All language subtitles for growing_pains_s02e16_my_brother_myself

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! We're
gonna be late!

Ben, do you have to yell?

Sure, I'm excited!

Then go outside!

What the heck's taking so long? We gotta
move!

Get back inside, Ben! I'm sorry, Dad. I
lost control.

Everyone on the block knows it.

I can't help it. How many kids get to
spend their Friday night at a live...

into the Cosby show.

I'm excited too, Ben, but you don't hear
me yelling.

Let's go!

What's taking Mom and Carol so darn
long?

Well, Ben, I guess you're finally old
enough to hear this. What?

Women are always late.

Why?

No one knows, Ben. It's just the way it
is and always has been.

We could leave without them.

Well, the next thing you have to learn
about women, Ben, they hate it when you

ditch them.

Why are they always late? I didn't say
women made sense.

What?

I said they make tremendous sense.

Let's face it, Ben, they're just better
than us.

Oh, you look great. What, does she look
great?

You look... I'm going to start the car.

Wait for Carol, too.

She's your sister.

So?

All set.

How do I look?

Great. Mike, we're leaving. Okay, you
guys have fun.

Hey, Carol, come on. Aren't you going to
go get ready?

May your date tonight turn out to be the
most embarrassing event of your entire

life.

Mike, I don't get it. How could you go
and mess around with some stupid girl

when you could see the taping of the
number one show on TV?

When puberty hits, you'll get it, Ben.

You already told me about girls. I'm not
impressed.

Yeah, but you almost killed me.

Yeah, but something weird happened
tonight.

What? Puberty.

Well, get out of here.

I'm not kidding.

I mean, there I was laughing, having a
great time.

And all of a sudden I look over and
there's this girl and she's looking at

real funny and she goes...

That's puberty, all right.

It was gross. How do I stop it?

You can't, Ben. See, nobody stops
puberty.

Well, how long does it last?

Well, you never know. I mean, it could
last forever.

Look at Michael J. Fox.

I'm confused.

Yeah, well, you just gotta learn to live
with it, Ben.

Like you have?

Right. But I don't want to make a total
jerk out of myself every time a girl

walks into the room.

Who says I do that?

Mom.

All right, well, look, you're just going
to have to take my word on this one,

Ben. Puberty is fantastic.

I mean, it's like an amusement park
filled with girls.

I hate girls.

Oh, come on, Ben, think about that. Do
you really hate girls?

Yes!

No!

No, I don't hate girls!

I don't know anything about girls. What
do I say to them? Ben, listen.

Explain girls, Mike, please, please,
please.

Ben, you're going to have to talk to
Dad, okay?

I can't do that, Mike. This is private.
Help me.

Okay, look, Ben, I'll be straight with
you.

Dad made me promise that if you ever
came to me with any questions on sex, I

wouldn't say a word. Who's talking about
sex? I want to know about girls.

Hi.

Morning, Benny.

You wearing aftershave?

Think away.

Jason, you know what would be fun?

Tonight, you and I go out on a date.

Date? You remember those we used to have
when we were teenagers?

Those? Yeah, we get all dressed up, go
out for a nice dinner, a little dancing.

I mean, how long has it been since we've
done that?

How old is Mike?

You got any advice?

I don't even know what you're supposed
to do on a date.

Well, you go out. Have a good time.

Doing what?

Well, it doesn't matter exactly what
you're doing, Ben. What matters is that

you're spending time with the one who
captured your heart.

How do you know if she's captured your
heart?

She pays.

Chase.

Kidding. You know I'm kidding, don't
you, Ben?

Oh, yeah.

Well, then you got a date, huh?

Yes, you do, Ben.

Dad. We've been through this before,
Ben.

Oh, great.

A whole stupid, boring night with a 12
-year -old girl.

Hmm.

Hey,

babe. What's happening?

How come you're talking to yourself?

I'm not talking to myself. I'm just
rehearsing my moves.

What are moves?

They're what you put on a girl.

Oh, yeah.

Why couldn't you do that?

In order to look cool, Ben.

See, it's just as important to look cool
as it is to be cool.

But you're wearing your old pants.

Well, yeah.

I mean, although it is important to look
cool, the worst thing I could do is to

make it look like I went out of my way
for this fox.

Why?

Why?

Ben, look.

Girls don't like guys who are wimpy.

They like guys who are a little bit
unpredictable.

The kind of guy who's a little bit
dangerous.

The kind of guy who can get into trouble
at any moment.

The peewee Herman probably has more
dates than he can handle.

Get out. Get out, Ben.

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Let me let you in on a little secret,
okay? Girls are always late.

Really? Yeah.

So who's the lucky girl tonight?

Well, I'm going out with Sheena Woo -Woo
Berkowitz.

Woo -Woo?

Come on, Maggie!

The reservation's for 7 .30.

