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1
00:00:02,410 --> 00:00:03,950
Ben, it's your turn to take out the
garbage.
2
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:09,070
Hey, you know you can't listen in when
Dad talks with one of his mental
3
00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:12,390
patients. He's not talking to a mental
patient. It's Mom.
4
00:00:13,850 --> 00:00:16,790
Well, that's probably worse. It still
shouldn't snow.
5
00:00:17,270 --> 00:00:18,650
It's juicy stuff.
6
00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:22,870
Ben, you can't... It's about my...
7
00:00:22,870 --> 00:00:28,650
See, Ben's running to the goofy glue
again, huh?
8
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,290
Shh!
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00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,310
to warn you before it's too late.
10
00:00:32,729 --> 00:00:33,730
What?
11
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For five bucks.
12
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,070
Yeah.
13
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,590
What, do you think I'm stupid just
because I'm related to you?
14
00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:44,250
Okay. Your funeral.
15
00:00:45,190 --> 00:00:47,630
All right, all right, all right. I owe
you five bucks. What is it?
16
00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:49,930
Your report card came in the mail today.
17
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,550
Oh, no.
18
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,310
That's what Dad said.
19
00:00:55,330 --> 00:00:56,550
Well, how bad could it be?
20
00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,570
Dad says you're this close to becoming a
good -for -nothing bum.
21
00:01:01,910 --> 00:01:04,010
Okay, well, um, just tell him that you
haven't seen me, okay?
22
00:01:04,250 --> 00:01:07,070
Oh, wait a minute. There's the little
matter of the five bucks?
23
00:01:07,590 --> 00:01:08,590
Yeah.
24
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:10,330
Try and collect.
25
00:01:13,170 --> 00:01:14,170
Hi, Mike!
26
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:15,450
It's good to see you!
27
00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:21,230
Don't you go anywhere. Your mom and I
will want to have a word with you in a
28
00:01:21,230 --> 00:01:22,230
minutes.
29
00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:31,730
Okay, now was it really, really worth it
to sell your own brother out for a mere
30
00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:32,730
$5?
31
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,190
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
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00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:40,410
What are we going to do with Mike?
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00:02:40,630 --> 00:02:43,490
Well, Maggie, we've been asking each
other the same question ever since his
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00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:44,930
first report card in kindergarten.
35
00:02:46,230 --> 00:02:48,930
I know, but he's only a year and a half
away from graduating.
36
00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:50,390
I wouldn't bet on it.
37
00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:52,970
D. D plus.
38
00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:54,830
D minus minus.
39
00:02:55,630 --> 00:03:00,170
Teacher comment number 64, which is,
I've had it. I'm quitting teaching.
40
00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:05,790
Of course, the real comment is our old
favorite here. Student is not realizing
41
00:03:05,790 --> 00:03:06,850
full potential.
42
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,340
Jason, what is going to become of Mike
after he graduates?
43
00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:12,640
I mean, no college, no skills.
44
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,760
I mean, what kind of a job can a person
get when all they have is a charming
45
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,360
smile and nothing to back it up?
46
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,680
He can go to Hollywood, become an actor.
47
00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:25,280
Jason, I realize that as a psychiatrist,
you work hard at not letting your
48
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,480
emotions get the best of you.
49
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:31,460
But at this moment, I'm asking myself,
why didn't I marry a fiery urologist?
50
00:03:34,060 --> 00:03:36,260
Maggie, I'd rather think than rant,
okay?
51
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:37,920
So what are you thinking?
52
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,000
Well, I think there must be a more
effective way to get through to Mike.
53
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,480
What is it? I don't know.
54
00:03:43,940 --> 00:03:45,100
You call that thinking?
55
00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:46,840
All right, how would you get through to
him?
56
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,500
Me? Yeah.
57
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,100
Well, I'd... Okay.
58
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:55,900
I'd, um... Yeah, and this is good.
59
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,880
You know that speech you're giving at
Boston College tomorrow? The one you
60
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,000
me listen to three times?
61
00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:04,660
No, I know the one you asked to hear
three times.
62
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,179
That's the one.
