All language subtitles for The Cosby Show s02e13 The Auction

What are you doing?

Icing my cake.

Your cake?

Yeah. He made it all by himself from
scratch.

Aren't you the same guy who said it's a
man's job to go out and club the

antelope and a woman's job to stay in
the cave and cook it? Yeah, but that was

the old Elvis. See, since we've gotten
back together, Elvis decided that his

attitudes about women could stand some
improvement. Oh, that's right. And I

thought that one way of becoming more
sensitive and understanding as a man

be to experience what it's like doing
woman's work.

Did I say something wrong?

This is not women's work. My dad cooked.
A lot of men cook.

I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that.

Oh, Denise, Elvin just started working
on his attitudes.

We can't expect him to change overnight.

Sandra!

Yeah, Rudy?

You promise you won't get mad?

What did you do?

I stole your nail polish.

Okay, well, go clean it up.

In your suitcase.

You know what? Your cake looks pretty
good. Thanks. What is it?

Chocolate chocolate chip.

Hey. Hey, Dad.

Albert. Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

What are you doing here? He's doing
woman's work, Dad.

I drove Sandra home from Princeton this
morning, and when I got here, I decided

to stay and bake a cake.

I'm doing this because I think it'll
help me be more understanding and

as a man.

Why'd you bake the cake?

I want Mrs. Huxtable to like me.

Mrs. Huxtable likes you. No, she
doesn't. She doesn't. Every time I'm

she gets mad at me. Well, it's your
attitude, son.

Well, I'm trying to change, but, Dr.
Huxtable, between you and me, it's not

my fault.

Oh? Well, you know how women are.

They're emotional.

You say one little thing, and it sets
them off.

Then they start talking without
thinking.

This cake is for Mrs. Huxtable? Yes.
This better be a good cake.

You'll find out at dinner. Well, what
kind is it? Chocolate, chocolate chip.

Aha.

Now, my suggestion is, Alvin, that
before you try this out on Memphis

and the rest of the family, you should
have someone sample this.

Would you? Well, I... You know, I
just... Do you want me to?

Yes, sir, please.

Well, I... I just happen to like
chocolate.

Chocolate chip cake, you see. I'm glad.

And I happen to be an authority on this.
I didn't know that. Oh.

I'll have to cut it again, I guess.

extra dense.

Oh, yeah.

It seems to have some sort of humanness
to it.

I don't think so.

I want Mrs. Huxtable to eat that. What
am I going to do with it? I don't know.

You're too far from the ocean.

I'll think of something. Oh, Albert.

Oh, Albert.

Cliff?

Hey. Cliff, come here. You are not going
to believe this. Sit down.

What's the matter? Now, somebody at work
had this catalog today, right?

I am thumbing through this thing at
lunchtime, and I found this.

Ellis Wilson.

Yes, my great uncle. Alice Wilson is in
this book? Yes.

This painting used to hang in my
grandmother's house. Cliff, when I was a

girl, I used to spend hours looking at
it. And tomorrow, it is being sold at an

auction. And I want it.

Yeah, it says here the price is $7 ,000
to $9 ,000, dear.

Well, yeah, that's the estimated price,
$7 ,000 to $9 ,000. But, Cliff, I really

want it.

Really? Well, it's an auction, you know.
I mean, it could go for hire.

Dear, I'm with you.

No, Cliff, I want to buy it by myself.

See, it's been out of the family for 30
years now, and I want to be the one who

gets it back.

Sold. Great.

And I want to see it hanging right here
over this fireplace.

You get it at the auction.

I will hang it.

Hi, Mrs. Huxtable.

Well, hello, Alvin. I didn't know you
were here. Yeah, Alvin drove Sandra home

from Princeton.

Why are you wearing my apron?

I'm trying to learn how to cook.

You? Yes.

In fact, I baked you a cake.

but I accidentally dropped it on the
floor. Oh, that's terrible.

Well, it's a thought that counts.

That's true.

Maybe I could cook dinner for all of you
sometime.

