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1
00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:18,790
No one else is doing it. There's a
reason for that. Yes, it's such a good
2
00:00:18,870 --> 00:00:22,390
no one else has thought of it. No, it's
such a bad idea, no one else has thought
3
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:27,070
of it. I think it can be done
tastefully. It can't. Eggie, tell him.
4
00:00:27,090 --> 00:00:27,749
tell him.
5
00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:30,470
I have to say, Arthur, I'm with Michael
on this one.
6
00:00:30,810 --> 00:00:33,730
What? Well, it's not the best idea
you've ever had.
7
00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:38,590
A funeral photographer is not something
people will want.
8
00:00:42,070 --> 00:00:43,070
Why not?
9
00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:44,870
It's a big... get -together, isn't it?
10
00:00:45,410 --> 00:00:47,050
All right, what will you ask everyone to
say?
11
00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:48,290
What do you mean?
12
00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:51,870
Well, you've got some mourners dressed
in black, standing in front of a hearse,
13
00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:53,350
posing for photographs.
14
00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:55,350
What do you ask them to say?
15
00:00:55,710 --> 00:00:56,910
Well, you know, the usual.
16
00:00:57,210 --> 00:00:58,210
Smile. Oh, wait.
17
00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:01,490
There you go. I'll say what you mean
now.
18
00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:03,770
What was that?
19
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:06,550
My publisher said I should start a
Twitter account.
20
00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:10,530
It's good for publicity, apparently. One
of my tweets must have got retweeted.
21
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:12,590
How many people see it when you tweet
something?
22
00:01:13,270 --> 00:01:14,860
Ah. I don't think that's important,
actually.
23
00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:16,680
It's good you do Twitter.
24
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,080
The world can always use more opinions
from middle -class white people.
25
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:23,440
That's sarcasm.
26
00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:25,620
What was I thinking about?
27
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,400
Funeral photographer.
28
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:28,700
It's a terrible idea.
29
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,540
It's almost as bad as the castle of
adventure.
30
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:33,660
Oh, yes.
31
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,840
The castle of adventure.
32
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:37,760
What was that?
33
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:42,340
An educational toy. I suppose the
simplest way of putting it, Michael,
34
00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:49,140
for babies.
35
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:51,700
I see.
36
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:53,980
It didn't really work.
37
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,280
I still think the principle is sound,
Eggie. Giving babies some much -needed
38
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,660
exercise, getting them thinking on their
feet, etc.
39
00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:06,780
But relying on their sense of self
-preservation to propel them through a
40
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:13,500
quite hazardous vertical maze was, I now
realise, flawed.
41
00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:16,000
Good God!
42
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,920
You didn't actually build one, did you?
We did. A prototype.
43
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:20,600
We tested it with John.
44
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:27,720
Well, suddenly its shortcomings became
hideously apparent.
45
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,180
Thank goodness it never made it to
market.
46
00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,260
Yes, but that's not well.
47
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:38,220
Hey, you know Los Demonios de la
Emocion?
48
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,760
Oh, yes, at the Roundhouse. Yes, I've
heard it's excellent.
49
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:43,500
It's an Argentinian performance art
group.
50
00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:45,710
Yes, the demons of excitement.
51
00:02:46,110 --> 00:02:47,990
There's a lot of audience participation.
52
00:02:48,510 --> 00:02:52,870
At one point, they descend on wires and
grab people under the arms and propel
53
00:02:52,870 --> 00:02:54,610
them to the top of a suspended dome.
54
00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:57,830
Well, I got us some tickets for
Saturday.
55
00:02:58,130 --> 00:03:00,910
Oh, I've been dying to see that. I know.
56
00:03:01,170 --> 00:03:03,850
Had to pull a few strings, but here we
are.
57
00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:07,290
Oh, I don't want to go to that.
58
00:03:08,590 --> 00:03:10,650
What? I don't want to go to that.
59
00:03:10,930 --> 00:03:13,030
But you literally just said you wanted
to see it.
60
00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:14,740
I don't think we'd be able to get to
this.
61
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,820
I don't want to be grabbed from the
audience and taken to the top of a
62
00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:19,820
dome.
63
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,800
That sounds like the second phase of the
Castle of Adventure.
64
00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:31,160
No one in the audience is safe.
65
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,100
Wear loose clothing.
66
00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:37,020
Not recommended for pregnant women.
