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1
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:07,380
[intro music]
2
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:12,061
[imitates train] Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express!
3
00:00:12,141 --> 00:00:16,341
Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives
4
00:00:16,421 --> 00:00:19,541
they were given by him upstairs.
5
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:23,021
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
6
00:00:23,101 --> 00:00:24,061
[shouts] Stay away!
7
00:00:24,140 --> 00:00:30,741
What sounds on earth could ever replace
kids needing money or wives in your face?
8
00:00:30,820 --> 00:00:33,900
Cos this, people reckon, and me included,
9
00:00:33,981 --> 00:00:38,301
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented,
10
00:00:38,381 --> 00:00:42,021
to calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
11
00:00:42,101 --> 00:00:46,501
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
12
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:50,821
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
13
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:55,501
You shit on our heads,
but you pay the taxes.
14
00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:58,501
[all laughing]
15
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:01,501
Imagine a Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers
16
00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:04,381
who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer.
17
00:01:04,461 --> 00:01:07,821
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
18
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:12,101
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
19
00:01:12,181 --> 00:01:13,861
[laughing]
20
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,381
Scatter!
21
00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:16,741
Party!
22
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,221
[music fades out]
23
00:01:21,301 --> 00:01:24,500
[Patrick] Discussion groups,
chat lines, support networks.
24
00:01:24,581 --> 00:01:25,621
The new millennium,
25
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,860
the age of the all-vocalising,
all-emoting fuck-up.
26
00:01:31,181 --> 00:01:34,661
Normal men and women spewing
the contents of their troubled souls
27
00:01:34,741 --> 00:01:37,021
into the ears of the uninterested,
28
00:01:37,101 --> 00:01:40,060
excreting the sorry waste
of their emotional innards
29
00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:42,741
into all manner of public places.
30
00:01:42,821 --> 00:01:45,860
Pubs, telly, newspapers.
31
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,021
If only they'd zip it,
32
00:01:49,101 --> 00:01:52,181
and heed their inner voice,
the one that never lies.
33
00:01:53,341 --> 00:01:57,341
The one that screams at you
at the dead of night. Oh, aye!
34
00:01:57,420 --> 00:02:01,140
Tis better to remain silent,
and be thought a repressed old fart
35
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:06,341
than open one's mouth and be discovered
a babblin', self-obsessed fool.
36
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:12,581
Where his family's concerned,
37
00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:14,901
Paddy Maguire's
never been less than generous.
38
00:02:14,981 --> 00:02:18,181
But a fifty grand blow
would knock any man.
39
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:20,260
[Jamie] Mam. Settlement.
40
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,061
[Patrick] She set the business up with me,
41
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:24,221
so it's fair
she should get half the spoils.
42
00:02:24,301 --> 00:02:26,181
But memories of our time together
43
00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:29,061
aren't going to keep me comfy
in my old age.
44
00:02:29,141 --> 00:02:31,141
I need to make serious hay now.
45
00:02:31,221 --> 00:02:32,820
[Patrick] There's a recession,
so people are what?
46
00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:34,380
-Skint.
-They borrow money. Then?
47
00:02:34,461 --> 00:02:36,221
-Can't pay it back.
-[Patrick] When these desperados
48
00:02:36,301 --> 00:02:39,341
want to forget about what
fuck-ups their lives have become,
49
00:02:39,421 --> 00:02:41,181
-they do what?
-Get off their heads.
50
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:42,501
[Patrick] Drug sales soar.
51
00:02:42,581 --> 00:02:47,061
Economic gloom equals a pay-day boom,
and I want you in on it.
52
00:02:47,141 --> 00:02:50,621
I want Manchester to know that Maguire
and Sons are back in business.
53
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:51,980
-Not for me.
-Not for--
54
00:02:52,061 --> 00:02:54,421
-Count me in.
-Hang on. What do you mean?
55
00:02:54,501 --> 00:02:56,540
[Patrick] We could make a killing!
What are you on about?
56
00:02:56,621 --> 00:02:58,141
-I've got a family.
-Good of you to remember!
57
00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,380
I've got Karen and Connor to think of!
58
00:02:59,461 --> 00:03:01,781
You're working your fingers to the bone,
and barely scraping a living!
59
00:03:01,861 --> 00:03:03,781
At least I'm not watching me
back all the time!
60
00:03:03,861 --> 00:03:05,540
-And what about you?
-I'm in, Dad.
61
00:03:05,621 --> 00:03:07,540
You still in possession of the bollocks
you were born with?
62
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,100
I'm okay with moody weddings.
63
00:03:09,181 --> 00:03:11,741
-Oh! You're settling for "okay"?
-I'm in.
64
00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:13,301
Never thought I'd see the day.
65
00:03:13,380 --> 00:03:16,141
Sons of mine, gutless, pussy-whipped.
66
00:03:16,221 --> 00:03:19,301
There's more loyalty in those rats
I pay to sell the gear.
67
00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:20,781
-Look, Dad--
-Get out.
68
00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:22,741
-I wouldn't mind--
-[Patrick] Go on, out!
69
00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:26,661
Fuck off!
70
00:03:32,221 --> 00:03:34,061
-[slams door]
-[grunts]
71
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:36,420
You did say no?
72
00:03:37,021 --> 00:03:38,100
Course I said no.
73
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,980
You sound like you're sorry for him.
74
00:03:42,061 --> 00:03:43,581
Well, I am his son.
75
00:03:43,661 --> 00:03:46,260
Yeah, and he's yours.
76
00:03:46,341 --> 00:03:47,461
[baby babbling]
77
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[sighs] Oh, what?
78
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,741
[putting on a baby voice]
Wooh, doo doo doo doo!
79
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:59,380
I'm going to be the best dressed baby
in Chatsworth! Yay!
80
00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:01,661
Christ Karen, a hundred and fifty quid!
81
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,140
For him to puke all over it?
82
00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:05,781
Get it back, get a refund.
83
00:04:07,941 --> 00:04:11,181
Hello? I'd like to place an order, please.
84
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:13,661
-[movie projector]
-[incidental music]
85
00:04:40,341 --> 00:04:42,620
Christ, Carl!
Watch where you're putting it!
86
00:04:42,701 --> 00:04:44,101
That was trap two!
87
00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:48,461
I was the only one
willing to go along with Dad.
88
00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:49,981
He totally blanked me.
89
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:53,901
That's cos you're an ideas person,
like him.
90
00:04:53,981 --> 00:04:56,021
A thinker, cerebral.
91
00:04:56,101 --> 00:04:58,541
More brains than a service station pastie.
92
00:04:58,620 --> 00:04:59,821
[Mimi tutting]
93
00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:03,101
Now, those balloons aren't going
to blow themselves up, are they?
94
00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:04,821
[Maxine] I mean,
95
00:05:04,901 --> 00:05:07,180
I'm an inspired shag, me.
96
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,620
But bum sex?
97
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,940
Why would he want to do that?
98
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:14,781
-You should ask him how he'd like it.
-Mmm!
99
00:05:15,701 --> 00:05:17,060
About Sunday...
100
00:05:17,141 --> 00:05:19,861
We're welcoming our little man
into God's family.
101
00:05:20,661 --> 00:05:23,740
It's a celebration, yes,
but it's a holy day.
102
00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:27,861
So any talk of whoring
or crack pipes is right off. Yeah?
103
00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:29,301
-See you later.
-See you later, Max.
104
00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:31,981
[chuckling]
I think I can manage that for you, Mimi.
105
00:05:32,861 --> 00:05:35,701
Oh, and if you think I'm cocking up
on me god mum duties,
106
00:05:35,781 --> 00:05:39,821
-I'm sure you won't hesitate to pull me.
