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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,440 That's my brother's new business venture I was telling you about. 2 00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,100 Shit, 3 00:00:04,460 --> 00:00:06,300 look at the tail on her. 4 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,740 Tail on her. 5 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:09,060 Tail on her. 6 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,000 He made this all happen. Me? 7 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:12,660 Yeah. You the man. 8 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,300 Waitress, can you give these drinks to those guys over there, Dan? 9 00:00:18,940 --> 00:00:20,280 They look a little parched. 10 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:22,900 No, it's your thing. 11 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,400 Bob! 12 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:41,520 Hello, everybody. 13 00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:43,280 Thank you for coming tonight. 14 00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:47,760 As you know, there has been a problem with society. 15 00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:55,620 Pot is legal, and there is a plethora of money floating around that cannot be 16 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:56,920 federally insured. 17 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:03,820 One such company, the Weed Founders Credit Union, has made a name for 18 00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:04,819 themselves. 19 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,360 A fucking credit union. 20 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:21,420 How can we allow a credit union to tarnish the good banking name with state 21 00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:23,720 legal drug money? 22 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,380 Oh, it started off as a joke. 23 00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:34,400 Now, every single pot dealer and grower is part of this bank. 24 00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:42,460 Since they started two months ago, they have amassed $100 billion. 25 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:45,380 That's incredible. 26 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,800 I'm really surprised at that. Senator Jobe. 27 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:52,280 But I met with them this morning, and they want to give money, a lot of money, 28 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,800 to the children's orphanage. 29 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,640 The orphanage? 30 00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:01,320 They don't care about the orphanage. They just want you to think they care 31 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,320 the orphanage. 32 00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:04,780 They are drug dealers. 33 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:09,440 Senator Jobe and everyone else in the room, please open your eyes. 34 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:13,680 Do you want to be known? 35 00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:21,130 As the senator who sat idly by and watched America decay because of the 36 00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:22,850 legalization of marijuana? 37 00:02:24,590 --> 00:02:30,050 Do you know how many people have fought and died in this country to make this 38 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,150 the greatest country in the world? 39 00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:38,190 My family has served in this country with their time and their lives since 40 00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:39,670 beginning of this country. 41 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:45,560 I am Thomas Jefferson's great, great, great, great, great, great 42 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,920 And he would have said that you are in the wrong. 43 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,320 We give this country money. 44 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,500 We make the economy grow. 45 00:02:55,020 --> 00:03:01,460 Everyone has better lives because of it. Because I lend them money or hold on to 46 00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:02,460 it for them. 47 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:07,440 But you are a private bank and make the government pay you for its money that we 48 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,440 let you make. 49 00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:15,890 Senator Hawaii, you're missing the point. Oh, really? Marijuana is bad. 50 00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:20,710 Hold your comments for one more minute. 51 00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:28,550 Marijuana is so bad, it is so evil, that I've brought you tapes, documentary 52 00:03:28,550 --> 00:03:35,170 proof from pot dispensaries all around the state of these deviant behaviors, 53 00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:36,550 of these mongrels. 54 00:03:38,090 --> 00:03:39,710 Before you ask... 55 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,220 Yes, it is as real as Miracle Whip. 56 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,000 Debbie, please roll the tape. 57 00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:58,500 Are you okay? 58 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:01,880 Yes. 59 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,740 Rob, now that I'm in your arms. 60 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,460 Oh, she's okay. She's a little shaken up, but... Yeah. 61 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,600 I love you, Rob. 62 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:18,720 After this, can we be together? I told you. I'm going to take you to Red 63 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,120 Lobster. Do you really mean it, Rob? 64 00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:22,420 Of course I mean it. 65 00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:26,020 Okay. 66 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,020 Let's do this, Rob. 67 00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:29,260 Okay. 68 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:35,780 After you hit play, go over there and give that hag poison in her drink. 69 00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:37,020 Okay? 70 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,660 Whatever you want, my hunk of a man. 71 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,160 Okay. 72 00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:43,780 Let's do it. 73 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:45,960 Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie. 74 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,940 Um, silent button, Debbie. 75 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:06,820 Yeah, that one. 76 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,440 Show me. 77 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,600 You're crazy. 