All language subtitles for growing_pains_s03e24_how_the_west_was_won_1

This is Ben. This is Carol. This is
Maggie. This is Maggie.

This is Maggie.

This is fun.

Oh, hi, Ben.

How was your day?

I've had better.

Yeah, what happened?

Miss Bendo called me in during recess
and reamed me for being truculent. You

know what truculent means?

No, but it can't be good.

But truculent means angry, ready to
fight.

Oh, and I thought it was serious.

Well, that is serious, Ben.

Hi, guys.

Hi. How's the favorite man in my life?

Fine.

I'm fine, too.

Oh, you did the laundry.

Yeah, in between serving the sanity of a
half a dozen people.

Well, you relax and sit down. I will
give you one of my famous back rubs, and

then I will make dinner.

Uh -oh.

Oh, you knew that was going to beep,
didn't you? No, it doesn't mean that I

to go anywhere. It just means that I
have to call the newsroom.

Right.

Hello? Yes, this is Maggie Malone. You
beeped me?

There was a time, Maggie, when only I
beeped you.

What? I said there was a time.

Yes, yes, right away. I will meet the
crew there.

There goes dinner.

There's a big disturbance at Dewey High.
They've sent six police cars.

Where's Mike?

Hello?

Carol, where are you?

What? What?

Huh? What?

I can't hear you.

Carol?

Carol? Carol?

That was Carol she was calling from
Dewey. She didn't have time to explain,

she said that she and Mike were about to
be arrested.

What?

Sounds like Mike and Carol are being
mighty truculent.

No, he won't go. Heck no, he won't go.
Heck no, he won't go.

Heck no, he won't go.

Well, it's catchy.

The fellow buddy is that the ringleader
of this is some kid named Mike Seidel.

No. Yeah, you know him, Miss Monroe?

Well, we're sure.

Let's find him. No, no, your camera
might intimidate him, Ed. Well, you

let me find this kid who probably isn't
really involved at all.

Okay, I'll shoot some B -roll of the
cops getting into their riot gear.

We can discuss that in the car on the
way home.

Yeah, but we'll just do what Dad did
when he went to college.

Now, Steve, is it true that you single
-handedly entered the Vietnam War?

Oh, single -handedly would be a bit of
an exaggeration, I think, but I did.

Carol, I expected you to have more sin.

Mom, when the cause is just, the price
is worth any sacrifice.

Well, this cause isn't worth the
sacrifice.

Maggie, you haven't even heard the
cause.

Jason, can we discuss this later? There
are police getting in right here. I'm

sorry, Mom, but I'm not going anywhere.

Mike, I find it hard to believe that you
have developed a commitment to anything

beyond teenage girls. I was pretty
shocked myself.

Mom, would you just listen for a minute
about what's going on here?

You don't make us sit down.

Okay, I'll squat, but I won't sit.

Okay, it all started two days ago in
Coach Lovett's class, which leads us to

question, why did these people...

Give up everything and head west in
covered wagons.

Let me repeat that.

Why did these people give up

everything and head west in

covered wagons?

Because if they headed east, they would
have drowned.

Simone, if I ever call on you again,
just shoot me, okay?

Okay.

Come on, people, we're talking pioneers
heading west in wagon trains. Now, why

did they do it?

Well, they headed west for many reasons.
Some wanted a chance to start over,

some wanted to make their fortunes, and
some were even running from the law.

What was common to all of them, however,
was an unyielding drive to follow a

dream, even if its promise took them
into danger and over that distant

What to?

Mike, just get to the part of the story
that matters.

Okay, all right, all right. So there we
are. We're in class.

Now, hold it, people. Now, remember,
your term reports are due tomorrow, and

they should be typed on a typewriter.
You know that machine where you put the

paper in and it goes... Unless,

of course, you have an IBM.

Unless your last name ends in S.

That's right, I'm talking to you, Steve
Ernst about.

But, uh, Coach, we didn't even do
anything.

Including your homework.

And that's why the both of you dim bulbs
are going to sit here for as long as it

takes to answer the 20 questions you
were supposed to answer last night.

But, uh, Coach, how are we supposed to
answer those questions if we haven't

read the book?

Anything's well done.

Now, here are the question sheets.

Feel free to answer in pen.

pencil, or crayon.

I have to go down to see DeWitt. I'll be
back in about a half an hour. I expect

to see something on those papers.

No body fluids, Stabone.

Mikey, we're dead.

No, no, no. Not necessarily.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Are you kidding? Look at this.

Discuss the Donna party.

What happened and its significance.

I don't even know who was invited.

Hey, Bone, who's the girl in the third
row with the falsies?

Susan Harris.

No, the other one.

Melody Lavinia. No, no, the other one.

Gloria Delano? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's
the one. She always gets straight A's.

Mikey, are you thinking about cheating
off of her?

No, I thought of it already.

Oh, whoa.

What do we have here?

What? Oh, it looks like Coach Lubbock's
resume.

So?

It says here that he's 38 years old. I
thought he was a lot older than that.

