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1
00:00:11,539 --> 00:00:16,419
Good to meet you. You’re adorable,
you fucking peanut. I love it.
2
00:00:16,499 --> 00:00:19,899
- You found him.
- You guys, so good. Guys, take it easy.
3
00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:23,019
I love you. I’m obsessed with you.
Faggot convention over here.
4
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,260
How did Peter end up
with a total fucking troll?
5
00:00:25,339 --> 00:00:27,699
What in the gay hell?
He kept cornering me all night,
6
00:00:27,779 --> 00:00:30,219
and his breath smelled like old pennies.
7
00:00:30,299 --> 00:00:32,619
Yes! That’s exactly what it was!
Old pennies.
8
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,000
Hey, man. Can I get a cigarette
and a light for a dollar, please?
9
00:00:35,020 --> 00:00:36,460
Here, hand me this so you can...
10
00:00:36,539 --> 00:00:38,959
What was that about? It’s like
skin tags. Take them off your face.
11
00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:41,140
They’re called tags for a reason.
You know what I mean?
12
00:00:41,579 --> 00:00:45,139
Just, like, all over his face,
just on and on and...
13
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:47,739
Oh, I don’t have a dollar.
14
00:00:47,819 --> 00:00:49,859
Anyway, did you notice too
how his Adam’s apple
15
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:51,640
literally looked
like he swallowed an arrow head.
16
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:54,220
- So sharp!
- So sharp.
17
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,100
Fucking Olivia. Unbelievable.
18
00:00:56,179 --> 00:00:58,199
You can’t just not wear a bra.
You can’t just not wear a bra.
19
00:00:58,219 --> 00:00:59,679
She’s looking good
since she did Blue Print,
20
00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:01,700
you must admit.
- Oh, my God. Do not even say that.
21
00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:03,580
This tastes like spunk.
22
00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:05,360
But it’s like how am I supposed
to express my creativity
23
00:01:05,380 --> 00:01:07,980
and really stretch my wings
if they don’t give a budget.
24
00:01:08,059 --> 00:01:10,579
I’m a bird in a cage
literally right now.
25
00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:12,800
And I have to shit, and I’m in
meatpacking, and nobody shits here.
26
00:01:12,819 --> 00:01:15,539
Can you stop by the Duane Reade
and get me some tampons?
27
00:01:15,619 --> 00:01:17,699
It’s like Nicole Simpson up in here.
28
00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:19,700
This is your selection, isn’t it?
29
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:23,100
I can tell this is yours
because it’s really well curated.
30
00:01:23,179 --> 00:01:25,239
Woke up this morning. He made me
an exquisite breakfast.
31
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,219
- He’s so hot.
- But I had plans with Benjamin,
32
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:30,420
and I made him pick me up
at Jonathan’s house.
33
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,340
You’re such a slut.
I’m obsessed with you.
34
00:01:33,819 --> 00:01:36,739
- Why do you keep making me do this?
- I’m a bad friend.
35
00:01:36,819 --> 00:01:38,479
Oh, my God. Hide me, hide me.
Please just help me.
36
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:39,960
- You’re being so dramatic.
- No, you don’t understand.
37
00:01:39,979 --> 00:01:41,559
- You’re such a queen sometimes.
- No, he fisted me
38
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,960
at Kanye’s secret show
at the Boom Boom Room at The Standard.
39
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:45,479
You’ve got to stop letting people
put their fist up there.
40
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:49,140
- Just put your face in front of mine!
- This is ridiculous.
41
00:01:52,819 --> 00:01:55,979
I gotta say, originally I was kind of
upset that you guys had a kid
42
00:01:56,059 --> 00:01:59,499
because he was kind of screwing up
my income stream, but he’s really cute.
43
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:01,020
I would have had you here every week
44
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:03,180
for the last two years
if she wasn’t breast feeding.
45
00:02:03,259 --> 00:02:04,859
I still really want it, though.
46
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:06,540
Are you guys doing anything fun
tonight?
47
00:02:06,619 --> 00:02:09,099
Well, not tonight,
but tomorrow night my mom is taking him,
48
00:02:09,180 --> 00:02:10,580
and we’re gonna go to Beacon
49
00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:13,660
and stay with friends
and get fucked up, and sleep.
50
00:02:13,739 --> 00:02:16,219
Sorry. One second.
51
00:02:21,419 --> 00:02:22,819
Hi, you still at the same address?
52
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,360
Yeah, and I don’t really have
a lot of time.
53
00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:26,900
No, okay. That’s fine.
I’ll be there in an hour.
54
00:02:26,979 --> 00:02:29,539
Okay, can you get here
sooner than that though?
55
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:32,180
- I pressed X!
- I pressed X.
56
00:02:32,259 --> 00:02:34,939
- We’ll see. Bye.
- Bye.
57
00:02:35,019 --> 00:02:37,859
Oh, and also the one device
that doesn’t have Blackbook on it.
58
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,300
So thanks, Dad.
Merry Christmas, faggot.
59
00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:44,340
Oh, my God. Kill yourself, Olivia.
Just fucking kill yourself.
60
00:02:44,419 --> 00:02:48,419
Have you seen her Facebook profile?
She’s listing herself as an artist.
