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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,940 --> 00:00:03,140 Show me that smile again. 2 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:08,620 Don't waste another minute on your crying. 3 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,420 We're nowhere near the end. 4 00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:15,100 The fest is ready to begin. 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,640 As long as we got each other. 6 00:00:31,229 --> 00:00:33,310 Sharon's left even alone. 7 00:00:39,310 --> 00:00:40,830 Mike, can I get your picture, please? 8 00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:43,710 Yo, Fido, dinner! 9 00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:47,630 I'll be right down, fire hydrant. 10 00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:52,690 Tell Mom I'm just going to finish this paragraph. 11 00:00:53,090 --> 00:00:54,830 Hey, Mom, Fido's going to finish a paragraph. 12 00:00:55,050 --> 00:00:58,090 Thank you, I heard. And frankly, fire hydrant. 13 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,900 I don't think it's funny or appropriate for you to call your sister Fido. 14 00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:04,340 You're right. It's a boy's name. 15 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,740 Is she still working on that article? 16 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:11,440 Uh -huh. Well, she's taking this tryout for the school paper very seriously. 17 00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:15,720 Come on, Ed. This is the Walt Whitman Chronicle here, one of the world's great 18 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,720 papers. 19 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,160 It's right up there with Charmin and Neisenthoft. 20 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:25,240 Mike, this is very important to Carol. Try to keep your snide comments to a 21 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,640 minimum. So like what? Three or four? 22 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,260 You're working awfully hard, sweetheart. 23 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:37,240 Yeah, I just want to get it right. You know, so it's like the best article 24 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,300 they've ever got. 25 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,620 Mm -hmm. Pretty tough to beat last week, too. 26 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,140 Granola bars, you played gummy bears and snack machines. 27 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,000 That's one. 28 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:47,920 One what? 29 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:49,480 Snag comments. 30 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,220 Mom says Mike can make three more at you during dinner. 31 00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:57,100 I think probably that was the last one, right, Mike? 32 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,220 Why, yes, Father, I believe it was. 33 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,100 Anyway, tomorrow's the moment of truth. Tomorrow, Mr. 34 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:08,759 Simmons reads all the articles and decides to get to the job. 35 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,840 Oh, no, not Simmons. 36 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,320 Why? Who's Simmons? 37 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:16,660 That's the teacher who locked a kid in a closet for not closing a quote. 38 00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:21,740 I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just do the best you can, and 39 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:22,740 I'm sure he'll be impressed. 40 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,200 This is so exciting! 41 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:26,960 The roar! 42 00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:31,060 through my veins. 43 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:35,120 Maybe I've got what it takes. Maybe I don't. But I'll never find out if I 44 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,300 leap into the darkness and give it my all. 45 00:02:38,420 --> 00:02:41,540 If she sings, I gotta be me. I swear I'll throw up. 46 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,120 That's two. 47 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:50,580 Mom, do you think you could read my article tonight and tell me what you 48 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,720 Boy, I'd be happy to, honey. 49 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,080 You'll be honored? 50 00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:56,140 Savagely honored. 51 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,480 I know. 52 00:02:57,820 --> 00:03:01,210 I'm probably... Probably just to worry for nothing, but have you ever wanted 53 00:03:01,210 --> 00:03:04,190 something so much you could feel it with your entire body? 54 00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:12,330 Well, now that you mention it... Yeah, Jerry, yeah, put 55 00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:13,330 me in for 20 bucks. 56 00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:15,450 Yeah, of course I have it. 57 00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:18,570 Look, only a scuzzball wouldn't have 20 bucks. 58 00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:19,910 Yeah, okay. 59 00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:21,030 Come on. 60 00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:23,210 Hey, Ben, give me 20 bucks. No way. 61 00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:27,550 Ben, we didn't want you to know this, but... 62 00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,880 Well, Mom needs an operation. 