63
00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:08,060
Anyway, take him with you.
64
00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:11,500
Show him around the campus. Let him see
what he'll be missing if he doesn't get
65
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,339
his act together.
66
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,980
Vicki, that's a terrible idea.
67
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,019
It is.
68
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,279
Do you know what I could do?
69
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:22,079
I could take him to Boston with me and
soft sell him about college.
70
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,700
Show him around the campus? Yes.
71
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,480
Let him see what he'll be missing. Yes.
72
00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:27,420
Wow, I wonder where you come up with it,
Doc.
73
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,480
Vicki, this is great.
74
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,040
Oh, Michael.
75
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,720
He won't be able to resist my magical
powers of persuasion. I'll have the
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00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:39,840
weekend to spend with him.
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00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,499
All right.
78
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,240
Have a seat. All right, all right. Now,
I know what this is all about. I know
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00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,460
you guys have been talking about my
future plans, and I myself have a few
80
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:48,480
remarks on this subject.
81
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,120
Have a seat, Dad.
82
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,780
Now, what's all this fuss about the
future?
83
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,680
My... No, no, no, Mom, Mom. Now, come
on. I have got this handled, all right?
84
00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:03,900
Now, I have made a decision in my life
to become very successful and make a lot
85
00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:04,859
of money.
86
00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:05,860
Uh -huh.
87
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:09,100
Now you guys are probably asking
yourself, how is he going to do this?
88
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,320
How is he going to do this?
89
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,280
That's all right here, black and white,
Mom.
90
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,360
Vinnie Furbo's shiftless man's way to
big bucks?
91
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:23,260
Keep reading.
92
00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:28,850
I made a million smackaroos, and I'm
just an average Joe like you. And you
93
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:33,190
need a big deal college education or any
special skills. All you need is two
94
00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:34,970
free hours a week and a winning smile.
95
00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:37,230
I found my car.
96
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:42,550
Okay, and I won't take up any more of
your guys' time, but I will promise you
97
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:46,310
this. When I make my first million, I'm
going to buy you guys some decent
98
00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:47,310
clothes.
99
00:05:48,650 --> 00:05:49,910
Mike, can I see that, please?
100
00:05:50,190 --> 00:05:51,190
Yeah, sure, Dad.
101
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,320
As I said before, will you have a seat,
please?
102
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,240
There's going to be another one of those
college parks. No.
103
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:11,440
Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Yes, it is.
No, it isn't. It is.
104
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:17,200
Now, we've been through this before,
Mike. What's the point of another
105
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,300
right?
106
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:24,040
No. Oh, son of mine. I've got this two
-day trip to Boston coming up, and I
107
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,760
thought, hey, why don't we make it a
guy's getaway?
108
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,080
What's the catch?
109
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,420
There's no catch, Mike.
110
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,800
Come on, it'll be fun. Just the two of
us hanging out in Beantown.
111
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:39,380
You've been under a lot of academic
pressure lately, and, well, maybe what
112
00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:40,840
really need is just a break.
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00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:43,240
Come on, you've earned it.
114
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:51,760
Where does all this stupid garbage end
up?
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00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,980
Well, it's taken to a factory, turned
into videotape, and then they record
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00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:56,980
videos on it.
117
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,840
Carol, I need you to lend me a suitcase.
118
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,700
They decided to kick you out of the
house?
119
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,560
Yes!
120
00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,420
No, they didn't kick me out of the
house.
121
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,080
A girl can dream.
122
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,460
As a matter of fact, Dad's taking me on
a trip to Boston for a little guy
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00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:19,080
getaway. Wait a minute.
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00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:24,300
You get called in because you're a
crummy grave and end up on a trip to
125
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:26,640
What am I doing wrong here?
126
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,360
A lot, Carol, but that's not the point.
127
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,680
And for your information, Mom and Dad
didn't even want to talk about my
128
00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:38,720
What? No, they didn't even bring them
up. They were in a great mood.
129
00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:43,520
Mike, Mom and Dad were in a great mood
after senior grades, and we've just
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00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:44,960
experienced a miracle.
