All language subtitles for growing_pains_s07e17_menage_a_luke

If you believe it, I bagged an A -minus
on the test. How'd you do? No big deal.

A -plus?

I made some lucky guesses.

In algebra?

It's not like math is an exact science.

Okay, I'll get a B next time.

Sasha Swarovski. Today's the day Sasha's
going to ask me to the Sadie Hawkins

dance. How do you know? Well, it's the
payoff of my master plan of conquest.

Your what? Phase one, I ignored her.

Phase two, sat across from her in the
lunchroom, never made eye contact.

Phase three, pulled some strings to get
into her English class, sat behind her

the whole year, never talked to her
once.

You've been doing this all semester.

Don't be silly. It's in sixth grade.

And it's definitely worth it because now
I have become that unattainable,

desirable man of mystery.

Okay.

She wants me so bad.

What? What do you buy? She practically
undressed me with her eyes.

That little teen.

It's time to put that poor love -starved
girl out of her misery.

Hi, Ben.

Hi, Cheryl.

Hey, what's going on?

What a coincidence running into you.

It's the 18th coincidence today.

Somehow I seem to have memorized your
schedule.

You did?

Look, Cheryl, can we talk later? I'm
kind of busy.

Too busy for a history presentation?

Our history presentation?

We signed up as partners in class last
week.

I don't remember that.

You were sleeping. I held up your hand.

So, when do you want to get together to
work on it?

After school?

Not really.

Tonight? We'll discuss it. Later
tonight?

Look, Cheryl, Luke and I have got some
man things to talk about. You know,

spitting, scratching.

What? I also wanted to know, would you
go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me on

Saturday night?

Gee, I'd like to, but I think something
might come up. Is that a maybe?

No, I don't know. I think that's the
night my mom's having her surgery.

Really?

What's wrong with her?

Nothing serious.

She's donating the kidney.

Oh, my gosh. To who?

Oh, whoever pops up.

Wow, she's really generous.

Now I can see why you're so sweet.

Okay, then, we'll see.

Yeah, right.

Bye.

Anyway, Sasha waits.

Won't kill her.

All right, I've let you dangle long
enough.

Your hunk of hunk of burning love is
here.

homework assignment today.

Oh, I'm not so sure Mike's the one you
want to ask for help.

Sure he is. He can tell me how to get
out of it.

Why do you want to get out of it?

Dad, we're not talking bringing a leaf
from the backyard.

This is fake time. I have to tell my
class what your jobs are.

Well, honey, that sounds like fun, and
we'll both help you.

So I'm stuck doing it?

Guess who got an A on her first lab
assignment from Felix?

I flunked my mother, Fitzsimmons.

I guess if you want help, there's the
person to go to. Help with what? Chrissy

just got her first homework assignment.

That's wonderful.

I remember mine.

We had to describe our favorite time of
year.

I chose winter.

All right. Then we had to have two
parent -teacher conferences over that

I still can't believe that I was the
only five -year -old to see Frosty the

Snowman as a metaphor for death.

I'll wait for Mike.

Dill chips, peanut butter, and
mayonnaise.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Mike, you want one of my miracle
sandwiches?

What's the miracle?

You can swallow it without hurling.

Thanks anyway, but Kate's making a
macrobiotic dinner for me tonight.

I gotta be totally starved to choke it
down.

Hey, guys.

There's a girl walking up the walk
there.

She's kind of cute. She's about your
age.

She must be lost.

Oh, no, it's Cheryl Murray.

We're supposed to work on that stupid
assignment. What a pest.

Look, make an excuse for me.

Ben, there is no excuse for you.

What about your history project?

I'm not doing homework when I could be
out living the wildlife. I'm going

bowling with Stinky.

Does it get any better than that?

Hey, you must be Cheryl. Come on in.

Ben had to run out.

He... He said that Luke would explain.

Uh, hi. Ben had to go to Stinky's. It
was an emergency.

Oh, gee. Anything serious?

