All language subtitles for growing_pains_s03e23_the_obscure_objects_of_our_desire_2

Previously on Growing Pains... No, I
just told them if they would clean out

house of the unwanted junk, then they
could sell that in a garage sale. That

we get a clean house, and they... And
they get to keep all the money.

Half?

It was my idea.

Whoa!

What's the beautiful ashtray I made Dad
doing out here?

Dad, don't freak!

He loves this ashtray!

He said it was the best present he ever
got!

He was lying.

Hey, don't you think ashtrays...

feelings, too.

Well, if they do, then this puppy's in
some pain.

It's the best birthday present I've
gotten all year.

Ben, put that down. We still have to
take out all that junk in the basement.

Sorry, Ackray.

You're sorry, pal.

Hello? Hello?

Our cheap ashtray? Hello?

Ben, come on!

A kid molds me from a simple lump of
clay, breathes life into me, and bang, a

couple years later, I'm garbage.

It stinks.

No, that's you.

Let me guess, Carol's glasses?

And you're my sneakers.

I can feel it in the air.

What can I say, Mr. DeWitt?

When you got it, you got it.

Hey,

what are my old glasses doing out here?

Well, you never wear them anymore, so I
think... You figured wrong.

Well, then I want to keep my ashtray.

Why? Well, it's still as good as new.

It sure is.

Thank you, Ben. Thank you.

Oh, great, Ben. Now we can't even sell
it.

As long as we got each other.

and get it out of its misery?

Mike, this Goofy Glue works miracles,
remember?

Ha!

What was that?

You heard it, too?

Would you guys give me a hand?

Yeah.

How you feeling?

Oh, aside from a splitting headache,
okay.

You know, just when you think life can't
get worse.

for the first day. It's my second.

One titanic burger, all the iceberg
lettuce, one considerable fries, two

teas, one whoa, one colossal no ice, one
patty meltdown with nuclear dressing.

I knew it. Look at him go.

Nine and ten. Thank you. And as we say
at WOG, don't get any on ya.

Oh, what a charming little family here.
Welcome to the world of burgers. How may

I help you? Well, we just came to look.

Well, you gotta order something, Dad.
Okay, I'll take a meal on it. No, you

don't. No junk food.

We have a nice dinner ready at home. I
don't want him loading up on grease.

Double or nothing, he's out of here in
ten minutes.

Mike, we've just never had an employee
of the month in our family.

I've always been a sucker for a man in
uniform.

You have?

Mike, we have a little surprise for you.

Oh, a little surprise.

Anyway, be sure you come straight home
after work, okay? Okay.

Hi, I'm the manager. Is there a problem
here?

No, none whatsoever. I was down here for
breakfast this morning, and this young

man gave me such incredible service. I
just wanted to bring the whole family

down to meet him in person.

So, kids, we'd better be going.

But... I want you to remember this day.

That's my fault. You were just getting
back from a break and I was handling

registers while she was gone.

Mike?

I don't believe it. You're the employee
of the month.

Yeah, look, I'm sorry. I have learned my
lesson. My heart is just beating a mile

a minute here.

37. I just don't know what to say.

Look, Scooter, I'm sorry. It will not
happen again.

I know.

Yes or no?

Uh, no.

That's right.

Good. At least you know I'm going to
find a way to mess things up. What's

problem? You messed up?

No.

Oh.

I mean, I'm not about to go in there and
break your little heart, so I can't do

something like that, can I, Ben?

Sure. No.

Uh, that's what I meant.

So now I have to do what I have to do.

Look, Ben, if you want to save yourself
a lot of grief, don't let Mom and Dad

expect great things from you. Let them
know you're a real disappointment now.

Hello? Hi.

I'm Terry. Is Mike home?

No. Is his burger uniform home?

No, he's wearing it.

Oh, that is so sad.

Terry, I'm a psychiatrist.

Well, I'm the new assistant manager at
World of Burgers, and I need his

Oh, well, Mike needs it.

For what?

For work.

Mike was fired?

Hey, Dad.

Well, if it isn't my hard -working son
and his well -deserved car.

Yeah, that does, Dad.

You know, I'm really bushy today, Dad.

So how'd it go down to World of Burgers?

Looks like you got some on you.

Yeah, well, let's tell you the truth,
Dad. Excuse me? The what?

Just tell you the truth.

Uh, I don't know. I'm getting a little
bummed with Wab.

Oh, but you're the employee of the
month.

Yeah, but, you know, there's a lot of
pressure there, Dad. And, I don't know,

they're talking about making me an
assistant manager.

And that'd mean I'd have to go to Berger
College and, you know.

I just don't know if I'm university
material.

So you're telling me that you're
considering quitting this job?

Well, I've already got a better job
lined up, Dad.

Yes, in the automotive industry.