No, I don't think that's a good idea.

I think it's a lovely idea.

No, I don't think that you think that
that's a good idea.

I think it's a lovely idea, and you can
cook dinner tomorrow night after the

auction. Auction? Yes. Tomorrow we're
going to an art auction, and we're

this.

Hey, that's an Ellis Wilson.

Oh, you know his work? Sure.

I'm an art major.

He's one of my favorites.

Well, that's Mrs.

Huxtable's great -uncle. You're kidding!

That painting used to hang in my
grandmother's house.

Well, how did it turn up in an auction?

Well, my grandmother was old. She was
sickly, you know, had a lot of medical

bills, was proud, didn't want to come to
anybody in the family, so she just sold

it without telling anybody.

Dr. Huxtable, I think it's wonderful
you're buying this painting for your

I'm buying the painting.

Did Dr. Huxtable say it was okay?

I understand your thinking.

You see, in your mind, it's okay if Dr.
Huxtable buys this painting because he

works it. He's a man, right?

Right. Well, I work.

And it's okay if I buy this painting,
too. But not because he says so, but

because it is so.

Okay? Okay.

Okay. May I still cook dinner tomorrow
night? No.

looking forward to it i don't mean to do
these things they just they just come

out i understand son it's it's sort of
like talking and not thinking first yeah

i do that yeah i get that from my mom

you you you want to

cook yes i do okay well do you know how
to cook anything all i know how to make

is chocolate no no you don't you don't

Now, is there something else you know
how to do? Oh, salad.

Stay with the salad, boy.

Okay. Now, I'll show you something
special. We're going into the kitchen.

Now, if you will just pay attention to
me. You want to impress Mrs. Huxtable,

don't you? Very much. All right. Now, my
boy, you are going to learn from me.

You're going to fix Dr.

Huxtable's secret spaghetti sauce.

Is it hard to make? No, indeed.

See, it comes out of the jar.

You understand?

Yes, yes.

Dr. Huxtable's secret spaghetti sauce is
actually Mrs.

Farber's hot and spicy barbecue sauce.

But that's not really cooking, is it? It
is cooking. Although you get the jar,

it's what you add to the sauce that
makes it work.

You understand what I'm saying? First of
all, you make yourself look like a

cook.

about this size.

Put water in them.

People think you're cooking when they
see steam.

Now, you'll put all kinds of leaves and
spices and herbs and tree stems in

all of these pots.

Garlic, anything that gives off an
aroma.

Now, you'll have the lid on. This is
bubbling and steam and trees brewing.

Wow, they come out.

Meanwhile, just in the little thing over
on the side.

Mrs. Farber's hot and spicy.

Now, you don't want anybody to see your
tricks.

You know, you understand?

You're the chef, see? You know, and when
they're from far away, you'll see them

peeking through doors and you stand and
you just, you have nothing in you. Just,

you know, what?

You know, and do like that. And keep
your arm bent like this, you know.

And then always, and always, every once
in a while, go down here and come back

up again.

Never look like you can't find
something. Don't stand, you know,

will give me, oh, he's lost something.
But this will be, you got to steam.

And do a lot of this.

You got it? Mrs.

Farber's Hot and Spicy.

Barbecue sauce. With a little herbs and
bushes.

Okay, I'll give it a try. All right.

But, Dr. Huxtable, I'm still worried. Uh
-huh. Even if I make a great sauce, I

still might say something stupid to Mrs.
Huxtable at dinner. When you say

something dumb, like you usually do, get
up

from the table, son, and you come back
here. You understand?

And you go out through this door here
and keep going.

Hey, son, all ready for the auction?

I think so. How do I look?

You look good.

I know that, but do I look good?

Yeah, you look good.

Cockroach said these auctions are really
fancy.

He said everyone drives up on
limousines, and when they get out,

tuxedos and mink coats, and they're
eating caviar.

Now, when did Cockroach go to an
auction?

Well, he didn't, but he saw one in a
James Bond movie.

