All language subtitles for The Cosby Show s06e23 Off to See the Wretched

of music I'd like to hear.

Wow! Just listen to those laughs! Would
you like to make people laugh like that?

Wouldn't it be great to be the funniest
kid on your block?

You can be by calling 555 -JOKE for the
most hilarious jokes you've ever heard!

your parents' permission.

Dr. Huxtable, are you ready to roll in
the aisle?

Pardon me?

Can I have your permission to tell you a
joke?

Oh, yes, yes, sure, sure.

Okay,

hit it.

Was that the joke?

a restaurant with a pigeon on the set
and the waiter says, what do you feed

thing?

And? Get it?

Get it?

Yes.

You're supposed to tell a whole joke.
All you told me was the beginning.

lines all over my face, ready to
explode.

Two men are playing golf. Good.

Two men are playing golf. Right.

Two men sit together.

It doesn't work unless you know how to
putt.

It doesn't work unless you know how to
putt.

give somebody a punchline, you gotta
have some part to the story. You gotta

a story and then you tell the punchline.
That's what makes the person laugh.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Hey.

What are you doing? I'm calling 5555
joke.

Yeah, but you're not supposed to use the
phone.

you permission to tell me a joke i
didn't give you permission to use the

do you know how much money it costs yes
the man on tv said 95 cents a minute you

had that phone line

Once I told them we're spending the
night at Susan's house, they even asked

where the concert was. You know, the
same thing happened to me. I told my

parents that after the concert, we were
going to stay at Susan's house. They

just assumed that the concert was in New
York City. They have no idea that we

are going to Baltimore.

Oh, great plan, Susan.

This was the perfect weekend for my
parents to go away. See, my grandma

in the guest room. She goes to bed at 9
.30. So as long as we're in before 6 a

.m. when she wakes up, we're fine.

the wretched live on stage. You know, I
hear the lead singer Frankie X wipes

sweat from his body and flings it into
the audience.

If only we could have gotten front row
seats. Hey, you know, we gotta go. We

have a four -hour...

Susan, a month ago, your mother loaned
me this book. And I finished reading it.

I really liked it. Would you tell her
that? And tell her I'm going to call

too. Okay.

But I wouldn't call her this weekend.
See, things are kind of crazy around the

house. Monday would be much better. All
right.

What time are you coming home?

We're probably going to sleep late, so
I'll be home sometime tomorrow

Have a nice time.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Come on, let's get out of here before
someone else wants to say goodbye.

here because we're 120 miles away from
home and we're eating them as free

All right, Kara, I have to know, how did
you get your brother to lend us his

car? Well, I didn't actually get him to
lend it to me. He goes away to college

and leaves it at home. And he asked me
to start it for him every so often, so I

started it. I didn't tell him what I was
going to do with it once it was ready.

Oh, Kara,

can I borrow the keys to the car? I have
to freshen my makeup.

We are in a donut shop. You don't have
to look that good.

started this trip I was a little worried

Call the police. Our parents are going
to find out that we reported a car

from Wilmington, Delaware.

They're going to find out that we were
here.

She's right. Don't call the police.

What am I supposed to do?

Wait a minute.

A car can get stolen anywhere.

When we get back to New York, we'll call
the police and tell them it was taken

out of your garage at home. And if they
find it down here, they'll think this is

where the thief left it. Come on, Carol.
I don't know. Carol.

Carol, we do not have room for doubters
right now. Don't let your emotions get

in the way.

Kara, this is when we get back to New
York. When we get back to New York, I'm

reporting the car stolen.

Fine.

Kara.

Kara, listen.

Cars come and cars go.

But, honey, that wretched concert's in
Baltimore.

What do you say?

I told you not to use the phone, and
you're wasting my money.

I didn't waste your money. I made a joke
on myself.

Oh, well, then that's comedy.

All right, fine.

Ready? Yeah, go ahead.

A horse and a pig.

Horse and a pig. That's a good setup.
You got the setup going. Yeah. The horse

jumped over the pig. There you go.

You'd laugh so hard, I'll be just... A
pig and a cow.

Pig and a cow.

The pig jumped over the cow, and the cow
said, you wouldn't do that if it was

summer.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

For my next joke. No more, no more next
joke.

Because these jokes are not funny. I
don't understand them. You're just

things and taking bows.

Comedy, knowing when to get off.

My parents are going away for the
weekend.

So fortunately, the house is empty now.
Yes.

My granddaughter and her friends were
supposed to come over, but the fireman

checked the house and said nobody was in
there.

That's the story from here. Only
property damage. No lives lost.

But now Vanessa said that she and the
girls are going to stay at Susan's house

until the concert.

Why don't you call some of the other
parents to see if they're over there?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

And... And even if they haven't heard
from them, we could always find out

the Wretched concert is in the city, and
we could go there and meet them.

The Wretched, Mom, did you say the
Wretched? Yeah, that's right. Well,

not playing in New York. They're not
allowed to play here. Last time they

here, they caused so much trouble, no
one will book them.

Oh, look, there's Frankie X on the TV
right now.

He's from the Wretched. In other
entertainment news, lead singer Frankie

at a news conference today that he
wanted to thank the citizens of

letting the Wretched play there tonight.
He promised to try...

Did he say that the wretched are in
Baltimore tonight?

That's what he said.

