All language subtitles for The Cosby Show s05e20 It Comes and It Goes

Winnie and Nelson, Mommy's here.

Oh, Winnie, please stop it. You're
making Nelson upset.

Oh, come on, please, you guys. You
haven't given me a moment's rest all

I need a cup of tea.

Now, all I ask is just for one cup of
tea.

You guys can cry for the rest of the
night if you just give me five minutes.

Hi, honey. I had the most fantastic day
today. In anatomy class, we were

studying the skeletal system, and the
professor asked if anyone could locate

incus bone, and guess who found it?

Mwah!

How was your day, huh? Oh, it was... Oh,
great. Oh, I've got to say hello to my

sweet little sleeping beauty.

Elvin, please don't be near the babies.
It took me over four hours to get them

to settle down. You just wake them up. I
won't wake them up.

But I'm their daughter. I want to touch
their noses and their toesies.

Stay away. I do not... want them to cry.

You've had a hard day, haven't you?

Hard? Elvin, I haven't had a moment to
myself since four o 'clock this morning.

Why don't you take a walk, Muffin?

Take a walk? As if that's going to solve
anything.

Is that what they're teaching you in
medical school to tell your patients to

take a walk?

And don't call me Muffin.

I'm sorry.

Puffin.

And don't call me Puffin. I hate that
even more than Muffin. I'm sorry,

May I call you Sandra?

Elvin, you don't know what I go through.

You're off at medical school every day
talking with people, discussing science

and life, and then you just come in
here, you pick up the babies, and then

say, hi, it's me, Dada, and then you
spin them around a few times, you put

back in their bassinets, and then you go
off and study.

You're tired.

You're exhausted.

Why don't you go to bed?

I'll cook dinner and take care of the
babies for the rest of the night.

Have you forgotten that we're going to
Mom and Dad's for dinner tonight?

We'll cancel.

But this is my only chance for a nice
dinner and some adult conversation.

We're going.

Of course we're going. Of course. And
I'll pack up the babies and we'll be on

our way right now. Okay?

Okay. I love you. I love you. I missed
you. I missed you.

They're just kidding, honey. Don't stop
them.

Look, please.

Now, my friend Homer said that he saw
someone who looked just like him in the

Paramus Mall.

Really? Yes.

Oh, you're as skeptical as the rest of
them. I'm telling you, Elvis is still

alive.

Did you really believe that? There's
lots of proof. A tourist from Holland

in an off -limits area of Graceland.

Now, he took a picture of the pool
house, and in the shadows was a man who

looked just like Elvis.

Elvis taking a little swim.

Absolutely loved the water.

Didn't you see blue Hawaii?

Get that, I'm leaving.

Oh, all right, well, have a good time.

I just wanted to talk to you about, I
got a big date with Justine. This is her

birthday. Well, good.

You give her my best.

That's kind of what I had in mind, Dad.

No.

No, see, your best is parked in the
garage, and I was wondering if I could

borrow the keys to it.

You want to borrow my car, please?

Come on, Heathcliff.

It's the girl's birthday. The boy's
trying to make a good impression.

I used to lend you my car, didn't I?

It's a good idea. Take your
grandfather's car.

It was your car he asked for.

Keys are in the coat.

Thanks, Dad. And do me a favor, please.

The way you borrow the car, that's the
way I want it returned.

And please turn the radio off when you
get back here. I don't want to be

frightened into some kind of fit when I
turn it off. You got it, Dad. Thank you.

Elvis wore a hat like that in Viva Las
Vegas.

To me, he looks like Zorro without the
waterfall.

Oh, no.

My in -laws. Who asked you all to come
over here?

Hello, Russell. How you doing? Hello,
Lester.

Oh, will you look at that?

Claire told me about the new couch. It's
lovely.

Oh, feel the fabric.

Cliffy, you dropped a bundle on this
one.

Hello, everybody.

Hello.

My grandchildren.

My great -grandchildren. I think it's
only fair that the oldest person in the

room should have the first kiss. Oh,

Russell, be prepared to give that baby
up now.