63 00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:33,460 That's low, Mike, even for you. 64 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,460 Okay, okay, okay. 65 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:40,000 Look, Jerry Della, she's over at Off Track Bedding, and he's got a hot tip on 66 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,160 pesky -persky in the fort. 67 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,540 Is that a horse? 68 00:03:42,820 --> 00:03:44,240 No, it's an imported beer. 69 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,740 Of course it's a horse. 70 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:49,000 Ben, look, I'm giving you the opportunity to make $100. 71 00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:51,180 Hmm. 72 00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:54,060 That sounds pretty good. 73 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,140 Of course it sounds pretty good. 74 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,940 And you're acting like I'm trying to put one over on you or something. 75 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:00,300 I'm sorry. 76 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,700 Look, forget it. But you'll do it? 77 00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:05,320 Sure, and we'll split the profit. 78 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:06,640 All right, then. 79 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,280 70 -30 mine. 80 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:09,560 What? 81 00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:11,080 Take it or leave it. 82 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,160 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 83 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,420 It's a pleasure doing business with you, Mike. 84 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,740 That kid's gonna be good. 85 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,940 Carol's paper can't be that bad. 86 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,720 She wrote about guys who dig for clams. 87 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,200 Well, what's wrong with that? 88 00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:38,380 She called it, I clam, therefore I am. 89 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,400 Did she? 90 00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:41,760 Listen to this. 91 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:47,660 Night abduces the isthmus neath its obsidian mantle. 92 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:54,480 The mollusks imbibe one last sip, twixt their valves, and expel the day's 93 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,520 mucus. 94 00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,940 She could be pushing a little. 95 00:04:58,500 --> 00:04:59,500 Jason, read this. 96 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:07,080 With dexterous manipulation of his digits, the master clamor extricates the 97 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:11,140 muculent mollusk from its lipidious menage. 98 00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:17,580 Well, look at it this way. We have a daughter who knows what muculence is. 99 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,240 How many people know what muculence is? 100 00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,840 Nobody knows what muculence is. 101 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,500 And that's the problem. 102 00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:25,599 Mm -hmm. 103 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,840 The newspaper already needs to be clear. 104 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,760 Accessible. 105 00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:35,100 Ah, Jason, what am I going to tell her? She asked for my honest opinion. 106 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,520 No kid wants your honest opinion. 107 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,240 They want unconditional approval. 108 00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:42,140 And what if you don't approve? 109 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,520 Then you have a significant dilemma, much like the one you're in now. 110 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,900 Thank you, Dr. Smith. 111 00:05:49,860 --> 00:05:52,140 Oh, come on, Jason. Help me out here. 112 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:57,050 Well, look, we want this to be a learning experience for her. Go on. And 113 00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:59,950 learning is based on positive reinforcement. More. 114 00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:04,190 See, if you want a pigeon to perform, you reward it with a pellet. What are 115 00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:07,150 saying? I'm saying we should have had pigeons. They're easier to raise. 116 00:06:07,770 --> 00:06:09,110 Come on. 117 00:06:09,710 --> 00:06:14,950 You just start off by pointing out the strength of the article. And then you 118 00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:17,030 show her how the article could be improved. 119 00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:18,450 You're right. 120 00:06:19,650 --> 00:06:20,850 Accentuate the positive. 121 00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:24,030 Yes, be gentle and nurturing and supportive. 122 00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:29,110 Then if that doesn't work, you simply tie her to the bed and set her Reeboks 123 00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:30,110 fire. 124 00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:36,050 Carol? 