All language subtitles for growing_pains_s07e14_the_call_of_the_wild

And that's by five -part investigation
on New York's finest pizzerias, that is.

Do you believe the garbage they have on
local news?

Oh, yeah, I know. Now, what was number
two? Was it Giuseppe's or Antonio's?

Still ahead, record snowstorms are due
to hit local ski areas this weekend.

Oh, Mike, doesn't skiing sound like fun?

You know what sounds like a lot of fun
is this two -for -one takeout thing at

the Taste of Naples.

We'd be outdoors, the cold, fresh wind
in our faces.

Well, that's fine. When the pizza gets
here, we'll take it in the backyard.

Mike, I'm serious.

Kate, I can't afford a ski trip.

I can. I got some money left from my
last modeling job.

Look, hey, don't take this in a
patronizing way, but I do like to pay

little woman.

Well, then I suggest you find one.

Oh, look, hey, what I'm saying is just
that I would feel a lot more comfortable

doing things that I can afford, like
taking us out to dinner.

I am tired of hiding in the bathroom
while you order Happy Meals.

Well, I didn't hear you complaining when
you got the pirate hat.

All right, all right. I'll take your
scheme. Oh, yes, yes.

But I am paying, and that's that.

Mike, what does it matter who pays?

Because, Kate, I am a man. And if
nothing else, I've got my pride.

Oh, please, please, please. Carol, can I
borrow some money?

Mike, I have three words for you.

No way.

That's only two.

No way, stumphead.

Fine, fine, fine, Carol. I'll pay for
this trip out of my own pocket.

They accept lint.

Hi, can I have the number for the White
Mountain Lodge, please?

Thank you. Mike, why don't you just let
Kate pay?

Look, Luke, this is far too complicated
for you to understand.

Mike pays big men. Kate pays big woods.

That's pretty doggone complicated.

Yes, can you tell me how much your
cheapest but most impressive room is?

$300?

Oh, well, don't you have anything
cheaper, like a room someone was

That's $2 .75?

Do you have anything else?

A free room?

But only if I bring 20 paying customers
with me?

Okay, I'll take it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Seaver, party at 20. Book it, Dano.

Fine, book it, Maurice.

Hey, Luke.

How would you like to go skiing this
weekend for only 50 bucks?

Well, I've been saving my allowance.

But one question. Where are you going to
find 19 other saps stupid enough to pay

for your ski trip?

You want me to invite the entire Dewey
High Chess Club skiing?

the chef club is the valley of the
geefers.

These guys won't want to ski.

But Ben, don't listen to you. You're
their president.

I tried to resign.

I started crying.

Well, that's just the kind of gentle
souls that I'd like to chaperone.

Mike, these guys are too uncoordinated
to ski.

Last week, Leo Plotnick got his toe
stuck in his fly.

It's no problem. It's perfect. They
don't have to ski. They just have to

So what's in this for me?

Well, you'll have Jack Frost nipping at
your nose, and you'll have a gorgeous

ski bunny nipping at your... 18 sign
-ups, and I made them all pay cash.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go
sew some Olympic patches on my jacket.

My mission accomplished.

All right, but one question. What are
you and Kate going to do surrounded by

doofi with cheese in their braces?

You're right.

Now, who do I know who's gullible enough
to chaperone a herd of nerds?

Tall guy said, dot for ingam dom, dot
for minfru.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

Oh, I'm taking Carol to Swedish Film
Festival. We're seeing My Life as a Dog.

Oh, well, Carol, why would you pay money
to see that? You live it.

For your information, Dwight and I are
getting pretty fed up with the way you

guys treat me.

I've had an earful, and I don't want to
hear you comparing my girlfriend to a

Swedish film again. Know what I mean,
Jelly Bean?

Look, Dwight, we're ashamed of
ourselves.

Hey, how about I make it up to you, huh?
What would you say to a ski trip this

weekend at the White Mountain Lodge for
100 bucks?

Oh, no, please. A ski trip is enough. I
couldn't possibly accept 100 bucks.

No, Dwight, you would pay.

Oh, that's better.

Okay, uh, yeah, count us in.

Okay. Do we bring our own lederhosen?

Uh, no, no, you can rent. There's a
lederhosen stand.

Right, right, uh, boy, I almost forgot
the best part.

See, you'll be driving up on a bus with
20 teenage chess players.

Yippee -yay, yokai -yay.

Yeah, and, uh, well, what was I
thinking? You will have to check their

a list as they get on the bus.

