All language subtitles for The Cosby Show s05e26 57 Varieties

I don't know. It's kind of late to be
asking my parents about this. Well, if

think about it, a trip to Egypt on an
archaeological dig will be a part of

history. I mean, come on, Theo. How many
college students get a chance to do

something like this, huh? I know you
guys are right.

All right.

I'm going to ask them.

Mom! Dad!

They'll never go for it. Theo, you gotta
try. I mean, now is the best time in

our lives to do something like this. I
mean, we're young, we're single, and we

don't have a family tying us down.

I agree. If we don't do it now, we're
gonna end up like our parents. They

did anything when they were young.

Look, you don't wanna turn 50 and be
saying, man, I wish I went to Egypt to

with my buddies.

I had the chance, but I just let it slip
out of my grasp.

Now I'm old and lonely and bitter.

Living in the projects?

All right, I'll do it. I'll do it. All
right.

You guys, I can't do this.

There is no way my mom and dad are going
to give me $1 ,500.

Don't you have any savings?

I had $750 from my part -time job. My
mom and dad kicked in the other half.

I spent all the money I had.

Remember the damages to the house from
that party?

$500. All those parking tickets I got?

$325. Hey, Lou, how'd you get the money?
I got a grant.

You see, because I have a 4 .0 average
and my parents don't have much money,

eligible for assistance.

Your problem is you got the wrong
parents.

They're rolling in it.

Just because my parents are rolling in
it doesn't mean they're just going to

give me the money.

I can see my mother now.

$1 ,500?

You want us to give you $1 ,500?

And then my dad's going to say, That's a
lot of money for someone who only get

fees.

Tell them the trip will be very
educational and result in your getting

grades. No, I don't want to tell them
that.

Why? Because I'm going to have to get
higher grades.

And that's going to kill you? Come on.

Look, we'll even go in there with you
when you ask. The three of us will be

the three points of an ancient pyramid.

Thus, my friend, you will receive great
cosmic power.

Hey, Mom and Dad. I need to ask you guys
a question.

When you think back to the very
foundation of civilization, what period

out in your mind as the one you'd most
like to visit?

The one when your mother and I had no
children.

That was a very clever retort.

Okay, gentlemen, okay, speak up. Let's
get on with this. I do have a life to

live. Well, one of our professors is
putting together an archaeological dig

Egypt this summer, and I would really
like your permission to go.

Of course, go ahead.

I need $1 ,500.

Well, I think you better get a spoon and
go out in the backyard, son.

You want us to give you $1 ,500?

You know, $1 ,500 is a lot of money to
give somebody just making seeds.

I wouldn't need all this money from you
if it hadn't been for some unforeseen

expenses. Like what? When you threw a
party after we went away for the weekend

and then your friends busted all the
furniture and everything?

Or amassing over $300 in parking
tickets?

Exactly.

See, but those things were not my fault.

See, I didn't know all those kids were
going to show up at the party. And for

those first 15 parking tickets, they
never even sent me a notice.

Besides, most of the expense for this
trip to Egypt is the plane ticket. Now,

didn't make up the price for the ticket.

And I cannot help it if we just happen
to be so rich that I can't get a grant.

And I graduated from college, and we
went on to graduate school.

Graduated. We are rich.

You have nothing.

Dr. Huxtable, if you allow Theo to go on
this trip with two exemplary students

such as Lou and me, it can only have a
good influence on your son. That's

We'll straighten him out. If you two
could straighten out this.

There would be a small grant in it for
you.

Does that mean I can go?

No, we didn't say that.

No. First of all, we have to know
something about how long are you going

there? What are the conditions?

And will you be staying by yourself in
certain places? Things like that.

after all, you are just a C student.

No problem. I'll have Professor Grayson
talk to you guys. Dr. Huxville, Theo

will be better for this. I guarantee it.
I agree.

Okay. Let me put it to you this way. We
haven't said he's going to go.

But if he does, you two ought to be held
responsible.

And if he comes back the same as he was,
you owe us $1 ,500.

Professor Grayson. Hi, Theo.

Hi, can I ask you a question? Sure.

I was talking to my parents about the
trip to Egypt, and it seems like they

say yes, but I think I need someone to
talk to them to give them that extra...

Sure, I'd love to meet your parents in
person.

Well, how's tonight at 6 o 'clock?

All right, thanks.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Neil, how did you make out with
your parents? Did they give you the

to go on a trip to Egypt? I had no
problem. My dad even offered me more

I transferred to the University of
Cairo.

I think he was kidding.

How about you guys?

We're in, but Theo's still a question
mark.

He's in parental limbo. Yeah, but
they're going to decide after they talk

Professor Grayson. Hey, Dean, you going
to Egypt?

Boys, boys, Egypt?

I'm not spending my good money to go
someplace where it's 110 degrees and a

shade.

Last time we met, we were discussing the
contributions of black Africans on the

Egyptian civilization.