67
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,320
Don't see why they'd get out of it.
68
00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:43,750
You go through this every time Seenham
wants to do something different. If
69
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,350
you're that worried about it, why don't
you tell her you've got something else
70
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:47,830
on? I can't just lie.
71
00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:49,029
Why not?
72
00:03:49,030 --> 00:03:50,390
I'm not built like that.
73
00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:54,450
I actually have to have something to do,
and then I have to go and do that
74
00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:57,270
thing, otherwise my face just radiates
guilt.
75
00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,330
I look like a distress flare.
76
00:03:59,910 --> 00:04:02,290
Oh, well, just go then. You might enjoy
it.
77
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,250
Don't be ridiculous, Arthur.
78
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:06,210
It's audience participation.
79
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,080
Anything yet, you two?
80
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,020
Sorry, Arthur, nothing's coming.
81
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,420
Oh, that noise.
82
00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:19,399
Sorry. Come on, you're my ideas, people,
and we need some fresh ones. If
83
00:04:19,399 --> 00:04:22,980
somebody can make money out of Michael's
telephone making that terrible noise,
84
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,720
then surely we can come up with
something.
85
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:30,240
As you know, Michael, in the world of
entertainment, my legacy is established.
86
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,560
But I worry that not enough people know
me as an entrepreneur.
87
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,560
Barry Norman has his pickled onions.
88
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,700
Bill Wyman has his range of metal
detectors.
89
00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:44,380
Alan Sugar has, um, whatever he does.
90
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:49,740
What do I have? I tell you what always
gets the creative juices flowing,
91
00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:50,980
A soap opera.
92
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,240
Good idea, John.
93
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,060
What did you say? A sleep opera?
94
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:55,820
Isn't that for teenage girls?
95
00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:57,260
No, no.
96
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:58,780
Soup opera.
97
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,280
A soup opera?
98
00:05:01,980 --> 00:05:02,980
Yeah.
99
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:05,080
What is it?
100
00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:06,620
Just what it sounds like.
101
00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:08,280
I don't know what it sounds like.
102
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:12,420
We get together and just have a bit of a
chat and some soup.
103
00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:16,560
Soup? Yes, you wouldn't not have soup at
a soup over.
104
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,520
Sorry, I'm still not sure I quite
understand.
105
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,680
Look, we all go to someone's house,
right?
106
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:25,600
Right. And everybody brings a small
selection of their favourite soup.
107
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,460
Right.
108
00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:29,920
And that's it.
109
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,820
Wait, you each bring a small selection?
110
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,360
Yes, it's kind of like come dine with
me, except with only soup.
111
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,040
And how many of you are involved?
112
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,620
Just me, John and Eggie.
113
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,720
So if you each bring a small selection
of soups, that's at least six different
114
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:45,940
soups? Oh, at least.
115
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:51,780
Usually it'd be around nine separate
soups. My sister's washing my pyjamas,
116
00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:52,780
can't do it today.
117
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,720
Oh, never mind, Eggie. It's more of a
weekend thing anyway.
118
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,200
Your pyjamas?
119
00:05:57,340 --> 00:06:00,740
Yes, we put on our pyjamas and watch
Channel 4 Racing.
120
00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:05,370
All the other things you would do at a
soup over.
121
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:09,310
So you do sleep over. This is just like
an old man version of a sleepover.
122
00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:10,910
Not overnight.
123
00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:12,130
We do it in the afternoon.
124
00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:17,570
Why do you wear your pyjamas, then? You
can get very sleepy when you have soup
125
00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:18,650
during the day, Michael.
126
00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,130
Especially leek and potato.
127
00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:23,150
Can I come?
128
00:06:23,290 --> 00:06:24,290
No, girls.
129
00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:27,570
What? In this day and age? You didn't
let me finish.
130
00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:31,050
No girls have ever wanted to come to a
soup over.
131
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,260
You'd be very welcome, of course,
Birdie.
132
00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,820
Actually, no, I'm allowed to. I don't
want to.
133
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:38,560
I hate soup.
134
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:41,100
What? I'm just not a fan.
135
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:45,480
If you'll excuse me.
136
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,460
What are you saying, Birdie?
137
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,420
Have I upset Eggie? I just don't like
soup.
138
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:57,660
You've not been coming to the cafe long,
Birdie, so I'll explain to Eggie.