Ford?

General... Chrysler.

Bernie.

Bernie? Yeah, Bernie's car wash. I want
to be a rag man, Dad.

Tips galore. Great future.

I can't do this.

I can't look you in the face and lie.
What is this? All kind of magic power?

Mike, I have to... Dad, I got fired.

It wasn't even my fault, Dad. I mean, I
was calling for this girl named Terry

who left her registered drawer open.

I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but...
Dad, that was the day you gave me this

car. What was I supposed to say then?

Oh, yes. You didn't want to risk losing
the car.

No, Dad, it wasn't because of the car.

I mean, it was, but... Not the way you
mean.

It was just such a new experience. I
mean, how can you be so proud of me?

Confused me.

Well, it confused me, too.

Don't you see, Dad? I mean, I just
didn't want you to think I was some

couldn't be trusted with any
responsibility.

That's when you started having faith in
me.

Well, you've got to have a little faith
in me, too.

Oh, come on, Dad. No. If you had somehow
found out that I was fired, you'd be

out here pacing, telling Mom how stupid
you were to trust me.

Well, possibly we may.

Don't you see?

Do you know how hard it's been for me to
keep the truth from you?

So you lied to me for me?

Yeah, I just didn't want to let you
down.

No matter what happened to me, it didn't
matter.

Well, I appreciate that.

Michael?

We've been waiting for you. Maggie, Mike
just told me he lost his job at the

burger place last week.

Oh, he did?

I was shocked.

You were?

Jason, he's been lying to us for an
entire week.

Yes.

Is that a great kid or what?

Since that time, I've been sitting on a
hook.

Now you want to talk pain, Ashtray? Try
sitting two years on a hook.

I just want to go back on Jason's desk.

Oh, swear not by the moon.

The inconstant moon that monthly changes
in her circled orb.

This is what I need?

It is a tale told by an idiot full of
sound and fury and signifying nothing.

No offense, Ashtray. Why does everybody
pick on me?

Because you have not lived or loved.

Oh, swear not by the moon. The
inconstant moon that monthly changes in

circled orb.

Let that thy love prove likewise
variable.

What shall I swear by?

Hey, we're trying to do a little Romeo
and Juliet here. We don't need no

insensitive jerk messing it up.

Sorry, coach.

All right.

Go back to the part where Romeo was
swearing.

Okay, people.

Remember, next week we have a major exam
on all the Shakespeare sonnets, so you

better know your abstinence from your
elbows.

There are sensitive men like Romeo
nowadays.

Men who aren't afraid to cry.

I mean, all we have are insensitive
jocks.

Do you think Tom Cruise cries?

Tom Cruise can do anything he wants.

Fever.

Yes, Mr. Lovett?

Fever, I'm going to say something to you
that may shock you.

But in this class, I consider you my
equal.

Well, what I mean is, is that if I had a
question about Shakespeare, and I had a

choice of either asking him or you, I'd
ask you.

Well, thank you.

And it has nothing to do with the fact
that he ran around in tights all the

time.

The point is, is that I need your help.

It's no big secret that I wouldn't even
be teaching this class if Mrs.

Orbeau hadn't gone a little bit flaky,
if you know what I mean.

But there's a kid who's flunking the
class who shouldn't be, and I kind of

myself.

So I was wondering if maybe you could
tutor him.

Well, I've never really thought of
myself as a teacher.

Hey, who has?

So what do you say?

Okay, I'll give it a shot. Ah, yeah.

Hey, Bobby.

The chalk?

Yeah,

Bobby, uh, Seaver here is gonna help you
through, uh, that Shakespeare stuff.

All right.

Now, look.

You do everything she says, because if
you don't pass... You don't play.

It ain't going to do you no good to come
crying your eyes out to me like you did

last year.

I don't think we ever really met. I'm
Bobby Wynette.

I know.

And you're Carol the Brain.

I know.

You actually cried last year?

Yeah.

Groin pull.

Why Romeo didn't try CPR on Juliet
before he killed himself.

I mean, the guy doesn't even check a
pulse before he does himself in.

Father, the play is over 400 years old.

It's a classic.

Look, to you geniuses, it may make sense
that Juliet gets some drug from a

priest to pretend like she's dead so she
can run off with a guy who's too stupid

to pick up the phone and call a doctor.

But to a guy like me, it's sheep dip.

You're calling Shakespeare.

If I was Romeo and you were Juliet and I
really had it bad for you, there's

nothing nobody would say to get in the
way. Not my family, not your family, not

nobody. By the time those people turned
around and looked for you and me, we'd

be in my pickup halfway to Jersey.

Sorry I lost my temper.

Sometimes my emotions get the best of
me.

Guess I'm too sensitive.

It's okay. I really didn't want any more
anyway.