-There's nothing to worry about there,
107
00:05:39,901 --> 00:05:43,421
because Concepta, my cousin,
she's god mum now.
108
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:45,541
What?
109
00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:49,500
Well. With the dancing and touring,
poor love never got a chance to have kids.
110
00:05:49,581 --> 00:05:53,261
So I thought it'd be nice for her
to have a little one she can be close to.
111
00:05:53,981 --> 00:05:56,261
You don't begrudge her
having a godson, do you?
112
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:03,981
[Kelly] Heard the latest from your mother?
113
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:05,821
We have been dumped as godparents,
114
00:06:05,901 --> 00:06:08,701
cos her cousin and her bloke
are a more glamorous option.
115
00:06:08,781 --> 00:06:10,581
No, it's just you who's been dumped.
116
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:12,101
Concepta ain't got a bloke.
117
00:06:13,341 --> 00:06:15,500
-You're still godfather?
-[Shane] She only...
118
00:06:15,581 --> 00:06:17,060
She only told me this morning.
119
00:06:17,141 --> 00:06:19,901
And what was your reaction
when mummy hit you with that?
120
00:06:19,981 --> 00:06:22,421
I'm... I'm not arsed, Kel.
121
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,981
Your girlfriend gets shat on
from a great height by your mother
122
00:06:26,060 --> 00:06:27,421
and you're not arsed?
123
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,461
That's not what I meant! Kel!
124
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:33,620
[high-pitched voice] Oops a daisy.
125
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,141
Really looking forward to Sunday.
126
00:06:37,221 --> 00:06:39,781
Be nice to have all the family
under one roof again.
127
00:06:40,861 --> 00:06:42,981
I think it's time we settled up, isn't it?
128
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:45,101
For the christening. Fifty-fifty.
129
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:46,981
Paddy, honest, I'm really flush.
130
00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:49,861
Mimi, chuck yourself
under the King's horse,
131
00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:52,341
gaze at your chuff in a mirror,
but please,
132
00:06:52,421 --> 00:06:54,901
in the spirit of equality,
tell me what I owe.
133
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,060
Okay, you win. 500.
134
00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:01,341
You only do it once, don't you?
135
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,060
I'll fetch it for you right away.
136
00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:06,701
Dad?
137
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:11,060
Why don't you just help him collect?
138
00:07:11,141 --> 00:07:13,341
God knows you could do with the readies.
139
00:07:13,421 --> 00:07:14,301
I've told you why.
140
00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:17,581
If not to boost your income,
then to keep an eye out for him.
141
00:07:17,661 --> 00:07:19,981
You know what it's like out there.
142
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:22,981
Dad's covered.
Got some lads helping him out.
143
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,661
Has he bollocks!
What's he going to pay them with?
144
00:07:25,740 --> 00:07:29,260
There's more brass on a string quartet
than on your dad just now.
145
00:07:30,861 --> 00:07:32,781
-Think about it.
-No!
146
00:07:32,861 --> 00:07:35,141
Now can we just leave it, please?
147
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:42,380
Thirty grams of coke, 100 of cannabis.
148
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:46,861
I'll be expecting two grand back.
Anything you make on top is yours.
149
00:07:50,021 --> 00:07:52,981
-Problem?
-How are we supposed to make owt on that?
150
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,221
Get creative.
151
00:07:54,301 --> 00:07:57,861
So, besides hiking up the costs,
or mixing the gear,
152
00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:01,021
any other creative suggestions?
[lad] People ain't thick.
153
00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:03,500
They know what they want,
and how much it costs.
154
00:08:09,341 --> 00:08:10,500
All right, all right.
155
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:15,581
Eighteen hundred.
156
00:08:17,940 --> 00:08:20,700
Make it quick if you value your kneecaps.
157
00:08:27,101 --> 00:08:28,981
We've been over this.
He's wearing that one.
158
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:31,421
Cos you've got to keep your mother sweet.
159
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,180
She's paying for everything
because you managed
160
00:08:33,261 --> 00:08:35,421
to spend every penny I put aside.
161
00:08:38,021 --> 00:08:40,421
For when he starts on solids.
It's the business.
162
00:08:40,501 --> 00:08:44,301
You can take that look off your face,
'cause I know what you're thinking.
163
00:08:44,381 --> 00:08:46,021
"It's all about Connor now."
164
00:08:53,941 --> 00:08:56,701
Better to spend 200 on something,
and wear it 100 times,
165
00:08:56,781 --> 00:08:58,661
than 30 quid and only wear it once.
166
00:08:58,741 --> 00:09:02,460
Jamie, it's not every day
your first-born's...
167
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:04,460
[suspenseful tone]
168
00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:06,340
Karen?
169
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:07,941
Karen?
170
00:09:14,581 --> 00:09:15,941
What is it, what's wrong?
171
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:18,340
-[Mimi] What's going on?
-[Jamie] Karen!
172
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,021
What is it? What are you looking for?
173
00:09:22,821 --> 00:09:23,661
[Jamie] Karen.
174
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:25,181
What's going on?
175
00:09:27,340 --> 00:09:28,501
The baby.
176
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:30,980
[Jamie] Where is he?
177
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,261
When's the last time you had him, Karen?
178
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:37,340
Mum, get upstairs! Check, quick!
179
00:09:37,421 --> 00:09:39,460
[frantic music]
180
00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:40,501
[heartbeats]
181
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,460
Connor...
182
00:09:41,541 --> 00:09:42,701
[baby crying]
183
00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:47,501
Shane, Micky!
184
00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:51,141
Connor's missing. I'll check the shops,
185
00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:53,741
check the bus stop,
tell everyone he's missing!
186
00:09:53,821 --> 00:09:56,661
Get Carl, Ian, fuckin' everyone!
Find him, Micky!
187
00:09:59,821 --> 00:10:01,501
Aw, come on!
188
00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:03,821
Carl, I need your...
189
00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:08,541
I need your help when you've... finished.
190
00:10:22,661 --> 00:10:25,181
-You stupid...
-Leave the girl alone!
191
00:10:25,261 --> 00:10:27,980
How the fuck do you forget
where you leave your own son?
192
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,701
Do you think
she really needs telling, Jamie?
193
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,381
[door opens]
194
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:35,100
[baby gurgles]
195
00:10:36,181 --> 00:10:38,821
-Oh, thank God!
-Oh, Joe, thank fuck!
196
00:10:38,901 --> 00:10:40,741
Said you'd only be five minutes.
197
00:10:40,821 --> 00:10:43,100
Asked me to take him
while she popped into Yvonne's.
198
00:10:43,181 --> 00:10:44,901
Everyone was smoking in there.
199
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:49,141
My mobile goes, I'm yapping away,
I turn around and she's gone.
200
00:10:50,381 --> 00:10:51,501
I forgot...
201
00:10:52,381 --> 00:10:53,220
I forgot.
202
00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:55,581
Be the excitement
of the christening and that.
203
00:10:55,661 --> 00:10:57,661
[sighs] Cheers, Joe.
204
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,460
-Drink?
-No, I'm driving. Thanks anyway.
205
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:02,541
Later, yeah?
206
00:11:04,381 --> 00:11:05,301
Delivery, mate.
207
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,301
I'm sorry.
208
00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:12,621
-[dramatic music]
-[sobbing]
209
00:11:16,581 --> 00:11:18,100
I'm off to pick up the cake.
210
00:11:18,181 --> 00:11:20,860
Running errands for the bitch
that's coming between us.
211
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,941
-What kind of cretin are you?
-I'd like you to watch your mouth.
212
00:11:24,021 --> 00:11:25,901
I'd like you
to keep your nose out of our business.
213
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:26,980
She's not coming between us.
214
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:31,460
She is! And she's doing it
by running me down.
215
00:11:31,541 --> 00:11:36,021
And you're no innocent bystander.
