pick, pick, pick.

Till there's nothing left to pick on.

Leech sapping our strength, our blood.

Did I say the wrong thing?

Which time?

Let's remember to keep him out of the
locker room at halftime.

Can I help you clean up here a little
bit, Elise?

Thanks, Phyllis. I think I'll just leave
it all out for the burglars.

Well, I can't say this meeting did a
whole lot for my sense of security.

You want security, Keaton?

Get yourself a G .U .N.

Dan, we don't believe in guns. Oh,
that's fine and dandy until you come up

against somebody who does.

I gotta be going.

Oh, do you have to?

Is that the lock you're going with,
Keaton?

Why can't you understand that we can't
have a gun in the house? We've got three

children. I've got four.

And I've got a gun.

You, fella?

Yes, me.

Hey, you'd be surprised how many people
like you and me have guns these days.

I'd think about it if I were you.

I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Yeah,
sure.

Good night, Stephen. Good night,
Phyllis.

I can't believe Phyllis Evans has got a
gun. What is going on in this world,

Stephen?

Stephen? Oh,

yeah.

Look.

I didn't like the way they put it, but,
uh... Well, I hate to admit it, but

maybe some of what Earl and Phyllis had
to say made some sense. Maybe we should

at least consider buying a G .U.

You know. You can't even say it. My
vocal cords can be very stubborn. It

them six months to say President Nixon.

That seems so terribly wrong.

I know.

I know.

I also know the world is... and we've
got to adjust to it. Last time you said

that, you signed us up for disco
lessons.

Ever since the burglary, I can't stop
myself from thinking about what might

happened if we'd been home when they
broke in.

I know that thought crossed my mind two,
three, or four hundred times, but is a

gun the answer?

I don't know.

We sleep down here with the... What's
the matter? We're scared.

I mean, they're scared. I'm trying to be
supportive.

Sure, sure. Why don't we all sleep down
here? It'll be fun, just like camping.

Am I going to have to go to the bathroom
outside?

You kids wait down here. Your mother and
I will change you in our pajamas and be

right back. Yeah.

We will be right back down.

This is a mistake.

We're just here to look at guns, Elise.
We don't have to buy one, and if it

feels like a mistake, we won't.

Okay. There's the gun department over
here.

Oh, look, there's a sale on long
underwear. Maybe we should stock up for

kids. Elise, we are quite possibly about
to take a major step in our lives that

involves the security, the safety, and
the well -being of our family.

So does underwear.

Elise.

It's 25 % off.

I'm coming.

for you folks today?

Well, let's see.

We need some camping items. Some insect
repellent, a compass, a collapsible

drinking cup, a gun, a canteen, electric
socks.

Okay, suppose we cut the song and dance.

What kind of gun do you want?

What are the different kinds?

Depends. You just want to put a nick in
him or do you want to blow him away?

What do you think, honey?

A Nick sounds fine.

Yes, a Nick, then.

You want that to be a small Nick, middle
-sized, or the Grand Canyon?

Tell you the truth, we're not all that
sure that we want to buy a gun.

Actually, we're pacifists. We've marched
for peace seven, oh, no, eight times,

if you count that rally in Paris that we
thought was for peace, but really it

turned out to be a legalized
prostitution.

Our French wasn't very good at the time.

When were you robbed?

How'd you know we were robbed?

Well, that's what usually gets folks
like you in here.

Now, don't be ashamed.

It's no crime to want to protect
yourself.

We just never thought we'd buy a gun.

Well, I think this might be your style.

Most of the pacifists who come in here
seem to like it.

I never held a gun before.

This is going to take a minute.

It's you.

They are intimidating, aren't they?

That's what makes them so popular.

What do you think?

I don't know.

Part of me wants to and part of me
doesn't.

Which part has the wallet?

Stephen, do you realize I hold in my
hand the power to take a human life?

What you're holding is the power to save
a life.

Put it down, anyway.

Honey, if somebody broke into the house
right now, we wouldn't be helpless.

That's important.

I know that, but it's like the time your
father sent us that moose head for our

anniversary. It's just not us.

We're not going to hang the gun over the
fireplace.

Not hang the moose head there either.

Let's not get into that argument again.
I was wrong about the moose head. Let it

stay in Alex's room.

Okay. All I'm saying is that we're going
to put the gun in a drawer and forget

about it.

Are you with me on this?

I'm willing to try.

I'll keep the gun in my drawer.

We'll keep the bullets in yours.

Well, here I go.

picking up the gun.

I've got the gun, and I'm taking it to
the dresser, opening the drawer, and

I'm putting the gun inside, closing the
drawer.

Put the bullets away for me. My God,
Alicia, come and kill me!

Bullets are only dangerous when they
come directly out of a gun.

Okay, now I'll tell the kids.

You don't have to tiptoe, Stephen. Guns
don't go off by themselves.

You make a lousy defense lawyer.