This tutoring stuff's a bad idea. My
head's too thick.

No, no, no, no, no.

Understanding Shakespeare is a very
difficult thing to do. You know, when I

first read his plays, I was lost for
months.

I ruined my entire sixth grade year.

You read this stuff in the sixth grade?

So weird, okay?

No, no, no, you're smart.

Boy, spending this much time with me
must really be boring for you, huh?

Not really.

So where were we? Everybody was dead.

So, like, what is this Bobby Winnett
situation?

There's no situation. I'm just tutoring
him.

Oh, well, that figures.

And what is that supposed to mean?

Well, I don't know.

Oh, come on, Carol, don't have a cow.

Everybody knows you're... immaculate.

Immaculate? You know, wholesome.

Well, there are more things to be, like,
um, fat.

Well, for your information, Bob... me
and i did our studying all evening in my

bedroom and the subject was um romeo and
juliet if you get my meaning

you know maybe i don't have to ogle the
boys swim team and act like a little

girl when i can be a woman at home you
look like you've

been in a fight oh yeah but who with and
my six period speech class What, you

fought the whole class?

Look, I'm not dead. I was on the bottom
of the pile. Now, my fight is not

important right now.

Either is my suspension.

You were suspended?

Yeah. All right. Now, at the start of
the class, Eddie comes up to me and asks

me if I heard the news. I say, what
news? He says, about Carol.

Well, you know me. I mean, I'm always
ready for a good Carol nerd story.

Then he starts saying this disgusting
stuff about Carol.

So I keep smiling, see, waiting for the
punchline.

And he's not kidding.

I don't know what happened. But the next
thing I know, I'm sitting there

punching Eddie out.

And then I'm sitting there swinging and
kicking.

And I couldn't even figure out why I was
so angry.

I mean, here I was getting all busted up
protecting Carol.

How could you start a rumor like that
about... It is a rumor, isn't it?

Of course it is, Mom. I mean, everybody
knows that decent, responsible,

immaculate Carol wouldn't dare do a
thing like that.

Then why?

Carol, that's a Mike answer. I expect a
little more from you.

What am I, a saint?

Why do you always have to say, Mike, why
can't you be more like your sister? Why

does every teacher I've ever had put me
in charge when they leave the classroom?

Why is it that I'm the one always to be
elected a recording secretary?

Oh, honey, those are all good things.

I just wish...

That every once in a while it would be
nice to be thought of as dangerous.

Provocative?

Yes.

Sexy?

Yes.

The kind of girl that should never be
allowed to study in her bedroom with a

hunk?

Yes.

How does Bobby's, um, cute bottom?

Well, am I wrong?

You know, honey, you're going to have to
clear up this rumor at school.

Oh, yeah.

Do you think it could, um, wait a couple
days?

players who strut and fret till our
final curtain draws nigh.

Let's just all face it, we're garbage.

I'm not garbage.

No, you're ugly garbage.

Oh, my copy of Romeo and Juliet.

Yeah, we're not going to get very much
for it because you actually read it.

The book brought Bobby and me together.

Yeah, that book's doing a lot better
than Bobby did.

Mike, this is a memento of my past.

But then how... How can I expect you to
understand sentiment?

Hey, look, sentiment is for wimps.

Hey, my burger hat.

What are you guys, out of your minds?

Hey, you know, a lot of this stuff is
still in pretty good shape.

Mike, at this rate, we won't have
anything left to sell.

Well, so?

Good, because I like my old junk.

I don't think you two seem to grasp the
concept of a garage sale.

My prawn dress does not leave this
house.

You know what I think?

Dad telling us about all the money we're
going to make in this garage sale, it's

just his way of tricking us into
cleaning up the house.

Next time, we ask for the money up
front.

Hey, just because they're garbage pail
kids doesn't mean they're garbage.

Ben, what's with Mike and Carol? They
said the garage sale's off.

Yeah, we don't want to sell anything.

Why?

Well, Dad, this stuff is bringing back
memories of my youth.

Well, losing some things doesn't mean
losing your memories.

I want to keep my old junk.

You don't want to get too attached to
some old piece of useless junk that you

don't need. You guys are too old for
that.

Ben, what's this ashtray you gave me
doing out here?

Well, I didn't want to sell it, and it
was in a box, and I figured you didn't

want it anymore.

Why? Just because I don't smoke or ever
use it?

Yeah. Well, that doesn't mean I don't
need it. Don't you see?

No.

Maybe when you're older.

But this thing is going right back on my
office desk right now.

Thanks, Dad.

That was close.

You're telling me.

rosemary, and dill weed.

Of course, the sage, rosemary, and...
Oh, I'm better, huh, guys?

You're welcome.

Oh, Jason, he wants to come crazy
talking to a spice rack.

No.