139
00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,280
But don't be talking jive about soup.
140
00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:03,160
We take it all very seriously.
141
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:05,140
Why? What?
142
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,220
Why do you take soup seriously?
143
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:12,920
During World War I, Eggie's grandfather,
Charlie, was a cook in the trenches.
144
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:18,720
On Christmas Day, there was a huge 1
,000 -player football match between us
145
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:19,720
the Germans.
146
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:24,900
Afterwards, Charlie had the idea of
making a big load of soup for everyone.
147
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:29,220
There wasn't a pot big enough, so he had
to make it in a cannon.
148
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:37,260
was ready, he lowered the cannon and
everyone came and got soup from it.
149
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:41,920
The Germans were a little bit nervous to
see the cannon being pointed at them.
150
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:47,800
But when they saw it was full of soup,
they laughed and all was well.
151
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:58,060
So to commemorate this moment in our
nation's history, you, Eggie and John,
152
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:02,040
up to nine separate soups in your
pyjamas.
153
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,950
It really is as simple as that.
154
00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:07,530
But it's not just one single incident.
155
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:10,470
Soup has played a pivotal role
throughout history.
156
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:16,130
Archimedes, for example, was eating soup
in the bath when he had his urethra
157
00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:17,130
moment.
158
00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:22,510
And it's very much in that spirit that
we formed our brotherhood. Our
159
00:08:22,510 --> 00:08:24,610
brotherhood of soup, if you will.
160
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:27,590
And you're doing it this weekend?
161
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,330
Just hold that thought.
162
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:33,150
Hi, hi, listen.
163
00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:35,270
I've just remembered.
164
00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:38,190
I'm not going to be able to make it this
Saturday.
165
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:39,530
Oh, no, why not?
166
00:08:40,070 --> 00:08:44,630
I have a Cuban black bean and a
Vietnamese noodle soup.
167
00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:46,250
Oh, intriguing.
168
00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:51,190
It's paying off already, John. Getting
some young blood in. Oh, yes.
169
00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:53,770
We usually have pretty soups.
170
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,900
British soups? Yes, you know, like cream
of chicken, cream of tomato, cream of
171
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:02,960
vegetable, cream of mushroom, cream of
cauliflower, cream of turkey, and all
172
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,200
rest of the cream branch of the soup
tree.
173
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,600
And then, of course, you have your
broths.
174
00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:12,760
Scotch broth, oxtail, mulligatoni,
coccolichi, mock turtle, real turtle.
175
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:17,560
And then we move on to the cuppa soups.
OK, I've got it. I've got it. Thank you.
176
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,640
What did you bring, John?
177
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,700
Cream of mushroom, leek and potato.
178
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:26,000
Oh, that's two very heavy soups. You
should always try to bring a consomme,
179
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,060
John. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
180
00:09:29,580 --> 00:09:30,580
Oh, here's eggy now.
181
00:09:31,740 --> 00:09:33,460
Shall we just start eating them when
eggy arrives?
182
00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:34,840
Oh, no, I've just had breakfast.
183
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,800
Right, I skipped breakfast because I
thought we'd be eating soup all day.
184
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,400
Hello, everyone.
185
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,880
What have you got for us, eggy?
186
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,120
I've got cream of broccoli, seafood
chowder and lentil soup.
187
00:09:46,490 --> 00:09:50,310
Again, very heavy soups. Three of them.
I'm a bit worried about this.
188
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:51,910
What's the vase for?
189
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:55,510
I didn't have enough pot, so I put the
cream of broccoli in a vase.
190
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:59,150
Ooh, I've never had soup from a vase
before.
191
00:09:59,410 --> 00:10:00,610
That's why it's exciting.
192
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:02,350
It's different, isn't it?
193
00:10:06,490 --> 00:10:07,490
Hi.
194
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:10,230
Hello. How you doing, good -looking?
195
00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:13,730
Are you really not coming to this with
me?
196
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:19,530
It's just I promised Arthur I'd do this
thing with him. It's actually a pain in
197
00:10:19,530 --> 00:10:20,530
the butt, really.
198
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:25,230
Just not sure what time it'll finish.
199
00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:28,530
You kept going on about this show. Do
you know the trouble it took to get
200
00:10:28,530 --> 00:10:30,790
tickets? Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
201
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,850
Sorry. Oh, you say that word so much,
Michael. I could really do without
202
00:10:35,850 --> 00:10:36,850
that word for a while.