131
00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:51,140
I mean, my guess is that this house is
going to be turned into a shrine, and
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00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:57,460
then thousands of D students are going
to line up to light candles in your
133
00:07:58,229 --> 00:08:01,470
Mike Seaver, the patron saint of
underachievers.
134
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:04,630
I'll get my own suitcase.
135
00:08:08,430 --> 00:08:12,550
Oh, this batch of garbage has David Lee
Roth written all over it.
136
00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:18,130
Ben, if I told you that Mom and Dad
didn't yell at Mike because of his
137
00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:22,650
and instead Dad was taking him on a fun
trip to Boston, what would you think?
138
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,720
I think the dad is trying to trick Mike
into caring about college by taking him
139
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:27,720
to his old school.
140
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,020
You're right. This is right. It's all a
trick.
141
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,179
Sure. What'd you think?
142
00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:47,440
The captain has extinguished the fasten
seatbelt sign. Please feel free to move
143
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,200
aimlessly about the cabin.
144
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:53,310
All right, Mike, we're on our way. Yeah.
145
00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:56,550
Hey, you realize this is the first time
you and I have taken a trip alone
146
00:08:56,550 --> 00:08:59,290
together? Yeah. I mean, it was just two
men hanging out.
147
00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:01,470
Hey, Dad, what do you say we look for
some chicks, huh?
148
00:09:02,490 --> 00:09:03,490
Very funny.
149
00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:06,950
Hey, we're going to have some big fun
this weekend, though. Yeah, yeah. The
150
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:09,990
obligation I have is to make that speech
on campus. That's not going to take
151
00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:10,990
very long.
152
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,270
Hey, as long as I have to go to the
campus anyway, why don't you come with
153
00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:15,650
can show you around my college.
154
00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:18,370
Like where I had some of the best years
of my life.
155
00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:22,250
Eh, I don't know, Dad. I think maybe I
ought to stay at the hotel and find some
156
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:23,270
women. My.
157
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,870
Well, if it's women you're interested
in, you know you're missing a bet not
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00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:27,870
coming to this campus.
159
00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:29,330
Yeah? Oh, yeah.
160
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,250
Hundreds.
161
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,870
And all of them hungry for knowledge.
162
00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:39,190
Well, so I guess it'd be a shame to miss
that beach, wouldn't it, Dad? Right.
163
00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:42,070
Hey, you know, we could spend the whole
day there.
164
00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:44,550
Okay. Yeah, how about it? Are you...
Not.
165
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,100
Do either of you like something to
drink?
166
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:55,120
Oh, well, I... Because no one else does
on account of such a short flight and
167
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,320
everything. And would really save me a
lot of trouble if I didn't have to haul
168
00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,420
out that drink cart.
169
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:01,780
That's fine, thank you.
170
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,100
Well, you know, I remember when I first
went to that college.
171
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,660
I had no clue what I wanted to do with
the rest of my life.
172
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,320
But there's something about being there
that brought it all into focus, you
173
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,800
know? And that's when I realized there
was only one career for me.
174
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,890
Huh. Race car driver.
175
00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:24,590
So they sent me to the school
psychiatrist, and the rest is mental
176
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:25,590
history.
177
00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:28,530
Hey, kid, can I borrow your barf bag?
178
00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:33,010
Here, keep it.
179
00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:34,610
Yours, too.
180
00:10:34,930 --> 00:10:35,930
Oh.
181
00:10:36,430 --> 00:10:37,430
Sure, enjoy.
182
00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:38,650
Thanks.
183
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,550
So, Mike, what are your plans?
184
00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:50,580
Um... I'm wide open, Dad. This is going
to be a guy's getaway weekend for me.
185
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,200
No, I don't mean just for the weekend. I
mean for the future, too.
186
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,500
Like, how do you see yourself ten years
from now?
187
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:58,300
Ten years?
188
00:10:58,420 --> 00:11:00,240
Um... Old.
189
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,380
Like you'll be 26.
190
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:04,900
Yeah.
191
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,800
All right, two years from now.
192
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:11,400
Two years. Better yet, tell me how you
see yourself two days after graduation.
