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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,640 day of shopping. Did you get everything you wanted? No. 2 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:24,840 Hmm. 3 00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:26,180 Hoagie. 4 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:29,320 What happened? 5 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,320 Oh, we had a fight in Grindel's department store. 6 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:33,598 About what? 7 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:34,600 Mega woman. 8 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:37,620 Mega what? 9 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:42,040 Mega woman. She's a doll. She's the latest rage. The woman can stop laser 10 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:46,240 and walk through walls. She has a galactic necklace, a power ring, and an 11 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,240 -matter suit. 12 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:51,620 And I would imagine that these items are sold separately. 13 00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:58,360 Yes. And not only that, there's a whole family of them. There's a mega girl, 14 00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:01,420 there's a mega boy. She's married to a mega man, and they all drive around all 15 00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:03,020 day. And a mega mobile. 16 00:02:05,380 --> 00:02:06,740 You should see what they cost. 17 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,400 Mega bucks. 18 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:16,800 A little doll this size cost $9. I said, Rudy, I just bought you a doll. I'm not 19 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,800 buying you another doll. 20 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:19,760 Rudy had a mega fit. 21 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:26,380 And I'm sure that you took out your anti -fit galactic shield 22 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,200 and saved the day. 23 00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:32,880 Yes, I did. 24 00:02:37,060 --> 00:02:40,460 Guess who called today? 25 00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:44,140 Who? Okay, I'll give you a hint. Is this Dr. 26 00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:46,700 Heathcliff combustible? 27 00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:50,750 Oh, no, you don't mean Colonel Turner. 28 00:02:54,290 --> 00:02:57,150 Colonel Sanford B. 29 00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,650 Tailwind Turner. You want some mustard? 30 00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:01,650 Dah! 31 00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:07,730 Vanessa took the message, and he said he would call me sometime after lunch, and 32 00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:08,730 I know what he wants. 33 00:03:09,170 --> 00:03:10,970 A rematch. 34 00:03:11,230 --> 00:03:14,810 Oh, Cliff, you are not seriously considering running against this man 35 00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:16,470 Absolutely. 36 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,180 Cliff, you have such a short memory. 37 00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:23,760 Last year after that race, you spent three days in bed, and I was the one who 38 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:27,240 had to fill the ice packs with ice, and I was the one who didn't get any sleep 39 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,380 because every time you turned over, I was the one who had to hear old Claire 40 00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:33,040 Malaise. Claire, Claire Malaise. Malaise, Malaise. 41 00:04:12,110 --> 00:04:13,570 So why ruin that? 42 00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:26,530 Why ruin it by running a race? The only thing I'm going to ruin is his pride. 43 00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:29,670 But, honey, you did that last year when you won. 44 00:04:29,910 --> 00:04:32,150 No, we didn't win, dear. It was a tie. 45 00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:34,110 No, it was not. Cliff, you won. 46 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:35,650 Hey. 47 00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:39,710 Denise. What? The relay race your father ran last year, who won? 48 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,010 No, but it was a tie. 49 00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:43,430 I told you it was a tie. 50 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:44,850 It was not a tie. 51 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:54,310 It was a tie. Don't listen to the child. She didn't have a good seat. She 52 00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:55,350 couldn't even see the finish line. 53 00:04:55,650 --> 00:04:58,650 Then we'll play the tape of the race. Come on. We don't have to play the tape, 54 00:04:58,690 --> 00:05:01,190 Cliff. I mean, really, it's quite all right. We don't have to play the tape. 55 00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:02,750 Denise. 56 00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:05,970 Denise, I told you never to say it was a tie. 57 00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:11,550 Honey, we just saw this tape last night. Really, we don't need to see it again. 58 00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:14,170 Yeah, Dad, I was mistaken. You won your relay race. 59 00:05:14,410 --> 00:05:17,290 You know, we've seen this tape over a thousand times. It's a wonder the thing 60 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:18,290 still in one piece. 61 00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:21,009 Sit down. 62 00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:22,010 Dad. 63 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,590 Now, 64 00:05:24,010 --> 00:05:26,970 turn this thing on. 65 00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:44,230 and he's still coming. Now watch this. You are winning, Cliff. Look, look, 66 00:05:44,230 --> 00:05:45,230 You're winning. No, no, no, no. 67 00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:48,170 You're winning. 