Alex, Mallory, Jeff... Hi, Dad.

Hi. Um, we were just coming up to...
Can't you both goodnight?

We haven't even had dinner yet.

We might forget.

We didn't want to take any chances. Why
don't you come on in? We wanted to talk

to you anyway.

Yeah, we thought something was up when
you two snuck up here with that package

and shut the door.

Kids.

What you are about to see is strictly
off -limits to all of you.

And if you weren't mature enough, I
wouldn't let you see it at all.

When did you start wearing colored
underwear, Dad?

But don't touch that stuff either.

Wow, a gun. Can I take that to school
for show and tell?

Absolutely not. You're never to touch
it.

We only showed it to you because we
didn't want you to stumble upon it by

accident. But we trust you enough to
know that you'll leave it alone.

I don't get it. I thought you two were
against guns.

Come over here and sit down. We'll try
and explain it to you.

This isn't going to require another
family meeting, is it?

No, no, no. Look, Mommy and I love you
very much.

And we'll do whatever we have to to make
sure you're safe.

We'd be a lot happier if there were no
such things as guns in the world, but we

can't ignore them.

If a gun will keep someone from hurting
us, then we'll have to make that

concession. We still believe in
everything we've always believed in. We

changed. The world has changed.

Do you understand?

Is that the biggest gun they had?

Would you prefer a flamethrower and some
grenades?

I think we should just try and put the
guns...

out of our mind. I mean, hopefully we'll
never have to take it out of the

drawer, so let's just forget it's there.
Okay?

Yeah.

Okay. What do you say we go downstairs
and eat?

Yeah. Ray, what are we having?

Hamburgers on sesame seed guns.

Going hunting?

Thought you were asleep.

Steven, you've been up four times to
check the gun. I don't think it's going

anywhere. I'm sorry, honey.

Just making me a little nervous.

You think mothballs are bad for the gun?

They are, but we'll just shoot them all.

I don't know, Leif. Ever since the
robbery, I've been a little extra

It's affected us all.

I haven't just been worrying about the
gun, either.

I checked the kid six times tonight.

Checked the car.

One of the tires was low.

Plants are holding.

I'm worried about Alex, too.

Sleeping all the way over at Jimmy
Barkham's house.

The bargain clip next door.

Let's not split hairs, Elise. He's not
in his bed.

Get some rest, sweetie.

You know

what I admire most about you, Elise?

My incomparable charm and beauty your
ability to fall asleep in any situation

That was my next guess What was that I
don't know

live here, remember?

And you're supposed to be at Jimmy's.

We had a big fight over Social Security.

It was for it.

I felt I couldn't compromise my
principles and stay there.

I dropped some things in the closet. I
hope I didn't wake you. Wake us?

Alex, you scared us to death. We thought
you were a prowler.

If you hadn't spoken up, I might have...
Challenged me to a game of tennis?

Where is the gun, Stephen?

I went to get it. I opened the drawer. I
even picked it up.

I just couldn't do it.

I guess I was just afraid somebody would
get hurt.

I know, and I love you for it.

So do I.

Listen, this whole thing is shaking me
up a little bit, so if you don't mind, I

need a drink.

Yeah, I think the scotch is... Wait a
minute.

flip that one by you.

Is it safe to come down now?

Yeah, yeah, it's safe. It was just Alex.

Is this you, Dad?

No. No, there's going to be no shooting
in this house. No guns.

We're taking it back in the morning.
Right, Elise?

Right. When you believe in something as
long as we have, it can't change

overnight. I know. I realized that the
minute I picked up the gun.

Guns have no place in our lives. We've
worn out too many pairs of sneakers

trying to get people to put guns down.

I have to admit, I haven't felt real
comfortable since we've had it in the

house. Guns aren't the right image for
you guys anyway.

Don't you guys still believe that all
you need is love?

Careful, Jennifer. Don't get them
started.

Do you remember when we saved that anti
-war sit -in on the steps of the Justice

Department? Too late there. Back in the
60s.

Of course I remember. That was a great
day. We beat the National Guard 6 -1 in

the Frisbee tournament.

That's fine, Jennifer.

Hey, look on the bright side.

At least it's not that story of how they
danced naked in the rain at Woodstock.

Do you remember what you said to me just
before they took us all away?

You said, the day I pick up a weapon
against another man is the day I admit

defeat as a human being.

I said that?

I think it was you.

Were you wearing a plaid shirt?

I'm teasing.

I know it was you.

But, you know, I remember thinking when
you said that...

This guy is really deep.

Maybe a gun isn't the answer for us.

We'll probably still be scared for a
while, but I'd rather live with that

than to live with a gun.

Me too. We'll just have to keep
searching for the right thing for us.

Would you consider landmines in the
front lawn?

No. We have maps.

How about bodyguards? Captain of the
football team looks real strong.

Nice try.

You're b -

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.