193
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:12,700
What are you going to be doing?
194
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,300
Simple. Me and Eddie and Boyner, we're
heading down to Fort Lauderdale.
195
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,340
All right, one week after graduation.
196
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,880
Still partying.
197
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,260
Mike, come on. Before you know it, it's
going to be graduation.
198
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,740
Come on, Dad, that's a whole year and a
half away.
199
00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:32,200
But the things that you get a chance to
do now and the decisions you'll make,
200
00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:35,100
they're going to affect you the rest of
your life. Time is precious.
201
00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:38,720
Oh, whoa, Dad.
202
00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:42,120
Did you see that fox heading up to the
lounge? I've got to go check her out.
203
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:43,340
Mike, we're talking.
204
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,320
About time being precious.
205
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,020
Yeah, tell me about it, Dad. This plane
lands in 15 minutes. I gotta move.
206
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,140
Mike, come on.
207
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,460
Ah, she wasn't into her dad. She was
married.
208
00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:04,780
Mike, I don't want to talk about that.
Me either.
209
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,380
Oppressing. I want to stick to the
original topic of discussion, okay?
210
00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,520
What was the original topic, Dad?
211
00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:12,840
How you're going to improve your grades,
Mike.
212
00:12:13,390 --> 00:12:14,710
When did that become the topic?
213
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,370
Years ago.
214
00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:19,250
Come on, Dad. This isn't my idea of a
guy's getaway.
215
00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:24,710
How do I get through to you? I mean, how
do I make you realize that for the rest
216
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,930
of your life you're going to be affected
by what you do now?
217
00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:29,490
Yeah, well, I mean, just for sure I
don't.
218
00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:33,330
When's the last time you spent more than
15 minutes doing your homework?
219
00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:40,630
Dad, it's not the quantity of time that
I spend. It's the quality, right?
220
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:43,130
You just don't get it, do you?
221
00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,650
I mean, would it help if I took away
your card?
222
00:12:48,450 --> 00:12:50,810
Attention, attention, excuse me.
223
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,710
We have a small emergency.
224
00:12:53,090 --> 00:12:54,090
Oh, no, no.
225
00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:18,400
you this guy's wife? She says she's
going into labor.
226
00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:21,520
Well, I can take a look at her.
227
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:24,600
Hey, Doc, don't you need a little black
bag or something? I'm a psychiatrist.
228
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,380
Oh, Doc, she don't think she's having a
baby. She's having a baby.
229
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:33,740
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor. Oh,
hey, don't tell my wife you're a head
230
00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:34,740
shrinker, huh?
231
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,000
Hello, I'm Dr.
232
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,560
Seaver. I understand you're going into
labor.
233
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:42,020
All right, well, how far apart are the
contractions?
234
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,800
Would you have the captain radiohead for
an ambulance?
235
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,160
Ambulance! Ambulance!
236
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,960
Everything's fine. Everything's fine.
We'll be on the ground long before the
237
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,000
baby arrives. Oh, okay. Hi, folks. This
is Captain Kirk.
238
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:01,500
Logan International is having a little
fog problem, and we're going to circle a
239
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,240
bit. So relax and have a drink.
240
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,240
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
241
00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:08,660
Everything's going wrong here. Calm
down, Captain. There's no reason to
242
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:09,699
Everything's fine.
243
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:13,490
Yeah, you don't see me throwing a fit,
and I've got a whole... that stupid
244
00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:14,490
cart.
245
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:19,430
All right. There's more room up here.
You'll be more comfortable.
246
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:21,830
Why do we need more room?
247
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:24,890
What's going to happen? You said we'd be
on the ground by now, didn't he? Didn't
248
00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:25,890
he say that? He did.
249
00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:30,190
Okay. Okay, what do we do now, huh? Boil
water, rip sheets, what?
250
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:35,450
Honey, you're scaring me. You're scaring
me too, Dad. Oh, yes. You sit over
251
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:36,450
here, please.
252
00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:39,210
Susan, you sit right there.
253
00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:41,210
In the magic carpet lounge?
254
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:49,740
Dan, you know, you could be a big help
if you just take a stroll, all right?