It is safe. Thank you. God, he still
smells new.

Oh, we're fine. Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear. It's good to see
you.

So, tell me.

How's med school, huh? Oh, that is
sensational. You know, we're studying

diseases of the vascular system. Yes.
Today we saw a film taken inside an

heart. That thing's beautiful when it's
pumping, isn't it? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And we're studying the
tricuspids and the Purkinje fibers. Yes,

please. But the best thing is that my
favorite... But enough about me, huh?

Have you guys noticed the sensational
pin that Sandra's wearing?

Did you say something, Alvin?

Yeah, I said, have you taken a look at
the pin that Sandra's wearing? Yeah,

that's a nice pin. Where'd you get it,
Sandra?

I forget.

Oh, honey, you remember we got it at
that little shop in Soho. Sandra picked

out all by herself.

Tell them how the salesgirl said you had
a real eye for jewelry.

The salesgirl said I had a real eye for
jewelry.

And then they're working you hard.
You're looking tired, man. Oh, Dad, it's

exhausting, but not as exhausted as I'd
be if I was taking care of two babies.

Has it been difficult, Sandra?

What do you care?

Claire,

you cooked a mean, mean jambalaya.
Claire didn't cook the jambalaya. I cook

jambalaya. You're not keeping it for too
salty? No.

All right, you men. Into the living
room, and we're going to get the coffee

dessert ready. If you men will wash the
dishes.

It's a deal.

When I first met Lester, he didn't know
how to do dishes.

He told me, on the island where I come
from, men don't do that.

And I told him, well, you're on the
island of Manhattan now, Buster, so get

that kitchen.

Come on, Lester, we're going to go where
the women do whatever the men say.

I'm going to make some coffee, Francine
and Tracy.

Okay, I'll get the cream.

This has been a wonderful evening.

I agree, but I did notice one person who
was not having a good time tonight. My

daughter -in -law. Well, I think I know
what's going on there.

She's having to spend a lot of time
alone with the babies now that Elvin's

medical school.

That poor child. I know what it was
having one, but twins? I can't imagine.

Hi. Hi, Sondra. Hi, sweetheart.

Come on over to the table and sit with
us.

Oh, no, that's okay. I'll just do these
dishes.

No, no, no. The men are going to do the
dishes, Sondra.

Oh, they don't have to. I'm good at it.
It's what I was put on earth to do.

You silly goose. Come over here and sit
down.

What's so funny? Welcome to the club.

What club?

Oh, it's called the... I didn't know it
was going to be like this after the baby

came. What did you think raising a child
would be like?

I don't know. I used to see babies in
the park and they were so cute and

I couldn't wait to have one.

I'd see Elvin and me playing with them
and then putting them to bed and then

sitting in front of the fire and
discussing their future.

You dug a nice little hole for yourself.

I know.

It's nothing like that. I'm up all day.
I'm up all night. I'm up all the time.

No.

And then Elvin comes home. He plays with
them for five minutes and then he

sticks his nose in a book.

Uh -huh.

I'm getting stuck with the dirty work,
and he's off getting a medical degree.

Uh -huh.

Well, I'll tell you one thing, Daddy Dr.

Elvin. Uh -oh. You'd better do darn well
in medical school, because after what

you have put me through, I am going to
dump those kids on you, and then you can

take care of them and try and see what
it's like to run a practice and raise

kids while I go to law school.

All right, Josh.

What's the matter?

The women are worked up about something
in there.

Uh -uh.

about something. Now, what did you do?

Why does it have to be me?

Because we've been married longer. The
women don't expect as much from us.

Sandra and I did have a little argument
today over the babies.

Maybe she's still upset about that. I'll
go talk to her.

You're losing your mind.

What is it, Dad?

Going in there.

He's right. You've got four mothers in
that room at the same time.

It's like a pressure cooker. And you
know what happens when you take the lid

a pressure cooker?

You go in there now,

we'll have to peel you off the ceiling.

have a Princeton degree.

Do you know how hard it is to get a
Princeton degree?

3 .7 grade point average?

I tried to tell him.

I used to discuss psychology.