You're her fucking accomplice!
216
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,941
He's running a family errand.
217
00:11:38,021 --> 00:11:41,740
To fetch a cake for a baptism
that I should have been godmother at.
218
00:11:41,821 --> 00:11:44,701
-She doesn't mean anything personal.
-It's easy for you to say.
219
00:11:44,781 --> 00:11:46,340
You're not the one who's been shafted.
220
00:11:46,421 --> 00:11:48,821
Do you want me to tell her
that I can't be godfather no more?
221
00:11:48,901 --> 00:11:51,061
I want you to fight my corner!
222
00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:00,220
[Kelly] You've no idea, have you?
223
00:12:00,301 --> 00:12:02,901
The effect this had on me,
how touched I was,
224
00:12:02,980 --> 00:12:05,541
how it made me feel
that Karen and Jamie thought
225
00:12:05,621 --> 00:12:08,421
that I was good enough
to be godmother to their son.
226
00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:09,941
[Kelly] I was walking on air!
227
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:14,941
And I wanted to do it right,
do Connor proud.
228
00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:17,860
Not just turn up,
hold the kid by the font,
229
00:12:17,941 --> 00:12:19,501
and then get hammered at the do
230
00:12:19,581 --> 00:12:21,980
like every other godparent
I have ever come across!
231
00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:23,661
Okay, you want it sorted?
232
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:24,860
I'll sort it.
233
00:12:27,860 --> 00:12:29,061
[door slams]
234
00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:33,541
[weeping]
235
00:12:33,621 --> 00:12:37,781
I didn't do it to hurt Kelly, son.
I did it to protect her.
236
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:41,581
She probably can't bless herself right,
never mind reel off the Creed.
237
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,421
I don't think I can anymore.
238
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:45,181
More the need for Concepta, then.
239
00:12:45,261 --> 00:12:48,581
She's blood. She'll always be around.
240
00:12:48,661 --> 00:12:50,181
I hate to say this,
241
00:12:50,261 --> 00:12:53,661
but what if Kelly traps off
with some loaded punter?
242
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,100
[tuts] Any one of us could fuck off
at any time.
243
00:12:57,181 --> 00:12:58,261
You and Dad split up.
244
00:12:58,340 --> 00:13:02,021
Yeah, but we've got responsibilities
that bind us forever more.
245
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:05,100
Apart from the dollop of lust and love,
you two have nothing.
246
00:13:05,181 --> 00:13:06,661
What are you getting out of this?
247
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:10,541
You've got loads of godkids you never see,
so the whole thing is a load of shit.
248
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,460
Your beloved write those lines.
249
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:15,100
I've had enough of you and me dad
trying to run my life,
250
00:13:15,181 --> 00:13:16,901
trying to fuck things up for me.
251
00:13:20,181 --> 00:13:22,220
I'm not your little boy anymore.
252
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:25,181
And I'm telling you right now,
253
00:13:25,261 --> 00:13:26,701
back off.
254
00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:34,501
[Jamie] You okay now?
255
00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:37,061
Embarrassed, more than anything.
256
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:40,261
I'm sorry.
257
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:41,301
Yeah, so am I.
258
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:45,100
My head's done in, with everything.
259
00:13:45,181 --> 00:13:49,261
Hey, just think,
after the christening, it's all over.
260
00:14:09,421 --> 00:14:11,381
No need to thank me.
261
00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:13,061
Fuck...off.
262
00:14:13,141 --> 00:14:15,781
There's something
I'd like to get off me chest.
263
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,141
[shouts] Jamie, mate!
264
00:14:19,181 --> 00:14:21,381
Let's let Jamie in on our little secret.
265
00:14:22,301 --> 00:14:25,100
Oh, cheer up, Karen.
Confession's good for the soul.
266
00:14:25,181 --> 00:14:26,460
He'll kill you.
267
00:14:26,541 --> 00:14:29,061
-I'm ready for him.
-He won't believe you.
268
00:14:29,141 --> 00:14:31,701
Oh, so he hasn't noticed
the mole between your tits,
269
00:14:31,781 --> 00:14:33,821
or the birthmark on your left arse cheek?
270
00:14:33,901 --> 00:14:37,340
Or the way you dig your nails into
the back of his neck when you come?
271
00:14:40,261 --> 00:14:41,541
Something you should know.
272
00:14:45,541 --> 00:14:47,381
Your mam's invited me to Sunday's do.
273
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:50,381
[Joe] Heard the delivery nurse
is always at Maguire christenings
274
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,021
just checking that's cool with you?
275
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,100
You've been there twice
for the little fella.
276
00:14:54,181 --> 00:14:55,181
How could I say no?
277
00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:57,381
See you later.
278
00:14:58,381 --> 00:14:59,220
Yeah.
279
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:18,421
What's that?
280
00:15:19,581 --> 00:15:24,661
This is Back-Door Bertie,
our mutual fuck buddy.
281
00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:26,100
Well, he can fuck off.
282
00:15:26,181 --> 00:15:30,701
But I thought you wanted to indulge
in a little dark star penetration?
283
00:15:30,781 --> 00:15:31,821
I do, but...
284
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:36,381
But that? There's no pleasure
for you sticking that in me.
285
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:40,821
Well, maybe not, but you might love it,
and I'm all about giving, me.
286
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:44,581
Imagine the pair of us casting off
our arse innocence together.
287
00:15:44,661 --> 00:15:48,701
What could be more romantic and binding?
288
00:15:49,901 --> 00:15:51,821
I promise I'll be gentle, Carl.
289
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:57,380
[giggles]
290
00:15:57,460 --> 00:15:59,220
You're certainly in the minority.
291
00:15:59,301 --> 00:16:01,661
I bet hardly any straight blokes take it.
292
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:04,781
What's the difference
between a straight man and a gay man?
293
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:07,421
-Six cans of lager.
-[laughter]
294
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,301
I'm not taking,
just considering possibilities.
295
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:12,541
If you're thinking it,
you're halfway there.
296
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:15,581
Me and Max are tight.
And what's good for the goose...
297
00:16:15,661 --> 00:16:17,941
What advice would you give
your little brother?
298
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:20,740
Absolutely none.
I'm not talking bum sex with him!
299
00:16:20,821 --> 00:16:23,141
Be different if it was pussy, wouldn't it?
300
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,421
I tell you what, once you've
made contact with Mr G spot...
301
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,781
you'll kill yourself
for not hooking up sooner.
302
00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:30,061
Don't it hurt, though?
303
00:16:30,141 --> 00:16:33,901
You can't do the full monty straight off.
You've got to work up to it.
304
00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:35,261
How?
305
00:16:35,340 --> 00:16:38,061
Well, start small, and plenty of lube.
306
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,541
-Lubrication.
-[spits]
307
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:43,340
Bit of spit does it for me
if I'm ever caught short.
308
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:45,740
Let your mind open up to
the possibilities,
309
00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:47,701
and your arse'll follow.
310
00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:51,061
And... you're a Catholic, yeah, like me?
311
00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:53,701
The guilt'll just add
to the sheer thrill of it all.
312
00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:58,261
So, to recap,
you start small, work your way up.
313
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,821
-[Micky] Ooh!
-[Ian laughing] Eh!
314
00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:02,980
[imitates dog barking]
315
00:17:03,061 --> 00:17:04,061
[barking]
316
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:06,140
[imitates barking]
317
00:17:06,221 --> 00:17:08,301
[barking]
318
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:09,781
[Patrick] Karen...
319
00:17:11,461 --> 00:17:13,900
-[Karen imitates dog barking]
-[dog barking]
320
00:17:13,981 --> 00:17:16,940
I fucking hate dogs!
Little disease-spreading shit machines!