203
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:40,690
Ooh, that didn't go brilliantly.
204
00:10:41,770 --> 00:10:42,770
Lady problems.
205
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,100
Tell me about it.
206
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,600
What do you know about lady problems?
207
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:49,680
How to handle a woman?
208
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,260
I know enough.
209
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,760
I know a single Cadbury's rose can bring
a bigger smile than a whole vodka. I
210
00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:01,140
know they like to be treated like a
queen in the kitchen, a friend in the
211
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:04,680
and a vixen in the scullery.
212
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,360
But most importantly, love her.
213
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:10,060
Merely love her.
214
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:12,020
You've been alone.
215
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:14,290
Sorry, a bachelor the whole time I'd
known you.
216
00:11:14,910 --> 00:11:18,110
Yes, well, actually, Eggie, that's not a
very good place for the bowser soup.
217
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:22,690
I'll put it over here, next to this
extremely tall pile of sliced bread.
218
00:11:23,990 --> 00:11:28,190
What was I saying? Oh, yes, I don't
think I could live with someone else's
219
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:29,230
eccentricities.
220
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:31,690
No women for us, eh, John?
221
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,360
Shall we begin the festivity?
222
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:45,199
Ho, ho!
223
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,200
Let's go!
224
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:48,640
Are we really not having any soup now?
225
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:49,900
I've just had breakfast.
226
00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:51,020
So have I.
227
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:55,000
OK. Anyway, we always watch a race in
first.
228
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,340
It's a VHS tape.
229
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,740
Yeah? So it's a recording of some horse
racing.
230
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,600
What's your point?
231
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,240
Nothing, I don't... OK.
232
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,160
Coming to take us, you caddies, on.
233
00:12:32,199 --> 00:12:33,700
Michael stood you up, did he?
234
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,540
I couldn't help overhearing.
235
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:37,500
Sorry, Betty.
236
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,560
Oh, no need to apologise to me.
237
00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:41,850
It's him who should be apologising.
238
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:45,330
Getting up to no good the way he is. No,
no, he said he's doing something
239
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,530
important with Arthur. He's not up to
anything.
240
00:12:47,890 --> 00:12:48,890
The soup over.
241
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:51,470
Sorry, the what?
242
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,350
They're supposedly having a soup over?
243
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:56,110
What's a soup over?
244
00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:57,890
It's a celebration of soup.
245
00:12:58,550 --> 00:13:01,570
They each bring a different soup and sit
around eating it in their pyjamas.
246
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,430
Sounds like the worst thing in the
world.
247
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:09,530
Wait, wait, wait. You're saying he's not
going to this extremely enjoyable event
248
00:13:09,530 --> 00:13:12,030
with me because he's at something called
a soup over?
249
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:13,430
So he says.
250
00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:14,990
What do you mean?
251
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,230
I don't believe it for a second.
252
00:13:17,490 --> 00:13:18,490
I do.
253
00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:21,230
Michael is exactly the right kind of
boarding for a soup over.
254
00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:24,930
Look at that.
255
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:26,430
Beautiful.
256
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:28,250
Lovely runner.
257
00:13:29,410 --> 00:13:30,710
Why can't I get any reception?
258
00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:31,950
I want to go on the internet.
259
00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:33,810
Why would you want to go on the
internet?
260
00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:35,810
Whatever happened to conversation?
261
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:42,430
Look at that.
262
00:13:42,690 --> 00:13:43,690
Beautiful.
263
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,170
Lovely runner.
264
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:47,490
I can't breathe.
265
00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:49,750
This is like living in the past.
266
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,430
This race isn't even live.
267
00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:54,930
When are we having soup?
268
00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:58,450
Oh, relax, Michael. A soup over has its
own rhythm.
269
00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:00,370
You can't be rushing things.
270
00:14:00,810 --> 00:14:02,330
Abandon yourself to it.
271
00:14:04,650 --> 00:14:05,650
Wait a second.
272
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:06,949
Wait a second.
273
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:07,950
What?
274
00:14:08,010 --> 00:14:09,390
Is this the same race?
275
00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:12,090
What do you mean?
276
00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:15,330
This is the same race. This is the race
that was just on.
277
00:14:15,990 --> 00:14:17,270
Again, what's your point?