68 00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:56,450 No, no, no. Let your hair come. All right, now slow it down. 69 00:05:57,610 --> 00:05:58,610 Bow. 70 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,409 You won. 71 00:06:01,410 --> 00:06:02,269 Tie. 72 00:06:02,270 --> 00:06:03,310 It was a tie. 73 00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:04,669 You won. 74 00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:06,790 What's that? Okay, I'll run it again. No. 75 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:15,250 I just finished running the tape of my race. Really? Yeah. How come nobody 76 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,250 called me? 77 00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:20,490 Well, sit down. I'll run it again for you. Oh, well, I can't. I have to go to 78 00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:23,230 Cockwood's house, and he does not like it when I'm late. Hey, I'll drive you. 79 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:24,730 Bye. 80 00:06:25,430 --> 00:06:31,890 You know, I'm looking at the shape I was in then, and I can see how he caught 81 00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:34,730 me. But this year, I am ready. 82 00:06:35,030 --> 00:06:36,290 Cliff, what are you trying to prove? 83 00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:39,990 You're a bunch of middle -aged men running around a track trying to 84 00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:40,889 your youth. 85 00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:45,210 No, not really. You're only as young as you feel. It's all in the mind. 86 00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:48,570 Oh, well, I'm glad to know that. That's where I'll put the ice packs next time. 87 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,129 That's him. 88 00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:56,290 Okay. All right, Cliff, you want to race, you race. But I am out of it. 89 00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:58,570 You're out of it? Oh, you teared it. 90 00:07:02,270 --> 00:07:03,270 Huxtable residence. 91 00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:07,930 Is this Heathcliff Huxtable? Is this Tailwind Turner? 92 00:07:09,190 --> 00:07:10,190 The man? 93 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,760 I fought off in the relay race last year. 94 00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:17,460 Let me remind you of the rules of track, sir. The person that crosses the finish 95 00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:18,480 line first is the winner. 96 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:19,740 That was me. 97 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,640 But I have news for you. 98 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,540 I'm in shape this year. 99 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:28,020 I don't want to run against you. I want you to run with me in a race for 100 00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:29,300 charity. Do what? 101 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,800 Scott Oakley can't run. I want you to take his place on our relay team. 102 00:07:34,180 --> 00:07:36,280 Uh, hold the phone just one second. 103 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:45,780 He doesn't want to run against me. He wants me to run. 104 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,180 But he wants me to. 105 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,840 It's you and me together? 106 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,100 Together at the Penn Relays. 107 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,640 Penn Relays. 108 00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:17,000 He wants me to run with him in the pen. 109 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:25,460 Thousands of people rooting for me at the pen relays. It's all my 110 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:27,100 life I've wanted to run. 111 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,900 He wants me to run the anchor leg. 112 00:08:45,580 --> 00:08:48,800 Dear, that's the leg of honor and glory. 113 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:52,360 In... 114 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:59,400 Well, 115 00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:03,380 who are we running against? 116 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:07,440 That's the beautiful part. You're running against Charlie Stevenson. 117 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:11,020 Stevenson set the conference record in the Southeast? 118 00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:12,820 When we were in college. 119 00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,700 When was the last time you saw him? 120 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:19,720 Well, Tailwind, it's got to be, what, 30 years, I guess, I saw him. 121 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:27,320 He was about 5 '10", weighed 160 pounds, and all legs, that's what I remember. 122 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,420 Now he's 5 '10", both ways. 123 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,480 Really? 124 00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:39,700 Well, I'm sorry, I need some time to think it over. 125 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:42,540 I need to know now. I accept. 126 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,320 Welcome aboard. 127 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,520 Thank you. 128 00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:06,920 Dear, Tailwind Turner, the fastest man in the world, 129 00:10:06,980 --> 00:10:09,620 is going to hand off... 130 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,020 To me, combustible, huxtable. 131 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:17,100 The fastest man in the universe. 132 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,900 Fast? Fast. 133 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,260 Faster than the speed of light? 134 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,640 Faster than the speed of light. 