All language subtitles for growing_pains_s07e07_the_kid_s_still_got_it

Okay, now hold this down and be careful.
If those two wires touch, you can get a

nasty shock.

Ben? Yo.

Hold this down for me. Sure.

Ah! Got it!

Yeah! All right. All right. Look at
this. One cable, three sets, different

channels. Luke, you're a genius.

Is it just me, or does this room taste
like tinfoil?

Oh, I'm so... I'm so excited I finally
get to get away with your father. Two

glorious days of dancing and gazing at
the stars.

I thought you were reviewing this old
folks resort for your consumer column.

Yeah, and why are you dragging Dad
along, Mom? It is not an old folks

and I know your father is just as
excited as I am.

Somebody just cover me with dirt and put
me out of my misery.

and let's just finish getting you
packed, and we'll talk about it on the

the cat school.

Oh, this isn't the weekend for that old
folks resort, is it?

Jason, it is not an old folks resort.
They cater to the over -40 crowd.

Well, make up your mind, Mom.

Jason, they said if we get there early
enough, they'll give us one of their

honeymoon suites.

They have honeymoon suites at the old
folks place?

What, do they give you a complimentary
magnum of Geritol?

Honey, I'm sorry.

It's just that I'm so tired I can hardly
wait to hit the road.

I'll get you back.

How come you guys are watching three
TVs?

Dad, Dad, listen to this.

Carol's gone to school, right?

Chrissy's going to the Henderson's for
the weekend. And Luke, Ben, and I are

going to live on this couch for two days
of nonstop sports, greasy food, and all

-around knucklehead guy stuff.

Knucklehead guy stuff?

It's too bad you can't stay with us. I
mean, nothing could ruin this perfect

weekend. Hello?

Yeah. Carol, what are you doing here?

Fran set fire to our dorm room with her
butane curling iron. All right, I got

chips, Slim Jims, pork rinds, and spray
cheese.

Ah! What are you doing here?

Okay, Jason, I left your suitcase open
upstairs. Just throw in your dancing

shoes and let's go.

Honey, just hypothetically speaking,
what do you think would happen if I said

don't really want to go with you this
weekend?

Well, hypothetically speaking, we could
fit a bed in the basement.

Good thing that was a hypothetical
question.

Jason, are you coming because you want
to, or are you just being nice to me?

Honey, come on. We've been married for
23 years.

We don't have to be nice to each other.

Jason, why don't you just stay home?

All right.

I mean, all right.

Dad, you don't want Mom to make that
long trip all by herself, do you?

Don't help me here, Mike.

No, but she can take Carol. What?
Please, please, please, please, please.

Oh, come on, Carol. What do you say? You
want to keep your old mom company?

Well, gee, Mom, I really have a lot of
homework.

Oh, well, then, sure, Carol, stay with
us. We'll stuff our faces together.

watch three TVs and do our version of
The Wave.

Greek weekend?

Well, that's why everybody's so young
and healthy.

With Pepsi to park a Toyota on.

You know, I usually respond to the come
-hither vibes of younger babes, but in

your case, I have made an exception, and
hither I came.

Shouldn't you be digesting a small
rodent?

See, babe, I've got it, and I would like
to share it.

With you.

How would you like to walk away before I
slam it in a window?

You're kinky.

You're a naughty girl.

Five, four. Okay, okay. But I'm the only
one here who's almost your age.

See me now or see me later.

Great. I've just been insulted by a
walking oil slick.

Malcolm, I wish I'd known you were
dragging me to a meat market.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. I hope this
doesn't disturb your studying.

Forget studying.

I left all my spandex at home.

Yes!

Doesn't get any better than this, boys.

Now, here's to good friends. Today is
kind of special.

Get your mom, Dad. Hey, listen, just a
second. You know that I love your mother

very much, and I cherish the time we
spend together.

And I think we can all agree this place
is a little empty without her.

So, what time are the Jamaican bobsled
trials?

Let's go to Big Boy! Big Boy!

Okay.

They're in a half hour. Then we have to
choose between the Wahine Bikini Contest

and Flycasting with Earl.

Wait a minute. Have Earl get on there.

Yes, my boys, this is the life.

I ordered five more pizzas.

Excellent!

Hello.

Dr. Seaver, I'm Nurse Rogers from
Greenway Elementary.

Hello, sweetheart. What are you doing
home? You're supposed to be at the

Henderson's. How is my little baby?
She's got lice.

Okay.

Lice?

Ridiculous humanist capitalist, Dr.
Seaver, otherwise known as good old

-fashioned... Oh, no, no, that can't be.
That's impossible. We keep an

immaculate house around here. Yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes.

Most of the time. She got it from
another child in her class. It happens

finest schools, I assure you. There's
absolutely no shame involved in this.

Shame? No, no, certainly not at all. Get
out!

Now, this does not have to be a serious
problem.

Yes, all right. Have a nice weekend.