Maybe that's his kid's resume.

I think he just lies about his age just
like my mom does.

Oh.

It says the coach is married.

Can you picture Coach Lubbock with a
wife?

Nope.

I mean, I always imagined him just
living alone in a room somewhere and

TV while he drank beer and belched.

That's how I picture him.

Who would want to marry Coach Lubbock?

Excuse me.

Hello.

Is Coach Lubbock here?

Uh, no, no, he just stepped out for a
second. He, uh, he went out to polish

head.

I'll have to tell him that when I get
home.

What? He's my dad.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

So, uh, are there any more at home like
you?

Hey, Cindy, where's dad?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
Do either of you know where our father

is? Oh, he ought in heaven.

Well, he said something about going to
the principal's office. Look, I am

really, really sorry about what I said.
Don't worry.

I won't really tell him you said he was
out polishing his head. Oh, good.

That is what you said.

I don't want to misquote you.

Gotcha.

So... He's not interested, Wendy.

Wendy, how can you say that?

Can you really love a gas daughter like
that?

Too bad when they get old, they lose
their hair.

I mean, I feel like after all this time,
I don't even know Lubbock at all.

And when he walks out of this building,
he actually has his own life.

I mean, what does he do? Where does he
live?

And does he have any more daughters that
look like that?

That's not possible.

I mean, aren't you curious about
Lubbock? Wouldn't you like to check him

see where he lives? Yeah, but we don't
have his address.

Yeah, sure we do. We have his resume.

Um, his address is a P .O. box.

Ooh, if I lived in a box, I'd be P .O
.ed, too.

Mrs. McGillicuddy!

Mike!

You haven't been to the principal's
office in a long time.

Mrs. McGillicuddy, we got a problem.

Mr. Perficio in detention.

He's hiding under his desk again. Oh,
no. I'd better go drag him out again.

Do

you

think, sir, there's any chance of this
thing turning around, sir?

Oh, about as much chance as me becoming
secretary of education.

So it's hopeless.

Off to find out about Coach Lubbock's
secret life.

We ended up outside his house.

Over near JFK.

It wasn't a house, it was an apartment.

And it looked like the kind of place
where Cagney and Lacey pull out their

and pretend they're men.

Okay, now what do we do?

Well, we look.

Okay, I'm ready to go.

I'm not. Look around.

I'll make it.

We're going to get caught. We're going
to get caught. We're going to get

Caught doing what? We're just a couple
of guys cuddling on the floor of a

car.

Seven? He's Catholic.

Where are you going?

Guess.

Oh.

Mikey!

You know, we can get arrested for
peeking in windows. We're not going to

We're just going to check on the fire
escape to make sure that it's safe. I

mean, we sure don't want anything to
happen to those lover girls now, do we?

Okay,

here it is.

Second floor, come on.

Yeah, it's probably two flights up.

This is it.

It does bounce.

Elizabeth, would you ask your mother to
please control her bodily function?

hobby she has.

Mom, did you tell Dad what the
orthodontist said?

Yes, she did. And $1 ,600 is just way
too much money.

Yeah, but Dad... No, it's later.

If I don't get braces, I might as well
become a nun.

Well, that's a good idea. I hear nuns
have a very nice dental plan.

Dad!

All right, you chuckleheads. I want
everybody in the rooms doing their

Mother and I have some things we have to
talk about. But, Daddy...

Talk to Mr. DeWitt?

Yeah, I talked to that pea -brained
twit.

And you changed his mind, right? Just
like I said you would. See, honey, I

you there's nothing to worry about.

I changed nothing.

Nada, zip, zero.

The little gopher didn't even listen to
me.

So, as of the end of the semester, I'm
fired.

What are we going to do?

Hey, hey, hey. Get that look off your
face.

What look?

You know, the same look you had when you
found out you were pregnant this last

time.

Mikey, let's get out of here.

Yeah.

Well, we got nothing to worry about.

You sent my resumes out, right?

Yeah, 20 more today.

Oh, hey.

You think an educator with my experience
and qualifications ain't going to be

snapped up, huh? Oh, Chris, you're
absolutely right.

Sure, those first 50 just got lost in
the mail.

Mikey, I thought we was leaving.

Yeah, we are.

Elizabeth, put those pot pies on hold
for a while, which I'm going to step

outside and get a breath of fresh air.

What am I going to do?

What the hell am I going to do?

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. At
first I thought he just must be

sweating because the coast sweats in a
snowstorm.

But the more I looked, I saw that he was
crying.

Hey, long day, Mike?

I wanted to tell you guys, but I didn't
know how to tell you what I found out

without telling you how I found out.

I didn't know what I was going to do, so
I just acted cool so you guys wouldn't

notice anything weird.

You're acting kind of weird tonight.

Oh, Dad, good to see you, too. Listen,
if you guys will excuse me, I've got to

get upstairs and do some homework.

Well, this is where I come into the
story.

I knew that something really serious was
on Mike's mind when he caught me

exercising and didn't make one of his
crafts.

