All language subtitles for growing_pains_s05e23_mike_the_director

So we have reached that magical time,
the last drama project of the year. Now

upon graduation from Landon, many of you
will go on to pursue your theatre

dreams in Broadway, television, the
cinema, or if you're really serious, by

becoming a waiter.

This night of scenes is an important
opportunity for all of you to, as we say

show business, suck up.

Many of my New York heavyweight theatre
friends will be in attendance.

So there's a lot more riding on this
evening than just a good grade.

Possibly your future.

What can I say? He acts. He directs. He
is theater.

Michael Siever!

Well, I didn't know I was this good.

Well, what are you doing here just like
that?

You're green. You found me.

Mike,

stop smiling.

Oh, sorry, Kate. I was just daydreaming
about what could happen and what you'd

be wearing when it did.

We can take anything that comes our way.

Baby, rain or shine.

All the time.

We got each other. Sharing the laughter.

Sharing the laughter.

And she scores again. It's not even a
contest.

All the energy in the world out here.
And we get upstairs and zip up.

Pardon me. Nothing, sweetheart.

What was that score? I forgot.

The score? What's the point? The point
is for us to get a little exercise,

it? Uh -huh. That's why you're losing.

I'm a 13 -month -young dude. He folds
like a 10.

You cheat!

Look, I won the toss fair and square.

Remember what you and I used to flip
coins over? Oh, do I?

You always called pets.

I still do.

Look, Kate, you're just being a sore
loser.

Oh, yeah?

Fair's fair, Kate.

Fair's fair, Kate. Fair's fair, Kate.

Mike,

Mike, you don't even try to explain when
they're in a mood like that.

See?

Not you, honey. I'm talking about young
women.

No, I meant, you know, women without...
Do you really want to finish this

sentence?

Yeah.

Okay, what's the deal, Mike? Okay, don't
worry, guys. It was just a professional

disagreement. I mean, see, Kate and I
are both directing scenes for drama

and we both want the same actors. Oh,
Kate's jealous, huh?

No, Dad, I...

I told you, this is professional.

Don't you know anything about modern
women?

Well... No, he doesn't.

What's so special about this actress?
Well, see, she's done sitcoms, and she's

done real plays. Oh, and Dad, okay, you
know that commercial with the girl and

the chimpanzee and they shave their
legs?

Yes. Yes, she takes classes at Landon.

The chimp or the actress?

The actress.

See, I don't want to blow my shot in
front of these important New York

people. I mean, when I come to work for
them, I want them to remember me as the

guy who acts, who directs, who is
theater.

You risk all this on the flip of a coin?

What risk?

I used a two -headed coin.

Mike, where did you get a two -headed
coin?

I borrowed it from Dad.

Ah, you can keep it, Mike.

I won't be using it tonight.

I'm Mike Stever. Oh?

Hello, I'm... Courtney Preston, right? I
know you're from the chimp commercial.

Oh, God, are they still running that
awful thing? Yeah.

And when they stopped, I got it on tape.

I'm surprised you remembered me.

After all, Zippy got the close -up. Oh,
that's only because they shaved him.

You're very kind.

Well, here, have a seat.

You know, I wanted to ask you something.
See, I'm directing this little scene

for the big drama festival, and I was
wondering, like, if you weren't doing a

movie or something, maybe you could be
in it. Oh, Mike, I'd love...

Great, great. I'll meet you tomorrow.
But I can't. Why?

I was asked to be in another scene
really early this morning.

The director's name is Kate Mc... Mc...
McDonald?

Kate McDonald?

I don't believe this. I won you fair and
square in that coin toss.

Are you a Kennedy?

No.

Well, it doesn't matter.

I'm sorry, Mike. Good luck with your
play anyway. Oh, thanks.

You're doing a scene from Night of the
Iguana?

But what do I tell Kate?

Tell Kate she's a dirty, double
-crossing, backstabber, and it doesn't

she's got great eyes, beautiful hair,
and a killer body.

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to
Night of the Iguana.

Okay, before we start, I just want to
say a couple of things. First, thank you

all for coming, especially you,
Courtney.

Oh, Mike, come on.

Everyone have a seat, and we'll read
through the scene, okay?

With lights down, we can hear the surf.

It's a quiet evening in Mexico, but
passions run deep.

Oh, she is so bad.

Man, is she bad.

She's done sitcoms?

Well, I bet none of the ones on ABC.

Mike. Mike.

That's the end of the scene. Do you want
to run it against in the top?

Uh, no.

One more word and I'll shoot myself.

everyone's worked pretty hard for the
first day, so I'll see everybody

Do you have any notes you want me to
think about for tomorrow?

Yeah, don't come back.

No, no, no, I think it's gone pretty
good. Because if you have concerns,

hesitate to speak up.

You stink like a dead mackerel.

Nope, I got nothing to say.

See you tomorrow.

Okay, bye -bye.

I wonder if that chimp is available.

Kate, listen.

I hope Mike explained to you how bad it
felt about not doing your scene.

Don't give it a thought. I've been
rehearsing in the room next door and

everything's going great.

That makes me feel better.

Good night, you guys.

Good night.

