All language subtitles for The Cosby Show s07e24 Cliff And Jake

comic which one over the edge well let
me see can i see can i see oh sure here

let me read it to you see this guy is a
farmer and that guy is a martian and you

see how the farmer is holding that big
bottle of soda yes now the martian is

saying no i said take me to your leader

You see, the farmer is holding a liter,
L -I -T -E -R.

Now, that's a measurement. But the
Martian wanted to be taken to his

-E -A -D -E -R.

You know, like the president or the
mayor.

That's not funny.

Yes, it is. No, it's not.

If there was a bug in the farmer's
bottle, that would be funny.

You got to look at this. Jake's
Appliance Store is having a big sale.

Jake's big semi -annual sale one day
only.

Electric sanders, 50 % off.

Oh, no. If Dad sees that, he's going to
want an electric sander. You're right,

and he's going to bring it in here and
try to sand everything inside. You risk

the stage out and burn it. Mom, you
can't do that. Dad reads every page of

paper. Why don't we just hide that
section and tell him it never came?

Now that is perfect. You can always
depend on a child to come up with a

solution.

Thank you, Mom. Thank you.

Claire! Yes?

Claire, are you there?

I'm downstairs.

I'm downstairs, but I'm coming up.

No, no, no, don't come up. I'm coming
down.

Whatever you do, don't look at that pot.

Look here, look.

You know the pin you were looking for?
Found it.

Oh, you're so good to me. Come over here
and sit down and have some yogurt. Come

on, sweetheart.

Read the paper first. I told you, the
Prince of Metro section.

That's the part that didn't come, dear.
I don't know what happened. Somebody

just didn't assemble the paper
correctly, I guess. Well, you know, Ma,

they put four or five million of these
together that are bound to mess one up?

Yeah. See, you know, I've been thinking,
this paint is chipping.

I think what I'm going to do is sand all
these doors and paint all around the

place. I don't see any chips in it.
Anywhere. That door doesn't need

And I love that color. Don't you think
that color's pretty? That is great

Well,

that's all right.

I'll think about it when I come back.
I'll let you know. Where are you going?

Huh? Not to buy another paper.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Got a flyer.

but it's not until 10.

And by the way, save me some of that
Metro paper stew you got in the pot.

I'm a little bit old to be doing this
kind of thing.

This is my final offer. You're getting
it for a couple of pennies above cost.

Take it or leave it.

$46.

But Jake, I only have $40.

I'll take it. You did it to Jake again.

What a bargain. What a deal.

Cookie. Here, collect 40 and wrap this
up for Mrs. Haley.

Another happy customer.

All right, all right, all right.

Jake. Yes, this is Claire Huxtable
speaking.

Dr. Rachel's coming down to see me,
right?

That's right. Now, listen, Jake, you
know, he has a bit of a problem

himself in your store.

Oh, that's because we have the best
prices in town.

Yes, I'm certain that you do, but listen
to me very carefully.

Now, when he comes into your store, he's
going to want to buy something.

Don't sell it to him.

Yeah, but he's one of my favorite
customers and a very good friend. How

that? Because I'm telling you, Jake, he
is going to want an electric sander.

Uh, uh, I'm sorry. I'm having, what? I'm
having a little trouble here with the

phone. That's a very tired trick. Don't
try to play that on me. I know that you

heard every word I said.

No sander. Now, promise me.

Okay, I promise.

No sander.

Ah, you're a strong woman, Mrs. H.

Goodbye. Bye.

Dad, I think it's very nice that you
finally started listening to Mrs.

Hey, I really love that family. And on
top of that, she's a killer attorney.

Okay, I know, but this is going to hurt.

I had a guaranteed sale with the doctor.
You know that, don't you? I know it. I

know it.

Hey! Here he is, the good doctor. Yes,
indeed.

How are you?

Cookie, how are you doing?

My good friend.

Oh, boy.

I always look forward to my visits with
you. I'm doing fine. Fine, fine, fine.

Yes.

What is this?

Oh, that's the cabinet I built.

Yeah, I used wooden pegs instead of
nails.

Jake, if I could do that kind of work,
if I could do that kind of work for

you... Hey, if I could only deliver
babies, you know, but the good Lord puts

down here all for different reasons. I
build cabinets, you slab bottoms.

But here we go.

Yeah. Sail. Pow.

Electric Sanders, 50 % off. Let me have
one. Yeah.

Cookie, how are we doing with the
Sanders?

Sorry, but we're all sold out. What do
you mean you sold out? You just opened

minutes ago, Jake.

Yeah, I know, but when I got here, the
store, the people, there was such a

outside. They were holding the papers
and the ads and the flyers, yelling, we

want Sanders, we want Sanders.

I tell you, it sounded like a political
rally. The thing went like hotcakes.

Well, it's too bad you got fired.

I had my heart set on sanding and
praising.

Look, I'll sell you some nice sandpaper.
You'll take it down by hand. It'll be

like aerobics. Okay, okay.