321
00:17:17,021 --> 00:17:18,301
Karen...
322
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:20,061
You look tired.
323
00:17:20,821 --> 00:17:21,701
Come on.
324
00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:28,380
Living over a pub's hardly peaceful.
325
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:32,900
And I know Mimi's decibel level
isn't always within legal limits.
326
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,660
Here.
327
00:17:39,981 --> 00:17:40,861
My place.
328
00:17:41,581 --> 00:17:42,981
It can be your little oasis.
329
00:17:44,660 --> 00:17:46,341
I want to help, Karen.
330
00:17:47,541 --> 00:17:51,180
[Patrick] Let's face it,
I'm the nearest thing you've got to a dad,
331
00:17:51,261 --> 00:17:54,261
and you're the nearest thing
I've got to a daughter now.
332
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:57,381
[keys jingling]
333
00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:15,900
[urinating]
334
00:18:37,221 --> 00:18:38,741
-[farts]
-[party hooter blows]
335
00:18:38,821 --> 00:18:41,581
[laughs]
336
00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:48,261
Shit!
337
00:18:59,781 --> 00:19:02,821
If that's my consolation prize,
you can stick it up your arse.
338
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:06,541
I tried my best, Kel.
Just seems like she's not having it.
339
00:19:06,621 --> 00:19:08,741
-She say why?
-Yeah, the religion thing.
340
00:19:08,821 --> 00:19:11,261
You know the reason she gave me the elbow
341
00:19:11,341 --> 00:19:13,660
is cos she can't stand a low-down...
342
00:19:14,781 --> 00:19:17,341
[sighs] Me being in the limelight.
343
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:20,101
[Liam] Don't think
you've got any fears there, Kelly.
344
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:23,341
In the New Testament,
Matthew never condemns prostitution.
345
00:19:24,061 --> 00:19:27,461
Turning to the Old Testament,
in the Book of Hosea,
346
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:31,180
God says he'd never punish the daughters
of Israel for selling themselves.
347
00:19:31,781 --> 00:19:33,581
And besides, you're a masseuse.
348
00:19:43,381 --> 00:19:44,541
How could ya?
349
00:19:44,621 --> 00:19:47,581
[Mimi] If you didn't want him wearing it,
you could've said.
350
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:50,501
-What's going on?
-Look what she did!
351
00:19:51,821 --> 00:19:54,900
Her, who I've treated
like me own daughter.
352
00:19:54,981 --> 00:19:59,221
I ironed it. Sorry, I didn't even notice.
353
00:19:59,301 --> 00:20:00,981
You didn't want Connor wearing it.
354
00:20:01,061 --> 00:20:03,660
And thought if you ruined it,
he wouldn't have to!
355
00:20:03,741 --> 00:20:06,741
Mimi, I can assure you,
I would never do something like that.
356
00:20:06,821 --> 00:20:11,541
This was my grandmother's,
and her mother before that.
357
00:20:12,141 --> 00:20:15,021
[whimpering] The names of my dead babies
are woven into it.
358
00:20:15,101 --> 00:20:16,861
It was an accident.
359
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,541
[door slams]
360
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:26,180
Oh, so, you don't believe me now?
361
00:20:26,261 --> 00:20:28,221
What sort of a bitch do you think I am?
362
00:20:28,301 --> 00:20:30,341
-I'm beginning to wonder.
-Right.
363
00:20:31,341 --> 00:20:32,261
I'll sort it.
364
00:20:32,861 --> 00:20:34,581
I'll fucking sort it!
365
00:20:35,861 --> 00:20:38,621
[yelling] I will sort it!
366
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:42,221
[ripping cloth]
367
00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:52,861
The mark's do-able, but the tear...
[inhales]
368
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:56,900
But with it being crocheted,
we should be able to hide it nicely.
369
00:20:56,981 --> 00:20:58,301
Brilliant.
370
00:20:58,381 --> 00:21:01,660
Problem is, this is Irish crochet,
and I only do the Filet.
371
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,541
But my sister-in-law Mary,
she's good at the Irish.
372
00:21:05,621 --> 00:21:08,301
But the silk thread don't come cheap.
373
00:21:09,501 --> 00:21:11,501
-[knock on door]
-[suspenseful music]
374
00:21:12,381 --> 00:21:14,981
-Shit! Get me out of here!
-In there.
375
00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:17,660
[Lillian] Just a minute!
376
00:21:19,141 --> 00:21:20,621
Hi, Mimi. Come in.
377
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:23,301
What can I do for you, love?
378
00:21:23,381 --> 00:21:25,501
Well, I'm not here
to have me clit flicked.
379
00:21:25,581 --> 00:21:26,741
Need a word with Kelly.
380
00:21:26,821 --> 00:21:28,301
Oh, she's tied up just now.
381
00:21:28,381 --> 00:21:30,261
[Kelly moaning]
382
00:21:31,981 --> 00:21:35,381
I've had a word with Paddy and Shane,
they had a thing or two to say.
383
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:38,180
And I've decided
to rethink the whole godmother thing.
384
00:21:38,261 --> 00:21:41,821
Concepta's sound, but on balance
I feel your case is stronger.
385
00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:44,141
-What?
-You're more grounded.
386
00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:46,501
When she isn't high,
her head's in the clouds.
387
00:21:46,581 --> 00:21:48,660
And you only live round the corner.
388
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:49,741
If a crisis strikes,
389
00:21:49,821 --> 00:21:51,981
what good's she propping up
the Waldorf bar?
390
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,981
[Mimi] Despite having more
male customers than Burton's,
391
00:21:55,061 --> 00:21:56,981
I feel your heart's in the right place.
392
00:21:58,061 --> 00:21:59,141
You'll do for me.
393
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:00,700
Deal?
394
00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:02,341
Deal.
395
00:22:05,261 --> 00:22:06,180
See ya.
396
00:22:19,420 --> 00:22:21,061
Get out.
397
00:22:21,141 --> 00:22:23,141
What sort of a welcome's that, eh?
398
00:22:40,781 --> 00:22:44,180
[Joe] She... she once told me that her...
399
00:22:45,180 --> 00:22:49,261
that her big dream was to go
skinny-dipping at night in Crete.
400
00:22:51,061 --> 00:22:57,221
I kept her messages on me mobile,
so I can hear her voice.
401
00:22:57,301 --> 00:22:58,660
[sniffling]
402
00:23:00,501 --> 00:23:01,420
[Joe sobbing]
403
00:23:05,861 --> 00:23:07,660
[weeping]
404
00:23:32,781 --> 00:23:35,061
If there's yellow stuff in it,
it's not cancer.
405
00:23:35,141 --> 00:23:37,101
I put sweet corn in that pasta dish.
406
00:23:37,180 --> 00:23:40,061
I was trying out some brown-eye action
with a party blower.
407
00:23:40,141 --> 00:23:43,341
But when I took it out,
the nozzle got stuck.
408
00:23:43,420 --> 00:23:46,221
-I can't get it out. Will you try?
-Oooh! Sorry, Carl...
409
00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:50,180
anal extractions didn't feature
on my auxiliary training course.
410
00:23:50,261 --> 00:23:53,101
You don't need a qualification
to work out what's gotta be done.
411
00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:55,301
No, but you do need equipment.
412
00:23:55,381 --> 00:23:58,460
Only I don't fancy wasting
me whole Friday night in A&E.
413
00:23:58,541 --> 00:24:01,221
-Not going there!
-[Maxine] They won't bat an eyelid.
414
00:24:01,301 --> 00:24:04,301
Had a vicar in last week,
he had a 12-inch candle up him.
415
00:24:04,381 --> 00:24:06,581
Said he fell backwards
putting up curtains!
416
00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:09,221
-You're nowt special.
-I'm not going, Max.