135 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,840 Good, then you'll be too fast for the camera and there won't be a tape. 136 00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:58,840 have known to do that. 137 00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,660 You know who else could run fast? 138 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:03,680 Who? 139 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,400 Mega Woman. 140 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:10,560 I don't know her. 141 00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:12,760 You would like her. 142 00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:15,920 She could stop laser beams. 143 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,560 Really? And breathe underwater. 144 00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:20,260 Oh, she's a fish. 145 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:38,580 of money please please if you get me this you'll never have to give me 146 00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:44,440 else again you mean if i buy you this mega woman i don't have to buy you 147 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:50,740 gift present or anything for the rest of my life right why i like this deal yes 148 00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:55,280 indeed oh there's mom we'll ask mom 149 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:11,280 I don't have a job. 150 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,020 I'll get one. Doing what? 151 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,560 Cleaning up my room. 152 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,420 You already do that for free. 153 00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:20,240 No, wait a minute, Cliff. Suppose Woody does extra work around the house. We 154 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,039 could pay him for that. 155 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,040 What do you want me to do? 156 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,280 Paint the kitchen. 157 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,700 No, no, no, no, no. You can start by helping me clean out the cupboards. 158 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:30,680 Okay. I'll do it for $9. 159 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,780 It paid 50 cents. 160 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:36,240 I'll take that. 161 00:12:46,030 --> 00:12:47,030 He wanted to get some sprints in. 162 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:48,190 I thought he ran this morning. 163 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:50,870 He did. But it's the day before the race. He wanted to work out twice. 164 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,270 Twice a day? 165 00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:54,710 Should he be doing that? I mean, he's almost 50. 166 00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:56,630 He's just 49. 167 00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,450 50 is right around the corner, though. Are you trying to say the 50's old age? 168 00:13:00,890 --> 00:13:01,890 Well, yeah. 169 00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:04,890 Well, then what's middle age? 170 00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:06,950 Um, 25. 171 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,750 Well, then what does that make me? 172 00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:13,590 Just right. 173 00:13:16,270 --> 00:13:17,270 I just said that. 174 00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:18,650 I finished acting. 175 00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:20,390 Good. 176 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:25,490 Can I have my 25 cents now? As soon as I inspect your work. 177 00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:27,930 Okay. Theo, you owe me a dollar. 178 00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:29,149 For what? 179 00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:30,350 I cleaned out your closet. 180 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:31,750 I didn't ask you to. 181 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,050 But I already did it. You owe me a dollar. 182 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,570 Rudy, I'm not giving you a dollar. 183 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:38,910 Then I'm messing it up. 184 00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:40,530 Mess you up? 185 00:13:40,870 --> 00:13:41,930 Get away from me! 186 00:13:42,410 --> 00:13:43,710 All right, you two. 187 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,200 story each other. 188 00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:47,840 Mom, we're back. 189 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,340 No, Dad, that is not the way we act. You do. 190 00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:55,580 What are you talking about? 191 00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,780 Dad was acting all weird in the car. 192 00:13:58,220 --> 00:14:04,780 Weird? All I did, dear, was act the way my children act sometimes when they're 193 00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:06,140 in the car and I'm driving. 194 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:11,920 Well, she was driving, I'm sitting on the passenger side, and so I decided to 195 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:18,030 turn the radio up loud. and i had the sound going so it's bouncing all over 196 00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:20,730 car and i just sat there and i was just 197 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:26,270 here's dad okay 198 00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:33,490 sounds 199 00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:37,590 like the three of you had a good time you should have seen dad at this track 200 00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:39,990 was great talk slow talk slow 201 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,760 real handsome. Thank you very much. You're welcome. 202 00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:51,520 We were very proud that he was our dad. 203 00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:53,540 Until he got into the car. 204 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,340 Thank you for the ride. 205 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:02,080 I saw 19 today. 