Nah. Emergencies happen a lot to guys
named Stinky.

You don't have to cover for him.

It's me, isn't it?

He thinks I'm a dork.

Oh, no, he doesn't.

Really? He doesn't even think.

Well... I guess I'll work on my
presentation alone.

Well, what's it on?

The 500th anniversary of Columbus's
voyage.

Thanks for reminding me, you know. I
still have to get him a gift.

Huh? Yeah.

What does a 500 -year -old explorer
need?

Mouth to mouth?

Imagine how famous he'd be if he were
alive today.

Cover of People magazine.

Doing lunch at the White House.

Guest shocks on Hollywood squares.

I'll take Christopher Columbus to block.

He'd probably be selling his own line of
perfume.

Chris Columbus's discovery.

A new world odor.

Today on Oprah, men who exploit the new
world and the women who love them.

And of course he'd be an Arsenio.

That's how you should do your project.

Yeah, like a talk show.

Ladies and gentlemen.

He proved the world is bigger and
rounder than the Pillsbury Doughboy's

Give it up for my man, Christopher
Columbus.

Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

Chris, two words.

New world. How did you do it?

Dedication, perseverance, and regular
floggings.

I hear you. Okay.

You're an explorer.

You're a sailor.

You're a navigator.

What next?

I want to direct.

We've got to take a break. We'll be
right back.

So then since people come into your
office and they lay down on the couch.

people do, yes.

Do you make them take a nap? No, no, no.
They don't sleep. The couch just helps

them relax.

Is this before or after you shrink their
heads?

That's a figure of speech.

I just talk to them.

About what?

Well. whatever they want to talk about,
whatever they need to talk about.

A lady came in to see me yesterday
because she was really upset with her

husband. Like Mommy?

No, no, this lady's upset all the time.

Oh, like Carol.

No, no, let's see.

People think they know the reasons they
do things.

But inside of every person, there's sort
of a second person in there. And that's

the real reason we do things. See, and
these two people are always fighting

each other, trying to control the third
person.

This would be easier if you understood
the id, ego, and superego.

This would be easier if you were a
fireman.

Oh, man, I am starved. I need something
with meat or sugar or fat in it.

That's your way to Kate's.

Oh, well, we had, let's see, hay, stucco
patties, and for

dessert, we split a chia pet.

Well, how about I make you a sandwich
with no ingredients that occur in

All right, now that's food.

Mike, I need your advice about dating.
And Ben.

Oh, that's easy enough. He's not your
type.

I'm talking about Cheryl.

Oh, is that the girl that was here
earlier?

Yeah, anyway, she likes Ben.

Oh, so she's insane.

Maybe, but I like her.

And I think she likes me.

I mean, ever since she left, she's all I
can think about.

And Ben, well, I get the impression he'd
like her to disappear.

Yeah, what makes you think that?

Well, he said I wish he'd disappear.

Great, then what's the problem?

I don't know the rules about dating. Is
it all right for me to see Cheryl again?

Yeah, sounds great to me. I mean, you
get her, she gets you, and Ben gets

Stinky.

Hey, nice sweater.

I got one just like it, only I never
wear it. It makes me look like a dork.

Actually, this is your sweater.

I mean, I didn't think you'd mind.
Everybody says it makes you look like a

Hey, there she is.

How's this out?

So, uh, Sasha, do you want anything
special Saturday night between 8 and

midnight? What do you think?

Nice balance between subtlety and
begging.

Oh, no, not now. It's Cheryl.

At least I think it's Cheryl.

She looks so girl -like.

Look, do me a favor. Keep her busy so
she doesn't blow my chances with Sasha.

Hi,

Ben. Hi, Luke.

Uh, Cheryl, um, I gotta run. Luke was
just asking me about my schedule. Maybe

you could fill him in?

Hi, Sasha.

Speaking of the Sadie Hawkins dance...
Me and you? What are you, joking?

Not in a million years.

Don't ever speak to me again.

Hey, I already have a date for the
dance.