417
00:24:10,021 --> 00:24:12,700
-[party blower squeaks]
-What's that?
418
00:24:15,981 --> 00:24:18,981
Any bit of wind and it goes off.
419
00:24:19,061 --> 00:24:21,341
It's like having an internal mouth organ.
420
00:24:22,781 --> 00:24:25,101
Hey, Carl, give us a tune before you go.
421
00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:26,981
[moaning]
422
00:24:28,621 --> 00:24:30,700
-[door opens]
-[Patrick] Christ Almighty.
423
00:24:30,781 --> 00:24:31,981
[tense music]
424
00:24:32,061 --> 00:24:34,301
[Patrick] How much was lifted?
425
00:24:38,221 --> 00:24:40,021
[Patrick] Were they armed?
426
00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:43,940
[Patrick] Okay, okay.
I'll be right with you.
427
00:24:45,420 --> 00:24:47,781
[mouthing] Fuck off!
428
00:24:49,420 --> 00:24:50,541
[Connor gurgles]
429
00:24:57,940 --> 00:25:00,821
[Patrick] Just what I fucking need!
430
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:01,821
[door opens]
431
00:25:02,821 --> 00:25:03,660
[door slams]
432
00:25:18,021 --> 00:25:19,341
I love you.
433
00:25:25,341 --> 00:25:27,141
-Don't fuck up.
-[man] No, I won't.
434
00:25:29,061 --> 00:25:30,180
[tense music]
435
00:25:30,261 --> 00:25:31,660
[glass smashes]
436
00:25:35,501 --> 00:25:38,101
-Who the fuck am I?
-[lad grunting]
437
00:25:38,180 --> 00:25:40,420
Who the...fuck...am I?
438
00:25:40,501 --> 00:25:42,301
Mr Maguire... Mr Maguire!
439
00:25:42,381 --> 00:25:45,261
Why are you treating me
like Bill Gates or bloody Carnegie?
440
00:25:45,341 --> 00:25:48,341
You're a charity case, all right,
but not one I'm supporting.
441
00:25:48,420 --> 00:25:53,261
-So where the fuck's my money?
-[lad grunting]
442
00:25:57,381 --> 00:25:59,700
As it's small,
a little irrigation'll budge it.
443
00:26:00,420 --> 00:26:02,420
As me vac's being serviced anyway.
444
00:26:02,501 --> 00:26:06,660
-Are you sure you know what you're doing?
-Every other day I do a rectal removal.
445
00:26:07,301 --> 00:26:11,381
I dislodge, I douche, I dab some talc,
and I return it to its wife.
446
00:26:12,141 --> 00:26:13,660
Come on, Carl. Drop 'em.
447
00:26:14,381 --> 00:26:15,261
Ready?
448
00:26:24,700 --> 00:26:25,981
Do I look stupid?
449
00:26:26,061 --> 00:26:29,981
-He's out getting the rest now.
-There are some people in this world...
450
00:26:30,061 --> 00:26:34,420
who learn their lessons well,
take on board advice, move on,
451
00:26:34,501 --> 00:26:37,700
and have relatively happy lives.
There are those that don't.
452
00:26:37,781 --> 00:26:39,460
You are obviously of the latter.
453
00:26:39,541 --> 00:26:40,781
Fuck you!
454
00:26:40,861 --> 00:26:43,220
You don't scare me! I know people.
455
00:26:43,301 --> 00:26:46,261
Once you're out of intensive care,
you go see those people,
456
00:26:46,341 --> 00:26:48,341
and ask them if they know Paddy Maguire!
457
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:50,180
I guarantee they will!
458
00:26:52,940 --> 00:26:54,420
You've got...
459
00:26:54,501 --> 00:26:55,940
[gunshot]
460
00:26:56,021 --> 00:26:57,541
[heartbeat]
461
00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:23,101
How's my favourite bum boy?
462
00:27:23,180 --> 00:27:25,861
Last time I was slipping your Chrissy one,
she said he was fine.
463
00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:27,981
-Paddy through there?
-I'll give him a bell.
464
00:27:28,061 --> 00:27:30,541
Been ringing him for ages,
just keeps ringing out.
465
00:27:30,621 --> 00:27:31,660
Yeah?
466
00:27:36,220 --> 00:27:37,420
Two minutes, yeah?
467
00:27:40,781 --> 00:27:41,861
Cheers, son.
468
00:27:41,940 --> 00:27:43,021
Is me dad here?
469
00:27:43,101 --> 00:27:44,660
Nipped out for the papers.
470
00:27:44,741 --> 00:27:48,261
On a Saturday morning, there's nothing
that Mr Maguire and I like more
471
00:27:48,341 --> 00:27:50,940
than to talk current affairs
over a pot of Lady Grey.
472
00:27:51,021 --> 00:27:52,381
Really?
473
00:27:52,460 --> 00:27:54,660
Is he fuck here.
474
00:27:58,501 --> 00:28:01,101
Hey, Sean's here with the delivery,
and Dad's not in.
475
00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,781
You got three grand in the safe?
476
00:28:02,861 --> 00:28:05,940
[Jamie] Do I look like a man
who's got three grand in a safe?
477
00:28:06,541 --> 00:28:08,101
You can set your watch by Sean.
478
00:28:08,180 --> 00:28:09,700
Every Saturday at 12.
479
00:28:09,781 --> 00:28:12,420
Dad never misses him.
There's definitely something up.
480
00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:14,781
Pint of the dark stuff please, Jamie.
481
00:28:15,700 --> 00:28:18,180
Three grand, me tips.
482
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:22,541
Karen all right?
483
00:28:22,621 --> 00:28:24,781
Not every day
you forget where your kid is.
484
00:28:24,861 --> 00:28:27,501
-You weren't laughing the other day.
-Nah, she's fine.
485
00:28:28,381 --> 00:28:31,581
-And that... is on the house.
-Good.
486
00:28:31,660 --> 00:28:33,700
So long as the baby blues haven't struck.
487
00:28:33,781 --> 00:28:36,061
She's just tired, that's all. We both are.
488
00:28:36,700 --> 00:28:40,301
[sighs] Having a baby in the house
really takes it out of you.
489
00:28:40,381 --> 00:28:43,341
A mate of mine said that him
and his missus are that knackered
490
00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:45,781
at the end of the day,
all they're fit for in bed is sleep.
491
00:28:45,861 --> 00:28:48,700
Your love life's out the window,
you're skint all the time.
492
00:28:48,781 --> 00:28:50,180
The strain was unbelievable.
493
00:28:51,101 --> 00:28:54,021
Hey, but listen, he didn't have
what you and Karen have got,
494
00:28:54,101 --> 00:28:55,821
-do you know what I mean?
-Uhm.
495
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:57,460
-[man] Jamie?
-Yes, mate.
496
00:29:00,180 --> 00:29:02,021
[Lillian] Here's the rascal.
You wanna keep him?
497
00:29:02,101 --> 00:29:03,061
Pass.
498
00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:05,900
Should have it framed.
Once it's been disinfected.
499
00:29:05,980 --> 00:29:08,381
[Maxine] Health freaks would pay hundreds
for this treatment.
500
00:29:08,460 --> 00:29:10,660
If you know any,
tell them I'll do it cheaper.
501
00:29:10,741 --> 00:29:14,220
-Cheers, Lillian.
-It was all my pleasure.
502
00:29:17,061 --> 00:29:17,940
[kiss]
503
00:29:19,141 --> 00:29:21,061
-I underestimated you.
-How?
504
00:29:21,660 --> 00:29:25,220
Never thought for a second you'd ever
really consider being my bum chum.
505
00:29:29,381 --> 00:29:31,940
So, how can I make it up to you?
506
00:29:32,021 --> 00:29:34,220
You can have anything you like.