Now, the Kush kingdom ruled Egypt from
747 to 656 B .C. At that time, there

was a great mixture of cultures and
races coexisting in Egypt.

I guess I would have fit in very well
there.

Professor Grayton, are you Egyptian?

No, Mr. Hernandez, I'm not. Are you
Irish?

Please, do you think everybody's Irish?

Now, wait a minute. My great
-grandmother was Irish.

I knew she was a sister.

But I'm not only Irish.

There are two parts left. Does anybody
want to take a guess?

Jewish. No.

Native American.

That's right.

Cherokee. I'm Cherokee, too. I knew she
was a sister.

By the time this class is over, she'll
be everybody's sister.

There's one part left. Anybody?

Korean. No.

Japanese. No. Chinese.

No. Swedish. No, and I think you've used
up your turn.

Professor Grayson, I think I know the
last part.

African American.

Correct. Really?

Whoa.

So then, as an American, you represent
what was already here, what came over,

and what was brought over.

Not necessarily.

Some Irish were brought here as
indentured servants, so I could

was here, what was brought, and what was
brought.

Deeper?

Deeper? Hello, can you come in?

Rudy's upstairs.

Thank you.

Yes. Can I ask you something?

Yes. Do you have any job openings at
your law office?

Are you looking for a job?

No, my brother is.

Oh, he wants to change careers?

Yeah, he got fired from his job.

What happened?

He had a big date, so he borrowed the
company car.

The company car?

Yeah, he wanted to take us someplace
special.

Where'd they go?

Florida.

Kenny, don't you think that was a little
out of line, taking the company car and

going to Florida?

He bought it back with a full tank of
gas.

Realize, of course, that if your brother
did work at our law firm, he'd be

working for me.

That's okay.

But, Kenny, this is the brother that you
said never wanted to work for a woman.

I know, but he's desperate.

I might welcome the opportunity to have
your brother work for me.

All right.

Maybe if he does a really good job, you
could give him a promotion.

Then he can work for a man.

You know, your brother has poisoned your
mind against women.

And one of these days, you're going to
quote your brother to some woman who is

little less civilized than I, and she's
going to grab you by your ankles and

twirl you around in the air until those
caveman ideas come swirling out of your

ears. Is that what you want to have
happen?

No. I also suggest that you tell your
brother that if he comes into my office

spouting those muddle -headed ideas, I'm
going to become like that less

civilized woman.

Got it?

Yes, ma 'am. Good.

Mr. Huxtable?

Yes. Do you know if Dr. Huxtable has any
job open at his office?

Hey, look.

We'll spend two days in Giza.

That's where the Sphinx is.

Well, check this out. Students will also
visit Abydos.

That was the temple of Seti. He was the
father of Ramses II.

I hope we get to visit the Valley of the
Kings. That's where King Tut's tomb is.

Well, I hope we do better than that. I
hope we find some of King Tut's

treasures. Oh, you can forget about
that, because they cleared out the tomb.

There's nothing left.

Well, I know, but maybe there's some
treasures buried in the tombs of the

who worked for King Tut.

Like King Tut's tailor.

Or King Tut's babysitter.

They may have some gold statues buried
with them. Yeah, but Lou, even if you

found those things, you'd have to turn
them over to the government for

scientific research.

Wait a minute. You're telling me that if
I find a statue worth $8 million, I

gotta give it up to science?

That's right.

Well, let me ask you two a philosophical
question.

What if a Brinks truck was driving by
your house and the back doors opened up

and a sack of $1 ,000 bills landed on
your front steps? Now, would you give

up for science?

You can't compare an ancient statue to
new money.

Well, yes, I can. Both of them will buy
me a nice oceanfront condominium.

Well, they say if you steal something
from a mummy's tomb, you'll be cursed

the rest of your life. Lou, it's going
to be difficult for you to enjoy that

condominium if your back looks like a
tortoise shell and your face looks like

donkey.

I'll still party.

There we go.

Hey, now, don't touch it.

This is for Professor Grayson.

Not for you mooches. Mooches want
something, you go in the kitchen.

Dr. Huxtable, sometimes those remarks
hurt.

I call them the way I see them. You're a
moocher in the kitchen.

Dr.

Huxtable, I really think you're going to
like Professor Grayson. She's a

brilliant teacher.

But what I find most fascinating about
her is that her origins are very

difficult to ascertain.

Yeah, you'll never be able to figure out
what she is.

I would imagine that people like your
professor really get tired of people

walking up to them saying, what are you?

What are you?

I had a friend.

They were always bothering him with
that, man. They'd look at him, and

look, and then they'd say, What are you?
What are you? And finally, he just got

tired of me, and he said, I'm an
arachnid.

That's a spider.

I know what it is.

A -R -A -C -H -N -I -D.

Arachnid.

Dr. Huxtable, Professor Grayson does not
mind. She brought it up in the class

herself today.

Really?

