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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,410 --> 00:00:03,950 Ben, it's your turn to take out the garbage. 2 00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:09,070 Hey, you know you can't listen in when Dad talks with one of his mental 3 00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:12,390 patients. He's not talking to a mental patient. It's Mom. 4 00:00:13,850 --> 00:00:16,790 Well, that's probably worse. It still shouldn't snow. 5 00:00:17,270 --> 00:00:18,650 It's juicy stuff. 6 00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:22,870 Ben, you can't... It's about my... 7 00:00:22,870 --> 00:00:28,650 See, Ben's running to the goofy glue again, huh? 8 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,290 Shh! 9 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,310 to warn you before it's too late. 10 00:00:32,729 --> 00:00:33,730 What? 11 00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:35,390 For five bucks. 12 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,070 Yeah. 13 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,590 What, do you think I'm stupid just because I'm related to you? 14 00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:44,250 Okay. Your funeral. 15 00:00:45,190 --> 00:00:47,630 All right, all right, all right. I owe you five bucks. What is it? 16 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:49,930 Your report card came in the mail today. 17 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,550 Oh, no. 18 00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,310 That's what Dad said. 19 00:00:55,330 --> 00:00:56,550 Well, how bad could it be? 20 00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,570 Dad says you're this close to becoming a good -for -nothing bum. 21 00:01:01,910 --> 00:01:04,010 Okay, well, um, just tell him that you haven't seen me, okay? 22 00:01:04,250 --> 00:01:07,070 Oh, wait a minute. There's the little matter of the five bucks? 23 00:01:07,590 --> 00:01:08,590 Yeah. 24 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:10,330 Try and collect. 25 00:01:13,170 --> 00:01:14,170 Hi, Mike! 26 00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:15,450 It's good to see you! 27 00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:21,230 Don't you go anywhere. Your mom and I will want to have a word with you in a 28 00:01:21,230 --> 00:01:22,230 minutes. 29 00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:31,730 Okay, now was it really, really worth it to sell your own brother out for a mere 30 00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:32,730 $5? 31 00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,190 Oh, yeah, absolutely. 32 00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:40,410 What are we going to do with Mike? 33 00:02:40,630 --> 00:02:43,490 Well, Maggie, we've been asking each other the same question ever since his 34 00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:44,930 first report card in kindergarten. 35 00:02:46,230 --> 00:02:48,930 I know, but he's only a year and a half away from graduating. 36 00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:50,390 I wouldn't bet on it. 37 00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:52,970 D. D plus. 38 00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:54,830 D minus minus. 39 00:02:55,630 --> 00:03:00,170 Teacher comment number 64, which is, I've had it. I'm quitting teaching. 40 00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:05,790 Of course, the real comment is our old favorite here. Student is not realizing 41 00:03:05,790 --> 00:03:06,850 full potential. 42 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,340 Jason, what is going to become of Mike after he graduates? 43 00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:12,640 I mean, no college, no skills. 44 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,760 I mean, what kind of a job can a person get when all they have is a charming 45 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,360 smile and nothing to back it up? 46 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,680 He can go to Hollywood, become an actor. 47 00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:25,280 Jason, I realize that as a psychiatrist, you work hard at not letting your 48 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,480 emotions get the best of you. 49 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:31,460 But at this moment, I'm asking myself, why didn't I marry a fiery urologist? 50 00:03:34,060 --> 00:03:36,260 Maggie, I'd rather think than rant, okay? 51 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:37,920 So what are you thinking? 52 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,000 Well, I think there must be a more effective way to get through to Mike. 53 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,480 What is it? I don't know. 54 00:03:43,940 --> 00:03:45,100 You call that thinking? 55 00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:46,840 All right, how would you get through to him? 56 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,500 Me? Yeah. 57 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,100 Well, I'd... Okay. 58 00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:55,900 I'd, um... Yeah, and this is good. 59 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,880 You know that speech you're giving at Boston College tomorrow? The one you 60 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,000 me listen to three times? 61 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:04,660 No, I know the one you asked to hear three times. 62 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,179 That's the one. 63 00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:08,060 Anyway, take him with you. 64 00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:11,500 Show him around the campus. Let him see what he'll be missing if he doesn't get 65 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,339 his act together. 66 00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,980 Vicki, that's a terrible idea. 67 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,019 It is. 68 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,279 Do you know what I could do? 69 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:22,079 I could take him to Boston with me and soft sell him about college. 