Oh.

You know what else he said?

He said every woman there would be
unbelievable.

Well, son, just so one of these
unbelievable women will not see you

out of the crowded station wagon, we're
going to let you off two blocks away

from the place, and you can go into the
caviar store and pick up a six -pack for

her.

Thanks, Dad. You're welcome.

Hey,

Elvin. Hey, Dale.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Alvin. All set for dinner. Okay.

What's that?

Well, Alvin is cooking dinner tonight
after the auction. We're having

with Alvin's secret sauce.

Sounds serious.

It is.

Better be good, Alvin.

Okay. Now, what do you have?

All right. You got the leaves.

I got them with the stems on them.
That's right. You got the stems.

You want some garlic?

Garlic, yeah. You got the Italian
parsley? Got that. All right. Where's

Barber? It's on the bottom underneath
the boxes of spaghetti.

Cook it.

Cook it. Well, I'm ready.

Hi, Mr. Tuxible. Hello, Elvis. You look
lovely.

Thank you.

And I'd just like to say one thing.

I just want to wish you good luck at the
auction today.

To me, you're not just buying a
painting. You're... retrieving a symbol

heritage. I mean, most people take their
past for granted.

But I've always felt that if we only
look forward without ever looking

backwards, then we're really looking
nowhere.

Elvin, that's lovely.

And I just want to say also... Elvin,
Elvin, Elvin.

That's all I want.

Yeah, this is pretty nice. All right,
now, look. Before anybody does anything,

just remember, don't touch anything.

Where's your picture, Mom?

There it is.

Look, I haven't seen this since I was
eight years old.

The frame is different, but that's the
painting.

Rudy, your great -great -uncle painted
this.

I like it. I hope one day you'll be able
to show it to your children.

I won't let them touch it.

Dad, mind if I look around? There are a
couple of things I want to check out.

I hope they're unbelievable.

I'll let you know.

Dad,

can we look around, too?

Yes, please. Just keep an eye on Rudy.

You always have to watch her. Come on,
I'll help you.

Mom, I think this is a good sign.

What? Well, we're the only ones looking
at the picture. Maybe no one else will

buy it.

That's fine by me.

How did we know there wasn't a whole
crowd of people before we got here?

No, no, I think Alvin's absolutely
correct this time.

And I think we should all mingle around
and find out if anybody's talking about

this painting.

You mean spy?

Yeah.

I'll tell you what. We'll all go out and
mingle. We'll meet back here at 1600

hours. All right? And the code words
will be the wet dog

sighs in the dry fire.

All right, Dad. We'll meet back here at
1600 hours.

Hi. Hi.

What do you think of it?

Nice. You really don't like it, do you?

I have to be honest.

It looks like something my little sister
would do.

But that's why it's good.

It's simple and innocent.

Sounds like you know a lot about art. My
dad's a curator at a museum.

I'm Darlene.

I'm Theo.

There are a couple of other paintings
around here I don't know too much about.

Maybe you could help me? Sure.

Hey, Theo.

Hi, Theo.

Who's she?

This is Darlene. Darlene is my sister.
Hi. Hi. Hi. She teaches me about art.

Oh, isn't that nice? Art.

You like her?

Darlene, there's a painting over there
we should check out. Let's go.

It was a pleasure meeting you. Yeah.
Pleasure was all.

Hello. Hey, how you doing? Hi.

Ellis Wilson.

Oh, yeah.

Definitely. Oh, my goodness. What a nice
painting.

By a very important artist. Yes.

Seven to nine thousand. That's a lot of
money.

Not really.

Actually, it's quite a steal.

It is?

Oh, yeah. Well, just look at it.

This painting shows Wilson's mastery of
light, the God form, the simplicity of

composition. Give this particular piece.

Rhythm and emotion.

Well, I just thought it was a nice
painting.

Oh, no, my friend. It's a lot more than
that. Really? No, this is a very

important work by a major artist.

Thank you.

Philip, this would look marvelous over
the couch.

Yes, dear.