278
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:21,710
I thought it was at least different
races. How many races have we watched in
279
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:22,609
last hour?
280
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:23,610
Just the one.
281
00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:29,110
Have we been watching the same five
minutes of television over and over?
282
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,450
But it's a classic.
283
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,540
I need to sit down.
284
00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:39,340
Look at that.
285
00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:40,540
Yeah.
286
00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:43,060
Lovely runner.
287
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:48,640
Tell you what.
288
00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:53,020
Something funny's going on. Not the
right weather for a soup over.
289
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,340
What to no good?
290
00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:57,560
Doing man things.
291
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,760
You're crazy. Man things?
292
00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:01,060
Ha!
293
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,260
Michael is not a man.
294
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:05,620
What do you mean, men things?
295
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:10,600
You know, the things men like doing when
men get together and there's no women
296
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,460
there to keep an eye on them. What do
you mean, men things?
297
00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:21,920
The things of men and men's ways,
ceremonies, things, goings -on. What
298
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:22,920
kind of things?
299
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:58,360
Oh, brothers, I'm getting potatoes,
leeks... It's potato
300
00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,520
and leek, Arthur.
301
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,780
I haven't finished, Eggie.
302
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:06,560
There's a harshness to the potatoes,
which indicates they were planted on the
303
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:12,360
north side of the field, whereas the
smooth finish of the leeks suggests
304
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,480
and its environs.
305
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,060
It just tastes like soup.
306
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,060
He has a way to go yet.
307
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,280
Give him time.
308
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,520
Give him time.
309
00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:32,560
This one might surprise you, Arthur.
310
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:36,500
Would
311
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:45,260
I
312
00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:48,720
be right in saying that these mushrooms
come from Lidl's?
313
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:07,470
disguises for cats.
314
00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:10,690
Why?
315
00:17:14,230 --> 00:17:15,990
Oh, well, let's not do that, then.
316
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:19,869
Cats are already in a sort of disguise,
aren't they?
317
00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:24,030
How so, Iggy? Well, a fake beard is a
disguise, isn't it?
318
00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:27,770
And cats have a sort of body beard.
319
00:17:30,890 --> 00:17:32,650
Does that get anything going?
320
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:38,040
Horseshoes! They already exist.
321
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,700
No, I mean proper ones that go over the
horses.
322
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,920
So it sounds like two men instead of one
horse.
323
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,440
How and why and where would that be
useful?
324
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,140
In cases of subterfuge.
325
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:57,740
If the enemy was looking for one man and
a horse, it would hear the footsteps
326
00:17:57,740 --> 00:17:59,980
and think it was roughly three men.
327
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:04,360
This might give the horse and man vital
time to escape.
328
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,160
From where?
329
00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:10,000
The war.
330
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,520
Oh!
331
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:14,060
Are you all right?
332
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,880
It's just, I've got that feeling of
vertigo again.
333
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,480
It's a very intense panic.
334
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:23,540
A soup over can be quite overpowering if
you're not ready for it, Michael.
335
00:18:23,780 --> 00:18:25,160
Put your legs between your head.
336
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,800
Fish fungers.
337
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:34,180
What's that, Arthur? A more fun version
of fish fingers.
338
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:37,100
Sounds like fish fungus.
339
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,860
Oh, it does a bit, doesn't it? Well,
maybe that's good.
340
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,980
Kids like things that are a little bit
horrible, don't they?
341
00:18:43,420 --> 00:18:45,980
Count Arthur Strong's fish fungus.
342
00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:50,520
Oh, yeah, I could dress as a fisherman
on the packet. Or a doctor if we go the
343
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:51,520
fungus route.
344
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,040
I really don't feel well. I have to go
outside.
345
00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:56,340
I can't breathe.
346
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,900
Michael, look at me.
347
00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,160
Look at me.
348
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,480
This is a normal reaction to the soup
over.
349
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,720
What do you mean?
350
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,360
Not everyone under the age of 60 can
handle a soup over, Michael.
351
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,100
Your body is probably going into shock.
352
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:13,420
It's all so dull.
353
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,240
It's so pointless. It's grim.
354
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:18,740
It's grim.
355
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:22,640
Just push through it. Push through it
and come out of the other side.
356
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:23,960
I'm not sure I can.
357
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,080
There's soup in a vase.
358
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:29,700
There's soup in a vase.
359
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:41,210
Well, I'll not stand in your way.
