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Dad.
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Mike, you promised me that you'd be
studying for your speech class exam.
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I am. Well, start over.
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I don't get it. I was wearing
headphones.
5
00:00:33,020 --> 00:00:34,020
Study, Mike.
6
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:37,520
All right.
7
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,080
Hello?
8
00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:42,880
Hey, Boner, my man, how you doing?
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Yeah, I could use a study break.
10
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,160
Yeah, yeah, the arcade sounds great.
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00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,480
Oh, wait a second, I'm broke. Do you
think you could lend me, like... All
12
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,840
all right, all right. I'll pay you back
for that and for this, okay?
13
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,080
Oh, hold on a second.
14
00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,119
Oh, Carol!
15
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Not a dime!
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Well, I don't know.
17
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,500
Hold on a minute. Oh, Benny, my man!
18
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Not a... chance, Mike.
19
00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:09,950
Phone, this could take a couple seconds.
20
00:01:10,210 --> 00:01:11,550
You want to hold? Okay, don't go away.
21
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No problem. I'll wait right here.
22
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Ben, my little compadre.
23
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Huh?
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00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,950
Ben, you know, when you look at me
suspiciously like that, it hurts.
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Good.
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00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:31,550
Ben, come on, man. We're brothers. You
know, this is our time to bond.
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You know, before you know it, you'll be
a grown man and... You'll be in prison.
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All right, okay, fine.
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00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:41,390
If you don't want to see this great new
card trick that I learned that you could
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use to win big money out of your
trusting little friends.
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How much money?
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Plenty. Get the cards.
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I thought Dad said you weren't supposed
to be playing cards with Ben anymore.
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Hey, we're bonding.
35
00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:00,430
Okay, now pick a card, any card, and
I'll tell you what it is. And I'll bet
36
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only a dollar on it. Okay, all right,
you don't have to bet a dollar.
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Let's make it a pretend dollar.
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It's the queen of spades.
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Seven of diamonds.
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Gosh,
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what did I mess up?
42
00:02:14,890 --> 00:02:15,890
All right, here, let me try it again.
43
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The ace of hearts.
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Nine of diamonds. You owe him two
dollars.
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Pretend dollars.
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That's right, it's working.
47
00:02:31,910 --> 00:02:33,010
I bet my allowance.
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Four dollars.
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Real dollars.
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You know, Ben, it's really sleazy of you
to take advantage of me like this.
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Five dollars more.
52
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:43,850
Hey, come on, guys.
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And another buck.
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Okay,
55
00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:52,710
what is it?
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00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:54,890
Jack of diamonds. Thank you very much.
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00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:05,840
It's your excuse.
58
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,940
Show me that smile.
59
00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:52,270
I just went down to the arcade for a
half an hour after Boner calls and
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00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:53,470
me and he doesn't even show up.
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00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:55,330
Mike!
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Boner?
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Mike?
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00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,010
Hello?
65
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:06,470
Boner, look! I was just out at the
arcade for a half an hour. Where you
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00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:09,510
Oh.
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00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:12,670
Boner, why didn't you just call and tell
me you were waiting on the phone?
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00:05:15,470 --> 00:05:16,830
Mike, no wasting time.
69
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:23,410
So have you settled on a topic?
70
00:05:23,730 --> 00:05:25,390
Well, it's a little early, Dad.
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00:05:26,690 --> 00:05:27,790
Well, what are your choices?
72
00:05:30,770 --> 00:05:34,610
Dad, you know how you always said you
never wanted to push me?
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00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:36,510
Well, you're pushing me.
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00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,810
Did you tell Dad about all the money you
stole from us? What?
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00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:44,330
No, no, Dad, she doesn't know what she's
talking about. Just between you and me,
76
00:05:44,390 --> 00:05:45,390
I'm worried about it.
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00:05:46,690 --> 00:05:49,130
Did you spend all that money at the
arcade?
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00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,570
Ben, of course, has several. Several
cylinders misfired.
79
00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:55,570
You were down at the arcade playing
video games?
80
00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:59,570
That's a very complicated question, Dad.
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00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:01,210
Try me.
82
00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:04,970
I was definitely not playing video
games. But you were there.
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00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:06,750
For a very short time.
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00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:09,170
With my money! And mine!
85
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:12,190
I won it! You stole it! From a little
kid, too!
86
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:15,450
Whose idea was it to bet?
87
00:06:16,130 --> 00:06:19,130
Dad, look, I tried to talk him out of
it. I mean, all I wanted to do was stay
88
00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:20,130
home and study.