507
00:29:35,700 --> 00:29:39,581
[farts]
508
00:29:40,781 --> 00:29:42,021
[sighs]
509
00:29:42,861 --> 00:29:43,940
[groans]
510
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:51,700
[door creaks]
511
00:29:51,781 --> 00:29:52,660
[knocks]
512
00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:55,621
You okay?
513
00:29:59,341 --> 00:30:00,220
[Jamie sighs]
514
00:30:04,541 --> 00:30:07,381
We'll have to make
a bit of "us" time, won't we?
515
00:30:07,460 --> 00:30:09,621
We're more than just Mum and Dad.
516
00:30:12,621 --> 00:30:14,660
Let's have a night out, eh?
517
00:30:14,741 --> 00:30:15,940
Too much effort.
518
00:30:17,621 --> 00:30:21,180
Once we've booked a table
and found a sitter, done the feeds,
519
00:30:21,261 --> 00:30:24,341
got his clothes sorted for the next day,
got meself sorted...
520
00:30:25,301 --> 00:30:27,261
all I'm fit for is bed.
521
00:30:27,341 --> 00:30:28,700
Things'll get better, yeah?
522
00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:37,101
I'm sorry.
523
00:30:37,180 --> 00:30:38,501
I'm not complaining.
524
00:30:40,101 --> 00:30:42,741
You and Connor are my world now.
525
00:30:45,460 --> 00:30:47,220
If anything happened...
526
00:30:48,700 --> 00:30:52,180
if anything...damaged us...
527
00:30:54,381 --> 00:30:55,781
I don't know what I'd do.
528
00:30:57,381 --> 00:30:58,420
[Jamie] Hey...
529
00:30:59,420 --> 00:31:03,460
nothing is gonna damage us.
530
00:31:03,541 --> 00:31:04,700
All right?
531
00:31:09,460 --> 00:31:11,700
Dad, it's Micky.
532
00:31:11,781 --> 00:31:13,220
Give us a bell, yeah?
533
00:31:15,261 --> 00:31:16,420
Peace offering.
534
00:31:17,900 --> 00:31:19,180
You know where the bar is.
535
00:31:20,741 --> 00:31:23,700
I knew you said you'd sort it,
but I didn't fancy your odds.
536
00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:25,980
[Frank] You know what,
537
00:31:26,061 --> 00:31:29,061
you lot probably
mock those South Sea Islanders,
538
00:31:29,141 --> 00:31:33,261
with bones through their noses,
performing their shaman rituals.
539
00:31:33,341 --> 00:31:39,940
When, in fact, you are partaking
in exactly the same bollocks.
540
00:31:40,021 --> 00:31:42,660
About tomorrow, Frank.
A verbal invite do ya?
541
00:31:42,741 --> 00:31:45,700
Be nice to see you there
for Katie's sake. Free bar.
542
00:31:46,741 --> 00:31:49,501
Oh, thanks, Mimi, love.
Yeah, I'll try and show me face.
543
00:31:50,220 --> 00:31:53,621
But what I was about to say
544
00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:58,861
is that common myths bind us.
545
00:31:58,940 --> 00:32:02,141
-Have either of you seen Dad?
-Am I some kind of baby-sitter now?
546
00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:04,141
He can look after himself.
547
00:32:04,220 --> 00:32:05,541
Help us look for him.
548
00:32:05,621 --> 00:32:09,141
-You know your dad. He'll be fine.
-[Shane] Get yourself a drink,
549
00:32:09,220 --> 00:32:11,180
sit yourself down and stop worrying.
550
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:14,381
He won't thank you for it.
551
00:32:16,180 --> 00:32:17,501
What's up?
552
00:32:17,581 --> 00:32:20,180
[Ian] Seriously, what's up?
553
00:32:23,061 --> 00:32:26,261
If he's as nice as you say he is,
he won't mind helping, will he?
554
00:32:30,501 --> 00:32:32,581
Micky! Long time no see.
555
00:32:32,660 --> 00:32:35,700
Ady... How are things
with you and the missus?
556
00:32:37,381 --> 00:32:41,261
It's all right, he's a fully paid-up
member of the Uphill Shit Stabbers.
557
00:32:41,341 --> 00:32:42,261
[Ady] It's over.
558
00:32:42,341 --> 00:32:45,301
I came home one day and found her
with the man next door.
559
00:32:45,381 --> 00:32:48,021
Didn't think that'd bother ya.
Not after what we got up to.
560
00:32:48,101 --> 00:32:49,700
And the man over the road,
561
00:32:49,781 --> 00:32:52,501
and the man at the back,
and the man from next door but one.
562
00:32:52,581 --> 00:32:53,621
So you've left, then?
563
00:32:53,700 --> 00:32:56,781
Yeah, I've been living
with an interior designer from Cambodia.
564
00:32:57,420 --> 00:33:00,781
Can't string a sentence together,
but the flat looks fantastic,
565
00:33:00,861 --> 00:33:04,460
and the things he can do with a wok...
have to be seen to be believed.
566
00:33:04,541 --> 00:33:07,501
You should come round one night.
Both of you.
567
00:33:07,581 --> 00:33:10,460
I'm here about my dad. He's missing.
568
00:33:10,541 --> 00:33:12,781
-Well, how long?
-About 12 hours.
569
00:33:12,861 --> 00:33:14,940
Twelve hours? I've been on benders longer!
570
00:33:15,021 --> 00:33:17,460
He's never done this before. Ady, please!
571
00:33:17,541 --> 00:33:19,021
Look, this isn't like him.
572
00:33:19,101 --> 00:33:21,781
Something's happened
and no fucker'll believe me,
573
00:33:21,861 --> 00:33:23,220
and you're my last hope.
574
00:33:23,821 --> 00:33:25,341
Please, Ady,
575
00:33:25,420 --> 00:33:26,460
you've gotta help us.
576
00:33:28,061 --> 00:33:29,061
Please.
577
00:33:29,141 --> 00:33:31,900
[Patrick] You're through to Paddy Maguire.
Leave a message. [beep]
578
00:33:31,980 --> 00:33:34,541
Right, and what should happen now is
579
00:33:34,621 --> 00:33:37,341
the base station will flag up
the phone's location.
580
00:33:37,420 --> 00:33:39,021
There we go. Got ya!
581
00:33:40,900 --> 00:33:42,420
[yelling] Dad, it's me!
582
00:33:42,501 --> 00:33:44,141
Micky, Micky, calm down.
583
00:33:44,220 --> 00:33:45,660
-[Micky] Can you hear me?
-[Ady] Paddy.
584
00:33:45,740 --> 00:33:47,141
I'm going to radio for help.
585
00:33:50,141 --> 00:33:51,660
[sirens]
586
00:33:51,740 --> 00:33:53,781
Thanks a million for finding him.
587
00:33:53,861 --> 00:33:56,460
That was down to Micky.
He led the investigation.
588
00:34:02,660 --> 00:34:03,861
This is all down to me.
589
00:34:04,821 --> 00:34:06,861
Nah, it's not just you, Jamie.
590
00:34:06,940 --> 00:34:09,820
It's neither of you. No one's fault.
591
00:34:09,901 --> 00:34:11,860
He knew the risks he was taking.
592
00:34:12,541 --> 00:34:14,461
He asked for our help, and we said no.
593
00:34:16,061 --> 00:34:18,541
We let him down, Mum. All of us.
594
00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:23,461
Well, nearly all of us.
595
00:34:27,061 --> 00:34:29,941
-[Mimi] Oh, he's gorgeous. Look at him!
-[Jamie] Done well.
596
00:34:30,021 --> 00:34:32,541
-Eating, sleeping...
