All language subtitles for The Cosby Show s07e03 The Last Barbeque

I can do it in snow.

I can do it in heat.

And it's really a thing of man against
nature.

Dr. Huxtable, maybe you should cook
inside.

Oh, this is when the fire gave me away.

Oh, wow.

It's hard to believe in one week we will
have been married a year.

Ah, take a taste of oregano.

You're wasting your time, Elvin.

That is Cliff's secret sauce, and he's
not giving the recipe to you. He's

that recipe with him to the grave. No,
he's not, because I've got it.

It's orange juice.

Hey, Dad.

What? What's funny? You dropped
something.

Uh -oh. Yes.

do that when I came back. We got a lot
of stuff, didn't we? We got the food

processor, the blender. Yeah, maybe
someday when you get your own home,

be able to use them.

Wait a minute. You had a bridal shower,
but nobody gave Martin a bachelor party?

Oh, you didn't have a bachelor party?

Well, I did.

Kind of.

After the wedding, the guys on board the
ship threw me a little bash.

Instant purdy, put on a grass skirt,
stuffed a bra, did a little hula dance.

Yo, Martin, man, that's pathetic.

look alike. That's not a bachelor party.
That's a mockery.

Now, I think we should throw you a real
bachelor party. What do you think,

Elvin? Oh, yeah. You know me. Party
Elvin.

Why bother? I'm already married.

Martin, I think you should have a
bachelor party.

Do you really?

Yeah, you know. It's important, all that
male bonding. Yeah, man. So let's bond.

Yeah. Well, if you guys want to do it
for me, hey, I'm yours.

We're going to go all out for you. Spare
no expense.

This is going to be loud. All right.

Wow.

All right, so how much did the entire
party run you, Denny?

What about if we lose the band?

And the food?

All right.

A stripper?

Yeah.

Well, it is traditional, and Martin is a
traditional guy.

So how much did the stripper cost you?

For your brother's bachelor party.

All right, well, get back to me. Let me
know.

Cool.

A stripper.

Yeah, we're getting one for Martin's
bachelor party.

Theo, please. I hardly think Martin's
going to go for something so sophomoric.

I don't know, Denise.

You heard him go on about Ensign Purdy.

Sounds to me like a guy who felt
cheated.

Besides, he's in the Navy.

You know how those guys are.

about my Martin, okay? And I don't think
he'd appreciate you stereotyping him

like that.

Hey!

Coming through!

Theo! Another bag in the car. I've got
it. Martin, wait till you hear this.

wants to hire you as a stripper for your
bachelor party. A stripper?

No.

for Martin's bachelor party. You've got
to be kidding. Does Martin know about

this? Yeah, he seems fine with it.

Hey.

Well, look, don't worry, Denise. It's
not a lost cause. Now, see, this man, he

was the biggest male chauvinist in the
world until I turned him around.

Isn't that right, sweetheart?

What's that, Martin?

Did you know that Theo is hiring a
stripper for Martin's bachelor party?

Oh, really? Well, if that's what Martin
wants.

Oh, wait a second.

Do you approve of this?

Well, it's not up to me. I mean, it's
like a dinner party, you know. If

eating scampi, you just eat scampi. You
have to be a good sport about these

things.

Turned him around, huh?

I can't believe they're doing this.

What are they going to do, and who's
going to do it?

Martin, Elvin, and your son, Theo.
They're hiring a stripper for Martin's

bachelor party.

What did they say when you told them
that tassels and pasties just do not

it in this family?

Uh, well, we didn't. Why not?

I thought I raised you to speak your
mind.

Cliff,

do you know that the boys are hiring a
stripper for Martin's bachelor party?

Mm -hmm.

Well, what do you think about that?

I think it's archaic, demeaning, and
stupid.

Did you tell them that?

I beg your pardon?

Did you tell them that?

I'm not married to them.

They can watch whatever they want. I'm
married to you.

If I see you watching the stripper,
that's it.

What is that?

A barbecue sauce.

Then what is that?

It's a decoy.

I like the fennel.

Nice touch.

Hey, sweetheart.

Hi, cutie.

What are you up to?

Well, darling, I've been thinking.

Well, you know that I support the idea
of you and the other men having your

little bachelor party to do.

It's just that I feel that some of your
party plans are a little...

It's insensitive to me and the other
women in this family.

Did I do something wrong?

It's about you wanting this stripper.

Baby, you heard what I said to them out
there. I said no.

Smells good, Dad.

Yeah.

Um, actually, sweetheart, darling, you
didn't just say no.