89
00:06:20,270 --> 00:06:22,290
So you conned your own family out of
money?
90
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,650
Well, I wouldn't put it exactly that
way.
91
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:31,050
Come on, Mike. When are you going to
learn that conning people will only hurt
92
00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:34,870
you? Oh, please. Mike, I'm talking about
your future here.
93
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:38,850
You know the nine out of ten con men end
up running circus side shows?
94
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:44,470
I want something better for you than a
lifetime of hanging out with bearded
95
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,470
ladies and Ronaldo the dog boy.
96
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,800
topic is indecent exposure.
97
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,660
Now, it's interesting to note that in
some places in the world, the only part
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00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:01,640
the female body that by law must be
covered is the face.
99
00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:06,220
And if you've been to a convenience
store lately, you can clearly see where
100
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:07,220
law comes from.
101
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:15,720
Hey, Mom, what are you doing home early?
Oh, I need an insurance
102
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:16,720
for my tooth.
103
00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:46,740
where I sit.
104
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:51,140
Ben, you've got to stop being an easy
mark for every two -bit con man in the
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00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:53,120
neighborhood. No offense, Mike.
106
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,600
But, Mom, this is a magic rock. It can
do anything.
107
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:03,260
Ben, think. If Vinnie really had a magic
rock, why would he sell it to you for
108
00:08:03,260 --> 00:08:04,260
five bucks?
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00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:05,420
Said he liked me.
110
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,240
Well, as soon as I get back from the
dentist, I'm calling Mrs. Bobot and
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00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,240
your money back.
112
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,920
Where is that stupid...
113
00:08:15,980 --> 00:08:21,760
Let mom find her stupid farm. Let mom
find her stupid farm.
114
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,640
Ben, please, I'm in pain here.
115
00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:53,509
How's your tooth?
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00:08:53,510 --> 00:08:57,510
Well, it's... It's fine.
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If that rock's magic, I'm a gorilla.
118
00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:03,710
That can be arranged.
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00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:07,950
No,
120
00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:14,670
I couldn't believe it. Not one cavity.
The x -rays showed nothing. My tooth is
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00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:15,649
in perfect condition.
122
00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:19,230
Of course. Ben, I think we've heard
quite enough about magic rocks.
123
00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:21,230
But Vinnie, Bobot's got the rock.
124
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,930
Everybody knows they're witches.
125
00:09:26,050 --> 00:09:28,810
Well, Magic Lock didn't help their
teeth. They don't have any.
126
00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:33,210
We all know it's important to believe in
something, but believing in something
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00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:34,850
that isn't real can only let you down.
128
00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:36,910
But it cured Mom's toothache.
129
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:38,270
It did stop hurting.
130
00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:39,470
Don't you start.
131
00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:42,730
And I did find the insurance form stuck
to the bottom of the drawer.
132
00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:46,990
Maggie, insurance forms are always stuck
to the bottoms of drawers. Dad,
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00:09:48,310 --> 00:09:51,170
without magic, how do you explain the
miracle of life?
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00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:52,410
The mystery...
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00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,460
of a child. Wayne Newton's entire
career.
136
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:02,780
Must you take cheap shots at the man who
brought his dunk a -shining?
137
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:07,980
What about all those guys on TV who
carry you if you send them money?
138
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:09,460
My heroes.
139
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:15,000
But the point is, Ben, if there were any
such thing as magic rocks, that the
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only place you could find them would be
California.
141
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,840
In fact, I'm sure the people out there
are just tripping over them.
142
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:25,250
Maybe your magic rock can finish the
laundry for me.
143
00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:27,630
Honey. A mother can dream.
144
00:10:29,230 --> 00:10:30,310
Oh, that hits books.
145
00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:36,590
Mike, books are those square paper
things that frighten you?
146
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:42,270
Speaking of books, Mike... Ah, Dad,
look, I know it's a school night, but I
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00:10:42,270 --> 00:10:45,410
to go to Boner's and check some research
for my speech, okay? Sure, Mike. But,
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00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:47,510
Dad, I... Sure?
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00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:51,690
Yeah, you can go just as soon as you
clean up your room.
150
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,220
I thought my room was my space.
151
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:56,560
Your space smells.
152
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:31,250
Thanks, Benny.
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00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:33,790
Magic rock.
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00:11:34,390 --> 00:11:35,710
Clean Mike's room.