360
00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:44,050
What?
361
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:45,830
What's happened?
362
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:47,250
Oh, no.
363
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:52,470
The extremely tall pile of sliced bread
has toppled into the vase of soup,
364
00:19:52,610 --> 00:19:56,250
causing it to pour cream of broccoli all
over your clothes.
365
00:19:57,490 --> 00:19:59,230
Don't worry. I'll put a wash on.
366
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,470
How long will that take?
367
00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:02,710
Just a couple of hours.
368
00:20:03,890 --> 00:20:05,150
A couple of hours?
369
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,720
Brother Arthur, I'm concerned about
Michael.
370
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:17,640
He grows pale and the light has gone
from his eyes.
371
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:26,080
He's just acclimatising to the rigorous
mental demands of a soup over.
372
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:28,300
We've all been there.
373
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,020
The first time wasn't easy for any of
us.
374
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,400
True. True.
375
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:36,860
His transformation is almost complete.
376
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:40,790
It grows chill.
377
00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:51,890
Brothers, here's a problem.
378
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:53,490
A problem, you say?
379
00:20:53,810 --> 00:20:55,370
There's still too much soup.
380
00:20:55,610 --> 00:20:57,490
The seat's full and so's the bin.
381
00:20:58,270 --> 00:20:59,610
I was afraid of that.
382
00:21:00,230 --> 00:21:04,270
While you've been a delightful addition
to the soup over, Michael, your presence
383
00:21:04,270 --> 00:21:05,870
has caused us something of a problem.
384
00:21:07,340 --> 00:21:10,100
Soup disposal is difficult at the best
of times.
385
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:15,060
But with four participants, there's a
real danger of a sort of soup mountain
386
00:21:15,060 --> 00:21:16,060
forming.
387
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:17,960
What are we going to do?
388
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:36,580
Flush it again, Brother John.
389
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:46,660
in loads of money, you know.
390
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:47,880
What do you mean?
391
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,760
Water charges, all this flushing.
392
00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:55,220
If there was something in the system,
you wouldn't need as much water.
393
00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:58,760
Hang on a second. Say that again.
394
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:00,440
Water displacement.
395
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,960
If there was something in the system,
it'd use less water and you'd save money
396
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:05,980
on water charges.
397
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,520
You might just have something there,
Michael. Wait a second.
398
00:22:10,180 --> 00:22:11,320
Let me run the numbers.
399
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,040
They check out.
400
00:22:13,870 --> 00:22:16,630
A garbage household could save up to £25
a year.
401
00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:18,350
OK, OK, we've got something here.
402
00:22:18,970 --> 00:22:19,970
Something's cooking.
403
00:22:20,150 --> 00:22:24,910
Questions. What kind of object should it
be? What should it be made of? My head
404
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:25,669
is spinning.
405
00:22:25,670 --> 00:22:27,330
This is a brilliant idea.
406
00:22:27,630 --> 00:22:32,410
Settle in, boys. The soup may be down
the toilet, but this soup over is far
407
00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:34,110
over. Isn't that right, Michael?
408
00:22:34,430 --> 00:22:37,410
Ah. Ha -ha! Good old Michael!
409
00:22:38,810 --> 00:22:39,810
Names, names.
410
00:22:39,850 --> 00:22:41,630
Toilet pal. Toilet friend. Toilet mate.
411
00:22:41,970 --> 00:22:42,970
Toilet mate.
412
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,480
Save at least £3 ,000 a year using this
product.
413
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,620
What? Wait a minute, what did he say?
414
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:15,980
Any business employing over 1 ,000
people will save at least £3 ,000 a year
415
00:23:15,980 --> 00:23:16,980
using this product.
416
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,280
But that's quite good.
417
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:20,880
Too right it is.
418
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:22,619
What's that?
419
00:23:22,620 --> 00:23:23,800
It's the toilet brick.
420
00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:29,200
That's just a prototype. The actual
brick will be made of galvanised rubber.
421
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,800
This might be a good idea.
422
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,960
You might actually have come up with a
good idea.
423
00:23:36,460 --> 00:23:37,860
John, explain this to me.
424
00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:44,710
The soup over is working its magic.
425
00:23:45,950 --> 00:23:47,810
Michael is becoming one of us.
426
00:23:48,830 --> 00:23:51,130
So he is truly the one.