Well, you know, like...

Quick, somebody push her back into the
ocean or she'll die.

Carol, I need to talk to you.

Why?

Well, then Mike told me everything he
had seen and heard.

I'd never seen him like this. He was
actually thinking of someone other than

himself. Then if that weren't enough, he
asked me, me, the person he never

listens to, what he could do to save the
coach's job.

Carol, look, I mean, this guy has really
given me a lot, and I just want a

chance to give him something back.

Okay, Mike, what's your angle here?

Carol, I'm serious.

You? Yeah.

Carol, now what can I do to stop this?

Boy, I don't know.

Well, what would you do if you were me?

Well, the first thing I'd do is find a
good skin doctor.

No, I'm sorry. I couldn't let that
opportunity pass.

Carol, look, could you just try?

I mean, when I came in here and saw you
exercising, did you see me go...

The only solution that I could see was
to show Mr. DeWitt that many students

felt the same way as Mike.

Well, if it didn't convince DeWitt, at
least it would frighten him.

So the next day, Boner, Mike, and I
spread the word and got over 300

on a petition.

Okay, you'll see one of you now.

Oh, well, good luck, Carol.

No, no, no, no. You started this whole
thing. Well, I'd like to give Mr. DeWitt

a piece of my mind. You can't afford it.

Now, go, Mike.

Yeah, but he hates me.

No, he doesn't.

Yes, he does.

Okay, but you'll do okay. Just work on
keeping contempt out of your voice.

With a little practice, it's easy.

God, I love my job.

Sit.

How can I be of help, young man?

Well, um... Fever.

Hi, sir.

Look, I don't know which one of your
teachers sent you in here, but I have a

meeting with a concerned student right
now, so you're just going to have to

outside. I am that concerned student,
sir.

Michelle, as soon as I'm done with
Seaver, I want to see you in here.

PDQ.

Make it quick.

Yes, sir. Well, you see, some of us
found out that Coach Lovick is going to

fired at the end of the semester.

Not true.

It's not?

Nope. His contract simply isn't being
renewed.

Yeah, because there's a shortage of fun.
It's a tragic loss, don't think about

it. Thank you for coming in.

Excuse me for asking, sir, but what's
the difference between that and being

fired?

Plenty.

You see, on the one hand, there's the...
And on the other hand, of course, you

have... What's this to you anyway,
Seaver? What are you up to? What's your

here? No angle. I mean, I like the
coach, and I don't want to see him go.

And, you know, I'm not the only one.
Over 300 other kids find this.

Why do we teach children how to write?

Coach Lubbock is a good teacher. He
cares.

Well, he's not paid to care. He's paid
to win football games.

Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't say that in
front of a student, but then you aren't

much of a student, so... You know, it's
almost like you're saying that our

opinion doesn't even count.

No, that's not almost like what I'm
saying. That's what I'm saying.

But you can't... Look, fever, don't try
to play mind games on Willie DeWitt.

You don't have what it takes.

How can I play mind games on you when
you don't even have a mind?

Okay, at that point, I probably went a
teensy -weensy step too far.

So we had to do something, and this sit
-in was all that I... Carol.

Carol could think of.

Mike, I don't know what to say.

Me either. I can't believe you talked to
your principal that way.

Megan, he was just standing up for
something he believes in. Well, if he

just stand up now, we wouldn't have a
problem.

Mom, why don't you take a look around
you? I mean, this whole school is behind

Coach Lovett.

Well, I gotta go, Mikey. I ain't allowed
to get arrested.

Mikey, we blew it.

We're going live in less than a minute,
and there's no violence, there's no

blood, there's no gore. This isn't news.
It's Sesame Street.

All right, and now hold on, everybody.

Look, there's a lot more at stake here
than just being arrested and getting our

heads bashed in and with blood and guts
and... Well, we don't need to dwell on

that.

Look, I am here to save Coach Lubbock,
and I'm staying.

You are?

I are.

This is going on your record, Mr.
Stever.

I'm staying, too.

Me, too. I mean, my folks can't punish
me if I'm in jail.

Mike, Carol, please, let's go. They're
talking about having you arrested.

Please, my father's a policeman.

I'm sorry, Mom, but I am in this thing,
and I'm staying.

They'll have to bash us over our heads
and carry out our limp bodies.

You'll wait till we go live, young lady.

Steve, please talk some sense into these
kids.

Look, kids, here, I think that...

You're a wrestler.

Next on Growing Pains... All four would
be charged with unlawful assembly,

disturbing the peace, being a public
nuisance.

These aren't criminals! Oh, my family's
been busted!

Jason, they have been suspended from
school.

Carol's perfect attendance record is
ruined!

Oh, no!

What have I done?

After 12 years, this dedicated man is
about to be...

Why didn't you just shoot me?

Maybe we got carried away. And now that
I'm out of work, are you going to help

me keep those mouths filled?

Huh? Are you going to explain to my
constables why she can't have braces?

Are you going to help me send out
another 65 resumes?