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00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:40,070
Magic... No, no, no, Ben, Ben. You're
going to clean my room for real, okay?
156
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,350
It's already clean.
157
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:42,850
See for yourself.
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00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:45,490
Give me my dollar.
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00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,320
you how much i hate being called benny
yes many times and i'm just now getting
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00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:36,300
the message good look ben what's your
hurry i gotta go i have many miracles to
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00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:37,940
perform okay one quick thought
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00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:12,100
to teach Mike how it feels to be conned
and to get back the ten bucks that he
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00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,180
took from you and Ben. You're right, of
course.
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00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:18,160
A sucker? Oh, what a pigeon.
165
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,580
I love this.
166
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,980
Yes, well, you know, we could sell those
magic rocks and we could make a
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00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:26,220
fortune. Yeah, you could give up the
paper, I could give up my practice.
168
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,640
We could all go from town to town
fleecing and bilking people.
169
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:33,420
Yeah, then we could get arrested and we
could sell our story to Hollywood.
170
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,060
TV movie of the week.
171
00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:37,120
The Seavers, a life of crime.
172
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:41,650
If Fawcett could play you, I'd be played
by Richard Chambers on the court.
173
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:44,630
And in part one, maybe... Jason. Yes?
174
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:47,570
You have a certain quality that gets on
my nerves.
175
00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:51,270
I just think you guys are enjoying this
a little too much.
176
00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:53,850
Does Molly Ringwald do TV?
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00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:56,130
Now stop it.
178
00:13:56,490 --> 00:13:59,330
So I'm sure right about now, Mike is
learning his lesson.
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00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:33,810
Okay, okay, all right.
180
00:14:34,430 --> 00:14:39,770
Hmm, so I'd have the money, but I'd
still have to take the garbage out every
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00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:42,850
night. All right, I'll do the garbage
for a month.
182
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:44,870
And clear the table every night?
183
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:48,670
Why, you little terrific kid.
184
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:53,250
Of course, Mom and Dad could never know
how much you paid me.
185
00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:55,590
No, I'll tell them that you gave it to
me. No.
186
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,940
I just need some kind of magic for my
speech class tomorrow.
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00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,160
So it's a deal, right?
188
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:05,900
I'll sleep on it.
189
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:10,440
The first thing I'm going to do is turn
him into a snake.
190
00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:13,580
Nah, I'm too late.
191
00:15:18,980 --> 00:15:23,180
Then the doctor washes his hands, they
hose down the room, and that's it.
192
00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:26,080
This concludes my speech on where babies
come from.
193
00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:38,830
question. No, no. That was extremely
thorough.
194
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:39,909
Oh, thanks.
195
00:15:39,910 --> 00:15:43,670
However, I can't help but wonder if it
really wouldn't have been more effective
196
00:15:43,670 --> 00:15:48,890
if you had used the proper names for the
parts of the body.
197
00:15:50,390 --> 00:15:51,510
I thought I did.
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00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:54,210
You may sit.
199
00:15:55,410 --> 00:15:59,010
Mr. Stabone, please, would you take your
visual aids with you?
200
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,580
Let's just take a moment here, okay, and
catch our breath.
201
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,580
Great speech, folks.
202
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,100
Thanks a lot, man. I knew a third of my
grade depended on it.
203
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,040
All right.
204
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,220
Well, now, let's see who's next.
205
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,400
Mike Seaver.
206
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,520
Watch this, folks.
207
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,740
Great speech, great speech, great
speech, great speech, great speech.
208
00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:48,370
Great speech, great speech, great
speech.
209
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:49,690
Not yet, it isn't.
210
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:52,450
Magic.
211
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:54,830
Rock.
212
00:16:56,530 --> 00:16:57,530
Magic.
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00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:00,490
Johnson.
214
00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:04,410
Mike, I'm having a little trouble
following this.
215
00:17:05,569 --> 00:17:06,569
Magic.
216
00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:12,490
Mike, I think you've overdone the
pregnant pause.
217
00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:15,069
Not a...
218
00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:21,619
You want to bet?
219
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,440
Mike, either finish your speech or take
your seat.
220
00:17:24,780 --> 00:17:26,380
Look, are you going to help me out here
or what?
221
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,520
I've been conned.
222
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:34,060
Okay, that's it.
223
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,200
Right. That's it. Con jobs.
224
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,880
Yeah, now that's the real title of my
speech. You're going to love this, Mrs.
225
00:17:42,940 --> 00:17:43,940
Scott from JRL.