70 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,700 Show him around the campus? Yes. 71 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,480 Let him see what he'll be missing. Yes. 72 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:27,420 Wow, I wonder where you come up with it, Doc. 73 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,480 Vicki, this is great. 74 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,040 Oh, Michael. 75 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,720 He won't be able to resist my magical powers of persuasion. I'll have the 76 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:39,840 weekend to spend with him. 77 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,499 All right. 78 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,240 Have a seat. All right, all right. Now, I know what this is all about. I know 79 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,460 you guys have been talking about my future plans, and I myself have a few 80 00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:48,480 remarks on this subject. 81 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,120 Have a seat, Dad. 82 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,780 Now, what's all this fuss about the future? 83 00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,680 My... No, no, no, Mom, Mom. Now, come on. I have got this handled, all right? 84 00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:03,900 Now, I have made a decision in my life to become very successful and make a lot 85 00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:04,859 of money. 86 00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:05,860 Uh -huh. 87 00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:09,100 Now you guys are probably asking yourself, how is he going to do this? 88 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,320 How is he going to do this? 89 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,280 That's all right here, black and white, Mom. 90 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,360 Vinnie Furbo's shiftless man's way to big bucks? 91 00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:23,260 Keep reading. 92 00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:28,850 I made a million smackaroos, and I'm just an average Joe like you. And you 93 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:33,190 need a big deal college education or any special skills. All you need is two 94 00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:34,970 free hours a week and a winning smile. 95 00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:37,230 I found my car. 96 00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:42,550 Okay, and I won't take up any more of your guys' time, but I will promise you 97 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:46,310 this. When I make my first million, I'm going to buy you guys some decent 98 00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:47,310 clothes. 99 00:05:48,650 --> 00:05:49,910 Mike, can I see that, please? 100 00:05:50,190 --> 00:05:51,190 Yeah, sure, Dad. 101 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,320 As I said before, will you have a seat, please? 102 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,240 There's going to be another one of those college parks. No. 103 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:11,440 Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. It is. 104 00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:17,200 Now, we've been through this before, Mike. What's the point of another 105 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,300 right? 106 00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:24,040 No. Oh, son of mine. I've got this two -day trip to Boston coming up, and I 107 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,760 thought, hey, why don't we make it a guy's getaway? 108 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,080 What's the catch? 109 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,420 There's no catch, Mike. 110 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,800 Come on, it'll be fun. Just the two of us hanging out in Beantown. 111 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:39,380 You've been under a lot of academic pressure lately, and, well, maybe what 112 00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:40,840 really need is just a break. 113 00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:43,240 Come on, you've earned it. 114 00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:51,760 Where does all this stupid garbage end up? 115 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,980 Well, it's taken to a factory, turned into videotape, and then they record 116 00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:56,980 videos on it. 117 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,840 Carol, I need you to lend me a suitcase. 118 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,700 They decided to kick you out of the house? 119 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,560 Yes! 120 00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,420 No, they didn't kick me out of the house. 121 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,080 A girl can dream. 122 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,460 As a matter of fact, Dad's taking me on a trip to Boston for a little guy 123 00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:19,080 getaway. Wait a minute. 124 00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:24,300 You get called in because you're a crummy grave and end up on a trip to 125 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:26,640 What am I doing wrong here? 126 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,360 A lot, Carol, but that's not the point. 127 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,680 And for your information, Mom and Dad didn't even want to talk about my 128 00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:38,720 What? No, they didn't even bring them up. They were in a great mood. 129 00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:43,520 Mike, Mom and Dad were in a great mood after senior grades, and we've just 130 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:44,960 experienced a miracle. 