Wow, you're gonna be late.

See ya. Wait, wait, now, let me get this
straight. You are going where?

Bobby's taking me to a movie, and I'm
waiting for him on the front porch

when he comes in here, he has to talk to
you, and that makes him nervous. So I

figured I'd wait for him outside and
spare him the pain.

Well, how's that?

Wow, like I didn't even ring yet.

Bye, Trudy. Bye.

Hi, Dr. Steven. Sorry I'm late. Oh, it's
okay, Trudy. All women are.

All women are what?

Well, hi.

I'm Jason Seaver. I'm your date this
evening. And you are?

Anxious.

Oh, Trudy, the phone number of the
restaurant is by the phone. Help

anything in the refrigerator. We'll be
back around 11.

Right. Ben!

I'm still in the stupid bathroom!

He's taking a shower.

That's his third one today.

Maybe he didn't make up for last year.

We're leaving, Ben.

Okay. See you, Trudy. Bye.

What's happening?

What the heck's going on here?

I'm using all my moves and she acts like
she doesn't care.

Wait a minute. What did Dad say?

Women don't make sense.

So far, so good.

Ben, stop clowning around, huh?

What? Get away from me.

What are you doing?

I've had enough of this junk.

I'm in the mood to do something
unpredictable.

Something dangerous.

I don't know. I'm just the kind of kid
who likes to get in trouble.

You better not, young man. This is the
best babysitting job I've got, and I'm

not about to lose it. Now, this day...
and be quiet or I'll send you to bed.

This is the worst night of my life.

This is the worst night of my life.

I can't believe this. I was stood up.
Me, Mike Seaver, stood up. Can you

that? I sure can.

Yo, that's it. I have had it with women.

Should I call my folks to come get me?
Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Just gonna hang out here with Ben.

And why are you dressed like that?

Benny?

Mike, please, Mike, don't, Mike, please,
don't.

Benny, are you putting the moves on your
babysitter?

Yeah, Boner, look, I got some news about
my date with Woo Woo Berkowitz.

Yeah, you're not going to believe this,
but I got stood up.

Why is it so easy for you to believe?

Yeah, all right. Well, anyway, I just
want to let you know that as of tonight,

am taking a break from women.

Well, hi.

Break's over.

Hey, babe. What's happening?

Oh, not much. I'm Trudy's sister. I had
to drive all the way over here to pick

her up.

You drive, so you're 16?

18.

18? 18's good.

Hey, what a coincidence.

Is that your convertible in the
driveway?

Uh, yeah, sure is.

You want it?

I'm Stacy.

Yeah, I'm, um, Mike.

I'm bored.

Oh, yeah.

Well, um, it was nice meeting you.

Yeah, yeah, same here.

Say, um, would you like to go out
sometime?

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, but I'm only in town for the
weekend. I have to go back to

University.

You go to college? Yeah. You?

Uh, another coincidence.

Um, well, what about tonight?

Oh, well, it's a little late for a date.

If you went out now, Dad would have a
cow.

What do you know, Trudy?

Micah, the truth is, I'm a little bit
tired. Yeah, right. Can we go?

Wait in the car.

Kids.

So young, so impatient.

Well, I'm coming back in three weeks.

Three weeks?

I mean, um, yeah, all right, we can work
something out.

Yeah, you could come down to D .C.

D .C.? No, I don't think my folks... I
mean, my folks wagon's gonna make it.

Um, see, uh, I'm just visiting home for
the weekend, too.

Oh, where do you go to school?

Yale.

Wow! Yeah.

See, so it'd be a real long drive to D
.C. from Boston.

Boston? Yale's in New Haven.

Harvard's in Boston.

Oh, uh, Brad, you know, I make that same
mistake all the time. See, I turned

down the Yale scholarship and took the
one from Harvard instead.

Oh, my little sister is freaking out.

Yeah, you know, my little brother
probably drove her to it. He just

discovered girls, and maybe Trudy had
gotten a little more than she had

bargained for.

Oh, that's sweet.

Well... Um, you know, it's very sweet,
and you know what really gets me is that

the first crush my little brother has on
a girl, she has to go home early.

Oh, that's a shame.

A shame? It's a crime.

Well, I think it's just as wrong that my
little sister's denied the experience

of some innocent flirting.

Um, you know, I couldn't agree more,
and...

And with the way the world's going
today, I think that these two kids may

stumble into puberty without adults like
you and me around.

Oh, that's frightening.

That's the idea.

I'll get my sister.

Okay.

Look, Ben, I need you upstairs.

Trudy's up there.

Mike, I'm through with girls.

You can't be, Ben. You haven't even
started yet.

I'm thinking about the priesthood.

All right, all right. So maybe things
haven't gone that well for you today.

Mike, she laughed at me.

Oh, Ben, all women laugh at guys. You
just got to get used to it. There's no

time to give up.