61
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,660
Listen, you dumb bitch, just cutting up
a Klimt coffee table book
62
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,619
and making collages
does not make you an artist.
63
00:02:54,699 --> 00:02:56,319
- Her Tumblr’s actually beautiful.
- Oh, my God.
64
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:58,900
Do not even say that.
You’re just enabling her mediocrity.
65
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:02,099
Hey, dumb bitch,
your boyfriend tried to sleep with me
66
00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:04,900
after the Ginger and Rosa screening.
Idiot.
67
00:03:04,979 --> 00:03:06,599
Hey, man.
Are you gonna give us a discount
68
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,580
since you were actually two hours late
for us?
69
00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:12,140
No. It’s Friday night.
I’m very busy.
70
00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:14,980
Calm down. Okay, so $50?
71
00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:17,860
- All right. So babe, money.
- No, I didn’t take out any cash today.
72
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,140
I have $63 in my account.
I’m waiting on a paycheck.
73
00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:22,560
Are you serious right now? I don’t even
smoke. I’m not paying for this.
74
00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:24,339
We got this weed
because we told Erika...
75
00:03:24,419 --> 00:03:26,499
You told Erika
that we would trade her for coke.
76
00:03:26,579 --> 00:03:29,579
But you’re gonna smoke half the bag
before we even give it to her.
77
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,020
So I’ll shit out $50 right now?
Where am I gonna get $50?
78
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,780
Max! Just go down to the bodega.
It’s literally a 45 second walk.
79
00:03:34,859 --> 00:03:38,059
No bodega. Because bodega takes $2,
and Chase takes $3.
80
00:03:38,139 --> 00:03:39,999
- I’ll go into overdraft immediately.
- You are so ghetto.
81
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,279
You guys need to have this shit
figured out before I get here.
82
00:03:42,299 --> 00:03:46,059
No, it’s fine. We’ll just... We’ll all
go to the Chase or Duane Reade together.
83
00:03:46,139 --> 00:03:47,779
No, no, no.
That’s not how it works, dude.
84
00:03:47,819 --> 00:03:52,779
Listen... I just stay here with her,
and you can go to the Duane Reade.
85
00:03:52,859 --> 00:03:54,499
Are you fucking serious right now?
86
00:03:54,579 --> 00:03:57,019
I am not staying here
alone with a shady drug dealer.
87
00:04:01,259 --> 00:04:03,159
- Where are you? I need to leave soon.
- Hey, man.
88
00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:06,060
Yeah, It’s taking a little while.
I’ll be there.
89
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:13,260
It’s about fucking time.
90
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:20,540
You fucking kidding me?
91
00:04:22,140 --> 00:04:25,100
Hey! Hey!
92
00:04:25,179 --> 00:04:27,939
- Are we doing this?
- Okay! Sorry, that’s our drug dealer.
93
00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:35,020
He was at Bonnaroo and had a drug trip,
and it changed him.
94
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:40,899
- Is that rose gold?
- Yeah.
95
00:04:40,979 --> 00:04:43,219
Oh, I love rose gold.
96
00:04:43,299 --> 00:04:45,259
When I get married,
I’m gonna get a rose gold band
97
00:04:45,299 --> 00:04:49,139
with black diamonds.
- Good.
98
00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:51,660
Thank you so much.
A plus customer service from you.
99
00:04:51,739 --> 00:04:53,179
I wish I could tip you.
100
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,300
I have got to rally.
I am so not feeling this tonight.
101
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:59,459
I know. I feel like poop.
102
00:04:59,539 --> 00:05:02,059
- Not cool, man.
- What?
103
00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:04,900
You gonna give me 50 more dollars?
104
00:05:04,979 --> 00:05:06,739
- Why would I do that?
- You know why.
105
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:09,820
Oh, my God, you guys. Drama!
What’s going on?
106
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,340
Your friend knows what’s going on.
107
00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:12,919
I really... I don’t know
what you’re talking about.
108
00:05:12,939 --> 00:05:15,419
I came here with nine bags,
and now I only have seven,
109
00:05:15,499 --> 00:05:18,659
so either give me back the one you took,
or you give me another $50.
110
00:05:18,739 --> 00:05:22,299
Well, I took one from you,
which I literally just paid you for,
111
00:05:22,379 --> 00:05:24,999
so our transaction is over, and you
should be walking out my door right now.
112
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:29,020
Just give it back. I’m not gonna do
anything. Just give it back. Or...
113
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:33,820
Or what?
You’re gonna call the police?
114
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:36,060
File a report?
115
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:40,019
You know what? Fuck it.
You can have it.
116
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:43,380
I hope you enjoy it because you’re
blacklisted now. Good night, assholes.
117
00:05:43,460 --> 00:05:46,260
- Yeah, well, you smell like dick cheese.
- You were molested as a kid.
118
00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:48,739
I like this, so I’m gonna take it.
119
00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:52,300
Thanks for the tip, chuckleheads.
120
00:05:52,379 --> 00:05:54,259
It’s okay.
I took three bags.
121
00:05:54,340 --> 00:05:57,460
That stupid stoner doesn’t even
know how to count.
122
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,379
How do you think he knew
you were molested?
123
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:35,180
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