Good. And please hurry it up because I'm
15 minutes later and I thought it was a

terrible traffic accident out there. Dr.
Huxtable. Huh? Never say traffic

accident in front of my father.

Somebody say traffic accident.

I was late coming in because of a
traffic accident. You said traffic

Come on, don't start.

I'm not starting anything. Cookie,
relax.

Listen, let me tell you something about
a traffic accident.

It can't be. It can't be as annoying as
a traffic accident that I had ten years

ago with that bum Stanley Rappaport. I
was here, right on Flatbush.

and Park Place, okay?

Excuse me. Excuse me. My car was right
here at a stop sign, all right? And

in front of me is that bum that
Stanley... Wait a minute. Excuse me,

Excuse me.

Right here was that bum that Stanley
Rappaport in a fancy car which had

of payments to go. Excuse me, please.
Excuse me.

All right? Now, watch this.

Over here is a tree.

Over here was a lamppost. Over here was
a small dog.

Yeah. Now, right at that moment, as fate
would have it, the knob on my radio

falls off on the floor. Now, I start to
reach for the knob and all of a sudden,

boom, he plows right into my front end.

Now, I'm sure he must have had the car
in reverse because he backed right up

into me. Sure, sure. So I start to yell
at this guy. Hey, look what you did.

Yeah.

Rappaport, he jumps out of the car like
a madman. He says, look what I did.

Look what you did. You ran into me. I
was sitting in my car looking for my

I wasn't even driving.

Anyway, it wound up I had to pay a
repair bill for $35 to that cheat that

that Stanley Rappaport. And it wasn't
even my fault. Yeah.

Could I have my sandpaper?

You'll get your sandpaper. You've got
your sandpaper, but Rappaport will never

get sandpaper from me. He won't even get
sand. Dad, calm down. I'm calm, I'm

calm. I didn't make up one word. These
are the facts. Okay, yeah.

I'm really sorry about that. That's
okay, that's okay. My father has never

gotten over that accident with Stanley
Rappaport. Well, I can see that.

Dr. Huxtable.

There's something I'd like to talk to
you about privately. Do you think maybe

could stop by your office today?

Sure. Is 1230 all right? Fine. There's
somebody I'd like you to meet. And

don't mention anything about this to my
father. No, I won't mention that or

traffic accident.

Somebody mentioned traffic accident.

I heard. I thought I'm hearing lately
things.

Yeah, all right. Here's the sandpaper. I
got you the fine and the course. You

know, Jake, it's just too bad I couldn't
get an electric sander.

Yeah. Yeah, boy. I feel bad about that,
too. As a matter of fact, I was willing

to pay more than the 50 % off.

Oh, yeah?

How much more?

Well, I was figuring maybe you had
something that was in the back that you

thought maybe a customer wasn't going to
pick up.

Take it off your hands for 25 % off.

25 % off?

Well... From the back to the customer?

Not necessarily.

If it was really tough for you, I would
pay the full price.

Full price?

Now, do you remember the tool belt you
tried to sell me? I didn't want it.

the tool belt. Well, I could get it.
Yes.

The electric standard.

Uh -huh. I'd be willing to buy the tool
belt.

Tool belt tool with the spool.

Price. Full price?

And I mean...

Loretta Bennett? She said you'd know her
as Cookie. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Please

send her in.

Cookie. Hi.

Thanks for taking the time to see us.

I would like you to meet my fiancé,
Jonathan.

Hi. How are you? How are you? Well,
congratulations.

Sit down.

Listen, your father never told me that
you were engaged.

Uh, he doesn't know yet.

So you're going to surprise him. And you
came here for a blood... Well, I'm

going to do it. I'll give you 50 % off.

That's not why we're here.

Oh, Jonathan, tell Dr. Huxtable your
last name.

Rappaport. My father is Stanley
Rappaport.

Traffic accident.

Right.

Jonathan and I have had to keep our
romance a secret.

Yeah, well, yeah.

It's been ten years since the accident,
and our fathers still refuse to speak to

each other. You know, one time, Jonathan
and I were in the city together, and my

father saw us.

I'll never forget it.

We were on the corner of 57th, and my
father... Honey,

honey.

Oh, anyway, my father, okay? He saw us.
He went completely crazy.

He dragged me away, ranting and raving,
carrying on that he never wanted me to

speak to that Rappaport kid again.

Your father anything like her father?

Worse. Really? The funny thing is, these
two men grew up together in the same

neighborhood. They played high school
football together.

They even double dated.

It's crazy.

His father was my dad's best man at his
wedding.

And now there's been ten years of
feuding.

Dr. Huxtable.

Jonathan and I love each other.

And we love our fathers.

But we're going to get married whether
or not our fathers want us to.

So would you tell them, please?

Tell them what?

To stop this stupid fighting.

We want them to give us their blessings.
We want to have a wonderful wedding.

My father respects you, Doctor.

If he's ever going to listen to anyone,
it would be you.

Hey, Mom. Hi.

What are you doing?

Well, the lever on this toaster wasn't
working, so I took one of your father's

do -it -yourself books, which he doesn't
seem to understand, and I did it

myself.

