All language subtitles for growing_pains_s06e18_maggie_seaver_s_the_meaning_of_life

No, I was very clear with the funeral
director.

I want a taped hymns at my father's
service, not a live organist playing

selections from Fiddler on the Roof.

No, I want a refund, and I want it now.

Hold on.

This better be important.

Yeah, it is. Where do you keep your bras
and flips?

Ben, whatever kind of stupid stunt
you're up to, I am not in the mood.

about your panties?

Mom, this isn't like those other times.

Trust me. Out.

Look, the bottom line is, either you get
a check in the mail today, or I'll have

my attorney call you and... Excuse me,
can you hold on?

I've got someone on the other line.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mom.

Hi, Mom. Look, I've got someone on the
other line. Can I... Oh, Mom, I know

hard going through Dad's things, but
can't you just put it off for a little

while?

Well, that's very sweet, but Jason has
all the white belts he needs.

Can you hang on for a minute, Mom?

Look, either you get your act together
or I'll sew your pants off.

Mom, oh.

If you could only have one pair of
shoes, which pair would they be?

Chrissy, can't you see I'm on the phone?

Uh -huh. So which pair?

Later, Chrissy.

I suggest the flats.

You're a tall woman.

Chrissy, go into the other room and
don't bother me with your nonsense.

Boots. Definitely boots.

So, pretty what pair?

I don't know. She bit my head off.

Over here. Let me give it a shot. She
could never resist her firstborn.

Oh, Mother!

All right, here we go. Here's some cash.
This is for food and emergencies, our

flight information.

Shh! Dad, if you keep talking, she'll
find out about the trip.

Ow!

Fine, go barefoot for all I care.

Dad, why'd you marry her? I'll be fine.
Wait, wait, wait. We have to, hey, a

little bit of understanding towards your
mother right now. It's only been two

weeks since Grandpa Ed died.

I'm sad about Grandpa, too, but I don't
go around yelling at everybody.

Come on, your mom's got some very
confused and very sad feelings inside

right now, you know?

And I know it's hard, but we have to
show a little patience, some simple

kindness towards each other, okay?

Dad, I packed everything else you said,
but she's going without her underwear.

Good work, son.

you're crying we know we're near the
best is ready

to

I am trying to reach Mr. Henderson in
claims.

Yes, I would like to leave another
message. Would you please tell him that

42 years, my father never missed a
payment on that life insurance policy,

if it meant that I had to go without tap
shoes?

No, I am not a dancer.

And that's the reason why.

But the point being that my mother is
waiting for that money, and the next

you get is going to be from my mother's
attorney, and I'm going to... You hung

up on me.

No, I hung up on you.

You... Why did I marry you?

Maggie, if Mr. Henderson wants to hear
the end of that message, then he can

simply refer to yesterday's call or the
day before.

This one was going to be really good.
You know something, Maggie? I think that

you just need a little bit of a break.

I'm in an airport, on an airplane, in
coach section.

You couldn't be more wrong.

Conductor, we had a sleeper.

Can I please take off this ridiculous
blindfold? All right, all right. Okay.

Ta -da!

Wow.

We're on an airplane.

Yes. A getaway trip, Maggie. Believe me,
sweetheart, you need it. Honey, that's

wonderful, but I can't go away now. Yes,
you can, of course. Who's going to take

care of the kids? Mike and Carol. But
I've got to... Maggie, please. All that

stuff is still going to be there when we
get back from...

Somewhere. But what about my dad's
insurance? And what about... Where are

going? No, no, no. I am not going to
tell you unless you come along.

Good morning.

And welcome aboard flight 1265 with non
-stop service.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Excuse me, no, I'm taking my wife on a
very special trip, so could we just not

mention where we're going?

Oh, but this was going to be my first
time to say where we were going.

Well, but if it's okay with everybody
else, would it be okay with you?

I guess.

Excuse me. I was saying that this is a
very special trip for my wife and I.

She's the very attractive blonde right
up there in the whole mood.

Come on, Maggie.

Maggie Sears. Stand up, Maggie. Don't
hide. Come on, Maggie. There she is.

That's Maggie.

Because this is a very special trip, it
would really mean a lot to us and to our

marriage if we could just not mention
the destination.

Would that be all right?

Will the pilot know?

Yes, he will. Oh, okay.

And thank you all. We really appreciate
that. And, well, it means a whole lot

for our marriage of 22 years.

Excuse me.

I want you to know that my wife and I
have been married for 22 years also. Oh,

that's nice.

Want to swap?

All right, this week is going to be a
snap.

And with all the money that Dad left us
for emergencies, I'm only $20 short of a

new car stereo.

Mike, what you don't realize is that
this is a golden opportunity.

A chance to take over from Mom and Dad.

and finally do the job right.

Oh, Carol, your way sounds like work.

I'll make it easy for you. There are two
of us and two of them.

I say we divide and conquer.

I, of course, will get the mature one.
Okay, okay, fine. I'll take Ben. He's

easier to handle anyway. He understands
the value of a dollar.

Oh, some parent you would make. You pay
him to behave.