131 00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:51,140 I mean, my guess is that this house is going to be turned into a shrine, and 132 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:57,460 then thousands of D students are going to line up to light candles in your 133 00:07:58,229 --> 00:08:01,470 Mike Seaver, the patron saint of underachievers. 134 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:04,630 I'll get my own suitcase. 135 00:08:08,430 --> 00:08:12,550 Oh, this batch of garbage has David Lee Roth written all over it. 136 00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:18,130 Ben, if I told you that Mom and Dad didn't yell at Mike because of his 137 00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:22,650 and instead Dad was taking him on a fun trip to Boston, what would you think? 138 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,720 I think the dad is trying to trick Mike into caring about college by taking him 139 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:27,720 to his old school. 140 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,020 You're right. This is right. It's all a trick. 141 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,179 Sure. What'd you think? 142 00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:47,440 The captain has extinguished the fasten seatbelt sign. Please feel free to move 143 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,200 aimlessly about the cabin. 144 00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:53,310 All right, Mike, we're on our way. Yeah. 145 00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:56,550 Hey, you realize this is the first time you and I have taken a trip alone 146 00:08:56,550 --> 00:08:59,290 together? Yeah. I mean, it was just two men hanging out. 147 00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:01,470 Hey, Dad, what do you say we look for some chicks, huh? 148 00:09:02,490 --> 00:09:03,490 Very funny. 149 00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:06,950 Hey, we're going to have some big fun this weekend, though. Yeah, yeah. The 150 00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:09,990 obligation I have is to make that speech on campus. That's not going to take 151 00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:10,990 very long. 152 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,270 Hey, as long as I have to go to the campus anyway, why don't you come with 153 00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:15,650 can show you around my college. 154 00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:18,370 Like where I had some of the best years of my life. 155 00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:22,250 Eh, I don't know, Dad. I think maybe I ought to stay at the hotel and find some 156 00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:23,270 women. My. 157 00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,870 Well, if it's women you're interested in, you know you're missing a bet not 158 00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:27,870 coming to this campus. 159 00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:29,330 Yeah? Oh, yeah. 160 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,250 Hundreds. 161 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,870 And all of them hungry for knowledge. 162 00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:39,190 Well, so I guess it'd be a shame to miss that beach, wouldn't it, Dad? Right. 163 00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:42,070 Hey, you know, we could spend the whole day there. 164 00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:44,550 Okay. Yeah, how about it? Are you... Not. 165 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,100 Do either of you like something to drink? 166 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:55,120 Oh, well, I... Because no one else does on account of such a short flight and 167 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,320 everything. And would really save me a lot of trouble if I didn't have to haul 168 00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,420 out that drink cart. 169 00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:01,780 That's fine, thank you. 170 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,100 Well, you know, I remember when I first went to that college. 171 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,660 I had no clue what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. 172 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,320 But there's something about being there that brought it all into focus, you 173 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,800 know? And that's when I realized there was only one career for me. 174 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,890 Huh. Race car driver. 175 00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:24,590 So they sent me to the school psychiatrist, and the rest is mental 176 00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:25,590 history. 177 00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:28,530 Hey, kid, can I borrow your barf bag? 178 00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:33,010 Here, keep it. 179 00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:34,610 Yours, too. 180 00:10:34,930 --> 00:10:35,930 Oh. 181 00:10:36,430 --> 00:10:37,430 Sure, enjoy. 182 00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:38,650 Thanks. 183 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,550 So, Mike, what are your plans? 184 00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:50,580 Um... I'm wide open, Dad. This is going to be a guy's getaway weekend for me. 185 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,200 No, I don't mean just for the weekend. I mean for the future, too. 186 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,500 Like, how do you see yourself ten years from now? 187 00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:58,300 Ten years? 188 00:10:58,420 --> 00:11:00,240 Um... Old. 189 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,380 Like you'll be 26. 190 00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:04,900 Yeah. 191 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,800 All right, two years from now. 192 00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:11,400 Two years. Better yet, tell me how you see yourself two days after graduation. 193 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:12,700 What are you going to be doing? 194 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,300 Simple. Me and Eddie and Boyner, we're heading down to Fort Lauderdale. 