Daddy, am I going to be all right?

Yes, come on. I'm going to take good
care of you.

Here, Mike, what does it say to do?

Um, well, we have to wash your head with
a special light shampoo and pick out

every single light tag off every strand
of hair, vacuum the furniture, scrub the

floors, strip the beds, wash the sheets,
stick your stuffed animals in plastic

bags. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mike, start
over. What do we do first?

Kiss our weekend goodbye.

Waiter, could you tell us if there's
anything special going on this weekend?

Well, I heard some stockbrokers are
going to drink as much beer as they can

then burp the 1812 overture.

We were thinking more along the lines of
organized activities.

Oh, well, there's the big dance tomorrow
night.

Well,

it's just as well your father's not
here.

There was a time when he used to do the
hustle until his bell bottoms rang.

They called him Saturday Night Seaver.

Now the only time he picks up his feet
is when I vacuum.

There's a young man over there that's
looking at you.

I hate it when guys do this.

Come on, Mom. Which one? Which one?

The one in the blue turtleneck?

And he's definitely interested.

Okay, Mom.

Let's say he's actually interested. He
takes me out, and I have the time of my

life. In two weeks, I'll be sitting by
the phone, power -eating nachos seasoned

only by the salt of my tears.

Hi, I'm Brad. Buzz off, guzzbucket!

Oh, no, she's joking.

Oh. Are you sisters?

I bet you're the older one.

Not older, more beautiful.

Not that you're not beautiful. It's just
that, well, she's blonde.

If it's real.

I think it is.

If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going
to go back to my room and re -spool my

floss.

He doesn't get out much.

Look, maybe this is a bad time.

We'll, uh, catch you later?

Maybe, maybe not.

We'll see.

I want him.

kind of machine that can only insult
you.

Excellent base. You are amazing.

Hey, cupcakes.

You look a little winded. I'd like some
mouth -to -mouth.

If you don't leave me alone, I'll have
you arrested.

Cut me, frisk me, make me scream.

I got about ten seconds before I feel
that.

So, I'm going to leave secure in the
knowledge you dig me.

So, Mom, you want to try the rowing
machine?

I'll try anything that doesn't talk.

I never realized how fun it was to build
up a good, clean sweat.

Oh, my gosh. It's Brad.

I reek. I'm disgusting.

Maybe if I ignore him, he won't notice
me.

Carol, right?

Remember me?

The scuzz bucket?

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's just that, well, I had you confused
with every other guy I've ever met.

Spot me on some lapis?

I'd love to.

Hi, my name's Dwight.

I'm Maggie.

Just wanted to apologize for yesterday.
I get kind of tongue -tied around women.

Usually young women.

I mean, not that you're old.

I mean, you're pretty old.

You're pretty and old. Dwight, have we
gotten to the apology part yet?

I'm sorry.

So are you with your husband?

No, it's just this girl, footloose and
fancy free.

Groovy.

Tommy, are you mad at me?

No, why would you say that, sweetheart?

Because you're making the same noise as
you do when you pay a bill.

Okay, I hate doing that.

But I love you, and when we love
somebody, we'll do anything for them,

lice eggs out of their hair, help them
with their homework, go places we don't

want to go, do things we don't want to
do, like dancing.

You want to dance?

Great, I got my Muppets record!

No, no, no, wait, wait. Come here,
sweetheart. Maybe later.

I still got a few more hairs to cover.

How many hairs do I have, Daddy? You
have billions and billions.

I figure we've got about 40 loads of
laundry left to do. Well, only 10 if we

soak Carol's stuff in kerosene and torch
it.

Isn't Ben supposed to be helping you
guys?

Oh, he's upstairs doing research.

He says he's trying to get into the head
of a louse.

Yeah, should be a comfortable fit.

Hey, Ben, come on down here. We need
you.

Dad, I've got some very powerful
information that's going to save us a

work. What's that?

Whale. Platypuses and armadillos don't
get lice.

I want you to put that book down and
back away slowly.

What is the big deal?

Come on, this is an itty -bitty bug, and
we're turning the house upside down.

If it was tarantulas, okay.

Cobras? I'm right there with you.

We were talking about lice. So they make
you itch. I've been itching my whole

life. There's nothing to brag about,
Ben.

Yeah, look, let me give it a shot. I
speak Ben.

Now, listen.

Let's just say that one of these eggs
hatches in this house, and just one of

these little cooties jumps into your
hair. We are talking lice capades.

All right, then pretty soon people start
calling you cootie head.

I've been called worse. And then you get
sent home from school. Great, vacation.

And no girl will ever date you.

I want these lights found, and I want
them dead.

Thanks for sitting in with us, Mom.

I mean, Brad and I just wanted to dance,
and we're stuck with Dwight, and I'm

stuck with... Well, you don't have
anybody else either.

I hope everybody understands that I am
just here to eat.

Evening, ladies.

Hi, Brad.

I picked these out especially for you.