Kate, I have made a terrible mistake.
You bet you have. You stole her from me

after I stole her from you. Fair and
square, you weasel.

Kate, she stinks.

She what? She just spent eight hours
playing Night of the Iguana. The Iguana

won.

You know, whoever comes to see this play
is going to think that I am in the

wrong business.

Mike, Courtney is professional, for
goodness sake. Well, I just hope

Williams doesn't come to this
production.

Mike, he's dead.

And he's a lucky man.

It's the first day of rehearsal. Maybe
she's just holding back.

Yeah, well, I hope she never lets it go.

So she stinks, huh?

Big time.

Mike, you can have all you want, Kate,
but I've got to fire her. Mike. How

she be that bad and not know it? I don't
know.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. That's a great idea.
Okay.

I'll let her do the preview performance.

She'll get booed off the stage and
she'll quit. And then I'll have a week

replace her before the big show.

Isn't that kind of gutless?

Yeah, you're right. I should just fire
her.

Okay. Okay, I'll tell you what I'll do.
Here.

I'll flip a coin.

All right?

Tails, I fire.

Heads, I'm gutless.

Ugh. Kate, you look. I'm too nervous.

Tails.

What?

No, it's heads.

Just like the other side.

Oh, yes.

Yes, she's stinking up the joint. She's
history.

So real, I didn't quit.

She's related to all those people. It's
the only explanation.

I suppose I should blame myself for
trusting a guy with a two -headed coin.

What are you talking about?

Oh, Kate, she's terrible.

She played Night of the Iguana and the
Iguana won.

What, you thought she was good?

Yes. This has got to be a dream.

Wait a minute, it can't be a dream. Look
at all your clothes on.

What that girl did out there tonight is
your idea of terrible.

You have no place anywhere near a stage.

Um, you had doubts?

Oh, Mike, you could act, you could
direct, you could do it all.

Hey, that's my boy!

Wow. Hey, don't tell me you like
Courtney, too.

My butt didn't go numb once.

Okay, come on, Dad, come on, you can
tell me. Don't you think I had one major

problem out there?

I don't know. All I could see was,
Courtney!

Excuse us, honey, we want to go
congratulate her, too.

Maybe I have no business near a stage.

Mike, it was wonderful, brilliant.

Carol, why don't you just shoot me?

I mean it. I loved it, especially
Courtney. Look, if you don't have

nasty to say, don't say anything at all.

What do you want me to say? I want you
to say that she was terrible and that

these people are absolutely nuts to
think she was good.

I don't get it. You finally do a play
where I don't have to lie to you and you

don't want to hear it?

What do you mean, lie?

good and you stunk like a dead mackerel.

And I would feel guilty about telling
you that if you weren't so on top of it

now.

She's wrong.

I am good.

I'm sure of that as I am that Courtney
was... Best of luck, Mr. Seaver.

So, how's my favorite sister doing?

What do you want, Mike?

Nothing, nothing, Carol. Just came in to
talk.

So, how's school been going lately?

I'm not in school this year, Mike. I
haven't been going since June.

Oh, right, right, right. You got one of
those... Jobs. Exactly.

You know, these brother -sister moments
are really special to me. Now get out.

Look, Carol, I just wanted to ask you
something about what you said to me

the play tonight. It got me thinking.

The Berlin Wall crumbles, Mike thinks.

Just hold the jokes long enough to tell
me what you really think of me as an

actor. Oh, that's going to be tough if I
can't use jokes.

Carolyn, it's just that, well, with you
telling me that, you know, that you've

been lying to me all these years, it
makes me think that maybe I'm... Not as

good as you thought?

Yeah. And maybe no good at all?

Yeah.

What do you know? Mr.

Blowhole is having doubts. This is
great.

Look, Carol, will you just tell me, do I
stink?

Uh, yes.

As an actor, as an actor, Carol.

Come on, I mean, I don't even know if
I'm good anymore. I don't even know

good. I mean, how does anybody know?

You just know.

For instance, when it comes to
intellect, well... So how do you know

well?

I got straight A's. Oh, come on, Carol.
What the heck do those grades mean now?

Well... Oh, come on, Carol. They mean
absolutely diddly in the real world. You

know that.

Well, I'm head of punctuation at a
prominent publishing house.

Ooh, saving a lot of lives there, aren't
you?

Well, don't forget about the stupid
grades and the pointless job.

I mean, do you have any real proof that
you're good?

No.

Okay, you're worthless. Let's get back
to my problems.

you another piece of cake. Oh, Carol,
come on. I am in pain here. Would you

forget about your useless life?

Oh.

Wait. Come on, Carol. Just help me. I
can't help anybody. I'm useless.

Carol, don't eat in your room.

Don't worry. It'll be gone before I get
there.

Mike, what's going on?

Oh, nothing. I just asked Carol, how do
you know if you're good?

What's this about, Mike?

Well, okay.

See, it's just a scene. Everyone go ape
chips over Courtney. Oh, she was

wonderful. Now that is what acting is
all about.

See, that's what scares me. I mean, I
thought she stunk. Apparently, I don't

have a clue as to what acting's all
about.