195 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,340 All right, one week after graduation. 196 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,880 Still partying. 197 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,260 Mike, come on. Before you know it, it's going to be graduation. 198 00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,740 Come on, Dad, that's a whole year and a half away. 199 00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:32,200 But the things that you get a chance to do now and the decisions you'll make, 200 00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:35,100 they're going to affect you the rest of your life. Time is precious. 201 00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:38,720 Oh, whoa, Dad. 202 00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:42,120 Did you see that fox heading up to the lounge? I've got to go check her out. 203 00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:43,340 Mike, we're talking. 204 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,320 About time being precious. 205 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,020 Yeah, tell me about it, Dad. This plane lands in 15 minutes. I gotta move. 206 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,140 Mike, come on. 207 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,460 Ah, she wasn't into her dad. She was married. 208 00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:04,780 Mike, I don't want to talk about that. Me either. 209 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,380 Oppressing. I want to stick to the original topic of discussion, okay? 210 00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,520 What was the original topic, Dad? 211 00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:12,840 How you're going to improve your grades, Mike. 212 00:12:13,390 --> 00:12:14,710 When did that become the topic? 213 00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,370 Years ago. 214 00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:19,250 Come on, Dad. This isn't my idea of a guy's getaway. 215 00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:24,710 How do I get through to you? I mean, how do I make you realize that for the rest 216 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,930 of your life you're going to be affected by what you do now? 217 00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:29,490 Yeah, well, I mean, just for sure I don't. 218 00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:33,330 When's the last time you spent more than 15 minutes doing your homework? 219 00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:40,630 Dad, it's not the quantity of time that I spend. It's the quality, right? 220 00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:43,130 You just don't get it, do you? 221 00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,650 I mean, would it help if I took away your card? 222 00:12:48,450 --> 00:12:50,810 Attention, attention, excuse me. 223 00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,710 We have a small emergency. 224 00:12:53,090 --> 00:12:54,090 Oh, no, no. 225 00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:18,400 you this guy's wife? She says she's going into labor. 226 00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:21,520 Well, I can take a look at her. 227 00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:24,600 Hey, Doc, don't you need a little black bag or something? I'm a psychiatrist. 228 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,380 Oh, Doc, she don't think she's having a baby. She's having a baby. 229 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:33,740 A psychiatrist is a medical doctor. Oh, hey, don't tell my wife you're a head 230 00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:34,740 shrinker, huh? 231 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,000 Hello, I'm Dr. 232 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,560 Seaver. I understand you're going into labor. 233 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:42,020 All right, well, how far apart are the contractions? 234 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,800 Would you have the captain radiohead for an ambulance? 235 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,160 Ambulance! Ambulance! 236 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,960 Everything's fine. Everything's fine. We'll be on the ground long before the 237 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,000 baby arrives. Oh, okay. Hi, folks. This is Captain Kirk. 238 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:01,500 Logan International is having a little fog problem, and we're going to circle a 239 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,240 bit. So relax and have a drink. 240 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,240 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 241 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:08,660 Everything's going wrong here. Calm down, Captain. There's no reason to 242 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:09,699 Everything's fine. 243 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:13,490 Yeah, you don't see me throwing a fit, and I've got a whole... that stupid 244 00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:14,490 cart. 245 00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:19,430 All right. There's more room up here. You'll be more comfortable. 246 00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:21,830 Why do we need more room? 247 00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:24,890 What's going to happen? You said we'd be on the ground by now, didn't he? Didn't 248 00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:25,890 he say that? He did. 249 00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:30,190 Okay. Okay, what do we do now, huh? Boil water, rip sheets, what? 250 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:35,450 Honey, you're scaring me. You're scaring me too, Dad. Oh, yes. You sit over 251 00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:36,450 here, please. 252 00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:39,210 Susan, you sit right there. 253 00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:41,210 In the magic carpet lounge? 254 00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:49,740 Dan, you know, you could be a big help if you just take a stroll, all right? 