Just quit throwing yourself at me. It's
over, baby.

So, Cheryl, I've got some good news.

They found someone for your mom's
kidney?

No. Actually, nobody needed it, so they
put it back. Uh -huh.

So now I can go to the dance with you.

Gee, Ben, I'm sorry, but since you
didn't give me an answer, I'm going with

Luke.

Okay, come on, Chrissy. The best way to
learn about my job is to help me do it.

Now, I'm writing an article for the
newspaper.

About murders and stuff?

No, but it's very important.

About what?

Boxer shorts.

Oh, really?

Honey, a consumer reporter tests
different products to tell people which

they should buy. Today, it's men's boxer
shorts.

Happy man boxer shorts.

If what's inside your shorts really
matters...

Only happy man shorts will do.

Okay, let's test the waistband.

Ouch. The elastic has to be strong. Who
wants their shorts around their ankles?

Not me.

They also claim to be specially treated
to resist stains. Well, we shall see.

This is a lot more fun than Daddy's job.

Okay, we'll finish up later. Let's get
dinner out of the oven.

Where's Luke?

Oh, I think he's... Luke!

Upstairs. Luke!

Good pipes. Every look within five miles
is on his way over.

I can't believe you humiliated me in
front of the entire school.

What? You know Cheryl Murray was my
territory.

The territory? You treat her like dog
dirt.

We've got a special relationship.

It's none of your business.

Yeah? Well, I'm making it my business.
I'm the guy who's taking her to the

Hawkins dance.

Yeah, over my dead body. Oh, that can be
arranged. Yeah. Anybody ready for some

dinner? Yum, yum. Mmm, boy.

This is my chair. No, it's not.

Yes, it is. I always sit here, the one
furthest from Carol.

Ben, you sit next to your sister.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot.

Okay, good night by special request,
chicken and mushrooms.

Request? I hate mushrooms.

Thanks a lot, Mrs. Beaver. You know it's
my favorite.

I've never liked mushrooms.

All my life I've made that very clear.

I will not eat fungus.

No, me either.

I'm fungus.

Like the stuff between Luke's toes.

Stuff between your ears.

Dad, come on, watch it. Your mother went
to a lot of trouble defrosting that

chicken.

And opening that can of mushroom soup.

Did I mention I hate mushrooms?

What's the big deal? Just pick them out.

Well, if I was going to pick something
out, I'd pick out a new family who lived

in a mushroom -free zone.

Can we just have some pleasant
conversation around here?

Fine. All right.

So, Luke, you making a lot of new
friends at school?

Ben, are you all right?

It's the fungus.

I'm fine. Sorry if my near -death
experience ruined anyone's meal.

You didn't ruin mine. I'm fine. No
problem here.

Carol, will you please ask Luke to pass
the salt?

Luke, pass Ben the salt, please.

Tell him I'll save him some in case he
wants to pour any of it in my wounds.

Listen, I don't know why you're so mad
at me. Mike said I wasn't doing anything

wrong.

You told him to do this to me?

Man, would you keep it down? I'm trying
to enjoy my chicken here. Oh, you like

dinner so much, you can have some of
mine.

Hey, stop it! What's going on between
you guys? What are you throwing food at

for? I'm sorry. Excuse me. I didn't mean
to throw food at Mike.

I meant to throw it at him.

I said stop it. Out of here.

All you guys.

And you go with him since you obviously
have something to do with this, Mike.

Big surprise.

Can't they stay? I've never seen a food
fight before.

You just stay here and eat your chicken
and fungus.

Come on, Ben. We didn't think you were
interested in Cheryl.

It didn't mean I wanted her stolen away
by some sniveling weasel. Yeah, well,

the sniveling weasel's gonna pop you
off. Hey, hey, hey, guys, guys, come on.

You're fighting over a girl.

All right, now, why don't you save it
for the important stuff, like who gets

remote control?

That's another thing. How come he gets
the remote control all the time? Yeah,

how would you like the channels changed
on your face?