125 00:06:37,570 --> 00:06:38,570 Come in. 126 00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:51,220 Well, it's... It's late. You must be tired. We can talk about this later. No, 127 00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:52,780 no. I've been waiting for you. 128 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:59,120 I read the article again, and I think I can be more objective now. 129 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,260 Well, that's a good thing to do. 130 00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:04,180 Put it away for a while. Get some distance. 131 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:07,700 Often what you thought was perfect... I know, I know, I know. I already changed 132 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,500 it. You did? 133 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:11,080 Yeah. Ah. 134 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,380 The two muculences in the same sentence. 135 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:17,300 Terrible. 136 00:07:17,610 --> 00:07:20,810 Made the second one pituitousness. 137 00:07:22,870 --> 00:07:23,870 Oh. 138 00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,550 Are you proud of me, Mom? The truth. 139 00:07:27,890 --> 00:07:32,190 Of course, honey. I am always proud of you. You think I'll make the paper? 140 00:07:33,890 --> 00:07:37,570 Well, it's obvious you have potential. 141 00:07:39,170 --> 00:07:42,430 Very few people could write like this. 142 00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:45,890 Oh, you don't think I could change anything? 143 00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:47,480 Mom. This is great. 144 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:54,840 Well, what I'm saying is, Carol, it's clear that 145 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,820 you put a lot of time into this article. 146 00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:03,500 It's well thought out. It's well typed. 147 00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:08,680 And I just love these margins. 148 00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:10,180 But? 149 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,540 Well, it's not so much a but. 150 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,860 Just like a but. Well. 151 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,620 What I'm trying to say is... Cut to the butt, Mom. 152 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:26,980 But... It's just not newspaper writing, honey. 153 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:30,480 Look. 154 00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:32,940 In any field, there are rules. 155 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,840 You just have to learn them. 156 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,960 Newspaper writing has to be more simple. 157 00:08:39,159 --> 00:08:40,159 Straightforward. 158 00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:44,140 Oh! I think my article's garbage. 159 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:55,180 Sweetheart, if I let you turn this in to Mr. Simmons, he'd tell you the same 160 00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:56,260 things, only meaner. 161 00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:06,200 Introduction to journalism. 162 00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:10,840 I found it very helpful, and I'm sure you will, too. 163 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,000 Yeah. 164 00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:21,169 Are you okay? 165 00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:22,170 Yeah, I'm fine. 166 00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:28,050 Really? 167 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,410 Yeah, really. Thanks for your advice. 168 00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:33,230 Good. 169 00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:35,630 Night, pumpkin. 170 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,440 I know. Jerry says we bet on undulating the eight. I say we bet on arbitrary. 171 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,580 Why? Why not? 172 00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:03,700 Ben, look at these times. I mean, you'll be growing chest hair before arbitrary 173 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:04,780 finishes this race. 174 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,720 I just got a hunch about this one. 175 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,200 Ben, you can't bet a race on a hunch. 176 00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:15,600 Okay, but what about that arbitrary comes out of secretary by way of 177 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:19,360 And Alonzo picked up three purses in his last four turns that week. 178 00:10:21,390 --> 00:10:27,050 Yeah, I know that. But I say we stick with Jerry. I mean, he's been right so 179 00:10:27,050 --> 00:10:28,590 far. I'm not so sure. 180 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,490 Ben, who's got the connections? 181 00:10:31,870 --> 00:10:34,090 Who's got the money? Who's got the weight advantage? 182 00:10:34,950 --> 00:10:36,130 The Angela. 183 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,250 Earth to Maggie. 184 00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:44,470 Everything okay? 185 00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:46,130 Oh. 186 00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:50,270 Well, I was just wondering why Carol hasn't come down yet. 187 00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:54,770 Oh, I hope I wasn't too hard on her last night. 