206 00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:09,820 19? I was resting, recovering from my 400, and this 19 -year -old boy 207 00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:13,460 was running the quarter, just practicing. 208 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,820 And he went past me. 209 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,660 And I just watched it. 210 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,480 19. 211 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:29,740 And it had speed, it had power, it had bounce. 212 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 19. 213 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,900 Cliff, do you want to be 19 again? 214 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,100 Only if you'll be 19 with me. 215 00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:45,460 Sure. And the children could be 49. 216 00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:10,580 combustible axle. 217 00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:16,660 Look at that stride, ladies and gentlemen. 218 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,680 No one's ever seen a stride on a man this old before. 219 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,380 Ladies and gentlemen. 220 00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,820 Cliff. Yes, dear. 221 00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:28,620 What time is it? 222 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,660 It's ten and a half hours before the race. 223 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,180 Are you nervous? 224 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:36,720 No, just excited. 225 00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:41,130 Are you disappointed that the children won't be there? 226 00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:43,010 Oh, no, because I asked Dr. 227 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:49,150 Morrison to film the whole thing from the time that I get on the field to the 228 00:16:49,150 --> 00:16:54,090 time I take my victory lap so that they can see it whenever they want to. 229 00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:56,450 Or you can see it whenever you want to. 230 00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:04,010 I'm so excited about going there. You know, I could run down to Philadelphia 231 00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:05,010 right now. 232 00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:09,849 The only thing about it is the speed limit is 55, and I might get it. 233 00:17:13,730 --> 00:17:17,010 If we have a long drive tomorrow, honey, we have to start early in the morning. 234 00:17:17,230 --> 00:17:20,849 I don't need sleep. My body is well -tuned. 235 00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:24,490 Yes, I must admit, you are looking good. 236 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:39,320 are looking real good. 237 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,060 Well, I'm sorry I'm an athlete. 238 00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:05,140 company team. 239 00:19:29,439 --> 00:19:34,260 The anchor legs of the race will be run by Heathcliff Huxtable and Charlie 240 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,260 Stevenson. 241 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,700 Struggling to get the baton to Charlie Stevenson. 242 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,700 Huxtable moving out to a big lead. 243 00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:08,660 Wait a minute. There seems to be a substitute for Charlie Stevenson. We 244 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:11,300 have the name of the runner. Run the anchor leg for the company team. 245 00:20:51,530 --> 00:20:52,870 She's going to catch us, fool. 246 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,040 I ran against an Olympic champion. 247 00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:38,720 I think you should be very proud of yourself. You ran a good race. 248 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:44,100 Yes, I did. Yes, you did. Yes, I did. My favorite part was the look on your face 249 00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:47,220 when you realized that it was a woman who had passed you. 250 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:53,120 And then the look on your face when you realized that the woman was Valerie 251 00:21:53,120 --> 00:22:00,040 Briscoe Hooks. Well, they had to get a three -time Olympic medal winner to 252 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,040 beat me. 253 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,380 and when she passed me, pet me on my boom -boom. 254 00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:15,600 Because she couldn't resist that fine -tuned body. 255 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,220 How do you feel about what they did to you? 256 00:22:20,580 --> 00:22:21,580 Oh, are you kidding? 257 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:26,220 Tailwind set me up so good. I looked at him, I started laughing. 258 00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,100 Oh, I'll tell you what. 259 00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:32,720 For 30 seconds, I thought the people were cheering for me. 260 00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:35,140 And then the next 30 seconds... 261 00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:37,160 I knew they were laughing at me. 262 00:22:39,860 --> 00:22:41,700 I felt pretty good about this. 263 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:44,400 Yes? Who is it? 264 00:22:45,060 --> 00:22:46,240 Rudy! Come in. 265 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,300 Mega Woman wanted to say goodnight. 266 00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:52,060 Well, goodnight, Mega Woman. 267 00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:56,440 And how is Mega Woman enjoying her new home? 268 00:23:12,130 --> 00:23:15,210 apart from her family, do we? No. 269 00:23:16,270 --> 00:23:22,090 So I think that tomorrow you 270 00:23:22,090 --> 00:23:28,630 and I will get up and go down to the toy store 271 00:23:28,630 --> 00:23:31,950 and give her back to her family. 272 00:24:00,010 --> 00:24:02,890 The Cosby Show is taped in front of a live studio audience. 19581