All language subtitles for growing_pains_s02e12_higher_education

All right. I said one more time.

We got one ski trip, 72 hours, 23 women,
13

guys, and one nearsighted chaperone.

Gentlemen, the possibilities are
endless.

Yeah. I'm only taking one ski.

There's no way my folks are going to let
me go.

But look, you just got to learn how to
handle old people.

Mike, you haven't even talked to your
parents yet.

Oh, come on, Bone. You actually think my
parents could say no to me?

I know you can talk to my mom and dad
for me.

No, Eddie, go get a couple of chairs,
all right?

Now, Bone, look, I'll show you. I'll be
your dad, and, Eddie, you be Bone's mom.

Yes, dear.

Okay. Now, it's evening at the Sabone
residence, and you and your charming

parents are sitting down for a lovely
dinner.

My dad usually sits here.

Fine. Pass the potatoes.

What's your dad's name, Bonner?

Sylvester.

Wait a minute. Your dad's name is
Sylvester Stabone?

Who knew?

Yeah.

Okay. So, Richard, what is it you wanted
to talk to us about?

Well, it's a ski trip. Ski trip? Huh.

Now, why would you want to go on a ski
trip? You don't even know how to ski.

See, guys, what'd I tell you? He ain't
gonna even let me go.

Oh, look, it's just for pretend, all
right?

Oh, come on.

All right, now give me one good reason
why we should let you go.

Women.

Women? I will not have talk like this at
my table. Go to your room, Richard.

Bone, look, Bone, you never say women in
front of your parents, okay?

You say stuff like... Class spirit. You
say growth experience, but you never,

ever say women.

Okay, class spirit. Right.

Growth experience.

Yes.

Women!

take him to your room.

No snacking, you'll spoil your dinner.

Mom and dad are sick and Carol's mad
with power.

Is it clean yet?

I'm working, I'm working.

Hey, wait a minute. Mom and dad are
sick?

Oh, then it's perfect.

Now I can ask them about the ski trip
while they're weak.

Carol just told me the awful news, and,
well, I just thought I'd come in to

offer my condolences.

We're sick, Mike, not dead.

Well, okay, then, that settles it.

Settles what?

Oh, see, there was a class ski trip this
weekend, and I thought I'd try to get

out of it so I could spend some time
palling around with you guys.

But obviously you're in no shape for
that, so I guess I gotta go.

Dad?

You're not going anywhere while you're
still flunking English.

Oh, oh, great timing, Dad. I mean, we
had an English test today. I mean,

couldn't you have told me this before I
took it? I mean, if I'd known you would

take this kind of an attitude, I'd just
be a study for it.

Oh, I feel worse than Mike's grades.

Me too.

I gotta try again to call a doctor.

You are a doctor.

Oh, I guess that's why I keep getting a
busy sick.

Oh,

Siva, wait up, guy.

Oh, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, you're not
going to believe this. This has got to

the best news since Lucy came back to
TV.

share it in my joy.

Guess I'm not going.

What? Yeah, my dad says I have to be
passing English. He tells me this after

yesterday's test.

Are you sure you want?

Eddie, come on. It's me we're talking
about. Wake up and smell yourself.

Well, Mikey, as long as there's a grade
curve, there's always hope.

Yeah, you know, especially with Boner in
the curve.

I do what I can.

Let's go ask the teacher's aide on this
one, huh?

Hey, thanks a lot, guys.

Uh, hi.

Well, hi, Mike.

Uh, Bobby, right?

Robin. Robin, Robin, yeah.

So, Robin, uh, have you finished grading
those tests from yesterday yet?

Yeah.

Your definition of a dangling participle
was... Inspired?

Dirty.

Oh, well, how did I do overall?

Mike, I can't tell you.

Come on, Robin, I gotta know.

Look, whatever you want. I'll trade you
my body for the information.

Is that an offer?

Uh... Look, Robin, I really need to know
this crane. If I don't pass, I don't go

on the ski trip.

Oh, you're going.

Well, yeah, if I get a C.

So come on, tell me what I got.

What you got rhymes with C.

Schools are giving out Gs now?

D plus.

D plus.

Well, is that with a curve?

It's with an incredible curve.

You would not believe what the rest of
this house looks like.

I'm going to kill those kids. We asked
them for one favor. Will you help with

the house while we're sick? But do they
do it? No.

Jason, the house is...

out there. There is no dust.

All the laundry's been done. The table's
been set for dinner. Ben's little

clothes have been ironed.

I haven't seen a house this organized
since I went back to work.

Oh, good. No, that's very good. You tell
a dying man he's a bad housewife.

Honey, don't get upset. Carol just went
a little overboard trying to do a great

job and I just...

I've hurt your feelings, haven't I?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just,
well, it's really no big deal. If Carol

does a better job than I do, then we
should be grateful. She's a big help,

right? Right.

And just to be clear, we are saying she
does do a better job.