78 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,220 Take it easy, kid. 79 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,840 I just want to talk to you. 80 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,960 What you are about to see may not be suitable for young audiences. 81 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,220 The events you are about to witness may keep you awake at night. They may numb 82 00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:32,580 your nerves, or they might make you do what is right. 83 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:39,240 The American tragedies of Orville, Maxwell, a top -top, Vance, Joseph, 84 00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:45,360 Mary, and a young Jesus are the saddest events to have taken place since the 85 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,360 death of Alexander the Great. 86 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,120 And here are their stories. 87 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,860 Young child geniuses who got their degrees from Harvard, Oxford, and MIT by 88 00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:04,620 age of 15 took a dare to buy some marijuana from a local dispensary and 89 00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:10,140 to dispel the rumors that the cannabis plant is an evil of this earth, as was 90 00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:13,960 taught to them last semester at Eli Lilly University. 91 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,800 On this dare, the boys brought with them a cameraman to document their findings 92 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,540 and went to the most secluded place in New York City, the South Street Seaport, 93 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:27,420 where the fish market is long dead and so is its economy. 94 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:32,680 They figured it would be vacant and secluded, so if something did go wrong 95 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:37,360 its supposed illicit effects, nobody would get harmed, except maybe the 96 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:41,760 cameraman. But he signed his waivers and was ready to go into the battlefield. 97 00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:47,440 But as it went... Sally Sunshine took a shortcut through the neighborhood to 98 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:52,560 pick her triplets up from the free school for underprivileged families when 99 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:56,500 boys saw her and could not contain their young loins anymore. 100 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,760 Hey, baby, I got a fine wine you want to taste. 101 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,160 Come here and give me some sugar. 102 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,600 I love apples! 103 00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,780 Help! Get away from me! 104 00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:11,320 The boys chased her through the streets until they trapped her in an alley and 105 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,520 did well. 106 00:08:13,469 --> 00:08:17,030 Let's just say she didn't get to pick her kids up on time. 107 00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:21,030 No, stop it, please! 108 00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:24,510 That pot was great. Makes me feel strong. 109 00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:31,490 Yeah, I love that. It's legal now and we can have sex with any girl we want. 110 00:08:32,850 --> 00:08:34,309 Me, dude, hurry! 111 00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:37,169 No, no, stay away, please! 112 00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:53,890 who some dubbed a young abraham lincoln got stuck on his incurable and unhealthy 113 00:08:53,890 --> 00:08:59,250 habit of smoking the pot one day while looking for books and how to become a 114 00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:05,190 better american vance came upon a hidden black market book shoved into a corner 115 00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:11,350 by who knows who which intrigued him to no end he couldn't stop reading it one 116 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:15,870 simple phrase and one simple image gave him ideas of grandeur 117 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:34,060 His dreams of becoming president one day all came to an end as he entered the 118 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:37,560 most heavily armed and government -protected building in America. 119 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:51,520 Killing innocents, spilling blood until one lucky shot got him falling down into 120 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,220 the hands of AIG. 121 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,720 Vance's story has more behind it, which makes it all the more disturbing. 122 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:13,580 He left behind a grieving widow with ten children. 123 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:18,940 They don't really understand that they are not going to see their father for 124 00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:23,900 rest of their lives, as they are lined up on the streets with their little hat 125 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:29,800 inside, begging for another fair chance of life. 126 00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:33,000 It makes me cry just to think about it. 127 00:10:39,470 --> 00:10:43,910 Then there was the story of Joseph, Mary, and a young Jesus. 128 00:10:44,470 --> 00:10:48,530 Not the ones from the Bible, but close enough to a modern -day revelation. 129 00:10:48,870 --> 00:10:53,770 What would have turned into another savior was lost to the unacceptable 130 00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:57,970 through the devices of slack gun control law and legalized marijuana. 131 00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:03,550 Joseph could not bear it any longer. His thoughts began to stray. 132 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:10,460 He even began to believe that his son was not immaculately conceived through 133 00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:11,520 Lord from up above. 134 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:17,680 Jealous thoughts ran through his head as his wonderful family enjoyed themselves 135 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,720 playing a game and missing him. 136 00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,020 Oh, not for long, buddy. 137 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,220 Woo -hoo! 138 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,100 Free parking! 139 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,600 In your face! 140 00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:38,740 Joseph smoked a bomb, took out his assault rifle he got from the local gun 141 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:43,100 store, and, well... No, that's not fair! I was just about to beat you! 142 00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:44,700 I'll spare Monopoly! 