Hey, hey, hey, guys, guys, knock it off.

All right, now, Luke, come on. Go
upstairs and give me a minute to figure

out with Ben.

Sure, I gotta go Q -tip the mashed
potatoes out of my ear.

Now, Ben, you mind telling me what's
going on here?

Cheryl adored me.

She worshipped at the Shrine O 'Ben.

Oh, now, come on. Do you think that's
really fair to use some girl like that

stroke your own ego?

Of course.

Ben, what if some girl was doing the
same thing to you?

Oh, whoa, I'm starting to sound like
Dad.

How's my hair?

Mike, she made me feel important.

I mean, all my life, I've been Fever's
little brother.

I mean, that's all I ever heard.

I'm finally out of your shadow. Now I'm
the kid who lives with Luke.

I mean, he gets better grades than me,
looks better in my clothes, and I choke

on his mushrooms.

He's even stealing the advice you should
be giving me.

You're my brother, not Luke.

Oh, did you tell him about our jobs?

Yeah, it was great. I even drew
pictures.

Oh, how nice.

And very imaginative.

Yeah, it was great.

First, I told him what Daddy does.

I said he takes women into his office,
closes the door, and makes them lay on

the couch.

An hour later, they come out crying and
give him money.

And what did you tell him about my job?

I said that you were way more fun than
Daddy.

I said that you love to snap men's
boxes.

Over and over.

Because you're like a happy man.

Uh -oh.

I said when you finish, you throw hot
coffee in them.

Well, what did your teacher think of
this report?

She must have liked it. She told me to
go straight home and have you call her.

Yeah, why don't we do that right now?

Hi, is Ben home?

Yeah, come on in.

Ben?

Cheryl, what a pleasant surprise.

I just came here to drop off your
history notes, since we won't be doing

presentation together.

What are you talking about? We're
partners.

Not anymore.

Cheryl, what happened to our
relationship that let an outsider come

You never called, we never went out, and
you made fun of me at school.

Sure, if you want a nitpick.

We can make things the way they used to
be.

The way they used to be?

Me hanging around your locker, doing
your homework, hoping that just once

eat lunch with me?

Work for me.

Forget it.

It didn't make you like me.

And you know what? I didn't like me
either.

Luke may not be interested in me, but
things are never going back to the way

they were.

Wait. Wait a minute.

What do you mean Luke's not interested
in you?

Ask him. He broke our date.

He did? Why?

He said something about family problems.

Look, Cheryl.

I've been a jerk and I'm sorry.

Would you mind going into the kitchen
for a minute?

Why? Do you want me to fix you dinner?

Just for a minute, please.

Luke!

You bellowed?

Listen, what happened between you and
Cheryl?

Nothing happened. Nothing's going to
happen.

But I thought you said you really liked
her.

Yeah, but I didn't know you'd get so
free. And besides, you and your family

been so good to me.

This wasn't how I wanted to repay you.

See you around.

Luke, we don't need you to repay us. You
know, we want you here.

I've seen it happen to kids before.

One day you just go too far and wear out
your welcome.

If that were true, Carol would have been
gone a long time ago.

Well, we never did fight over mushrooms
and sweaters before.

Look, I'd never fight like that with a
stranger.

Only a brother.

Who really kicks me off.

It feels mutual.

Well, since it looks like we're both
going to be here a while, would you

mind doing me a favor?

Sure. Go check out my history
presentation.

It's in the kitchen.

The history presentation?

Just get in there, mushroom breath.

Luke.

Cheryl.

Listen, I better go.

No, no, no. You can stay. I'll go.

No, no, no. You can stay.

No, no. I'm going.

Luke, you live here.

Oh.

Well, see ya.

Look, Cheryl.

There are two ways I can play this.

I can spend the next three years
ignoring you until you're crazy with

me.

Or plan B.

I could ask you here and now to the
Sadie Hawkins dance.

No, you can't.

I'm supposed to ask you.

Okay.

Two words.

Sadie Hawkins.

One word.

Yes.