Oh, Mom.

Have you ever seen such beautiful
flowers?

Well, as a matter of fact.

Carol, you want to dance?

Love to.

Dwight, what's this?

Flowers.

Sit down, Dwight. I think we have to
clear something up.

Great.

I should have known an attractive woman
like you wouldn't be interested in me.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

$15 .95 for the flowers.

Nice going, Dwight. You just told her
how much they cost.

And you're talking to yourself. Stupid,
stupid, stupid, Dwight. Dwight, Dwight,

quit beating yourself up. I think
there's just been a little

here. This is not a date.

But when Carol set this up, you said
yes.

I said yes to dinner, not flowers and...
Lemon

pledge?

I was in a hurry. I packed the wrong
can.

Why, I am a happily married woman.

But in the exercise room, you said that
you were footloose and fancy free.

And you said groovy.

I just hit on a married woman.

Well, the only thing left for me to do
now is to go back to my room and rotate

my shoe trees.

Move, Dwight. Sit down.

Now, there's a room full of girls your
age. Why aren't you talking to them?

Girls my age don't find me exciting.

Well, have you ever tried talking to one
of them the way you're talking to me

right now?

Oh, I'd like to, but I can't.

Just once, I'd like to be one of those
smooth operators who just walks up to

woman in the room and says exactly
what's on his mind. Hey, baby, want to

my kneecaps?

No, but I'd like to break them.

If you won't dance with me, I'll gouge
my eyes out with a cocktail fork.

Oh, I'm sorry. I promised this dance to
Dwight, but here.

Thank you for getting me away from that
guy. We can stop anytime you like.

Okay.

You can dance.

Well, is this a regular PE?

I washed all the sheets, vacuumed the
mattresses and box springs.

Good. Hey, where's Ben?

I think he's upstairs, scrubbing
everything that hasn't been nailed down.

Look, he's known Ben longer than I have.

I mean, I'm glad that he's doing all the
work, but does he always get carried

away like this?

Who gave you guys the day off? There's
work to be done.

Have mercy on us, rubber man.

I think we're finished.

Oh, really?

I'll be the judge of that.

Let's go to the big board.

There's no checkbox next to stuffed
animals. Mike and I put them in plastic

to starve the life, your rubberness.

What is this, some kind of joke to you
guys?

This is my life here. I'm trying to deal
with a major health crisis, and I'm

sure Dad will back me on this.

Ben, take off that outfit.

You look like a bathtub stopper.

Well, you tell the lord of latex here
that we're done.

I'm sorry, Dad, but we are not done
until the cootie board says... Oh, we're

done.

Good,

I'm going out. Mike, I'm going to leave
you in charge of the others.

Okay. Oh, that's nice to know I'm your
first choice, Dad.

You weren't. Carol's out and Chrissy's
too short.

Where are you going?

Oh, I have some unfinished business to
take care of. I'm going to call you guys

in a couple hours.

Okay. See ya. Bye -bye.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm
watching the all -girl tractor tour. All

right.

Good thing Mr.

Blowhole would like a cheese sandwich.
Okay, one cheese sandwich coming up.

Mr. Who?

What's Mr. Blowhole doing out of the
plastic bag?

I took him out this morning.

You what?

Don't you remember?

Ben said whales don't get life.

Crispy, could you please tell me you
didn't drag Mr. Blowhole all over the

house? I didn't.

Thank goodness. Mr. Blocher was scared
of the basement.

Christy! That does it. We have to clean
the whole house all over again. Ben,

Ben, look, just stay calm, all right?
Stay calm.

Do you have to shampoo my head again,
too?

Not necessarily.

Christy, how'd you like to look like
Sinead O 'Connor?

Kind of dark.

Yeah, I've never been here at night.

Hope we don't get in trouble.

I'm already in trouble.

Slowpoke. My God, Carol.

I thought that was you.

So, where were we?

We were kissing.

Right. And I was about to leave.

Why? We were getting along great.

No, we weren't. You were. I don't get
it.

I need somebody who means it when he
kisses me and doesn't lie.

When did I lie?

You said you had never been in here
before.

But you knew exactly where the lights
were.

Maggie, please.

I'm not as young as I used to be.

You two are great. And, Mom, you're
amazing.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart. You seem
pretty chipper yourself.

It feels so good to dump a hunk.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the last
dance of the evening.

Dwight, do you have enough strength for
one more foxtrot?

South Philly or Harvest Moon?

Surprise me.

May I cut in?

Jason! Oh, honey, what are you doing
here?

Well, after we finished dinner, I had a
craving for something sweet.

My Saturday night fever is back.

Oh.

Something different about you tonight,
Meg. Oh, there is what?

No, it's kind of a sort of a tingly,
intense, light, sort of super -meggy

of thing.

Thank you.

The

more

I see you... Oh, I can't believe you're
here.

The more I want you, baby, somehow the
feeling

just grows and grows.