Well, what did I say?

Well, you said...

supposed to say? I think you should have
said, Theo, shame on you. I will not

tolerate this inane sophomore vulgarity.

Yeah, well, that certainly sounds like
me, huh, Elvin? Yeah.

I'm not even in this.

Great, Elvin.

You're not involved, but you're willing
to watch a woman being used as a man's

plaything. Honey, I'm just going to the
party, okay?

where a woman is being hired to strip
while you whoop and holler and claw.

Hey, who's clawing? I'm in the back. I'm
not even looking, okay?

I don't even understand why men like to
watch strippers anyway. Really, let's be

honest. All it is is a lot of
titillating and teasing and feeding

fantasies.

Yes, what fun can that be? The woman
strips, then she leaves, and you guys

left, what, chug -a -lugging a beer?

See, see, I don't even like beer.

And second of all, okay, it's just a
form of entertainment that some people

happen to like. You know, it's like what
I, the scampi, what I said.

Solomon, it's stupid, it's disgusting,
and it exploits women.

Okay, now, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is
getting a little bit one -sided.

I mean, what about those clubs where men
strip for women?

That's right. Aren't those men being
exploited?

What? Oh, please. No, no, no. I think
that it's true. Now, what do you think,

Dr. Huxtable? I think that the sauce is
excellent.

strippers exploited come on you've seen
those ads you're having a ball yes when

men strip for women it's considered cute
and playful but when women strip for

men it's grinding out baby come on dig
us home excuse me denise but

you're wrong okay because i happen to
have a friend who worked his way through

medical school being a male stripper who
you remember bill rid of the ear nose

and throat guys well bill

Bill called himself the Toreador.

He said those cute, playful women were
groping and clawing and snapping his G

-string.

It made him very bitter.

The fact remains that women view men
much differently than men view women.

different? Well, for one thing, men are
oglers.

And women don't ogle? We are saying that
there is a difference in the quality of

the ogling. Oh!

Yes, yes, women just look, but men,
you... guys x -ray i do not x -ray

i mean when i'm a doctor i do but i
don't x -ray unless there's a machine

i sure like to x -ray we need a lomax

what

are we talking about now here we have
the perfect example of the x

-raying male Women have to make
themselves sexy and alluring because men

him are obsessed with the perfect female
form.

Who's obsessed?

Oh, come on, Theo. I've been shopping
with you. You scope out the mannequins.

Well, look, I know that I am not
obsessed.

Martin, please. Look at magazines. Look
at calendars. Men prefer women with

curvaceous figures.

She's right. Let's be honest. No man
wants a woman with floppy hips and

wings.

hollowest thing I have ever heard, Theo.

Oh, and women don't want the same thing
from us? I see that's true. You expect

us to stay fit, stay in shape, and I,
for one, am tired of having to make

look beautiful for women. What do they
want from me?

You know, why can't we just have simple
bodies, like Dad?

This is your piece.

when you look in the mirror, but your
body is certainly not complicated.

Thank you, sweetheart.

I'll keep my feelings about your body to
myself.

What feelings?

It's not the time of the place.

No, no, no, what?

Your neck.

What's wrong with my neck?

It's just a... Shade thin. Sometimes I
wonder how you swallow.

I beg your pardon?

Didn't you?

My sister... What? My sister went
through eight and a half hours of labor

bring your children into this world and
you're going to criticize her neck?

you patronize me not being patronizing
i'm being polite it's just women you

you're polite they say you're
patronizing you're not they say you're a

problem is they don't know what they
want i would stay out of this if i were

you have caused enough trouble what did
i do you hired this stripper it wasn't

me martin wanted her when is

turtlenecks for the rest of my life.

Oh, no, I wouldn't want to get too
hippie.

Well, I would like some. I don't mind
getting hippie.

May I have some chicken as well?

Would you like a breath?

You're more of a leg man, aren't you?

This is absolutely ridiculous, okay?

It ends right here.

Now, I'd like some chicken, please.

Oh, which piece would you like, Elvin?

I'd like a wing.

I can't take this. I'm going to watch
the movie.

Well, a man's got to drive slow with
lemon tarts in the

back seat.

Well, look at this family.

Hold on.

I've got to get a picture of this.

I tell you, with so much trouble in the
world, today, it's nice to see a warm,

loving family all together.

Come on, Russell.

Let's put this dessert in the kitchen.

Okay. Listen, nobody touch that piece
right there. I'm a leg man myself.

Great. It runs in the family. Give it a
rest, Denise.

There we go again. Male domination.