Oh, Jason. No, that's what we're saying.
That's what I hear when you say, no,

that's what I'm hearing.

passes out your test from yesterday.

I must say, I was so shocked no one got
below a C.

I'm thinking professional health.

An A?

I got an A?

Robin! An A?

I rechecked your paper.

Yeah, but Ms. Trotter's gonna find out.
I mean, she'll know. She never even sees

the paper.

You're safe with me.

Oh.

You look kind of cute with your mouth
hanging open like that.

Oh, yes.

You think that can go on the ski trip?
Look, Robin, I really owe you in a major

way.

Well, you're welcome in a major way.

Look, if there's anything that I can do
for you, Robin, you got it, okay?

Mike?

The ski trip?

Yeah. Yeah, what about it?

I'd love to be your date on the ski
trip.

What ski trip?

The ski trip.

No, Rod and Pete, the thing is, none of
us guys are taking dates on the ski trip

because there's going to be so many
coyotes up there.

Those hills are just crawling with
coyotes.

The only reason that you're able to go
is because I changed your grade.

Yeah, and I'm very thankful for that.

Are you?

Oh.

Now you're even cuter with that dumb
look on your face.

So a girl is forcing you to spend the
weekend with her?

Yes.

And this is a bad thing.

Yes. Okay, Mikey, look at it this way.

Let's say you was a teacher's aide and
you were helping out a cute chick with a

phony grade.

What would you expect in return?

Right there. Right there, you see?

No, no.

Totally in this situation. How?

All right, okay. If I treat a girl the
way she's been treating me, I mean, it

would be obvious that...

Well, that the girl would feel is rotten
as I do.

All right, man, it's no different.

Oh, no, I'm maturing. No!

Hey, don't get carried away.

All right, now, the facts here are if
you don't take Robin with you on the ski

trip, she's going to change her grade
back, and you can't go.

Now, what do I do?

I wish I had problems like this.

You know, I've never had a second date
with a chick in my life.

Girls never like me once they get to
know me.

If no girls knew me, I'd probably be the
most popular dude in school.

Hey, Carol, I need to ask you something.
Take your shoes off.

Why?

I just waxed the floor.

Hey, Carol, look, I need some advice,
okay?

From what?

Okay.

Nice job.

Okay, now, Carol, let's say you're
really desperate and you trap this guy

going out with you.

Let's not.

No, no, no. Let's say you trapped him
because you like him. Now, what could he

do to make you not like him?

You're serious?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, first, any guy who'd be
trapped into a date is a weak, needy,

man. I ain't talking.

Major wimp here.

Forget it. Forget it.

Okay.

nice job.

Place doesn't look so great.

Hey, Dad.

Look, dust.

She calls this clean? Ah.

Yeah, I think it's the fever talking.

Oh, yeah, it's me. It's me. Everything
else is just fine.

Wait a minute. I know it's something
that's not fine. What happened on your

English test, huh?

Huh? Huh?

All right.

I got an A.

Let me see that test.

Hey, wow.

Yeah, I didn't even cheat on it.

Punctuation. The colon is where food
digests after you eat it.

Ah, it was graded on a curve. Yeah,
apparently.

Well, I guess that means you'll be able
to go on that ski trip after all.

Yeah, I guess so.

You don't sound too thrilled about it.

Dad, can I ask you a question? Can I ask
you advice about something?

Why? Well, you're my dad. You like that
kind of stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Now, if somebody does you a favor out of
the blue, and it's a really great

favor, but you didn't ask them to, and
now they want you to pay them back, what

do you do?

Well, for starters, you should refuse
the favor.

Are you kidding?

Well, then you gotta pay them back.

That was not the answer I was hoping
for.

Does this have anything to do with that
ski trip you're going on?

You're going, Mike. You passed?

Passed. He got an A.

An A? Wow.

Mike.

Let me see that text.

A comma is the deep sleep you fall into
after you get hit on the head.

It's graded on the curve.

Oh. Well, Mike, I think it's wonderful.

Yep, yep, yep. It's wonderful.

Everything's wonderful.

Everything's running very smoothly
around here lately.

Now, what are you two doing up? Now,
come on. That's upstairs. I'll bring you

dinner up in a little while.

What are you having?

Cocoa van.

I made that once.

Yeah, but don't worry. I found a new
recipe.

Well, I'm going to go see if any of my
patients have called.

With my luck, they're probably all
cured.

Dad's still in shock. Mike got an A on a
test.

An A?

Let me see that test.

Not now. Carol, honey, listen. You are
doing a terrific job of taking care of

things while we're sick.

Well, thanks. I have just one request.

Sure. Stop it.

What? Well, see, your father is feeling
like you're doing a better job of

running the house than he does.

I am.

I know.

All I wanted to do was help. Oh, and
that's what your dad wanted, too. But

by giving him what he wanted, you've,
well, you've upset him.

By giving him what he wanted, I've upset
him?