No, he pays me not to smack him around.

And for you, Chrissy, I've planned a
healthy regimen of diet, Exercise and

stimulating play.

Chris, see?

Look, Ben, you don't want any problems,
either do I. Okay, here's the deal. You

give me $20, you stay out of trouble,
and I leave you alone.

Oh, thanks.

I figured you'd ask for $50.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute. Pal,
it's Monday.

It's a weekday, 10 in the morning. What
does that tell you?

Andy Griffiths is on?

No, Ben. School.

Come on. For your information, Andy
Griffiths is 10 .30.

Mike, Mike, you're missing the big
picture here. See, Mom and Dad got so

they didn't even notice I didn't go.
Pretty cool, huh?

Nice try, Benny. Come on, go to school.

Maybe this would change your mind.

Nope.

Come on, Ben. If Mom and Dad find out
that I let you skip school, they'll kill

me. But, no, no, no buts. Go to school.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Which way did she go?

Oh, are we having a little problem with
our daughter?

Oh, like things are going so smoothly
with Ben. They are. It's a piece of

Carol. Come on. Benny and I have an
understanding.

We reason together.

He respects me.

I see. So that's why he's driving off in
your car?

Here's your Mai Tai and your macadamia
nut.

Now, which one of our Aloha Island
dinners would you like to order?

We're not hungry.

Honey, it's not her fault.

She paid to give us lays.

Besides, I don't have a don -ho of a
clue where we're going.

Yes, officer, it's a convertible with
license plate number... Forget it. It

walked in.

Explain. It just happened. Oh, it just
happened? You just happened to unlock my

car door, start the car, and drive out
the driveway?

Well, I was just going to drive it back
and forth in the driveway, and I got

lost. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Tell me, mister,
how do you get lost in a driveway?

Well, I didn't have a map. And once you
get on that turnpike, you got to keep

going. You, you, you, you got on the
turnpike? Yeah, until the policeman

me. The policeman? Yeah, he got a
ticket. Well, what?

They couldn't give it to me. I don't
have a license.

I borrowed yours.

Oh, oh, oh, that's it. You are grounded,
mister. You hear me?

Go to your room.

You think you can make me?

Okay, I'll go. But only because I was
going to anyway.

Ooh, I'm grounded.

Mike, I need help. Carol.

Yeah, well, no one can help.

Mike, she's teaching me Latin, and I'm
not too good with English yet.

Chrissy! Quo vadis?

Now, now, Chrissy, you know that free
play is until 3 .15. Come on, Carol,

the kid a break.

Chrissy, please translate the following.

Omnibus.

Any consolation, I don't know which
island in Hawaii we're on.

I'm never surprising you again.

I take my mask off now.

Why? You already know where we are.

We're going kayaking?

Oh, no, Maggie, we're going camping.

Really? Yeah.

We always talked about this.

Two beach bums in paradise.

It's like we have the whole island to
ourselves.

Oh, dear.

Honey?

What's wrong?

Everything.

Honey. Okay, I'm fine. Let's go.

But, uh, you were crying.

I know. I'm sorry.

I got carried away. Come on. Let's have
fun, fun, fun.

Sengard, it's all right to grieve. Yes,
Doctor.

And I remember when my dad died. Honey,
I remember.

I was there.

Maggie, you can't hide your feelings.

Jason, do I look like an unhappy person?

Yeah.

Well, I'm not. Well, I don't believe
you.

Jason, we have flown all the way to
Hawaii. Can't we at least enjoy it? Yes,

course, sweetheart.

Look, I want you to know, if there's
anything at all bothering you, anything,

please, I want you to talk to me. Will
you quit being so nice? I don't deserve

it. What do you mean you don't deserve
it? Nothing, nothing. Just drive.

Look, I'd be doing you a disservice if I
let you duck the feelings you've had

about your dad. I'm not feeling what I
should be feeling, okay?

We're supposed to eat this?

It looks like something a dog coughed
up.

I'm ordering pizza.

Hey, now look, I spent the last two
hours boiling this garbage. Now nobody

leaves until every last liver burger is
gone.

Okay.

Hey, hey.

Hey, we want extra cheese and pepperoni
on that pizza? All right, all right,

pal. You have gone too far this time. No
more telephone for you until Mom and

Dad get home.

I don't have to put up with this. I'm
taller than you.

Mike, he's testing you. You have to draw
the line.

Watch your elbow.

It's hurting you.

You don't have to help me for this. You
sound just like mom.

Does mom do this?

Come on, sit over here and take a load
off.

I'm sorry, I got upset.

Yeah, it's me who should apologize, not
you.

What for?

For not bringing your underwear.

This wasn't like the other time. This
was an honest mistake.

Well, that's very sweet, but don't
worry, I'm wearing yours.

What's for dinner?

Marshmallows.

That's it? I'm sorry, I was a little
distracted today. I didn't get to the

market. Oh.

I've ruined our whole vacation. Nah, I
got lots of marshmallows.

Remember what a terrible time we had the
last time we went camping? We had a

great time.