Oh, good, Mike. You just squished Mr.

and Mrs. Jones.

Look, Ben, I'll tell you what I'm going
to do, okay?

Now, I'm going to tell you all you need
to know about women so you can go right

back up there and have the last laugh on
Trudy, okay? She doesn't care.

Doesn't care? Come on, Ben, don't fall
for her little act.

Now, listen to me.

All girls do and say the opposite of
what they mean.

Now, don't tell me you didn't know that.

Of course I did. I just forgot for a
minute.

All right, now, you can go back up
there. You're going to sit down here and

out. But I don't know what to say to
her. I don't know how to act with her.

Okay, okay.

And the single and most important thing
is just not to embarrass yourself.

Okay. Okay, that means no belching.

Ever?

Well, at least not when you're with her.

Gotcha. Okay, no screaming. Of course
not.

Okay, and the most important thing, Ben,
don't have anything with you that's

alive.

Oh.

Don't!

out him. You keep your mouth shut and
you pretend to like him and you do it

me.

Hi. Sure.

Um, look, why don't you two finish
watching a movie and I'll show Stacy the

kitchen. I'd love to see the kitchen.

I understand you love me.

Not at all.

Good, very good. I don't like you
either.

And this is what I like to call the
refrigerator.

Uh -huh.

Want to touch it?

So, what else can I show you?

Ben, stop that.

Yeah, right.

So, you see, according to my sociology
professor at Hale, at Yarvard, at

college, the single greatest barrier
between male -female relations is

about the first kiss.

Now, we could just... Do that right now
and get it all over with.

Well, you know, I just don't... I feel
so much better. You have to feel like a

high school boy again.

Where did you graduate from?

Dewey High.

You're a hooter? I'm a hooter! Class of
86!

Yeah, what a coincidence.

You couldn't have been in my class. I'd
remember you.

Um, well, I was much shorter then.

You should have looked down. There I
was.

Your hand is sweating all over my back.

Yeah. You're welcome.

Try it again and I'll slug you.

Wait a minute. Are you really saying you
really don't like me?

Ben, you're just a stupid little kid
with sweaty hands.

too hard.

Everything was so simple before I went
to the Cosby show.

You've been to a taping of the Cosby
show?

In person?

Yeah. Really?

We do stuff like that all the time.

Wow!

Ow!

Come on, Trudy. We're getting out of
this playpen.

Look, I didn't say I went to college. I
just said it was a coincidence.

Oh? And what was the coincidence?

Well, that... You're going to college,
and I've heard of it.

Oh, grow up.

Why are you still sitting there? I said
let's go.

Do I have to?

Ben and I are having a very interesting
conversation.

We're leaving.

I'm sorry, Ben. I have to go.

You're really sorry?

Are you kidding?

Wait a minute. I thought you hated him.

That's before I got to know him.

When can we get together and talk?

Um, gee, I don't know. I guess I'll call
you. No, no, I'll call you, Benjamin.

Bye.

Wow, the Cosby Show.

I want to know what you said to Trudy.

Just what you told me to.

And what else?

That's it.

Come on, Ben. What else did you say? I
need to know.

Mike, are you asking my advice about
women?

What? Oh, come on, Ben. That's stupid.

So, like, what'd you say?

I thought you knew everything about
girls.

Well, of course I do.

Okay, all right. Maybe not everything.

But a lot. I know a whole lot.

All right, nothing, zero, zero.

But I always thought... Well, of course
you did, Ben. I mean, you were just a

starry -eyed little kid.

But I guess it's time you learned the
truth now that you're a guy.

I'm an actual guy?

Yeah, a small one, but yes.

Gee, I'm a guy, and I know as much about
girls as you do.

You know nothing.

Uh -huh.

Hi,

guys. Hi.

You're up late.

And we're having a nightcap.

Oh, and since you asked, yes, we had a
great date. Yeah, we sure did.

Well, good night.

Are the evenings over?

Night, boy.

Night, Mom.

Good night.

See you in the morning.

Uh, Dad.

Dad, you got a second?

Actually, I... Hi. It's important.

Well, okay, what is it?

Well, um, see, me and Ben were...

discussing women, and we kind of wanted
to know your thoughts.

You two were discussing women?

Yeah, I'm a guy now.

Oh.

So, what do you think?

See, what we need to know is, like, at
what age did you finally understand

women?

What's so funny? Well, nothing. It was
just, seems like only yesterday that I

was asking my dad that exact question.

When was that?

It was yesterday.

Bobby and I are fighting.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Why?

He says I should call him if I ever
decide to make sense.

Well, that's pretty rude.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

So you're having some cake so you feel
better?

No, I'm not hungry.

You want some cake?

No, no, I never eat cake in this place.

Mom, do you understand men?

No. That's okay.

They don't understand us either.

Then let's not understand.

Got me.