Good idea.

Now you won't have to ruin yet another
appliance.

I'll go to Jake's and buy a toaster that
looks more like an industrial oven.

You know, I hadn't planned on eating
while I was here, but since you fixed

toaster, I might as well break it in
with tuna on toast.

Toast on, son. Toast on.

Dear.

Hey, hungry homeboy.

Hey, Dad.

What's happening, kid?

How was your work today? Well, it was
quite unusual.

Jake's daughter came up with her fiancé
to ask me to talk to her

father and his father because they're
feuding, and these two are going to get

married, and it looks like if they don't
patch things up, these guys are not

coming to the wedding.

Oh, whoa!

Oh, Mom, are you sure you read the fix
-it book right? Did you fix the toaster,

dear? Well, I thought I did.

Step out of the way.

Now, see, this thing was done for.

Now, that's it.

Now, see, I'm going to have to go down
to Jake's and get a toaster. No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no. You're not going
down to Jake's, dear.

Why am I not going down to Jake's? You
cannot go to Jake's because you are

I'm not weak. You saw me. I went down to
Jake's this morning. Did I come back

with anything?

I was down in the basement, Cliff.

I saw a brand new electric sander still
in its box, hidden in one of the

children's sleeping bags.

So, why does that mean that I... I mean,
Theo could have bought the thing and

put it down there. You're stretching
down, Dad.

I'm not angry about it, honey. You're
weak. I know this. I accept it. I

understand. And I'll be back with the
toaster.

No, you...

You could have taken the heap, man.

You know, you come here, you eat my
food, and then all I ask you to do is

the heap for the thing in the basement,
and you turn around and give me what?

Grief. Grief. I'm sorry. No, no, no.
Hey, hey, come here.

Now put the food back.

Hello? Dr. Huxtable, there's a Mr.

Rappaport here to see you.

Yes, yes. And the gentleman in
examination room B, bring him in also,

How are you, Mr.

Rappaport? You're Dr.

Huxtable? Yes, I am, sir.

Well, then, Jonathan said you wanted to
see me. That is correct, sir.

But I've already had my physical at the
medical center.

I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm a baby
doctor.

Oh, my wife is over 65.

No, no, no, no.

Yes. Hello, Doc.

What is that man doing here? What do you
mean, what am I doing here? I go where

I please. It's a free country. Sure, for
him it's a free country. He goes around

hitting cars and taking money from
people.

Now, gentlemen.

Don't say gentlemen in his presence.

I see time hasn't made you any more
reasonable.

Listen, listen to me.

Both of you, please. I was asked to
bring the two of you together so we

settle this silly feud about a traffic
accident. Traffic accident?

Traffic accident. I was sitting here
near the stop.

He was right in front of me with his
fancy car.

Over here was a dog. Over here was a
lamppost.

No, no, no, you're wrong. It wasn't a
lamppost. It was a telephone pole. And

wasn't a dog. It was a cat.

Now, I want both of you to stop it
because I'm here to tell you that your

children are going to get married.

To whom?

His daughter to your son, your son to
his daughter. And they're going to get

married whether the two of you make up
or not.

Never over my dead body, never.

Dr. Huxtable, is this true?

Is my son going to marry the daughter of
Jake Bennett?

Yes.

And they're going to have the wedding
whether we're there or not? Whether

there or not.

Call him back in.

It isn't necessary. I had Mrs.

McKechnie lock the front door.

Good move.

That was a dirty trick.

Jake, please sit down.

There's something I want to say.

Tell him I don't want to listen to any
more of his lies. Come on, Jake.

I'll do it for you, Doctor.

Step aside.

Jake, please listen to me.

The day of the accident, I had a
terrible argument with my wife.

So I ran out of the house, got in my car
and just drove around.

When I got to the stop sign, I thought,
maybe I should go back and make up with

her.

I guess I absentmindedly threw the car
into reverse.

Wait a minute.

Are you telling me that that accident
was not my fault?

I was going to apologize to you on the
spot when you started yelling at me. I

felt as though I was having the argument
with my wife all over again.

I had to win at least one argument that
day.

I'm sorry, Jake.

Stanley.

Stanley.

Stanley, I...

I'm sorry, too.

Look,

it wasn't all your fault.

If I were watching you, I could have
backed up.

Oh, my.

Such a tiny dent. I can't believe I made
you pay $30.

$35.

$35. So I'll treat you to dinner at El
Maracas for $35.

Stanley. El Morocco closed 25 years ago.

So we'll go someplace else? I can't
believe there's a couple of dummies like

us separated from my best friend. My
best

friend for 10 years.

And now?

And now you're Jonathan?

And your cookie?

We're going to be related.

To each royal son and daughter.

Faithful to the core.

Let's drink a toast without the water.

To PS44.

Come on. I can't believe it. We've got
to plan a wedding. Yes, and a honeymoon.

And, you know, the father of the bride
always pays for the wedding. It's okay

with me. We'll have paper plates.