188 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:59,890 No, I'm sure you were just... Unless... Did you burn her Reeboks? 189 00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:05,190 What do you want for Christmas, Mom? Because my middle name is Money. 190 00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:09,130 Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been living under the assumption your middle 191 00:11:09,130 --> 00:11:14,150 name was Humphrey. I hate Humphrey. Oh! And a kid with $65 can call his own 192 00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:15,210 shots. Really? 193 00:11:17,290 --> 00:11:18,550 Where did you get $65? 194 00:11:19,370 --> 00:11:23,750 I came into a little money, Mom, and you've always taught me to share, so I'm 195 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:24,750 sharing it with my little bro. 196 00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:29,090 Now, just for the heck of it, Mike, the truth. 197 00:11:29,570 --> 00:11:31,850 Jerry Delish bet on a horse for us from the one. 198 00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:36,750 Mike, you took Ben's money and ripped it on a horse? 199 00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:38,270 It was a sure thing, Mom. 200 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,850 Jerry Delish said so. 201 00:11:40,490 --> 00:11:43,410 Jerry, I swear she looked 18, Delish. 202 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:47,010 There will be no more betting. But, Mom... 203 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:52,780 I know. Wait, but Mom, these guys are hot. They're on a roll. They won. 204 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:58,460 Now, I'm sure there are some people who actually lose money at the track. 205 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:03,320 But those people don't know Jerry Delish. 206 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:06,420 Ah. 207 00:12:07,980 --> 00:12:14,500 Well, maybe you're right, Jason. These boys do seem to have winter written all 208 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,389 over them. 209 00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:21,550 So we can let it ride on undulating the eights? Boy, and I say this to you as a 210 00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:24,790 friend, I think you'd be crazy not to. 211 00:12:25,630 --> 00:12:26,910 Yeah, all right. 212 00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:28,710 Thanks a lot. See you later. 213 00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:36,150 Don't worry, this will work. 214 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,610 Two bucks says you're a loser. You're on. 215 00:12:40,630 --> 00:12:41,630 Carol? 216 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,420 Don't worry, she'll be fine. 217 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,560 After all, she is a fever. 218 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,420 She can take criticism. 219 00:12:55,540 --> 00:13:00,240 Good morning, Carol. 220 00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:03,820 You look nice. 221 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,080 Thank you. 222 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,300 That's a real cute sweater. 223 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,240 Oh, you like it? 224 00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:12,679 A lot. 225 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,480 It's a good color for you. It brings out your eyes. 226 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:15,760 Not too bright? 227 00:13:17,450 --> 00:13:18,450 It's very becoming. 228 00:13:18,690 --> 00:13:21,490 Sure, if not, I imagine there's a book I could read, perhaps. 229 00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:23,070 Introduction to Dressing? 230 00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,790 You call these facts? 231 00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:37,250 How many kids threw up from the tuna casserole? 232 00:13:37,930 --> 00:13:41,090 And where is the cafeteria side of the story? 233 00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:43,770 Food services had no comment. 234 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:50,430 Food services had no comment. You go back down to the cafeteria. Somebody in 235 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,210 sandwiches or in pudding has an axe to grind. 236 00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:57,170 You find yourself a deep throat and you bring back a story. 237 00:13:58,770 --> 00:13:59,770 Next. 238 00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:07,370 Sit down. 239 00:14:21,450 --> 00:14:22,450 You want the job? 240 00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:23,970 You got it. 241 00:14:25,270 --> 00:14:31,490 Really? You like my writing? I work so hard on my metaphors. Metaphors stink. 242 00:14:32,630 --> 00:14:35,850 Your similes are more... Similes stink. 243 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,790 Your writing, it stinks. 244 00:14:39,090 --> 00:14:45,290 What? Oh, excuse me. I forgot who I was talking to. It is replete with 245 00:14:45,290 --> 00:14:46,290 stinkiosity. 246 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,180 others that they can't even spell. 247 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,500 You spell words that nobody knows. 248 00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:57,620 Mucus. 249 00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:01,120 What in the hell is mucus? 250 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:08,980 Well, it's, um, it's basically slimy glop. Can you call it 251 00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:13,440 slimy glop? People know what slimy glop is. 252 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,460 Yeah, well, I just felt that maybe it was... Felt is for poop. 253 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:27,250 Work the job. 254 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,890 Around the fourth turn, it's Nice Girl and Delete. 