I mean, the most interesting thing I say
these days is goo -goo -ga -ga -gee

-gee -poo -poo.

I mean, this is what I am looking at for
the rest of my life.

And another thing. Okay, okay, enough.

Oh, Grandma, you told me to let it out.
Yes, but while you were letting it

out... I got to thinking about all the
things I still have inside of me. Well,

Anna, maybe you should let it out.

Don't hold back.

Four days after we had Heathcliff,
Russell was on the road with the jazz

caravan. I would kiss him goodbye at the
door, and he'd come home from work nine

and a half weeks later. He was a jazz
musician, Anna. He had to earn a living.

Every now and then, your grandfather
would send me a letter with clippings of

his reviews.

Slide Huxtable plays the sweetest
trombone this side of heaven.

Slide Huxtable wows them in Peoria.

They should have been my reviews.

Anna Huxtable wows them, washes 50
diapers in one day.

It's just not working out the way it was
supposed to. I mean, Sandra and I

talked about this. We agreed. She was
going to raise the children while I was

med school. Then after I got my practice
going, she would go to law school.

I'm holding up my part of the bargain.
What is the problem?

Gentlemen, have you ever spent an entire
day at home with a baby?

No. She won't let me near them.

Every time I do anything with them, she
tells me I'm doing it wrong.

Well, welcome to the club.

It's a club where husbands do nothing
right. We've been through all that.

Every one of us.

Welcome aboard.

Here's what happens. We come home.

and they complain that they've had to do
all this and we've done nothing. So

then we say, all right, stand back, let
me do it. And they say, no, you can't do

that. You're doing this wrong. We never
do anything right.

Yes. If you pick up the baby, they'll
tell you you're doing it wrong. That's

right. If you feed the baby, they'll say
you're giving it too much.

On the button. If you give the baby less
food, they'll say you're starving it.

Absolutely.

So what am I supposed to do?

Nothing. You do whatever the mother
wants you to do.

But what am I supposed to do when she
says all those nasty things about me?

Take it. Take it. Take it. Take it.

But what am I supposed to do when she
tells me I did things wrong with the

that I didn't even do?

Take it.

Elvis. Yes, Rudy.

Where's Daddy and the nephews? We want
to play with them. They're upstairs in

Mom and Dad's room, honey.

Listen, if they're asleep, don't wake
them up.

We won't. And remember, their babies
don't bounce them.

Look at her tiny little hand.

Yeah, I thought you did everything good.

What? My brother says that the baby is
the greatest gift a woman can give a

Give a man?

A woman does not give a man a baby.

They share it.

No, they don't. She gives it to him.
Then he lends it back to her to raise

When I have my baby, I'm going out and
get a good job at my...

than staying home with the baby.

Looks like you won't be having babies.

Yes, I will, and I have a good job, too.

That's the problem with the world today.
Too many women working.

They mess things up.

No, we don't. Well, my brother works for
a woman, and she's always on him. If

he's a half hour late or he falls asleep
at his desk, she's all over him.

I'm never going to work for a woman.

Well, then you're never going to work,
because we're everywhere.

I'll get a job building houses.

Women do that.

Then I'll dig ditches.

Women do that.

Then I'll join the army.

We're in the army, too.

We can do everything you can do, only
better.

See, that's the end of it. It's up to
you.

You can make things a lot more peaceful
around the house.

It should just help out a little bit
more. Let me tell you one simple thing.

When Sandra was three and Denise was
one, I saw in Claire's face, I mean,

despair. And no matter what I said or
what I did.

So I said, I have to do something.

It was a weekend, Memorial Day.

And I said, dear.

You stay here, do whatever you want to
do. I'm taking these children away from

you for an entire weekend.

I took the children, put them in the
car, and we drove all the way up to

Took them fishing.

Every place I went, I put them by my
side. Now, their mother would have had a

fit the way I had them there, but they
never rolled off into the water.

Now and then a leaf would fall on the
face, you know, something like that. But

it was nothing that hurt anything. I'm
fishing. I catch a fish, and I would

it. Then I would take all of the bones
off, and then I would mash the fish.