You kidding? For a cheap ski trip, I'd
check their teeth.

Okay, well, great.

Just one other thing. When you tell
Carol about this, make her think it was

idea. Okay? And let the bus ride be a
surprise.

Women love that kind of stuff.

Mike, you're so good to me.

Honey.

I'd still like to go skiing this
weekend.

With you?

And no chess players.

Oh, Dwight, you are so good to me.

Mike, you want to take Ben and Luke and
a bunch of teenagers on a weekend ski

trip? Uh -huh.

We're going to have a big problem with
that young man. Well, Dwight and Carol

are coming.

Have a good time, son.

All right.

Jason, look, I feel better knowing that
Carol's going, but didn't you cave in a

little easily? I didn't cave, Maggie. I
calculated quickly.

I've just bought us our first weekend
alone since Chrissy was born.

Daddy, can you turn on the water when I
get upstairs?

What are you doing?

Making cement.

Whoa!

How would you like to make some cement
at Grandma Irma's this weekend?

Great! I just wish you said something
before I schlepped the gravel upstairs.

Bonjour!

Is there something different about this
room?

No. Too bad.

Is there something different about your
hair?

No. Hey, hey, hey.

Who's this little fella?

This is my son.

away this weekend. Could you keep an eye
on our house? You know, taking the

papers, the mail, the goat cheese. Hey,
if it helps you get out of town, we're

through.

Got us this enormous place all to
ourselves.

Yeah, well, actually... Hey,

isn't this the same busload of kids that
followed us all the way up here? Yeah,

it is.

Listen, Kate, I got kind of a confession
I want to make to you. You see, I sort

of arranged for a small group of kids to
come join us.

Join us? Yeah, a very well -behaved,
small, well -chaperoned group of kids.

We'll hardly notice them.

Be the chess club.

How can you tell?

Hey, hey, you.

If I challenged your queen with my rook,
what would you do?

Turn you upside down and make a wish?

Come on, Mike. I didn't want to spend
the weekend with nerds on ice, so I

invited the biggest party animals in
school.

Then how am I supposed to have a nice
weekend with Kate with all these

party dogs around?

You're right. You're right. I see your
point.

Let's send Kate home on the next bus.

Yeah.

Well, you got one. Leo Limetongue
Plotnick.

Limetongue? Well, his tongue is green.
He only eats green things.

At least that's the explanation we can
live with.

I'd be glad to wax him for you.

I don't need my keys waxed.

I'm not talking about your skis.

Mike!

Okay, I'll prison and account it for...
Oh, by the way, Mike, you didn't mention

that I had to drive the bus.

Dwight, you weren't supposed to drive
the bus.

Oh.

Well, that's why that guy was cussing at
me while we drove away.

No, I will not participate in anything
called a moon -a -thon.

Where are the rooms? All I want to do is
get away from these

screaming banshees. They were dancing on
top of the bus.

No, no, no, no, Carol. You cannot go
hide in your room. You and Dwight are

to chaperone.

Yeah, we talked dental hygiene, we
talked later hosing, but there was no

of chaperoning.

Excuse me, I went out of my way to get
you and Carol this bargain trip, and now

when I need you the most, you don't have
a couple extra minutes to keep an eye

on some fun -starved kids?

He's right.

I've been a pig.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Okay, now come here. The boys' rooms are
over here on the right and the girls'

are on the left.

And whatever you do, don't play chess
with the big guy.

Mom, could I have your attention?

Mike, this time you have pushed things
too far.

I only came up here because Dwight said
you invited us out of the goodness of

your heart.

Carol, you've known me for 20 years.
Does that sound like me?

No. Now go chat.

Mike, call me old -fashioned, but 20
kids pantsing the bellhop, it's not

my idea of a romantic weekend.

Hey, one day seems to be enjoying it.

Don't worry about the kids.

They'll be fine.

Mr. Seaver, who are you?

I'll be with you in a second, Limetone.

Okay, it's going to be fine. Carol's in
charge of the kids, and we won't even

notice them once they hit the slope.
That's what I came to tell you, sir.

There's no snow. The ski area's
completely shut down.

Something to do with...

Tropical depression, Irv.

Snow?

You know what? I'm excited, too. I'm
allergic to snow. Now we can break out

chess boards and have a hootenanny.

Look, your hootmaster is named Carol.

Okay? She's going to look like she
tasted earwax.

Mike, if these kids can't ski, they're
going to tear this place apart.

Kate, Kate, relax.