You know, you can never tell what these
things will go for.

That's true.

I was here, oh, about a month ago, and a
painting that was estimated at $10 ,000

went for $98 ,000.

Now, that's what I call auction fever.

Right. You know, the same thing could
happen here tonight.

Could? You ask me, this room is hot.

Yes, it just might be.

Done?

$1 ,000 now. $18 ,500. $19 ,000. The
bid's up front here on the left at $19

,000. All done.

Sold now for $19 ,000.

Our next painting is lot number 22, a
landscape by Edward Duthner.

You know what?

That would look nice in my waiting room.

It really would.

What's the estimate on that? Estimate
$700.

$700?

I think I should try and get it.

You think I should? Yes.

All right, and we'll start the bidding
at $500. We'll say $500 for it. $500.

Now, the bid's up front at $500. We'll
say $600.

$600. On the left, lady's bid now at
$600.

$600. Against you, sir. Will you say
$700?

$700 now.

$800 I have. Still the lady's bid at
$800. Will you say $900?

$900 in front. Now $1 ,000.

$1 ,000 I have over here. Hey, that's my
daddy's picture.

Well, I have $1 ,000 and a young lady
who loves her daddy. Will you say $1

sir? $1 ,100!

That's $1 ,100.

Now say $1 ,200. $1 ,200 over here now.
$1 ,300.

$1 ,400.

$1 ,500.

$1 ,600.

$1 ,700. $1 ,800. $1 ,900.

$2 ,000. Now will you say $1 ,000? I
have $2 ,000 over here then. Will you

$21 ,000?

No, for $2 ,000.

Ladies bid on the left.

Your $700 painting that went for $2
,000, yours is going for $40 ,000 ,000.

I don't care, Cliff. I want it.

It doesn't make any difference to me. I
hope it looks good in jail.

My next seller is lot 23, a work by
Ellis Wilson.

Dear, he hadn't asked for the bid.

I'd like to start the bidding at $5
,000. I already have a bid of $5 ,000.

you. At $5 ,000 here, who'll say $6
,000? $6 ,000 on my left now at $6 ,000.

$7 ,000. $7 ,000 I have now at $7 ,000.
Now $8 ,000.

$8 ,000 over here at $8 ,000. You
already have a penny for your couch,

Not at all.

I have $8 ,000 over here by the lady.
Lady's bid at $8 ,000. We'll say $9 ,000

now at $8 ,000 on my left. We'll say $8
,500 then.

$8 ,500 at the back now at $8 ,500. Now
we'll say $9 ,000. $9 ,000, the bid's up

front. $9 ,500 on my left now at $9
,500.

Now $10 ,000. $10 ,000 at the back. I
have $10 ,000 first at the back of the

room. Now $10 ,500. $10 ,500 on my left.

I have $10 ,500. Who'll say $11 ,000?
$11 ,000. $11 ,000 in front. At $11

now against you, sir. At $11 ,000, will
you say $11 ,500?

Well, it's $11 ,000 here, then, the lady
in front.

Sold for... All

right. Welcome home, Uncle F. And
this... is the paddle that brought

you home and it's still smoking.

Talk to the rest of us.

Yes, he is, ma 'am. Who's calling?

Oh!

Theo, it's Darlene, your art teacher.

I'll take this one upstairs.

I had a great time, too.

Would you cut it out?

Would you cut it out?

Theo, maybe you should take it upstairs.

Darlene, I'm gonna take this upstairs.

Hold on, please.

No, you gotta stay here.

Elvis.

I'm impressed.

Thanks, Mr. Tuxtable.

Smells delicious in here.

Mrs. Huxtable, would you like tape?

I'd love a tape.

Hmm.

Elvin, this is good. I know.

This is almost as good as your secret
sauce.

Well,

I gave him a few pointers on it.

You know, the two of you could
collaborate and market this. You're

That's a great idea.

I could go for that.

Of course as an attorney I would suggest
that you get Mrs.

Farber's permission.

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a
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