-[Mimi laughs]
597
00:34:32,621 --> 00:34:34,180
[Karen] Right. Grub's up!
598
00:34:34,260 --> 00:34:36,141
You're pushing the boat out.
599
00:34:36,220 --> 00:34:39,061
Well, we won't get to eat
till the other side of service, so...
600
00:34:39,141 --> 00:34:41,220
But there won't be a service.
601
00:34:44,340 --> 00:34:46,381
But this is Connor's big day.
602
00:34:46,461 --> 00:34:48,820
Yeah, but not without my dad, it isn't.
603
00:34:48,901 --> 00:34:50,901
We're cancelling. Right, Mum?
604
00:34:53,381 --> 00:34:56,141
And how would we explain
that to wee Connor?
605
00:34:56,220 --> 00:34:58,581
All I need is a clean shirt,
and I'll be with you.
606
00:35:24,901 --> 00:35:27,061
[shouts]
607
00:35:27,141 --> 00:35:27,981
[boom]
608
00:35:29,941 --> 00:35:30,860
[Mimi] Patrick?
609
00:35:32,061 --> 00:35:33,261
[Mimi] It's time.
610
00:35:42,621 --> 00:35:46,221
-You passed muster?
-Eventually.
611
00:35:48,221 --> 00:35:52,340
[all] I believe in one God,
the Father Almighty,
612
00:35:52,421 --> 00:35:56,981
maker of all things visible and invisible.
613
00:36:02,820 --> 00:36:03,780
If you'd like to...
614
00:36:12,860 --> 00:36:14,581
I'm not sure if I can.
615
00:36:18,141 --> 00:36:19,181
It's just...
616
00:36:21,621 --> 00:36:24,141
I don't actually believe in God.
617
00:36:24,221 --> 00:36:27,741
But if I'm called on,
I'll teach him to respect people,
618
00:36:27,820 --> 00:36:32,021
no matter what they do or don't
believe in, as long as they're decent.
619
00:36:32,101 --> 00:36:38,701
And I'll pray to a God I'm not sure exists
that is loved.
620
00:36:38,780 --> 00:36:40,340
I'm a prostitute, Father.
621
00:36:41,421 --> 00:36:45,021
Ex-junkie. But I know good from bad.
622
00:36:45,101 --> 00:36:48,780
And if I can teach him that,
it's job done, really, isn't it?
623
00:36:51,261 --> 00:36:52,221
[clears throat]
624
00:36:54,541 --> 00:36:56,661
I'm sorry if I've offended.
625
00:36:57,860 --> 00:36:59,981
I just don't want to let Connor down.
626
00:37:00,061 --> 00:37:00,981
Or meself.
627
00:37:01,061 --> 00:37:02,501
[mobile rings]
628
00:37:06,701 --> 00:37:11,541
[Connor cooing]
629
00:37:14,340 --> 00:37:15,741
[indistinct chatter]
630
00:37:15,820 --> 00:37:17,021
[Mimi] Here.
631
00:37:18,101 --> 00:37:20,780
Aomeone thought they were
very clever phoning Concepta,
632
00:37:20,860 --> 00:37:24,501
putting on a voice, telling her
that her flight had been cancelled.
633
00:37:24,581 --> 00:37:29,501
Only the thick fucking prick of
a prankster forgot to withhold the number!
634
00:37:29,581 --> 00:37:31,061
Didn't you, Shane?
635
00:37:37,340 --> 00:37:38,221
Fuck.
636
00:37:40,901 --> 00:37:42,941
[cheerful music playing]
637
00:37:43,901 --> 00:37:45,261
Word's been put out.
638
00:37:47,101 --> 00:37:50,780
Tell you what, whoever brings us
that kid is gonna be well flush.
639
00:37:50,860 --> 00:37:54,661
-Who put the word out?
-Me, J, Shane.
640
00:37:54,741 --> 00:37:56,780
Well, you'd no fucking right.
641
00:37:56,860 --> 00:38:00,860
I'm the director of Maguire Limited.
I make the executive decisions.
642
00:38:00,941 --> 00:38:02,541
He's gonna pay for this, Dad.
643
00:38:02,621 --> 00:38:05,421
Risking your lives? For what?
644
00:38:05,501 --> 00:38:07,101
For what?
645
00:38:09,981 --> 00:38:12,780
No more of my cubs will die
on my account. Call it off.
646
00:38:12,860 --> 00:38:16,021
He hurt you, they need to know
no one does that to our old man.
647
00:38:16,101 --> 00:38:17,901
Are you fuckin' deaf? Call it off!
648
00:38:28,901 --> 00:38:30,021
[Chrissy] Hey, sexy.
649
00:38:31,581 --> 00:38:34,701
What happened to that
Long Wet Spicy Screw?
650
00:38:34,780 --> 00:38:37,021
I was just savouring the thought of it.
651
00:38:37,101 --> 00:38:39,501
Are those limes ready yet, babe?
652
00:38:40,261 --> 00:38:41,380
[Karen in pain] Ah!
653
00:38:43,021 --> 00:38:44,820
[groans and sighs in pain]
654
00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:50,780
Is he any lighter now
he's washed of mortal sin?
655
00:38:53,780 --> 00:38:55,901
Didn't you fancy jumping in yourself,
656
00:38:55,981 --> 00:38:58,941
taking a spiritual cleanse?
657
00:38:59,021 --> 00:39:01,380
You can't just turn up and get christened.
658
00:39:01,461 --> 00:39:03,901
-There is a program.
-[mocking] There's a program!
659
00:39:03,981 --> 00:39:06,141
[Frank] But what would be the point, eh?
660
00:39:06,221 --> 00:39:09,221
[Frank] You'd only blot your copy book
the next day.
661
00:39:09,820 --> 00:39:11,820
[Frank] You're like me, you are.
662
00:39:12,701 --> 00:39:15,021
[Frank] Lured by earthly pleasures.
663
00:39:27,101 --> 00:39:30,621
[Mimi] How could you speak
to Micky like that, in public?
664
00:39:31,501 --> 00:39:34,340
The only one
who you wouldn't invite into the business,
665
00:39:34,421 --> 00:39:37,581
but the only one
who went out looking for you!
666
00:39:37,661 --> 00:39:39,661
Call yourself a father.
667
00:39:44,981 --> 00:39:46,461
[little boy] Bang! Bang!
668
00:39:46,541 --> 00:39:49,581
[toy gun triggering] [giggling]
669
00:39:49,661 --> 00:39:50,541
[gunshot]
670
00:39:52,061 --> 00:39:55,300
[country pop music playing]
671
00:39:55,380 --> 00:39:57,661
I thought raspberries were your favourite.
672
00:39:57,741 --> 00:39:59,901
Not when they're covered
in melted cow bone!
673
00:40:00,860 --> 00:40:03,780
The more I demanded, the more she dug in!
674
00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:07,021
The call was a last resort.
675
00:40:07,941 --> 00:40:11,021
I just... I just wanted to make it good.
676
00:40:11,621 --> 00:40:14,380
I want a man, Shane, a grown-up.
677
00:40:16,901 --> 00:40:20,421
But until I find one,
I suppose I'll have to make do with you!
678
00:40:21,380 --> 00:40:22,421
Come on.
679
00:40:33,981 --> 00:40:34,941
[Chrissy gasps]
680
00:40:35,021 --> 00:40:37,501
-Shit, I'm sorry!
-For fuck's sake!
681
00:40:37,581 --> 00:40:41,300
Why don't you go back to the loo
where you've come from, clean yourself up?
682
00:40:46,421 --> 00:40:47,461
She's a slut.
683
00:40:47,541 --> 00:40:49,021
Do you know what?
684
00:40:49,101 --> 00:40:52,061
Paddy nearly died yesterday,
and it woke me up to something.