That's the beauty of my plant. It's not
our problem. It's Carol's.

Carol, what happened?

It's my ankle.

She slipped on some ice.

What ice? There is no ice. I spilled my
Fanta.

You're nothing, beloved. I'm going to
get a doctor. You're in no condition to

chaperone.

Well, mister, I like to pay for the
little woman.

Looks like you're in charge now.

Say, why don't you ditch Brillo Head and
let's get stupid?

You and I in this big house, all by
ourselves.

Mm -hmm.

Whatever shall we do? Oh, I don't know.

That's coming from the Creedmoors. It
must be their stupid house alarm.

Did somebody break in?

God, I hope so. Maybe they'll shut the
alarm up.

Hello.

Yes, yes, I'm calling to report a house
alarm going on. off at 17 Robin Hood

Lane.

Yes, I know I have a very nice speaking
voice. Thank you.

No, I don't want you to come over.

I would just like you to notify the
police.

Good. You'll send somebody over?

When?

Between 20 minutes and 6 hours? No,
that's ridiculous.

We got a crisis and the 911 operator is
flirting with me.

That's unprofessional of her.

Him?

Someone left the cake out in the rain.

I don't think that I can take it because
it took so long to bake it. And I'll

never have that recipe again.

Oh, no!

One more time, everybody.

Okay,

is it 9 .30 already? Time to turn in.

I have to go to bed early? You are worse
than my mother.

I paid for a fun weekend, and I'm going
to have fun, whether I party or snowplow

your face.

Good night.

I'll carry you to your room, my darling.
I have to go do a bed check.

This is so romantic, just like in Gone
with the Wind.

My rent.

My scarlet. My God.

We haven't had two minutes alone.

I have spent more time with green
tongue.

Lime tongue.

Do something.

Go suck an avocado.

Ooh, baby.

Look, Kate, look, I know that this trip
has gotten off to a rocky start, but

listen, we're alone now, okay? So what
do you say we make some hot cocoa and we

snuggle by the fire?

Great. Okay, come on.

It was just a whim.

Well, I'm turning in now. Kids are all
in their beds playing mixed doubles for

cheesy.

Mixed doubles?

In their bed?

Yeah, I said something about shirts and
skins.

You better make sure no one scores.

For the umpteenth time, why don't we
just check into a hotel?

Maggie, we're not going to an expensive
hotel just because we have thoughtless

neighbors. I have better things to do
with my 3650.

Well, why don't you just try blocking
the sound out of your mind? Pretend it's

the ocean.

Maggie, the ocean doesn't make my ears
bleed.

Hello, yes, I've called several times
tonight about this house alarm going...

Yes, I'm the one with the nice speaking
voice.

Oh, great. The alarm company is sending
somebody over. That's terrific. When?

Monday morning.

Listen to me.

I am the burglar.

I'm standing in the dining room. I'm
looking at the china cabinet. And if you

don't send somebody right away, the
gravy boat goes.

Sending somebody over. All right. When?

20 minutes to 6 hours?

Now, Jason, don't do anything foolish.

Maggie, do I look like I'm about to do
something foolish?

This is a loving husband and a respected
psychiatrist.

Right. Which is why he was up a ladder
in his pajamas trying to slap shot your

neighbor's burglar a lot. Sure.

When you put it that way, it sounds
silly, but I hadn't... Officer, it's

alarm. It's driving my husband out of
his mind. A short trip, I'm sure.

Can't you do something?

I could pistol whip him.

No, no. About the alarm.

Oh.

Well, uh, my partner's already on that,
ma 'am.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're
a prince.

Cool it, cool it.

Look, pal, that stuff may work on the
911 operator.

But I'm a different breed of cat.

Ma 'am.

Hey, hey, hey.

because you could have let me pay for a
simple trip. No, Kate, Kate, if it had

just snowed, and if Ben had invited the
chess club, and Carol hadn't slipped on

that soda, and Limetongue hadn't have
been born.

Mike, because of your stupid pig -headed
pride, nobody had fun this weekend.

Giddy -up!

I hope she dismounts him before he
drives us home.

Next time, whoever has the money pays.

I'll get it.

Bad news, there's a blizzard.

The roads are closed until tomorrow.

Yeah!

Let's get stupid!

And all I want to do is get out of here.
Uh, Pete, Pete, I'm afraid we're sort

of stuck here another night.

Mike, that was the front desk. They said
if you want to stay another night, they

need a thousand dollar deposit.

Uh, Kate?

Remember what you said about whoever has
the money pays?