Okay, then what is she? Ah, Matt
Sullivan. No, no, come on. You gotta

Come on, Huxtable. Don't you please ask
me.

Hello, Theo.

Hi, Professor Grayson. This is my dad,
Dr. Huxtable.

Professor Grayson? Hello.

Have a seat, please. Hi, Professor
Grayson. Howdy.

Howard, boo.

Well, Dad?

Well, what?

What is she?

Look, I am not going to sit around here
playing.

What is she? I know what you are, a
fool.

Okay, people ask me that all the time.

Go ahead and guess.

Go ahead and guess?

Guess? I would have to guess.

If you want me to guess, everybody wants
the good doctor to guess.

I'm fine.

You're a human being.

Dr. Huxtable, I believe that is called
stalling. Now, come on. We want you to

guess all parts of her background.

Yeah, all three parts.

Ha!

Okay. If it's all right, then let's hit
it.

I have a question first.

Let's say that you are running for
president, and you are going to address

town. I am the town, and I happen to
contain all three of the parts of which

you're made up of.

How can you make it significant to me?

This is a very clever question.

Thank you.

Let me see if I can't come up with a
speech.

My fellow citizens of the good town of
Grayson, I'm so happy to be here today.

Good. Looking out on your rolling green
hills. Mm -hmm. So well known for its

beautiful poetry.

Uh -huh, poetry.

And I know of your concern about
drilling rights.

Drilling. and the proper use of our
land's minerals and natural resources.

And I also know of your concern for
equality.

We will continue to work towards this
goal.

And if necessary, join hands and raise
our voices in freedom.

That was good.

I got every one of those references.

Dad?

Rolling Green Hills.

Rolling green hills.

Golf. Golf course rolling hills. See?
And

the Scottish people invented golf.

Now, something about drilling rights.

Texas once was Mexico.

And I should work for immigration, you
know.

We're talking about voices, raising
voices.

Mexican, and Italian.

Ha -ha!

Deal with it.

Hey, Dad.

Hey. Deal with old for three.

Really? No, come on. Really? Hello.

Hi.

Hello. You must be Professor Grayson.
Pleasure to meet you. Thank you. I'm

Claire Huxtable. This is my father -in
-law, Russell Huxtable. Delighted.

And this is our daughter, Vanessa.
Hello.

We're playing a little guessing game
here that Dad just totally failed.

Well, I had bad leaves.

Can you guess what Professor Grayson's
background is? Dad said Scottish,

Mexican, and Italian.

Oh, that is so silly.

How could you think something like that?

Give it a try. Let's see you go down in
flames.

Well, now, it's just obvious just
looking at Professor Grayson that she is

Native American.

Who? That's right.

Cherokee.

Lucky guess.

I think I see some strong Celtic
features in your face.

Are you by any chance part Irish?

Correct.

Dad? Yeah? You couldn't guess the last
one? It's so obvious.

Professor Grayson, you must be part
African American.

And that's correct also.

My brother.

The three of you could see all that just
from looking at her? That's right, son,

and we would have known it even if Theo
hadn't told us.

Okay,

okay. You all get out of here and take
Miss Hines' 57 varieties.

No, they're still thinking about it. I
hope you get to go.

The teacher's really nice.

I like her, too, no matter what her race
or culture is.

Well, that's very open -minded of you,
Kenny. It doesn't matter what background

a woman comes from, as long as she cooks
and has money.

Please.

I know why you want to go on that trip
to Egypt.

I'd go anywhere with Miss Grayson.

She wouldn't even give you a second
look.

By the way, Rudy, I'm not really
interested in her. I already have a

woman. Who?

You.

You do not have me. I'm just your
friend.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm not.

You know, my brother's the number catch.

Well, if I caught you, I'd throw you
back in the ocean.

Well, go ahead, because there's plenty
of fish in the sea.

And when the fish see you, they'll start
walking on land.

have to do this right here, right now?

This is a very tense time for me. I'm
waiting for Mom and Dad's decision, so

would you please leave?

Okay.

Come on, Mr. Katz. Let's move it.

No man will ever tame her.

We got it.

Mother and I have come to a decision,
all right?

We think that it's a wonderful thing for
you to spend the summer learning about

ancient civilization.

You do? Yeah. But we just don't want you
to limit it to Egypt. We would like for

you to broaden it a little bit.

All right. How would you like to see
other cultures? For instance, like you

the Pacific Islands, the Amazon
rainforest.

Do I have time for all that? Definitely,
because your mother and I would like to

buy you a membership to the Museum of
Natural History. Now, you take the

and every day you want to, you can go
right on down there and see up close all

of the cultures of Asia.

There you are, my boy, having a
wonderful time.

There he is.

Yeah. And do you know what else?

Gotcha!

Thank you. You were along with the best.
We hope to thank her now. Okay, okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Give
me my money back. Give me the $45 back.

That was just a joke now. Come on. You
know, Dad, it was a good joke, and you

got your money's worth.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio
audience.