255 00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:32,190 Come on, Undulate! 256 00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:36,750 It's still Nice Girl a full six lengths ahead of Hedge Trimmer, with Undulate a 257 00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:37,750 distant third. 258 00:15:37,810 --> 00:15:40,850 Hey, guys, it looks like Undulate's gonna be very late. 259 00:15:41,470 --> 00:15:44,870 Relax. Nice Girl always starts strong. She'll fade. 260 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,830 And Nice Girl's starting to fade. 261 00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:49,750 Now, come on, you can do it, Undulate. Don't worry. 262 00:15:50,130 --> 00:15:52,770 She'll make her move on the outside, right here. 263 00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:55,940 And let's see. Moving on the outside, it's Undulate. Undulate. 264 00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:57,319 Look at her go. 265 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,020 And they're moving down the final stretch. 266 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,280 They're neck and neck. 267 00:16:00,340 --> 00:16:01,920 It's nice girl, undulate. 268 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,640 Nice girl, undulate. 269 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:08,840 And at the finish, it's undulate by a nose hair. 270 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,540 And she'll pay off at nine to one, folks. 271 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,740 Nine to one. Holy cow, that's 450 bucks. 272 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:21,360 All right, I think Jerry called from OTB. What do we do fast, Benny? We keep 273 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,140 450, let it ride on nail biter in the ninth. 274 00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:25,470 Guys, I think you should quit while you're ahead. 275 00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:26,810 Jason. 276 00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:30,050 Maggie, that's $450. 277 00:16:30,330 --> 00:16:33,370 You put that in a rollover account with interest to wait. Oh, come on. 278 00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:35,990 We could teach him this gambling lesson another time. 279 00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:37,490 Okay. 280 00:16:39,890 --> 00:16:43,730 Boys, I'd say this is no time to stop. You know, you got it. You got that 281 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:46,910 All right, Jerry, put it all on Nailbiter to win. 282 00:16:49,850 --> 00:16:51,010 Oh, hi, Carol. 283 00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:53,760 How did it go with the... Simmons. 284 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,900 Fine, thank you. I got the job. 285 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,280 Oh, really? 286 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,560 Well, congratulations, 287 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,740 honey. That's wonderful. 288 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,960 Carol got the job on the paper. 289 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,000 What are you doing? 290 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:32,960 Farming out of my way. 291 00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:38,920 Carol, how come you turned the job down? 292 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,640 I mean, it really seemed like you had your heart set on it. 293 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,900 Yeah, well, that was before I realized there's nothing really creative about 294 00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,400 journalism. I mean, all you do is regurgitate facts. 295 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:50,980 Now we're going to be a writer? 296 00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:54,980 I'd rather do a novel. At least people don't train their puppies on Moby Dick. 297 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:04,630 I can understand you being angry at me for my criticism of your article. 298 00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:06,390 Why should I be angry? 299 00:18:07,130 --> 00:18:08,710 Simmons gave me the job. 300 00:18:09,430 --> 00:18:10,430 I know. 301 00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:18,490 I know, and I guess what I'm trying to say is, well, honey, it's always tricky 302 00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:22,050 giving criticism to someone you love, and I guess I just didn't do a very good 303 00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:23,050 job. 304 00:18:25,850 --> 00:18:29,650 Obviously, Simmons was very happy with what you did, and I'm... I'm glad that I 305 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:30,650 was wrong. 306 00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:33,270 No. 307 00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:37,009 Pardon me? 308 00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:40,730 I said no, okay? Are you happy? You did everything you said only worked. 309 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:50,590 He said my article was replete with stinkiosity. 310 00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:54,510 But you said that you got the job. 311 00:18:54,890 --> 00:18:57,760 Yeah, well, that was... only because all the other articles were repleted with 312 00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:58,760 stinkiosity. 