226
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:49,100
Okay, con jobs, friend or foe. Anybody
can be a victim. You don't believe me?
227
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,820
Well, you all... look pretty
intelligent, but I just made you believe
228
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,080
didn't know what I was doing up here.
229
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,340
Ha! So foolish.
230
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:02,799
Hi, Mom.
231
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:03,739
Hi, honey.
232
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:05,140
Hey, Ben, what you got there?
233
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,600
The catcher's mitt, a Buzzy Babone
autographed model.
234
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,780
Ben, Buzzy Babone's a bum.
235
00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:12,960
He couldn't catch a cold.
236
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:14,340
You bought that?
237
00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:22,900
and Carol's money back from Mike? I did.
238
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:24,540
Ten dollars?
239
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,140
Yeah. Total?
240
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:27,380
No.
241
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,100
Ben, how much?
242
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:30,880
Fifty bucks.
243
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,680
And I think he's learned his lesson.
244
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,520
Ben? Ben?
245
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:36,800
Oh, Ben?
246
00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:38,680
You swindled your brother?
247
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,180
trying to teach Mike a lesson, not con
him out of $50.
248
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:55,660
$50?
249
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,200
What a joke!
250
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:03,180
Jason, this idiotic scheme of yours has
gotten way out of hand.
251
00:19:04,780 --> 00:19:07,700
Well, I was just trying to teach him a
simple moral lesson.
252
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,440
I don't know what went wrong.
253
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,180
Boner, come in.
254
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:17,380
Where's Mike? Don't try to hide him.
What's your problem?
255
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,480
He took advantage of my innocence.
256
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:20,900
Pardon me?
257
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,700
Mr. Seaver, he, like, ripped me off.
258
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,160
He sold me this stupid rock and told me
it was magic.
259
00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:26,420
No. Yeah.
260
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,280
I almost got myself killed trying to
take Dead Man's Curve on my skateboard.
261
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:36,260
You didn't. I did. I figured with this
rock, I could boldly go where no man has
262
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,260
gone before.
263
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,520
Boner, it's not a magic rock.
264
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,140
No kidding.
265
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,160
I'm out 60 bucks, too.
266
00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:47,780
It's gone.
267
00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:53,920
Mike as soon as he gets home. So will I.
Jason, let's get Boner's money back.
268
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,920
Okay, then let's everybody give me their
money back. Come on, give me that.
269
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:04,040
All right, this is... Ben, you've even
cheated us on the split.
270
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,160
Hey, I did most of the work.
271
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:11,700
Why, you little double -crosser. What is
this, Miami Vice?
272
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:20,460
Okay, this is, uh, here's $50 and a
genuine autographed buzzy baboon mitt.
273
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:24,000
Hey! My favorite baseball player.
274
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:25,540
Oh, thanks.
275
00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:26,820
You guys are okay.
276
00:20:27,820 --> 00:20:31,040
Oh, and, uh, tell Mike that I'm never
speaking to him again.
277
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,800
Oh, never mind. I'll tell him when I see
him tomorrow.
278
00:20:55,110 --> 00:20:56,710
You can keep the mid, Bowen. You earned
it. Oh, thanks.
279
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,210
Uh, could I have the rock, too?
280
00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:01,769
What for?
281
00:21:01,770 --> 00:21:02,790
Oh, sentimental.
282
00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:05,529
Yeah, here.
283
00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:07,810
Hey! Bowen, relax. It's worthless.
284
00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:10,210
You think so, huh?
285
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:16,450
What? I had this rock in my chemistry
class. Mr. Rembaloff would buy it for
286
00:21:17,470 --> 00:21:20,830
What? Yeah, at the collector's. It's
called, uh, tourmaline or something like
287
00:21:20,830 --> 00:21:21,890
that. Very rare.
288
00:21:22,370 --> 00:21:24,310
He's gonna give me 200 bucks!
289
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,920
Oh, this isn't fair.
290
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:28,700
I know. Ain't it great?
291
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:38,920
Oh, well, fine. But did it ever occur to
you that when you con somebody, you
292
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:39,920
always get hurt?
293
00:21:41,580 --> 00:21:42,880
People never learn.
294
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,460
that you can't lie to people. You can't
abuse their trust.
295
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:04,820
You're not going to get away with it.
296
00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:07,040
People get what's coming to them in this
world.
297
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:12,460
Coming up on the news, former President
Richard Nixon is honored tonight at a
298
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:14,100
thousand dollar a plate dinner.
22993
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