Sure, honey, you'll find out that most
people hate it when they get what they

want.

Hey, wait a minute. Is this true?

Sure, there's even a Chinese curse that
says, may you get what you wish for.

Oh, this is perfect.

Look, Mom, the next time I have a
problem, I'm coming to you first.

Oh, I'm going back to bed.

Uh, Mom, I gotta go make a phone call,
okay?

Hello, Boner?

Oh, Mr. Stabone.

Uh, it's Mike.

Yo to you too, sir.

Uh, is Richard there?

Hello, Boner? Yeah, look, I need some
help.

Well, I'm going to ask Robin out
tonight.

Okay, now I need you to tell me step by
step exactly what to do on a first date

so I can completely gross this girl out.

Mike, what are you doing?

Who needs an attraction of a movie?

Not me.

Ow. Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Look, Robin, let's not kid each other,
all right?

Now, you have needs, and I have needs.

Now, why should we both be needy on a
night such as this?

Mike. Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Here, now, tonight.

Oh, Mike, yes.

Look, wouldn't a nice big tub of
something go good right now?

Tub tub?

Yeah, great idea.

Where'd he go?

I can't tell. My binoculars are all
fogged up.

Mine. Dad, what are you doing here?

Catching a movie, which is more than I
can say for you.

I know what I'm going to do. I've tried
every sleazy move you gave me on the

phone, and they're all working.

Don't give me that. Those lines never
work.

Girl,

you'll be a woman soon. Here, now,
tonight. Yeah, I tried it, and she loved

I got my face slapped for it. I got my
face kissed for it.

Wait, wait, how'd you say it?

Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Here, now, tonight.

Wow.

That's how I say it.

Eddie, maybe you should consider the
possibility that you're a scum.

Guys. Guys.

Guys, stop.

Come on.

I'm going to find you. I need a line
that is guaranteed to offend.

Well, Boner, give me your best line.

Okay.

Look me in the eye.

Say, you got need.

I got need.

Why should we both be need? I already
gave him that line. Yeah, and it worked.

It never worked for me. You guys are no
help at all.

Yours is coming.

I

thought

you were going to get popcorn.

It wasn't real butter.

I hate that, too.

Look, Robin, do you have any idea why I
brought you here tonight?

I have a pretty good idea.

No, you don't. Yes, I do.

No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't.

Robin, I brought you here tonight so
that I could totally gross you out so

wouldn't like me anymore.

You did?

Yeah, I mean, what does a guy have to do
to offend you anyway?

You just did it.

All right, finally.

And after I put my TA status on the line
for you and this is how you treat me?

Well, only after you put my ski trip on
the line.

I was just flirting.

Robin, that was blackmailing, not
flirting.

Flirting I know about.

You sure do.

Like this morning when you offered me
your body.

Robin, I offer every girl my body.

All right? Nobody ever took me up on it.

What's wrong with treating you the way
that guys have treated girls since the

beginning of time?

The beginning of time? Robin, I've only
been dating for a year.

Well, don't worry.

You can go on your precious ski trip,
and you won't be stuck with me.

Come on, Robin, don't cry.

What do you mean, stuck?

I just don't want to be forced into
doing something.

Look, just because guys are coming to
girls doesn't mean you have to be coming

to me.

You know, I think it is the guys who
ought to change, not the girls.

I know. Pretty frightening concept,
isn't it?

Wow, look at that. She's crying.

Must have been one of my lines.

I just wish that none of this had ever,
ever happened.

You're right.

Well, thank you. I shouldn't have
blackmailed you. Yeah.

I was so wrong.

Yeah. I should have never changed your
grade.

Yeah, no.

And tomorrow, I'm going to make it
right.

Tomorrow, I'm going to change your grade
back to a D+. You know what happened?

And thank you, Mike.

Thanks for helping me see how wrong I
was.

How many children?

Oh, you're still up two hours after your
bedtime and you trashed the entire

living room. I'll clean it up.

No, no, this is fine. Stay right where
you are. Get comfortable.

Perfect. Night, Ben. Night, Ben.

Night, Carol.

Ben, you're up two hours past your
bedtime.

Ben, well, she always... And what is
this mess?

Ben, you take these dishes out of the
kitchen, you get straight up to bed

now. I'm going, I'm going.

Look at the peanut butter all over the
plate.

Mike, are you responsible for any of
this mess?

Probably. What are you doing?

Out following Mom's advice.

Just between you and me, Dad. It was the
worst advice I've ever gotten.

Oh, and Dad, the grade on my English
test, after tomorrow it won't be an A,

it'll be a D+. What?

Oh, my teacher's throwing out the grade
curve.

Well, Mike, I'm very... Disappointed in
me. Yeah, I know. Me too.

How do you think I feel? I'm missing out
on the ski trip and all that gorgeous

class spirit.

I mean, Dad, all I know is nothing has
been right since you've been sick.

Well, suddenly I'm feeling much better.