255 00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:50,419 Calm down. 256 00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,620 Yeah, that's it. I'll take a nice brisk walk outside. 257 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:53,920 It'll do me good. 258 00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,000 Mike, will you watch him, please? 259 00:14:57,260 --> 00:14:59,420 All right, Dad, but if he opens the door, he's on his own. 260 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,340 Are you comfortable, Susan? 261 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,960 I haven't been comfortable in five months, Doctor. 262 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:19,640 What did the captain say? 263 00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:23,220 He said it would take an hour for the fall to clear and at least 45 minutes to 264 00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:24,220 divert to another airport. 265 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,060 Oh, damn. This baby's coming in a half an hour. 266 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,960 You tell your Captain Kirk he's either got to land this plane or he's got to 267 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,360 beam me up an obstetrician. 268 00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:35,620 That's so cute. 269 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,220 I told her she shouldn't fly. 270 00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:42,940 The doctor said no. But does she listen to me? 271 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:44,880 Apparently not. 272 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,160 Think she'll be okay? 273 00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:51,110 Oh, yeah, you should be fine. My dad is a great psychiatrist. 274 00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:55,230 But now he's dealing with the other end. 275 00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,170 What's your name? 276 00:15:59,470 --> 00:16:00,470 Mike. 277 00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:02,370 What's my name? 278 00:16:02,950 --> 00:16:04,290 Damn, that's it. Okay. 279 00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:05,730 Okay, Mike. 280 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,530 I'm feeling much better now. 281 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,150 I'm completely calm. 282 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:11,810 Calm? What should you be calm? What's going on? 283 00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:16,550 Keep pushing, Susan. Keep pushing. When does the pain stop? 284 00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,200 In about 18 years. 285 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:20,699 It's happening. 286 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:21,599 It's happening. 287 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,340 It's happening. Dan, get a hold of yourself. Where? 288 00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:25,340 Buttercup. Sweetheart. 289 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:30,660 Munchkin. Baby doll. Oh, man, please. Get the hell out of here. You're making 290 00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:31,660 feel awful. 291 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,700 Yeah, but I'm your coach. 292 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:36,360 If I need a coach, you're the first one I'll call. Now get out. 293 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:41,160 Don't take it personally, Dan. Yeah, I know, Doc. I know. I took Lamont 294 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,460 Mike. And I know a woman tends to freak out when she reaches the final stage of 295 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,460 labor. 296 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:54,930 those race car classes. Got a 297 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,990 sack? 298 00:17:04,329 --> 00:17:06,450 Doctor, I have two messages from Captain Kirk. 299 00:17:06,869 --> 00:17:10,190 First, he says he could have you on the ground in 65 seconds, but he doesn't 300 00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:11,310 think you'd enjoy the landing. 301 00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:17,030 And second, he didn't care for your Captain Kirk joke as much as I did. 302 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:23,039 You hear that? 303 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,180 I think everybody heard that. 304 00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:27,319 Oh, I blew it. 305 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,640 That's all there is to it. I blew it. Don't argue with me, kid. 306 00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:31,299 I'm a wimp. 307 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,300 Go ahead and say it. 308 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,740 Okay, you're a wimp. Who asked you? 309 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,640 Wouldn't you be freaking out if your wife was having a baby? 310 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:39,820 Heck, I'd freak out if I even had a wife. 311 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:42,440 What kind of father am I? 312 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,720 I can't even watch my own kid being born. 313 00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,580 I mean, my kid's gonna hate me. 314 00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:51,140 This whole deal of having a baby. 315 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,559 Big mistake. 316 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,740 You know, I have never gotten one. People even have. 317 00:17:55,860 --> 00:17:58,480 Hey, everybody knows why you have kids. 318 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,320 You do it to bring somebody into the world that's part you and part your 319 00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:05,940 Uh -huh. 320 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:11,020 Yeah. I mean, it's like having somebody around who can learn from your mistakes. 