Just mash it, and then mash the potato,
and mash the turnips, mix them all up.

Just like baby food, man. And they loved
it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my babies
very much.

It's just that it's so hard. If you
think it's hard now, wait until these

children get older. Yes, then you'll
belong to a new club.

It's called My Baby for Teenagers and I
Wish My Life Was Over Club.

Please don't remind me, Anna. I'm still
in that club.

Of course, Anna and I are in the best
club.

It's called They're Out of the House and
I'm Only Stuck with My Husband Club.

Yeah.

But husbands can't surprise you now.

I remember once I'd had my fill of
babies. You were three, Denise was one,

were all over the place, and I was
climbing the wall.

Well, Cliff must have sensed that I was
burnt out, so he took you girls off for

a long weekend.

Really? I don't remember. That's because
you were too young, but I will never

forget it. It was the Memorial Day
weekend of 1967, late in the day. Cliff

packed you two girls up in the station
wagon, and off you went on a fishing

to Maine.

Wait a minute. He told you that? Uh
-huh. Because it was around 8 o 'clock

Friday evening, Cliff showed up at my
house with your daughters who were

their heads off.

He stopped by your house.

Stopped? He begged me to take the girls
off his hands.

He did.

He said, Mom, I can't stop them from
crying. Would you please just take them

a weekend? The girl spent the weekend
with you? The whole weekend.

I would have called you, but Cliff told
me that you were at a class reunion at

Hillman.

Cliff, darling, could you come into the
kitchen, please?

Now?

Uh -oh.

There's the call to glory.

What is it, my little turtle dove?

Welcome into this den of evil women.

Yes.

Thank you. What is going on? I'm sitting
around here talking, and I'm telling

everybody what a good husband and father
you were. And I was telling Sandra

about that time you took her and Denise
on a fishing trip. Yeah, I was just

telling your husband about that. The
fishing trip Memorial Day? With the

Yeah, well, what Memorial Day are you
all talking about?

The year was 1967, Cliff, and there's
only one Memorial Day a year. Yes, I

there's only one Memorial Day. Everybody
knows that. I mean, tell me something

that I don't know.

Well, why don't you tell Sandra about
that? Now, you must remember, because

told me you had the girls laying out in
the sun on the sea, and you caught the

fish and smashed them up so that the
girls would have something to eat.

Yeah, well, I don't like to brag, dear.
Cliff, why don't you tell Sandra how you

stopped by my house and dropped her off?

Mother, there are a lot of times when
the children and I went places.

We were free spirits at the time.

Only one fishing trip. And you dropped
those babies over at my house and

shamelessly went on your way fishing and
lying.

Say to your mother about your wife's
whereabouts class reunion indeed.

Yeah, but that was because she was
crying all the time. I put her in the

the car and she started crying. She was
hitting these high -pitched notes and I

didn't know if she was going to go
higher. And then Denise started to not

so good.

And they just didn't know what to do. So
I went by my mother's house, and she

said, what are you doing? And they said,
oh, there's the beautiful children.

That's what you said. There's the
beautiful children. And then you said to

leave these babies here, and why don't
you just go fishing? Now, I wasn't

serious. As soon as I got it out of my
mouth, you kissed me and darted out the

door on your way to the main.

Oh, after hearing this story, I think a
lot more of Melvin.

At least he tells me the truth. Dad, you
should be ashamed.

Well, can I take the dessert to the men?

No.

And get out, get out.

Get out faster.

Cliffy, what happened inside there?

Oh, the women are in there discussing
the man's role in raising children, and

they wanted my expertise.

So, Cliff, you really straightened the
women out. Hey, I was brutal.

I told them where to pick it up and
where to lay it down.

That was a good thing we had you in
there, Cliff.

Yeah, but you know what? What you're
telling us doesn't sound anything like

we heard when we were standing by the
door there listening.

You were standing by the door listening?
We heard every word.

Elvin, may I see you in here, please?

Yes, Sandra.

Don't forget.

Take it.

Take it. Take it. Take it.

He's taking it.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio
audience.