255
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:50,419
Calm down.
256
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,620
Yeah, that's it. I'll take a nice brisk
walk outside.
257
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:53,920
It'll do me good.
258
00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,000
Mike, will you watch him, please?
259
00:14:57,260 --> 00:14:59,420
All right, Dad, but if he opens the
door, he's on his own.
260
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,340
Are you comfortable, Susan?
261
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,960
I haven't been comfortable in five
months, Doctor.
262
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:19,640
What did the captain say?
263
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:23,220
He said it would take an hour for the
fall to clear and at least 45 minutes to
264
00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:24,220
divert to another airport.
265
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,060
Oh, damn. This baby's coming in a half
an hour.
266
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,960
You tell your Captain Kirk he's either
got to land this plane or he's got to
267
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,360
beam me up an obstetrician.
268
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:35,620
That's so cute.
269
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,220
I told her she shouldn't fly.
270
00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:42,940
The doctor said no. But does she listen
to me?
271
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:44,880
Apparently not.
272
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,160
Think she'll be okay?
273
00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:51,110
Oh, yeah, you should be fine. My dad is
a great psychiatrist.
274
00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:55,230
But now he's dealing with the other end.
275
00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,170
What's your name?
276
00:15:59,470 --> 00:16:00,470
Mike.
277
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:02,370
What's my name?
278
00:16:02,950 --> 00:16:04,290
Damn, that's it. Okay.
279
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:05,730
Okay, Mike.
280
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,530
I'm feeling much better now.
281
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,150
I'm completely calm.
282
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:11,810
Calm? What should you be calm? What's
going on?
283
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:16,550
Keep pushing, Susan. Keep pushing. When
does the pain stop?
284
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,200
In about 18 years.
285
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:20,699
It's happening.
286
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:21,599
It's happening.
287
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,340
It's happening. Dan, get a hold of
yourself. Where?
288
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:25,340
Buttercup. Sweetheart.
289
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:30,660
Munchkin. Baby doll. Oh, man, please.
Get the hell out of here. You're making
290
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:31,660
feel awful.
291
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,700
Yeah, but I'm your coach.
292
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:36,360
If I need a coach, you're the first one
I'll call. Now get out.
293
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:41,160
Don't take it personally, Dan. Yeah, I
know, Doc. I know. I took Lamont
294
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,460
Mike. And I know a woman tends to freak
out when she reaches the final stage of
295
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,460
labor.
296
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:54,930
those race car classes. Got a
297
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,990
sack?
298
00:17:04,329 --> 00:17:06,450
Doctor, I have two messages from Captain
Kirk.
299
00:17:06,869 --> 00:17:10,190
First, he says he could have you on the
ground in 65 seconds, but he doesn't
300
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:11,310
think you'd enjoy the landing.
301
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:17,030
And second, he didn't care for your
Captain Kirk joke as much as I did.
302
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:23,039
You hear that?
303
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,180
I think everybody heard that.
304
00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:27,319
Oh, I blew it.
305
00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,640
That's all there is to it. I blew it.
Don't argue with me, kid.
306
00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:31,299
I'm a wimp.
307
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,300
Go ahead and say it.
308
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,740
Okay, you're a wimp. Who asked you?
309
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,640
Wouldn't you be freaking out if your
wife was having a baby?
310
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:39,820
Heck, I'd freak out if I even had a
wife.
311
00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:42,440
What kind of father am I?
312
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,720
I can't even watch my own kid being
born.
313
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,580
I mean, my kid's gonna hate me.
314
00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:51,140
This whole deal of having a baby.
315
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,559
Big mistake.
316
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,740
You know, I have never gotten one.
People even have.
317
00:17:55,860 --> 00:17:58,480
Hey, everybody knows why you have kids.
318
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,320
You do it to bring somebody into the
world that's part you and part your
319
00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:05,940
Uh -huh.
320
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:11,020
Yeah. I mean, it's like having somebody
around who can learn from your mistakes.
321
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:16,900
I mean, like, say, somewhere down the
line, all of a sudden, my kid wants to
322
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:20,940
say, move to Pittsburgh. I say, no way I
live there.