Come on, guys. I mean, how do I know if
I'm good?

Well, what you're wrestling with here is
an essential question that everybody

asks.

Everybody wants to know if I'm good?

No, Mike, if they're good.

Well, Dad, how does a person know if
they're good? I mean, Mom, okay, how do

know if you're a good journalist?

Well, Mike, I've been around, and I know
how to put together a story, and my

resume is quite impressive.

Come on, Mom, you've always complained
about how you worked at a dinky paper on

a bozo TV station.

You haven't won any awards.

Sure I have. I won the Working Mother of
the Year Award.

And what did you call it?

The Monkey Award.

The Monkey Award they had to give to
somebody.

Thanks, Mike.

Mike, come on. Awards aren't the only
way that you know you're good.

It's what your mom does that counts.

Oh. Oh, so you're saying since you've
been writing on your own, you've sold a

lot of articles?

One.

One? But I have had many encouraging no
-thank -you letters.

Some of the finest publications in the
country.

Don't want to work with me.

So you guys are guessing just like I am.

Mike, your mother is good at what she
does.

Dad, I'm not asking if she's good at
what she does. I'm asking how do you

Yeah, Jason.

How?

I'll tell you.

I can tell you.

It's, uh... Well, in journalism, for
instance, you have to... You look...

like an onion.

It's an onion. And if you peel the
layers of...

Journalism. Well, let me use psychiatry.
They're my profession. I can illustrate

them.

In my case, if I have helped a patient,
I feel terrific. If I help a patient and

they come to me and they say, I don't
need to see you anymore, I'm fine.

Dad, people who are a little off tell
you you're good and you believe them?

Mike. Dad, think.

I mean, what if these people who tell
you that they're cured are just cutting

you loose so they can find a good
psychiatrist?

I am a good psychiatrist.

Dad, Dad, come on. I mean, maybe the
people who keep coming back, you're not

helping. And the ones who tell you
they're cured are really trying to find

somebody who can.

Just because I lose two patients to Dr.

Harry the Hot Tub Strickland does not
mean he'll upset you.

Okay, all right. Well, I can tell you
this, Mike, that only somebody who can

himself that question has any chance of
ever answering it.

Yeah.

I just wish there was a way for a person
to tell if he's really good.

If you find it, let me know.

I don't belong here.

None of this hour you don't. Professor
Thorne, what are you doing here?

I have tenure.

What's your excuse?

Yeah, I'm trespassing.

Can I ask you something?

What?

How do you know if you're good?

How do I know I'm good? How do you know
you're good? Or how does one know one's

good?

Uh, the last thing you said.

Ah, one of life's essential questions.

You sound just like my dad.

Your father's British?

No, no, no, no.

Acting's weird, you know?

I mean, it's not like being a tightrope
walker, where you know you're good if

you don't die.

You can die in the theater, believe me.

Come on, Professor, I'm being serious.

I mean, if you're an actor, how do you
know that you even have the right to be

on the stage?

Are you telling me, Mr. Seaver, that you
have doubts about your abilities?

You always struck me as being impervious
to introspection.

As what?

As a confident dude.

Oh, well, I was.

Up till tonight.

Mr. Seaver, as I told you, your scene
was the best of the evening.

It showed you had an excellent grasp on
what good theater is.

Well, see, that's the problem, because I
thought it stunk. You did?

Completely.

And here I am jealous of you.

Of what you've accomplished at your age.

Of what the future holds for you. And
you thought the scene stunk.

Wait a minute. How could you be jealous
of me? You're the teacher.

Yeah, but 30 years ago I was you.

Or at least I presumed I was.

A young, talented buck ready to lick the
world.

I didn't.

I'm here.

So you're saying you don't like teaching
drama?

No, no, no. Don't get me wrong. I love
it.

And how many people can make a living by
doing what they really love? But if I

had another chance, I'd... The point is,
you have that

chance.

Yeah, but how do I know if I'm good?

Mike, the answer is not nearly so
mystical as you imagine.

It's not? Listen to what people have to
tell you.

But the trick is to be selective in the
people you choose to listen to.

I mean...

It's whose people you respect.

People of taste.

You mean like critics?

I'm being serious, Mr. Sears.

Well, then how do I know who to listen
to?

Years ago, I had a small part in a
Joseph Papp production of Twelfth Night.

Afterwards, my dear sweet mother gushed
all over me, told me I was wonderful.

And you believed it?

Certainly not.

Daffy old bat.

But... I digress.

Anyway, Mr. Papp himself spoke to me
after a matinee. Now, he didn't have to

speak to me, but he chose to.

He said, young man, you have promise.

That, Mr. Thiever, I believed.

Professor Thorne.

Yes?

Am I any good at this?

Well, Mr. Seaver, I'll say this.

You have promise.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I do, don't I?

I believe I just said that.

Thanks.

Mr.

Seaver.

Do you think I'm any good as a teacher?

You're asking me?

Yes.

Well, I'll say this.

You have a problem.

Thank you, Mr. Siever.

No sweat.

All the world's a stage.

And all the men and women merely
players.

They have their exits and their
entrances.

And one man in his time plays many
parts.

We'll be back in a moment.