685
00:40:52,141 --> 00:40:53,941
Life's too short.
686
00:40:54,021 --> 00:40:57,300
[Joe] I'm not going to waste my life
waiting for you, Karen.
687
00:40:57,380 --> 00:41:00,340
You've got two men in your life.
Why can't I have two women?
688
00:41:05,261 --> 00:41:08,820
Look at that.
Looks like a platypus on safari.
689
00:41:14,141 --> 00:41:17,141
-What the fuck did you just say?
-Nothing, Paddy.
690
00:41:17,221 --> 00:41:18,820
[Patrick] A platypus on safari?
691
00:41:18,901 --> 00:41:21,380
That's right,
run, you yellow-bellied gobshite.
692
00:41:21,461 --> 00:41:24,141
Utter another word that's less than kind,
and I'll do to you
693
00:41:24,221 --> 00:41:27,461
what mother nature should've done
50 years and 8 months ago.
694
00:41:27,541 --> 00:41:29,261
I'll erase you for good!
695
00:41:37,380 --> 00:41:38,941
[sobbing]
696
00:41:40,981 --> 00:41:42,501
[Micky] Nice one, Dad.
697
00:41:42,581 --> 00:41:44,181
How do you think she's feeling now?
698
00:41:46,501 --> 00:41:48,860
-Listen...
-[Mimi] You know something, Paddy?
699
00:41:48,941 --> 00:41:52,141
You make the china shop bull
look socially deft.
700
00:41:52,221 --> 00:41:54,141
I was protecting my family,
701
00:41:55,181 --> 00:41:56,261
like any good father should.
702
00:41:58,780 --> 00:42:00,380
Is that so contemptible?
703
00:42:04,661 --> 00:42:07,261
If you don't tell me what you want,
I can't help you.
704
00:42:07,340 --> 00:42:08,621
She's doing my head in.
705
00:42:08,701 --> 00:42:10,541
What's wrong with Katie now?
706
00:42:10,621 --> 00:42:12,300
[Kelly] The kiddies entertainer...
707
00:42:12,380 --> 00:42:15,061
-The fella you elbowed?
-[Maxine] With the broken nose?
708
00:42:15,141 --> 00:42:17,021
He won't be performing now.
709
00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:25,461
Once upon a time,
710
00:42:26,061 --> 00:42:30,141
there was a king
who lived in a mighty castle.
711
00:42:30,221 --> 00:42:33,101
He had all the things
a man could wish for.
712
00:42:33,780 --> 00:42:36,461
But he was a lonely king.
713
00:42:37,661 --> 00:42:40,820
That's right. There was something missing.
714
00:42:42,340 --> 00:42:44,380
-Are you with me so far?
-[children] Yes.
715
00:42:44,461 --> 00:42:49,621
Then one day,
he came across a gorgeous young woman.
716
00:42:51,340 --> 00:42:56,021
And before too long,
they were madly, madly in love.
717
00:42:56,741 --> 00:43:01,221
And the gods blessed them
with beautiful children.
718
00:43:01,981 --> 00:43:06,421
And he and his queen
loved them unconditionally.
719
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:10,820
But the queen grew bored
and looked to entertain herself.
720
00:43:11,541 --> 00:43:12,941
[Patrick] Live her own life.
721
00:43:13,661 --> 00:43:16,780
Without his family around him,
without their love,
722
00:43:17,380 --> 00:43:20,901
he floundered, and he lost his crown.
723
00:43:24,221 --> 00:43:25,701
His daughter tried to...
724
00:43:27,181 --> 00:43:30,701
[tuts]
He lost his family and he lost his queen.
725
00:43:31,701 --> 00:43:37,621
He watched as his queen
threw everything she had... they had...
726
00:43:38,461 --> 00:43:39,981
down the drain.
727
00:43:40,061 --> 00:43:42,900
[Patrick] She wanted him dead.
728
00:43:42,981 --> 00:43:46,860
Never thought that he might be in need
of some... fucking assistance.
729
00:43:48,941 --> 00:43:52,061
[Patrick]
Never thought that he might be actually...
730
00:43:52,141 --> 00:43:54,380
screaming out for some kind of help.
731
00:43:56,181 --> 00:43:57,741
[woman] Come on.
732
00:43:57,820 --> 00:43:59,661
All he was looking for was someone...
733
00:44:01,581 --> 00:44:02,501
anyone...
734
00:44:06,101 --> 00:44:09,541
[shouting] to fucking listen!
735
00:44:14,261 --> 00:44:17,141
Just to fucking listen!
736
00:44:20,421 --> 00:44:21,981
That's all.
737
00:44:25,701 --> 00:44:26,981
That's all.
738
00:44:47,741 --> 00:44:48,900
Right.
739
00:44:50,621 --> 00:44:51,941
We're off to bed.
740
00:44:55,820 --> 00:44:56,900
Night, Mum.
741
00:45:01,181 --> 00:45:02,541
-Night, Mimi.
-Night, Karen.
742
00:45:12,221 --> 00:45:13,941
We're gonna get off an' all.
743
00:45:15,581 --> 00:45:20,101
[Patrick] Gandhi, Collins,
yer woman who wouldn't budge on the bus.
744
00:45:20,181 --> 00:45:23,300
All heroes. All freedom fighters.
745
00:45:29,421 --> 00:45:32,941
Few will ever be known
for grand acts of courage like them.
746
00:45:33,021 --> 00:45:34,621
But the taking of any liberty,
747
00:45:34,701 --> 00:45:37,461
whether it's freeing yourself to love,
748
00:45:37,541 --> 00:45:40,221
or speaking what your heart truly feels,
749
00:45:40,300 --> 00:45:41,820
now that takes balls.
750
00:45:41,900 --> 00:45:43,461
Night. Pull the door to.
751
00:45:48,221 --> 00:45:53,061
[Patrick] Breaking the shackles of mental
and emotional incarceration.
752
00:45:53,141 --> 00:45:54,820
Only a big man manages that.
753
00:45:54,900 --> 00:45:57,380
[exhales deeply]
754
00:46:07,501 --> 00:46:09,661
[Liam] How do you know
when things are moving too fast?
755
00:46:09,741 --> 00:46:11,941
-With a girl.
-Blimey!
756
00:46:12,021 --> 00:46:13,981
-[Liam] If you love her.
-[Maxine] Do you love her?
757
00:46:14,061 --> 00:46:16,541
-She's nicked one of my pens.
-That's serious.
758
00:46:16,621 --> 00:46:18,981
[Ivonne]
Please. Just a bit more time.
759
00:46:19,061 --> 00:46:20,461
[Yvonne shouts] Chesney, no!
760
00:46:21,701 --> 00:46:22,900
Plumber?
761
00:46:22,981 --> 00:46:25,021
-Leak?
-That is our plumber.
762
00:46:25,101 --> 00:46:27,421
Hundred quid,
and he'll hold your hand in Pizza Express.
763
00:46:27,501 --> 00:46:30,061
-What the fuck are you up to?
-[Karen laughing]
764
00:46:30,141 --> 00:46:32,421
I'd be alright
if you could choose how you go.
765
00:46:32,501 --> 00:46:34,061
You're not going to die.
766
00:46:34,141 --> 00:46:35,181
[man] What about your father?
767
00:46:35,261 --> 00:46:38,221
-He was a doctor.
-Family of medics, eh?
768
00:46:38,300 --> 00:46:39,621
[outro music]
769
00:47:18,340 --> 00:47:20,501
So, you've converted to Judaism,
770
00:47:20,581 --> 00:47:23,021
but you're having violent cravings
for pork scratchings?
771
00:47:23,101 --> 00:47:24,501
God, yeah.
772
00:47:25,300 --> 00:47:26,461
I'll see what I can do.
87463
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