What are you talking about, male
domination? The man is just trying to

chicken and beef, and I don't know why
I'm sitting here eating his stupid

wing. Give me a breath.

It started when Theo wanted to get a
stripper for Martin's bachelor party.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Grandpa, what's wrong with that? Did you
have a stripper at your bachelor party?

No. Well, she was more of a fan dancer.
Her name was Fatima. She was a very

talented performer.

She had these blue ostrich feathers, and
she'd hold them in front of herself.

And she'd do this dance to the music of
Besame Mucho.

Bless my, bless my moonshine.

Each time I cling to your kiss, I hear
music divine.

And she'd give you a little shoulder.

And then take it back.

Give you a little leg.

Take it right back.

Well, she was something.

Grandma, didn't that bother you? Oh, no,
we didn't think too much of those

things then.

Yeah, the good old days.

Well, that sounds so sexist. Well, times
were different. People didn't make a

big deal out of everything.

You know, if you spent all your time
fussing over points of contention

men and women...

You're not going to have much time for
romance. This woman knows what she's

talking about. Come on, Russell, let's
put these on plate. Okay, best on my...

Well, I guess they must have some idea
of what they're talking about. They've

been married 50 years.

I guess we shouldn't put differences
between us under a magnifying glass.

Tend to make things bigger than they
are.

I suppose we could manage to let a few
things slide.

Love me forever and save that joke.
Don't touch me.

What? Keep your hands to yourself.

What did I do? Never mind. Just hand me
that tray.

Okay.

I hated that you had that woman at your
bachelor party.

Why don't you say something?

Well, those were the times that we kept
those things to ourselves.

You mean you've been holding this in for
54 years, Anna? I am no mind reader.

Oh, and while we're at it, I hate that
fan dance story.

Every time I hear it, it sickens me.

Give me a little shoulder and take it
right back. Give me a little leg and

it right back.

Well, I didn't know that.

Why do you think I always leave the
room?

To make coffee.

No. To make coffee and kick the wall.

Now grab these tarts that you love so
much.

Lemon tarts. Oh, I love those.

Thanks to me, he didn't do a darn thing
to help. He was watching the ice.

Well, what do you mean? I floured the
pants.

And you also floured the floor.

I spent ten minutes cleaning up after
you.

What are you all looking at? Haven't you
ever seen people argue before?

Yeah, but not you guys.

Oh, grow up.

Then there was a fan where the toad used
to be. And then there was a... What?

We haven't finished eating yet.

Oh. Well, do you see how upset I am?

Dag -blamed fan dance story.

I had no idea she felt this way. I mean,
why didn't you tell me?

Well, I know how you feel. One minute
you think you're doing all right, and

the next, blam, you're blindsided. Yeah,
that's exactly what happened in the

kitchen. Blam, blindsided.

Yeah, I know.

I've been there before.

Well, where have you been?

And that is where you're going to stay
if you don't quit stirring up trouble.

I'm not even talking about that. Yes,
you were.

You asked if you were completely
innocent.

It had nothing to do with you. It was a
general statement. I can't even say

anything. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
you guys, wait. Look at Dad.

He has made this beautiful barbecue and
we are ruining it.

I just feel so used.

Mom, let's just stop the bickering and
let's enjoy this barbecue.

She's right. We're sorry, Dad. It's
great.

Hey, you, I want you to have your
bachelor party and I want you to have

food and friends and all that.

You can even have your stripper.

Me.

What a great idea.

I think that I have a few hot moves
myself.

fleet and elvin don't worry you won't
see me because you'll be sitting in the

back and don't leave me out i'll bring
the thing

and when i give a little leg i won't
take it back oh

anna i will never tell that story again
but you'll think it

thinking the same thing that I was
thinking 54 years ago at that bachelor

What? I can't wait to get at you.

That romantic with me in 50 years?

Oh, you know it.

I love your neck, honey.

It's perfect, like a swan. Oh, Elvis.

It certainly is nice to see them work
things out for themselves.

They haven't worked anything out for
themselves.

It's my barbecue sauce.

Your barbecue sauce. My barbecue sauce.
Haven't you ever noticed after people

have fun with my barbecue sauce, after a
while when it kicks in they get all

huggy -buggy?

I'm dead serious.

Haven't you ever noticed that after one
of my barbecues and they have the sauce,

people want to get right home?

Let me tell you something else. I got a
cup of it up on the night table.

I got a cup of it, I said.

Left it up there breathing.

Why don't you give the chicken to these
people that's going up and have some

sauce?

So here's the rest of the chicken, you
guys.