313 00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:03,480 Oh, honey, I am so sorry. 314 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,880 He said he didn't even know what mucus was. 315 00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:13,380 Well, that's... That's just his stupidity, sweetheart. Everybody knows 316 00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:14,380 mucus is. 317 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:20,960 I'll never be able to write like you. Oh, oh, hold on, hold on, honey. That's 318 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,960 just not true. 319 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,580 Now, maybe you were reaching a little. 320 00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:28,050 But you have great natural ability. 321 00:19:28,490 --> 00:19:29,650 You're just saying that. 322 00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:33,290 Hey. 323 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:39,130 Didn't I establish myself last night as someone who isn't afraid to tell the 324 00:19:39,130 --> 00:19:40,130 truth? 325 00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:42,410 Yeah. 326 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,890 Even if it does mean crushing a little kid's ego. 327 00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:54,490 You really think I might have natural ability? 328 00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,060 I dug this out of the attic this afternoon. 329 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,580 And I thought that you might like to take a look at it. 330 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,040 A letter I wrote from camp five years ago? 331 00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:09,900 Read it. 332 00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:18,540 Dear Mom and Dad, Camp is fun. 333 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,800 Except for the rash I got when I tried to find out what poison sumac looks 334 00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:28,980 Except for the kids teasing anyone who's small or fat or left -handed. 335 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,860 Except for missing you and baby Ben. 336 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,460 And even Michael Little, but don't tell him. 337 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,240 Bring my chemistry set and potato chips on visiting day. 338 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,400 Love, Carol. 339 00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:44,880 That's not so good. 340 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:50,940 Hey, didn't we bring your chemistry set and your potato chips? 341 00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:52,580 Yeah. 342 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,100 Then you got your point across. 343 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,760 Yeah. Yeah. 344 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,300 Yeah, I see what you're saying. 345 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,420 But I still think it could have been better. 346 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,960 Now, what makes you say that? 347 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,620 Well, as I remember, you brought Mike, too. 348 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:20,560 And this is unbelievable. Coming around the final turn, it's nail -biter by 18 349 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:25,100 lengths. Running a distance second is Slim's Frog, with Arnold's Dream Date in 350 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,100 third position. 351 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,420 And it's Nailbiter by 20 lengths. 352 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,500 And Nailbiter's at the final pole. 353 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,080 And he must be a full 25 lengths ahead. 354 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,380 That horse could walk in from here. Go, Nailbiter! 355 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,440 I'll never have to work again! 356 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:42,099 Uh -oh. 357 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:43,540 Ladies and gentlemen, wait a minute. 358 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:44,900 There's been an accident. 359 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,400 Nailbiter has tripped and gone down. 360 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,340 The horse is on the ground. 361 00:21:50,090 --> 00:21:55,910 In all my years at the track, I've never seen anything like this. A foot from 362 00:21:55,910 --> 00:21:57,970 the finish line. Maybe two feet. 363 00:21:58,310 --> 00:22:01,590 And the jockey is trying to drag the horse across the finish. 364 00:22:02,830 --> 00:22:04,270 This is amazing. 365 00:22:04,670 --> 00:22:08,590 A 94 -pound man trying to drag a racehorse by one leg. 366 00:22:10,970 --> 00:22:16,210 Look out! Coming up to the outside is Slim's frog. 367 00:22:16,690 --> 00:22:18,330 And the winner is... 368 00:22:18,890 --> 00:22:19,890 Slim's frog! 369 00:22:21,510 --> 00:22:27,230 I hope you boys have learned your lesson. 370 00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:34,750 Oh, look at here. 371 00:22:35,510 --> 00:22:39,150 X -rays reveal that nail biter suffered a fractured fibula. 372 00:22:39,590 --> 00:22:44,670 Trainer Jim Shepard immediately announced that his prized thoroughbred 373 00:22:44,670 --> 00:22:45,670 put out to stud. 374 00:22:52,110 --> 00:22:57,330 Well, Ben, sometimes when a boy horse gets hurt, they use them to get lots and 375 00:22:57,330 --> 00:22:58,670 lots of girl horses pregnant. 376 00:22:59,550 --> 00:23:00,550 That's very good. 28926

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