No, no, no. I'm talking about when Ben
and Mike and Carol were babies and Mike

had diarrhea and it rained and
everything got all wet. I'm talking

same trip.

Well, what was so nice about that?

We were together, Maggie.

And it was so sweet watching you with
Mike.

Rocking him in your arms till he fell
asleep, which he never did.

I'd forgotten all about that.

Wasn't that just last week?

No, that was me you rocked last week.

I'd be lucky to get a minute with him
nowadays.

They grow up in a hurry, don't they?

You know who we sound like?

We sound like our parents talking.

Well, the one joy that I get in all this
is that someday Mike and Carol and Ben

and Chrissy are all going to be sitting
around a campfire like this, suddenly

dumbstruck at the very thought that they
are sounding like, oh, they're all of

us.

You okay?

I want to tell you what I meant today
when I said that I wasn't feeling the

right feelings.

You know the day of his funeral?

When I saw Daddy there in that coffin?

I thought... I thought, what a shame. Of
course, sweetheart. He's your father.

No, that's not what I mean. I thought...
What?

Well, I thought about all the work and
the care he put into raising me, and in

the end, I... What, honey?

It's a horrible thought.

What'd you say?

I didn't need him anymore.

I mean, sure, I loved him, and I miss
him terribly, but honestly, how much a

part of my life was he?

I mean... I never listened to his
advice. His opinions were always nutty,

and sometimes it was just easier to
ignore him.

I mean, God help me.

I loved it when he sat at the kids'
table at Thanksgiving.

Honey, that's no reason to feel guilty.
That's just the way things work.

Like we were saying about Mike when he
was a little baby, he needed every word

you had to say.

And now we've created someone who
doesn't listen to anything we have to

We've done our job well.

Oh, Jason, don't you see?

One day it's going to be our turn. I
mean, someday we'll die and one of our

will be sitting here telling someone how
you and I weren't important to their

lives either.

I mean, after all the work we put in,
after all the bottles and the dirty

diapers and the birthdays and the
vacations, I mean, it won't mean a

What's the point?

Well, that's what's bothering you then.
It's not just your dad.

Well, if that sweet, caring man ended up
with someone like me, what do I have to

hope for? Well, aren't you being just a
little pessimistic?

Am I? I mean it, Maggie. Come on. You
influence your kids in a thousand ways.

Mike's charm and Carol's brains and
Chrissy's cuteness and Ben's...

height.

This doesn't bother you at all, does it?
No, no.

Jason, that really ticks me off.

Have you ever noticed the way I toast a
marshmallow?

Yeah, and that really ticks me off, too.

I do. It's perfect, Maggie.

Perfect.

All nice and even and brown on all
sides.

You know who else toasts his
marshmallows that way?

No.

My dad.

I noticed that just a couple years ago.

And that one small connection, Maggie,
made me see that my dad influenced me in

countless ways.

Ways I can't even imagine.

Just like your dad has influenced you
and just like we will influence our

You know what my dad would say if he
heard you talking like this?

No.

But I'm sure you do.

I wish I could be sure.

Freeze, Ben!

You slept down here?

I was asleep.

Who slept?

I've been standing guard so the little
weasel wouldn't sneak out.

Oh, where's Christy?

Safe. She's locked in her room. Oh,
good. You locked her up, too?

No, she locked herself in.

Oh.

Well, I'm just sorry I gotta let Benny
out for school.

Well, I hope you nailed his window shut
so he didn't climb down the trellis.

Let's go.

The meter's running.

We didn't call a cab.

Chrissy, Siva, drop off at Parkway
Preschool. That's right. Let's go.

You called a cab?

Why in the world did you do that? I
drive you to preschool.

A cab driver is not going to sing you
songs, and he's not going to tell you

personal victory stories.

I know. I checked. Let's go.

I'm on my home.

Look, I...

really sorry, but this has been a
mistake. She's only four years old. All

I'm going to kill him. You!

You kids married too young.

You got another ticket, Mike?

What? Yeah. You're lucky the driver of
the car you hit didn't press charges.

Oh, and you are going to pay a lot more
than your money, pal. Hey, hey, what are

you doing? Ow!

Come here!

You have had it!

up to be.

Anybody want to help me with the bags?

Harold tried to mold me and Mike tried
to give us liver poison.

Mom, I don't know how you put up with
her, especially if you did such a good

with me.

Rope burns, Mom. Rope burns. Need I say
more?

And then he even told me that this was
hurting him more than it was hurting me

and that someday I'd thank him for it.

That's what I say.

Yeah, he's gone nuts.

Mike, did you say that?

Look, I opened my mouth and it came out.

Just came out?

Yeah, you put it there.

More bad news, Mom. Mike even tried to
charge me money

to behave.

Yeah, I was shocked, too.

I don't care.

And worse than that, Carol's victory
story said they'd me want to give up

completely. Oh, that's wonderful.

Mom, I don't know how you put up with...
Any of them. I mean, one day they're

going to realize how great you are and
what festering scum they are.

Oh, Carol, sometimes you say the
sweetest thing.