427
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:53,230
But is he ready?
428
00:23:53,870 --> 00:23:55,530
He's still a young man.
429
00:23:55,790 --> 00:23:58,490
His youth is the key to the soup over's
future.
430
00:23:59,090 --> 00:24:01,610
Through Michael, we can access the
internet.
431
00:24:01,930 --> 00:24:05,130
And soon, every home will have a toilet
brick.
432
00:24:06,250 --> 00:24:08,370
We're going to be fairly well off.
433
00:24:08,910 --> 00:24:09,910
Fairly!
434
00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:17,200
tell you well who can that be i think
435
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:21,460
the biggest issue will be marketing john
if we can really put the toilet brick
436
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:28,180
into it hi seen him oh it really is a
soup over
437
00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:34,460
yes what did you think i don't know
they've come up with a pretty good idea
438
00:24:34,460 --> 00:24:35,640
him the toilet brick
439
00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:39,310
It can save you money and it's good for
the environment.
440
00:24:40,230 --> 00:24:44,590
Right. I just thought you might have
finished. I thought you might still like
441
00:24:44,590 --> 00:24:45,590
come. Leave him.
442
00:24:46,470 --> 00:24:47,490
He's happy here.
443
00:24:49,850 --> 00:24:50,850
What's the delay?
444
00:24:50,910 --> 00:24:52,370
If you want the list, let's get the move
on.
445
00:24:52,710 --> 00:24:54,130
I think Michael's staying.
446
00:24:54,790 --> 00:24:55,790
Actually, what's that smell?
447
00:24:56,490 --> 00:24:57,490
Something smells good.
448
00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:00,310
You know what, Michael?
449
00:25:00,510 --> 00:25:04,290
If this is the kind of life you really
want, then you should just say so. But
450
00:25:04,290 --> 00:25:05,290
this...
451
00:25:06,350 --> 00:25:07,350
isn't what I want.
452
00:25:07,750 --> 00:25:08,750
Goodbye, Michael.
453
00:25:08,970 --> 00:25:10,570
But it is actually a good idea.
454
00:25:10,850 --> 00:25:12,730
The toilet brick. The toilet brick?
455
00:25:13,370 --> 00:25:14,730
What the hell is a toilet brick?
456
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,090
It's a water displacement device you put
in a piston.
457
00:25:17,430 --> 00:25:18,630
I think it can work.
458
00:25:18,890 --> 00:25:20,810
Of course it works. We have one in the
cafe.
459
00:25:21,030 --> 00:25:22,430
It's called the toilet hippo.
460
00:25:23,010 --> 00:25:24,470
What? What?
461
00:25:25,790 --> 00:25:27,090
Here, you can get them online.
462
00:25:28,410 --> 00:25:29,410
Seen them?
463
00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:31,030
Yes.
464
00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:33,450
Let's get the hell out of here.
465
00:25:35,629 --> 00:25:37,070
Loose clothing. Let's go.
466
00:25:37,290 --> 00:25:38,290
Go.
467
00:25:39,910 --> 00:25:41,770
So he wasn't the one.
468
00:25:42,430 --> 00:25:43,430
No.
469
00:25:46,230 --> 00:25:47,450
But there is another.
470
00:25:53,030 --> 00:25:57,590
Then they spray foam all over the
audience and put this really loud dance
471
00:25:57,590 --> 00:25:58,590
on.
472
00:25:59,190 --> 00:26:00,230
It's actually quite fun.
473
00:26:00,510 --> 00:26:03,610
Did they grab you and take you to the
top of the suspended dome?
474
00:26:04,210 --> 00:26:05,780
No. Next time.
475
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,640
I think I'm going to try and be more
open to those kind of things.
476
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,960
I'm not really ready for pyjamas and
soup in the daytime.
477
00:26:13,460 --> 00:26:14,460
No, hurry.
478
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,140
That's all ahead of you.
479
00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:21,640
Can I have a spoon, please, Bulant?
480
00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:27,260
You up to much at the weekend?
481
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:40,580
With choice picking from early stand -up
to singing with a big head Subaru,
482
00:26:40,940 --> 00:26:43,300
Peter Kay's Comedy Shuffle is here in
just a moment.
483
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:48,160
Then taking a wry look at recent events,
Tracy is breaking the news. Expect some
484
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,760
very powerful ladies to pop in at 9 .30.
36972
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