But Nessa went all...

thing in wilmington spilling out that
stupid police report we're gonna be a

of music history excuse me are you girls
all together yeah you need help finding

your seats yeah we're seated in section
a but we don't know where it is because

we've never been here before really you
from out of town yeah new york new

york oh you must really love the red

I'm going to take care of you. I'm with
the band.

You give me those tickets, and I'll take
you in through the special entrance.

Is it the same special entrance the
wretch had used?

The very one.

I'll get you some backstage passes.

Here, come on. Give me the tickets.
These are righteous seats.

Here, come on. Follow me.

and he told us he'd show us to our seat.
Then he took our tickets and ran off.

Was he wearing an ID tag like this one?

No. They've been trying to catch up with
that guy for months.

See, he goes up to people who look like,
you know, they don't know any better.

No offense.

And he gets their tickets, runs off and
he sells them. It's wild, man.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a
minute. You're saying our tickets are

Probably.

It's all over, girls. This wasn't meant
to be.

I said we'd just take a bus and go home.

Look, Danny, you're the treasure.

How much money do we have left?

Thank you, Lily.

Yes. If you hear any more, please call
me.

Bye.

Cliff, I don't know if you're ready for
this.

That was Kara's mother.

She just received a call from the police
department of Wilmington, Delaware.

It seems that Kara's brother's car was
found on the side of the road completely

stripped.

When they apprehended the thief, he
confessed to having stolen the car from

parking lot of a local donut shop.

So the police went to the donut shop,
and they spoke to the woman behind the

counter, who gave them a description of
four girls that fits the description of

our four girls, and said that they asked
her...

How do we catch the bus to Baltimore?

They don't even bother to call and
report that the car has been stolen. No,

get on a bus and go to Baltimore to be
with the wretched and have big fun.

I say we should get ourselves together
and go over to Susan's house and meet

Vanessa, because you know they're going
back there.

I want you to do me a favor.

From where my heels are to where I land,
I want you to mark how far I jumped.

All right, stay right there.

Okay, that's about eight feet. Eight
feet?

Add another three to that.

Because when we see Vanessa, that's how
far away from her I will have to be.

You

bring

yourself in this house right now.

And if you think that that 30 -minute
ride home was something, believe me...

building, dying of asphyxia, and you're
down in Baltimore having big fun.

Weren't you, Vanessa? Isn't that where
you were? Didn't you go down there to

Baltimore and have big fun, Vanessa?
Tell me, didn't you go for big fun?

Mom? Shut up!

Don't you dare open your mouth when I'm
asking you a question.

Rudy, go to bed.

I only hope that you can have this thing
mixed. Vanessa, I hope that one day you

come to realize exactly how it feels to
think that your child's life is in

danger. You have taken us from levels of
frenzy, panic, distress, and now that

we know you're okay, rage.

That's where we are right now, Vanessa.
We are in rage because we know that you

have been to Baltimore, Maryland, with
the wretched to have been.

Isn't that what you had, Vanessa?

Didn't you have big fun? Well, let's see
now. You had donuts.

Had donuts in Wilmington, Delaware.

Cliff, tell me, have you ever been to
Wilmington for donuts?

Not on the weekend.

There she is, sitting up in the local
donut shop in Wilmington, Delaware.

Sipping hot chocolate and eating crumbs
and the car gets stolen. Now, a normal

individual with half a gnat's brain
would have said, I'm going home now. But

you? Oh, no, not you. You and your three
friends put yourselves on a bus and go

joyride off to Baltimore.

All the way to Baltimore.

What were you thinking?

I wasn't thinking.

You got that right.

Did you really think that the four of
you could go off careening into the

and not one single parent would find out
about it? Did you really think that,

Vanessa?

Shut up!

Because I know what was going on. You
were off being wild and free with the

wretched and singing the wretched song.

Now, I know you told me about it in the
car, Vanessa, but just for the record,

one more time, how did it come to pass
that you did not get into the concert

with the wretched and the big fun?

to answer me when I ask you a question,
girl.

We gave our tickets to a man who said he
was with the band and he wasn't and he

stole them.

Someone stole Janet's wallet.

We ran away and we bumped into this guy,
Freddy Scurry, a friend of Janet's

brother and he gave us bus fare.

You're lucky to have found someone to
look at your little sorry selves and

pity on you.

Mom, I'm sorry.

Hurry. It'll never happen again.

Can I please just have my punishment?

Vanessa, please. Your father and I have
been through much too much this evening

to be sitting up here thinking about a
punishment for you right now.

But I'd like my punishment before I go
to bed.

Do yourself a favor and go to bed.

Okay?

And do me another favor, please.

If you're thinking about running away
from home, please don't take my car.

And there's just one more thing,
Vanessa, I have to say to you. You have

to us that you cannot be trusted.

It's going to be a very long time before
we even think of trusting you again.

Um, I said I was sorry.

This is not going to happen again. For
all I know, you are lying right now. Go

to bed!

do something about this child's honesty,
Cliff.

Now, how are we going to get Vanessa to
be honest about something she wants to

do when she knows darn good and well we
do not want her to do it?

And I say that tonight, before we put
head to pillow to rest in this house,

and I are going to figure this one out.

All right, Roy, you get the pad and the
pencil and bring them on. into the chuck

wagon and I'll fix some coffee and some
beans and a side of pork and we'll see

what we can do about catching all the
desperado.

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a
studio audience.