321 00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:16,900 I mean, like, say, somewhere down the line, all of a sudden, my kid wants to 322 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:20,940 say, move to Pittsburgh. I say, no way I live there. 323 00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:28,460 And if he ever wants to be cool and smoke, well, tell him. 324 00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:30,400 You ain't gonna do that, pal. 325 00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,800 Took me three years to quit. 326 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:38,360 And if you ever, ever think of quitting school, it'll be over my dead body. 327 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,080 See, I done that. 328 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,320 And it stinks. 329 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,140 All right, I won't quit. 330 00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:52,740 Sorry, Mike. 331 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,160 Guess I'm not myself today, huh? 332 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,020 Hey, it's okay. I know another father who yells a little. 333 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,400 Yeah, what am I going to do with this kid when he wants to make some stupid 334 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,400 mistake? 335 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,120 What are you going to do? You're going to straighten him out. 336 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,260 He'll just think I'm on his case. 337 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,700 Who cares what he thinks? He's just a kid. Now, who knows more, you or him? 338 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,560 You're right. 339 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,200 You ought to have a kid. 340 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,640 Kid. 341 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:37,840 Will you listen to that? 342 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,680 Now, who'd bring a little baby on him? 343 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,950 He's so, so young. 344 00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,570 Yeah, isn't he beautiful? 345 00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:12,530 Congratulations, Pop. 346 00:20:12,730 --> 00:20:13,730 Yeah. 347 00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:15,830 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 348 00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:17,270 My dad. 349 00:20:23,830 --> 00:20:25,310 I gotta hand it to you, Dad. 350 00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:26,930 You really know what you're doing. 351 00:20:27,730 --> 00:20:30,710 Well, I think we have to give some of the credit to the mother. 352 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,520 are really something. 353 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,300 Thank you. 354 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:44,780 Dad, this collared thing, um, you know, if you think this is really important, 355 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,620 then maybe I should at least give it a shot. 356 00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:48,120 What's the catch, Mike? 357 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:49,500 No, no, Dad, there's no catch. 358 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:50,980 I've just been thinking. 359 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,180 I mean, who knows more, you or me? 360 00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:59,560 Hey, Doc, from now on, we're going to have all our kids delivered by a 361 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,560 psychiatrist. 362 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,900 He's a psychiatrist? 363 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:15,420 And in tonight's local news roundup, drama. This afternoon on what began as a 364 00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,880 routine commuter flight to Boston. 365 00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,700 Boston? Ben, turn that back. 366 00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:26,020 Boston? Dan and Susan Colombo left New York as a couple and landed in Boston as 367 00:21:26,020 --> 00:21:27,020 a family. 368 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,140 to a 7 -pound, 12 -ounce, bouncing baby boy. 369 00:21:34,420 --> 00:21:35,840 Look! It's your dad! 370 00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:37,900 Oh, my! 371 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,720 The newest Columbo was delivered by Dr. Jason Seaver, who is, of all things, a 372 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,560 psychiatrist. We asked him what it was like to deliver a baby at 30 ,000 feet. 373 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,620 Well, storks have been doing it for years. 374 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,720 Hi, Mom! 375 00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:54,860 Hi, Mike! 376 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:55,880 Hi, Maggie! 377 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,220 Hey, if you think this is news, wait till I get home. 378 00:22:05,870 --> 00:22:07,130 It gets to be on TV, too. 379 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:16,610 Mother and baby are doing fine. 380 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:20,150 Well? Well, I can't argue with you, Maggie. 381 00:22:20,530 --> 00:22:21,550 I look good. 382 00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:23,950 Well, should I rewind? 383 00:22:24,370 --> 00:22:27,150 No, no, I think three times is enough for one afternoon. 384 00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:32,790 Well, honey, you know, when I see how good you look on television, you know 385 00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:33,790 occurs to me? What? 386 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,060 Maybe you've missed your call. No. 387 00:22:37,380 --> 00:22:41,080 You know, I think you'd be great on television. Did it ever occur to you? 388 00:22:42,340 --> 00:22:44,760 Maggie, I'm perfectly happy doing what I'm doing. 389 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:46,740 Just a thought. 31237

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