143 00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:51,220 ...ended the Virgin Mary's and the young Jesus' lives prematurely. 144 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:58,400 Could all of this have been avoided? 145 00:11:58,660 --> 00:11:59,660 You bet. 146 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:05,000 If pot wasn't in his system, he and his family would be here today proclaiming 147 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,220 the secrets of life. 148 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:13,640 These three tragic and now prolific stories of the 20th century will stand 149 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:19,520 infamy, such as JFK's assassination, the former chairman of NASDAQ's fall, 150 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:24,260 Bernie Madoff, and the fatal crash of Princess Diana. 151 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:31,380 Because of the ordinary, who weren't able to become extraordinary, died by 152 00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:37,020 hands of senators who legalized the most vicious plant this century has ever 153 00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:38,020 known. 154 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:44,960 Do what's right. Make pot illegal. Because you are the future of this 155 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,040 Godspeed. 156 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,140 Harder! Harder! 157 00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:09,460 Shit! So you see, my good people, deviant mind produced from deviant 158 00:13:11,940 --> 00:13:12,940 Here it is. 159 00:13:13,340 --> 00:13:14,400 There's no doubt about it. 160 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,720 Sorry, can you hold your questions for another minute, please? 161 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,100 I don't have a question. It's more of a comment. 162 00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:26,850 Can you please hold your comments until I'm off stage? Thank you. 163 00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:46,190 So, as I was saying, Bob, what are you doing here? 164 00:13:48,390 --> 00:13:49,390 Take it easy. 165 00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:50,770 Fuck you, man. 166 00:13:53,230 --> 00:13:55,130 Hey, Senator OG, nice to see you. 167 00:13:55,390 --> 00:13:56,410 Nice to see you, Bob. 168 00:13:57,590 --> 00:14:01,450 Anyways, you guys don't have to listen to my brother. Everything was 169 00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:02,490 and it's a lie. 170 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,910 Fucking stop it. You're going to kill my business. 171 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:07,810 Trying to ruin your business? 172 00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:14,250 How about how you're trying to sabotage all the good weed dealers and make them 173 00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:16,250 illegit? Wow. 174 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,130 That's quite a statement. 175 00:14:18,590 --> 00:14:19,590 Unbelievable. 176 00:14:19,930 --> 00:14:21,270 He's lying. 177 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,200 My brother smokes the weed also, so you can't believe a word he says. 178 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:30,300 My good people, marijuana does not make you do bad things. 179 00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:31,940 Artistic things? 180 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,720 Yes. Lazy things? 181 00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:36,500 Yes. But it does not make you violent. 182 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,160 Is anybody listening to me? 183 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:43,440 Senator OG, come on. You know about it. 184 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:45,520 It's true. 185 00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:46,940 It's... 186 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,920 See? He must have been smoking the gun. Oh, shit. His heart failed. 187 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,580 There goes his narcolepsy again. Debbie, please escort this charlatan out of 188 00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:04,120 here. If you guys believe anything this guy is saying, you're a sheep and you 189 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,380 need to be brought back to the farm. You look like a fool. 190 00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,480 It's ridiculous. 191 00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:10,340 Rob, you call that a documentary? 192 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,940 Since when does a documentary have someone else's point of view? 193 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,160 Answer that, Rob. 194 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:17,900 Answer that. 195 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,300 That is a good question, Robert. 196 00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:23,970 How does a documentary have a woman's point of view? 197 00:15:24,230 --> 00:15:29,430 The documentarian really cares about his work and is very passionate about it. 198 00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:33,230 When a woman is getting raped, what kind of filth do you employ? 199 00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:39,490 Okay, he's right. 200 00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:44,810 I'm lying. It's a total fraud. But it really happens, but I couldn't really 201 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,830 find... We've had enough, Mr. Robert. 202 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,760 We will keep our vote for no prohibition. 203 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,420 Okay, thank you. 204 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,560 I guess it didn't go so well. 205 00:16:18,990 --> 00:16:24,170 Maybe next time, I know what'll cheer you up. 206 00:16:26,890 --> 00:16:28,710 There's nothing that can cheer me up, Debbie. 207 00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:34,250 My brother is stupid, and he's younger, and he's beating me. I'm supposed to be 208 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,690 the evil, maniacal one. 209 00:16:36,510 --> 00:16:40,210 How about we finish what we started earlier? 210 00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:47,310 My super rich guy pal of a guy who makes me so wet. What are you thinking about? 211 00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:49,030 All money, son. 212 00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:54,050 Oh, that's great. 213 00:16:59,990 --> 00:17:02,470 Oh, yeah. That always makes me feel better. Yeah, right there. 214 00:17:02,830 --> 00:17:06,810 Yeah. Oh, right there. Oh, no, you don't. Mm -hmm. 215 00:17:07,869 --> 00:17:12,210 Yeah, I know you like it. I know you like it. Oh, God. I like it. Oh, God. 216 00:17:12,730 --> 00:17:13,849 More. More. 217 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,660 Let's fix it once and for all. 17070