323
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:28,460
And if he ever wants to be cool and
smoke, well, tell him.
324
00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:30,400
You ain't gonna do that, pal.
325
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,800
Took me three years to quit.
326
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:38,360
And if you ever, ever think of quitting
school, it'll be over my dead body.
327
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,080
See, I done that.
328
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,320
And it stinks.
329
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,140
All right, I won't quit.
330
00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:52,740
Sorry, Mike.
331
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,160
Guess I'm not myself today, huh?
332
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,020
Hey, it's okay. I know another father
who yells a little.
333
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,400
Yeah, what am I going to do with this
kid when he wants to make some stupid
334
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,400
mistake?
335
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,120
What are you going to do? You're going
to straighten him out.
336
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,260
He'll just think I'm on his case.
337
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,700
Who cares what he thinks? He's just a
kid. Now, who knows more, you or him?
338
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,560
You're right.
339
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,200
You ought to have a kid.
340
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,640
Kid.
341
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:37,840
Will you listen to that?
342
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,680
Now, who'd bring a little baby on him?
343
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,950
He's so, so young.
344
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,570
Yeah, isn't he beautiful?
345
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:12,530
Congratulations, Pop.
346
00:20:12,730 --> 00:20:13,730
Yeah.
347
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:15,830
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
348
00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:17,270
My dad.
349
00:20:23,830 --> 00:20:25,310
I gotta hand it to you, Dad.
350
00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:26,930
You really know what you're doing.
351
00:20:27,730 --> 00:20:30,710
Well, I think we have to give some of
the credit to the mother.
352
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,520
are really something.
353
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,300
Thank you.
354
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:44,780
Dad, this collared thing, um, you know,
if you think this is really important,
355
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,620
then maybe I should at least give it a
shot.
356
00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:48,120
What's the catch, Mike?
357
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:49,500
No, no, Dad, there's no catch.
358
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:50,980
I've just been thinking.
359
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,180
I mean, who knows more, you or me?
360
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:59,560
Hey, Doc, from now on, we're going to
have all our kids delivered by a
361
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,560
psychiatrist.
362
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,900
He's a psychiatrist?
363
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:15,420
And in tonight's local news roundup,
drama. This afternoon on what began as a
364
00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,880
routine commuter flight to Boston.
365
00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,700
Boston? Ben, turn that back.
366
00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:26,020
Boston? Dan and Susan Colombo left New
York as a couple and landed in Boston as
367
00:21:26,020 --> 00:21:27,020
a family.
368
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,140
to a 7 -pound, 12 -ounce, bouncing baby
boy.
369
00:21:34,420 --> 00:21:35,840
Look! It's your dad!
370
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:37,900
Oh, my!
371
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,720
The newest Columbo was delivered by Dr.
Jason Seaver, who is, of all things, a
372
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,560
psychiatrist. We asked him what it was
like to deliver a baby at 30 ,000 feet.
373
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,620
Well, storks have been doing it for
years.
374
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,720
Hi, Mom!
375
00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:54,860
Hi, Mike!
376
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:55,880
Hi, Maggie!
377
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,220
Hey, if you think this is news, wait
till I get home.
378
00:22:05,870 --> 00:22:07,130
It gets to be on TV, too.
379
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:16,610
Mother and baby are doing fine.
380
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:20,150
Well? Well, I can't argue with you,
Maggie.
381
00:22:20,530 --> 00:22:21,550
I look good.
382
00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:23,950
Well, should I rewind?
383
00:22:24,370 --> 00:22:27,150
No, no, I think three times is enough
for one afternoon.
384
00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:32,790
Well, honey, you know, when I see how
good you look on television, you know
385
00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:33,790
occurs to me? What?
386
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,060
Maybe you've missed your call. No.
387
00:22:37,380 --> 00:22:41,080
You know, I think you'd be great on
television. Did it ever occur to you?
388
00:22:42,340 --> 00:22:44,760
Maggie, I'm perfectly happy doing what
I'm doing.
389
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:46,740
Just a thought.
31237
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